


A Tourist in the Waking World

by LoneWulffe



Series: Paradise in a Dream [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Complicated Relationships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Minor Original Character(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-07-01 02:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 147,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15764847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneWulffe/pseuds/LoneWulffe
Summary: Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming stateA tourist in the waking world, never quite awakeNo kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumberUntil I realise that it was you who held me under- Florence + The Machine, BlindingUnexpected feelings arise, threatening to irrevocably change things between Kara and Mon-El.Meanwhile, ghosts from the past begin to exert their influence on the present, creating an uncertain future.





	1. Drumming

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my occasional beta Crimson for putting up with my random bouts of neuroses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kryptonian girls and love epiphanies do not mix well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Hopefully that three-week hiatus didn't feel that long to you and no one started panicking that I abandoned this fic just because I updated a couple of days later than expected (sorry about that, by the way). Once again, if this is your first time encountering this series, I urge you to start from Part 1 because you will be really lost otherwise. If you're one of my regulars from earlier, welcome back and without further ado, here is the beginning of Arc 3!
> 
> (starts quietly preparing the usual supplies)

Kara remained still as a statue as the thought looped endlessly in her head.

_The only practical solution to the problem would be to date Mon-El._

Date Mon-El.

Date. Mon-El. Date. Mon-El.

The last two words in particular kept getting more emphasised every time they were repeated.

It was absurd. Illogical. Downright insane. The very definition of nonsensical. Those two things had no business belonging in the same sentence, much less being lumped together-

The idea of going on a date with Mon-El popped into her head without warning, and all of a sudden her heart started racing and heat flooded her cheeks.

_Whatwhatwhat?!_

Startled by her own reaction to the crazy thought, she nearly destroyed both the table and chair in her haste to get to her feet and... what? Run away from her own brain?

“This is crazy,” she whispered hoarsely out loud to herself. “It can't be. I'm just... tired. And stressed. Yes, that's it. In a few minutes' time, I'm going to realise how ridiculous this whole thing is, have a good laugh about it and never think about it again.”

One minute passed. Then another. And yet another.

She still wasn't laughing after approximately ten minutes.

Unbidden, the thought of what it would be like to date Mon-El flitted through her head again... except this time, she found herself emitting a sound that brought tea kettles to mind. Horrified both at how quickly her brain had summoned the idea for a second time and her reaction to it, she clapped her hands over her mouth in a futile effort to stifle the noise as it escaped her once more.

_Nonononononono. This isn't happening, this can't be happening, this absolutely CANNOT be real._

She could not possibly be thinking about... about... _dating her best friend_. There had to be something wrong with her. Maybe there was some chemical in National City's water supply that was having some kind of bizarre effect on her. O-Or maybe she was having an averse reaction to the whole pizza she'd had for lunch. (She completely ignored the calm rational voice at the back of her head that was pointedly reminding her that unless the water or pizza had been laced with drugs from another planet, there was no way she could be affected by them.)

Literally anything made more sense than her actually being genuinely interesting in... in... in _dating Mon-El_. Because that was absurd. On so many levels. Absurd and a sign that she needed to get her head checked.

Mon-El's face floated to the forefront of her mind again, a gleam of mischief in his blue-grey eyes and his trademark playful grin twisting his lips. Almost immediately, her heart skipped a beat and did an Olympics-level somersault at the aforementioned thought. Meanwhile, a swarm of butterflies teleported itself into her stomach and began flapping their wings in a concerted effort to create a tornado there.

She was officially going insane. Or falling sick. Or possibly both at once. And she had no idea what to do to make it all go away.

Eve. She had to talk to Eve. Eve would be able to help. Maybe she'd need a baseball bat to do it but the girl could help by trying to physically beat these thoughts out of her head.

Mind set on this course of action, Kara all but leapt for her phone which had been lying on the table and searched for Eve's contact information with shaking hands before initiating the call. The ringing seemed to go on forever and she narrowly avoided smashing a hole in the floor with the way she was nervously tapping her foot as she waited anxiously for Eve to pick up.

At long last the call connected and Eve's familiar voice came through the line. “Hel-”

“I need to talk to you,” Kara said in a rush before Eve could even finish her greeting. “It's urgent.”

“Kara? Is everything all right?” Eve asked worriedly. In the background, Kara could just barely make out the sounds of Eve's parents talking – whether to each other or to Eve, she couldn't tell.

“No. I just-” Kara stumbled over her words as she struggled to convey her current dilemma in a way that might actually make sense – a herculean feat since she herself couldn't make any sense of it. “Are you- I'm sorry, I'm probably interrupting your time with your family but... I just... Can you come back to the apartment? It's... I just really need to talk to you. Please?”

The desperation Kara could hear in her own voice must have been apparent even through the line because Eve did not hesitate to respond in the affirmative. “Of course. I was going to come back soon anyway. Let me just say goodbye to my parents and I'll be there as fast as I can.”

“Thank you, Eve,” Kara sighed in relief and gratitude. “Again, I'm so sorry and I totally owe you for this. You're a terrific best friend.”

“It's nothing. You'd do the same for me in a heartbeat,” Eve replied simply. “See you in a bit.”

Unfortunately for Kara, her relief at Eve's promise to be back soon was short-lived as the moment she ended the call, she was once again left alone with her thoughts.

Her very confusing and borderline psychotic thoughts.

Maybe she should check if the Joker had recently escaped Arkham Asylum for the thousandth time and come all the way to National City to spread his Joker Venom.

 _-Okay, now you're just being stupidly ridiculous-_ , a rational and slightly annoyed voice at the back of her head piped up while she was in the midst of seriously contemplating calling Bruce to learn about the Clown Prince of Crime's current whereabouts.

 _Am not!_ she fired back hotly, too mired in her chaotic state of mind to pay much heed to the fact that she was essentially starting a full-blown argument with herself. _What other explanation could there possibly be for me having thoughts like... like... that?!_

 _-Oh, I don't know-_ , the voice replied sarcastically, _-how about the very real and possible reason that you secretly want to date Mon-El?-_

The question sent her brain into meltdown mode as she flushed bright red and once again mimicked a tea kettle. _I DO NOT!_

_-You wouldn't be reacting the way you are if you didn't find the idea appealing on some level. If you thought it was a joke, you'd be laughing. If you thought it was disgusting, you'd be gagging. But you're not doing either of those things. Instead, you keep trying to imagine it.-_

_I-I-I just... Th-That's just because it's beyond absurd! That doesn't prove that I'm ACTUALLY considering... d-doing TH-THAT!_

_-May I remind you that what started all this in the first place was you coming up with a list of reasons why you believed you shouldn't date a human guy? You were just three points in when you concluded that Mon-El was the most practical choice for a romantic partner.-_

_It was a hypothetical thing! I told Eve I wasn't interested in dating and I meant it!_

_-Unless it's Mon-El. In which case you'd be more than fine with it.-_

_Th-That is not true!_

_-Really? Because I haven't actually heard you think or say that you DON'T want to date him.-_

_I-I-IT WAS IMPLIED!_

_-Then you should have no problem saying it. So go on. Say out loud that you don't want to date him.-_

_I-I-I..._

_-You can't, can you?-_

It was true. No matter how hard she tried, the words got stuck in her throat and refused to come out. Even trying to put the sentence together in her head was borderline impossible – as if her own mind was somehow rebelling against her.

But why?

_-You already know why. You just don't want to admit it.-_

...It couldn't be. Mon-El was her _best friend_. Something like this was beyond illogical. Not to mention impossible. ...Right?

The answer was right in front of her... and still she found herself unable – or perhaps unwilling – to accept it. There was the sense that the second she acknowledged it, there would be no going back and the thought terrified her to no end.

Suddenly restless, she started pacing in the main space of the apartment as she anxiously waited for Eve to come back and possibly talk or slap some sense into her. ...Okay, maybe slapping was off the table; with her invulnerability, the girl would probably just end up breaking her hand if she tried.

So she paced. And waited. And listened out for the telltale sound of Eve's keys jingling just outside the front door.

Anything and everything she could do to try and keep herself from thinking any more about the revelation she was very intent on ignoring.

Except none of it worked.

Her mind kept circling back to the thought that had started this entire mess and just as before, the practical side of her reviewed the points that had led up to it.

She couldn't hurt Mon-El with powers she didn't have when she was with him, there would be no need to make time and space in her busy life for him because he was already such an integral and cherished part of it and he already knew practically everything there was to know about her because she told him everything. Even if she tried to lie to him or hide something from him for whatever reason, he always managed to convince her to talk to him about it in the end... and she was all right with that because she knew she could trust him.

He was the only person in her life with whom she could truly be herself. Her, Kara Zor-El, not Kara Danvers.

From a practical standpoint, he was an ideal candidate.

_-But that's not all, is it? It's not just about the practicality of it. You wouldn't be trying so hard to deny it if that were the case. So think. Why are you resisting so much?-_

_B-Because... he's... he's... Mon-El._

_-And what does that actually mean to you?-_

He was her best friend. He was her one and only true link to her old life – her true self. He was the one person who she would probably never have imagined herself being able to have anything to do with a lifetime ago but was now the one person she was most afraid of losing. He was someone who was so similar to and yet so different from her in all the ways that mattered.

He was... He was...

The sound of the front door opening reached her ears then, and Kara stopped her pacing and looked up to find Eve entering the apartment. “I'm ba-”

“I think I like Mon-El,” Kara blurted out loud in a panicked voice in lieu of a proper greeting, cutting off Eve's greeting in the process.

Eve froze on the spot, her hand still on the doorknob as she stared at Kara with a blank look on her face. Then the girl seemed to collect herself and stepped further inside so she could close the door behind her. “Of course you like him,” she said in a strangely calm voice. “He's your best friend.”

“N-No, I-I-I mean...” Kara trailed off as her words failed her and heat flooded her cheeks for what felt like the hundredth time since the beginning of this entire situation. “I-I-I th-think I-I... I-I _like him-like him_ ,” she whispered the last part as if it was a dark and mortifying dirty little secret.

She expected Eve to laugh at her and ask if she was joking.

Or get annoyed that she had wasted the girl's time by pulling a prank on her and forcing her to rush all the way back for nothing.

Literally any other reaction than the one she actually got.

“ _Finally!_ ” Eve exclaimed as she threw her hands up in the air. “There _is_ a God after all!”

Caught by surprise, Kara found herself unable to do anything but stare. “W-What?! What do you mean, 'finally'?!” she managed to get out after an inordinate amount of sputtering.

Eve levelled a flat look at her. “Kara, you're a certifiable genius by our standards but you can also be really thick sometimes. This?” She gestured at the stunned Kryptonian. “This is one of those times.”

“Wh-What... What are you trying to say?” Kara asked warily, sensing that whatever Eve was about to say next was not something she was going to be comfortable hearing.

The exasperation etched all over Eve's face didn't go away. In fact, it got even more pronounced. “I'm saying that from where I stand, you have had a crush _at the very least_ on Mon-El for as long as I've known about him. And yes, I mean even back when I only knew him as 'your online friend named Mike'.”

Kara's brain short-circuited. “W-Wha- Th-That's- _I-I-I have not!_ ” Silence followed. “...Have I?” she continued timidly.

Eve sighed and ushered Kara to sit down on their small couch before dragging a chair over for herself. The setup made Kara feel as if she was going to get an impromptu therapy session. (Based on her current state of mind, that might not actually be a bad idea.) “I admit that might be a little inaccurate since I was working off incorrect data at the time but it was very apparent that he meant a lot to you,” Eve explained patiently. “And you were _so reluctant_ to talk about him to me. I mean, I know why now but at the time it seemed like you... well, like you wanted to keep him a secret.” A sly smirk started to form on the girl's face. “Like you wanted to keep him all to yourself, actually.”

The accusation made Kara curl into a ball in an attempt to hide her reddening cheeks. “I-I-I... Th-That's not...”

“Come to think of it...” Eve trailed off as she tapped her chin thoughtfully, “that impression didn't actually change all that much even after you told me who he really was. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that I had to _demand_ the truth from you; you didn't volunteer to clear that matter up on your own. _And_ even then getting you to so much as describe him to me was like pulling teeth.”

By this point, Kara had turned such a bright shade of red that she looked like she was glowing. “I-I wasn't _that_ hesitant to talk about him...”

“Oh, you most definitely were.” Eve's sly smirk made its return. “At the start, at least. You got very talkative and ended up sharing a lot more than I expected once I decided it would be a lot more productive if I stopped asking so many questions. And I _do_ mean _a lot_.”

It was supposed to be physically impossible, and yet Kara still managed to find a way to curl into an even smaller ball than before. “ _I did not_ ,” she mumbled defensively although she failed to sound convincing even to her own ears.

The look on Eve's face was a mixture of exasperation and bemusement. “Kara, _you spent almost five minutes alone describing the colour of his eyes_.”

“ _It wasn't five-_ ”

“The clock was behind you. I was paying attention.” Eve was merciless as she cut down Kara's protests. “It was pretty clear that's one of the things you _really_ like about him in the looks department. Of course, it's probably hard for you to rank all his features since I don't think there's anything about his appearance that you don't like. Not that I blame you, of course; I mean, it could be just that you exaggerated things since you're incredibly biased what with you being absolutely smitten with him and all but after everything you've told me about how he looks... Well, you definitely have good taste.”

Kara was very sure that if her cheeks got any hotter, her head was going to burst into flames. “H-He's just... I was completely objective,” she tried to defend herself. “I did _not_ say I think he's... he's... _handsome_ or anything remotely like that so I don't see how that could lead you to deduce-” The memory of telling Mon-El he didn't need her to talk him up came back to her then and she decided saying any more would just make the hole she'd dug for herself even deeper so she clammed up.

“Oh god, please tell me we're not starting a backwards slide to you pretending this is just a phase or something along those lines,” Eve groaned, completely oblivious to the spectacular derailment of Kara's train of thought that had just happened. “I have worked _way_ too hard and been patient for _way_ too long to allow that to happen, you hear me? You've already admitted you like him. The only thing left to do is embrace it and figure out where to go from here.”

“W-Where to-” Kara shook her head violently. “B-But I can't be having these... these... _feelings_! He's my _best friend_! Aren't there-” she gestured wildly, “-I don't know... _rules_ about this or something like that?!”

Eve gave her a look that was a cross between amused and bewildered. “Are you trying to suggest that there's a rulebook when it comes to these things? Because I'm sorry to say that the phrase 'you can't choose who you love' exists for a reason.”

The usage of a certain word that started with the letter 'l' sent Kara spiralling even further. “ _'L-Love'?_ ” she squeaked in something akin to anguished horror. “That's- Wait- No- _What?_ ”

“...Guess it was a little too early to bring that word into the conversation,” Eve commented with a sigh as she surveyed the borderline catatonic wreck before her. “Even though _I_ think it's way overdue...” she added in a slightly bitter tone under her breath.

“ _Eve!_ ” Kara all but wailed. “You're not helping!”

“I'm trying,” Eve replied rather crossly. “I've been trying for about two years now to get you to admit your feelings.”

The pitch of Kara's voice went up a notch. “Not _that_ kind of help!”

That just earned her a raised eyebrow. “Exactly what is it you want me to help you with then?” Eve asked. “It better not be to tell you that you're being crazy and to give up on this because that is not only the complete opposite of what I've been working so hard to accomplish all this time but also impossible. Face it, Kara; the genie's out of the bottle. You like Mon-El and now that you've finally realised it, the only thing left to do is... well, do something about it.”

And there it was: the very reason that she'd been working so desperately to deny the circumstances surrounding her current crisis. A part of her had been blindly clinging to the idea that if all these... thoughts and... and... _feelings_ were just some kind of temporary insanity, then she could just push it aside and things would remain the same. Normal. Familiar.

But if they weren't temporary... if they weren't the result of some random bout of madness... then that meant things were no longer the same. And in the one part of her life that had been offering her the greatest sense of normalcy and familiarity at that.

Change. It terrified her now, even though she had accepted it as a natural part of life and had even wanted it to some extent for so long.

“But I don't know what to do, Eve,” Kara whispered, sounding so lost even to her own ears. This was uncharted territory for her on more than one level. On Krypton, she had been too young to know or even care about such things and throughout the time she had been on Earth, she had understandably been too preoccupied with a host of other more pressing issues to give the matter much thought. Additionally, all the time she'd spent watching and reading about her favourite characters falling in love had most definitely _not_ prepared her for the time when she would find herself in a similar situation.

And she very much was in that kind of situation right now no matter how much she didn't want it to be so.

“There's really only one thing you can do,” Eve replied kindly, apparently having decided to stop tormenting her best friend.

Kara looked up, a flicker of hope coming to life in her heart. “What is it?” she asked somewhat eagerly.

Her question caused Eve to give her a look that was half sympathy and half irritation. “Tell him, of course.”

The flicker of hope died a quick, painless death. “ _W-WHAT?!_ ”

“...Were you seriously expecting me to say anything else?” Eve asked with a raised eyebrow. “Because that's kind of what usually comes after someone realises they like someone else, you know. I mean, you _were_ paying attention when we watched all those romantic comedies, right?”

“B-But that's _fiction_!” Kara protested. “This is real life! I can't tell him!”

Eve furrowed her brows. “Why not?”

“ _B-Because!_ ” Kara flailed her arms comically. “He'd... He'd...”

Then reality crashed down around her and her heart stopped.

She had a feeling she knew exactly how Mon-El would react if she told him she liked him... and that realisation did nothing to encourage her to do just that. In fact, it accomplished the exact opposite.

“I... I can't tell him,” she repeated, despair slowly but surely seeping into her voice. “He can't find out. He can _never_ find out.”

Her sudden and drastic change in behaviour clearly took Eve by surprise. “What? Why?”

“He'll... He'll sever our connection if he knows I...” The words stuck in Kara's throat again but for an entirely different reason this time.

“Oh. Well. You don't know that for certain,” Eve tried to reassure her. “I know you've told me – more like complained very loudly and repeatedly, actually – about his efforts to get you to give up on rescuing him before this but didn't you also tell me that he promised he wouldn't do it himself? That it was your decision to make, not his?”

Kara shook her head as the all too familiar fear of losing Mon-El reared its ugly head once more and began slowly but surely consuming her. “You don't understand, Eve. He's... You don't know him like I do. He'll do it. He'll break his promise if he thinks it's in my best interest. He already thinks that I... I care too much about him for my own good; if he finds out just how much... if he finds out it goes deeper than friendship...” She looked up to meet Eve's concerned gaze, her vision blurry with tears she was barely holding back. “I can't let that happen. I just... _can't_.”

A frown twisted Eve's features but she seemed undaunted. “Maybe if you do it right-”

“ _No._ ” Despite Kara's best efforts, a tear escaped and she swiped it away with a shaky hand. “I can't take that risk, Eve. I can't...” Her voice broke at the mere thought of it. “ _I can't lose him._ ”

Silence descended upon the apartment, only punctuated every now and then by the muffled sounds of Kara doing her best to keep herself from crying outright, and lingered for a long while before Eve brought it to an end. “Well, you can't just ignore how you feel,” she pointed out softly. “And you certainly can't just bottle up your feelings either because that won't end well.”

Kara's nails dug into her arms as she hugged herself tightly and gave up at long last her attempts to stop her tears from falling. “What am I supposed to do then, Eve?” she asked helplessly.

Unlike before, Eve didn't have an answer for her.

 

* * *

 

By the time night fell and she was ready to go to sleep, Kara still had not been able to figure out a solution to her predicament. Eve, having been convinced to some extent at least that there was nothing more she could do for the moment, quietly wished her distressed friend goodnight and good luck before retiring to her own room. Left alone with her own thoughts once again, Kara could only lie in bed and stare at the ceiling as she waited for sleep to come. Of course, there was the option of reciting her meditation chant like usual to help her fall asleep... and yet a part of her hesitated to do just that simply because she didn't feel ready to face Mon-El just yet. She didn't know how she was going to be able to keep her newly realised feelings secret from him, much less how she was supposed to behave around him now, and it seemed prudent to have the bare minimum of a plan on how to proceed before she put herself in that position.

...But a part of her wanted to see him despite all that. Because regardless of her newly realised feelings, he was still her best friend and she still loved spending time with him. She still hated the idea of leaving him in the dream world all alone – possibly even more now than before – and delaying her return there only made her feel guilty and ashamed of herself.

“It'll be fine, Kara,” she tried to convince herself. “Just act like you usually do around him. Don't focus on anything else. You've got a twenty-four year-long eternity and six years of experience with that. You can do this.”

Her words only managed to inspire the slightest bit of confidence in herself but in light of the enormity of the situation, it was probably the best she could do. Armed with that sliver of (possibly false) self-assurance, she closed her eyes and let herself fall asleep.

Unfortunately, the moment she opened her eyes again to find Mon-El looking right at her, she panicked. Then, in the blink of an eye, she went from looking back at him to looking at the bare wall of her room before she was even fully aware of what she'd just done.

“Kara?” his muffled voice came through from the other side of the wall, his concern and confusion clear despite the muted volume.

 _I was wrong_ , she thought to herself as she slowly backed away from the wall separating her from him, her heart racing and her cheeks radiating heat. _I'm never going to be able to look him in the eye ever again. Never ever again. I'm DOOMED._

A series of knocks jarred her out of her chaotic state of mind just as the back of her legs hit the foot of her bed. Startled, she fell gracelessly backwards onto her bed with a surprised squeak. “Come on, Kara. We've been over this. Whatever it is, you know you don't have to keep it to yourself. Just let me in and we can talk about it like we always do,” she heard him try to cajole her in that warm reassuring tone he always used in these situations.

Unlike almost all the instances before this, however, it failed to achieve its intended effect. “N-No,” she stammered as she crawled away from the spot where she knew he was standing until her back hit the headboard of her bed. “I-I-I... C-Can we not tonight? Please?”

But of course that failed to deter him. In fact, it just seemed to convince him that he had to try harder. “Okay, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But let me come in at the very least and check on you. I mean, I'm not going anywhere and we both know I mean that literally so... please?”

The part of her that was still panicking wanted to refuse – wanted to stay away from him until such time that she felt she could look at him without becoming a nervous wreck, whenever that was – but then there was the part of her that was always filled with guilt over leaving him alone in the dream world. The part of her that just wanted to see her best friend and spend time with him like she always did.

That part of her won in the end, and it was with great trepidation that she forced herself to open up a doorway for Mon-El to come inside.

Of course, the moment she saw his face again, Kara's heart skipped a beat and her blush intensified. Desperate to create another barrier to replace the one she had lowered for him – literally and metaphorically –, she created her blanket and tugged it up so it hid most of her face.

“Hey.” He stepped inside but stayed near the doorway instead of coming further in as if he had sensed her unspoken desire for some distance between them and merely offered her that soft warm smile of his that was oh so familiar to her. The sight of it made the drumming that was her heartbeat increase in volume – at least, that was what it seemed like to her – and for a moment she seriously wondered if it was loud enough that even he could hear it.

“H-Hi,” she mumbled dumbly back, doing her best to ignore the sudden realisation that Mon-El was technically in her room. The guy she liked was _in her room_. _In. Her. Room._ She was alone. In her room. With the guy she liked. It was beyond stupid; he'd been in her room thousands of times before this and she had been perfectly fine with it all this time so she shouldn't be reacting the way she was this very moment.

 _But that was Mon-El my best friend_ , the still panicking part of her protested. _This is Mon-El the guy I like! They're two very different things!_ The fact that it was still the same person apparently did not compute.

“So.” Kara was once again saved from suffering a complete breakdown by the sound of Mon-El's voice, and she struggled to meet his slightly worried gaze even as she prayed that her true thoughts and feelings weren't blatantly apparent on her face. “Like I said earlier, we don't have to talk about whatever it is that caused-” he gestured around them, “-this if you don't want to. And I can... well, stay over here if you want. Just tell me what you need.”

There was an answer she could blurt out in response but she swallowed it down; the dilemma that had followed her not-so-little epiphany about her feelings still weighed heavily on her.

_I like you._

It would be so easy to just say those words but she knew that the moment they were spoken, she could not take them back. Considering how effortless it was for him to tell when she was lying, the option to say it and then play it off as if it had been a joke was not on the table either.

He would know it was the truth, and then... and then he'd most likely sever their connection, promise or no promise.

And she would lose him.

While this would of course not impede her ability or quest to rescue him from wherever he was out there in any way, there was no denying that their friendship would likely be unsalvageable at that point. Whether it would be due to the amount of time that would have passed by then or the simple fact that he would have broken his promise to her out of some misguided attempt to keep her best interests at heart, she would end up losing her best friend.

She couldn't allow that to happen. Which meant that he could _never_ find out how she felt about him.

But Eve had been right in saying that she could not keep this bottled up inside of her. Something would give eventually and the result would likely be as disastrous as if she had told him how she felt outright.

Tell him. Don't tell him.

Both options seemed like they would lead to the same undesirable outcome.

She was trapped.

Unless... Unless she took a third option. Her only option at this point.

“I-I... um... Th-There's... someone,” she stuttered as she looked down at her fidgeting hands and tried to carefully navigate the treacherous minefield that was the pseudo-confession she was about to make. “A-A guy. I-I... I realised today that... that I... I like him. A lot.”

“Oh.” The strange tone in that one syllable caused Kara to look up at him but she only saw understandable surprise etched on his face. Maybe she had just imagined it. “I wasn't expecting that.”

“W-Well, it's not like I was expecting it either,” she mumbled a little defensively. It was true, after all; the last thing she had expected the morning of that day was to realise that she didn't see her best friend as _just_ her best friend.

A mischievous laugh drew her attention back to Mon-El whereupon she found him... grinning at her? Wait, what? “You know, I just realised that this is quite a big leap for you. I mean, I still remember a certain little girl freaking out over nearly being kissed by a guy,” he teased her.

It stung a little to hear that, surprisingly enough. His cheeky comment which she understood on an intellectual level was what she should have expected from him had made her realise that a part of him probably still saw her as that twelve-year-old he had first met an eternity ago. And that perception might never disappear. Whatever miniscule hope that she had harboured of him potentially responding positively to her feelings faded away then as did her blush and she couldn't help but feel hurt as a result. “I'm not a child any more,” she muttered as she hugged her knees under her blanket, unable to keep a tinge of bitterness from slipping into her voice.

“I- Sorry,” he said, clearly having not expected her to respond like that. “I didn't mean to upset you.”

His apology made her feel a little guilty since he hadn't actually done anything wrong; it was she who was behaving irrationally and taking it out on him like she seemed to always do no matter how many times she tried not to do it. “It's okay,” she replied with a shake of her head. “I... I know you didn't mean to and it's... You didn't say anything inaccurate.”

“You still have a right to get upset,” he pointed out gently, and moved as if he wanted to approach her before stopping himself. “May I?” was all he asked, but it was clear what he wanted from her.

She nodded hesitantly, her nervousness from earlier making an unwelcome return and growing with every step that brought him closer to her until it reached a critical point when he finally sat down on her bed within arm's reach.

On. Her. Bed.

The panicking part of her had a coronary before slipping into a coma, and she found that it was terribly unfortunate that her back was already pressed against the headboard because that meant she had nowhere else to go.

“Anyway, what are you going to do?”

“H-Huh?” Unceremoniously reminded that they had in fact been in the middle of a conversation to some extent, Kara struggled to figure out what his question was about.

Mon-El looked at her a little strangely. “About this guy and the feelings you have for him. I mean, are you going to tell him? For that matter, do I know him?”

Even though she knew that his questions were very valid and expected under normal circumstances, the fact that she couldn't give him any proper answers caused an unpleasant feeling to start manifesting in her stomach. “Who he is doesn't really matter, does it?” she gave him a non-answer as she ducked her head again. “Especially since... since I'm not going to tell him.”

“What? Why?”

“I... I'm scared.” She kept her head down; it was beyond risky, what she was attempting that very moment, but it was also the only way forward she could see for herself. “I'm scared that telling him will change things between us for the worse and I don't... I don't think I could handle that. Besides...” she trailed off and tried not to sound so hurt and bitter as she continued, “I don't think he feels that way about me. I don't... I don't think he ever will.” It pained her to admit it out loud but it was the truth and the sooner she accepted it, the sooner she could just... get over it and hopefully over time forget she had ever felt this way about him in the first place.

It sounded impossible right now but the reality was that there was nothing else she could do so she might as well try and start as soon as possible before she just made things worse for herself.

“...I see.” The sombre tone of his voice made her glance back up at him to find a soft sad smile playing on his face. “I'm sorry to hear that.”

Kara looked into those blue-grey eyes of his with the knowledge that Mon-El would never see her the same way she now saw him and felt her heart break just a little more. “So am I,” she whispered softly.

Then she watched, transfixed, as he slowly raised his hand and brought it close to her face. The action was incredibly familiar – intimately so – and she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

She wanted to lean in. She wanted to pull away.

Paralysed by indecision, she remained completely still as he tucked her hair behind her ear like he always did and tried not to shiver when the tips of his fingers brushed feather-light against her skin, leaving trails of fire in their wake and causing whispers of blue-grey energy to flit in and out of her mind. Was it wrong to still want this? To still welcome this? Was it too risky? What was he seeing in her mind right now? Could he discern her true feelings through their connection, however fragmented it was due to the fleeting contact? Did she want him to?

It was torture.

“I never like it when you're sad.”

The murmured statement caused her to open her eyes – when had she closed them, she wondered? – and note with no small amount of disappointment that he had retracted his hand. “It's not like I enjoy being sad either, you know,” she replied, aware that her weak attempt at a joke would fall flat even before she said it.

A ghost of his trademark grin crossed his face. “Really? I couldn't tell, considering your apparent passion for getting yourself into difficult situations.” Then his grin faded away to be replaced by a more serious and yet still soft expression. “I'd like to try and fix that, if you'll allow me.”

Apprehension and curiosity warred for control inside of her, complicated further by her desire to not offend him or arouse suspicion by refusing his kind gesture, until she finally and hesitantly nodded her assent.

His relieved smile seemed to suggest that he had detected her internal turmoil to some extent, making her wonder just how much of her thoughts and feelings he could pick up on even without the help of their mental connection. “All right then.” He gestured around them to indicate her room construct. “Do you mind? Oh, and close your eyes after that, please. I... well, kind of want it to be a surprise.”

It was with nervous anticipation that she did as he asked and kept her eyes shut even as she felt the atmosphere around her bend to his will.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

When she did, the sight that greeted her took her breath away.

They were standing in a small forest clearing surrounded by unusual trees and flowers the likes of which she had never seen before and would likely never see anywhere else again simply because of one amazing fact: Everything seemed to be made out of multi-coloured crystal from root to leaf. “W-What...?”

“It's real, in case you were wondering,” she heard him clarify as she stepped closer to a rose-like blossom to inspect it. “That is, I meant that there is in fact such a planet with plants like these. I found it a long time ago and it became a... Well, let's just say I came here every now and then after that and I think you can understand why.”

“I do. It's beautiful,” she murmured as she touched the delicate flower, half-afraid the thing was going to crumble if she wasn't careful enough. Then the distant memory of him telling her about how he used to take his lovers to amazing faraway places came back to her. It brought with it a familiar and unpleasant twisting feeling in her stomach which she was now able to recognise for what it was: jealousy. “So how many women did you bring to this place?” she couldn't help but ask, hoping against hope that she didn't sound quite as bitter as she felt.

“...You'd be the first, technically speaking.”

The unexpected answer caused her to turn her head around to stare at him so quickly that she nearly gave herself whiplash. “W-What?”

This time, it was he who refused to meet her gaze as he continued staring deliberately at a specific point to the side of him. “I... uh... There was this time – I was a couple of years younger than you are now, I think – when one of my mother's necklaces went missing. It wasn't even one of her favourites but it was hers and she was... she never liked the idea of anyone besides herself having what was hers, see, so she was determined to recover it. When she became convinced that one of the slaves working in the palace had stolen it, she had them all rounded up and beaten in turn while the others were forced to watch. To... 'encourage' the culprit to reveal himself or herself, you know. When that didn't get the results she wanted, she moved on to the servants – our own people – from the kitchen staff all the way to the groundskeepers. I tried to reason with her when I found out and she... she slapped me. Told me that I was being weak and gullible again and to go back to my room while she did what needed to be done. That was the first time she ever...” he trailed off and blinked several times in rapid succession, no doubt in an effort to keep his tears at bay.

Her intense dislike which bordered on outright hatred for Mon-El's mother overrode all her other feelings at that point but Kara bit her tongue to prevent herself from going on a tirade about the woman. “Didn't your father do anything?” she asked instead, some tiny part of her hoping that the man had at least tried to intervene a little on his son's behalf.

That hope was extinguished when Mon-El shook his head. “He turned a blind eye to it – to everything – and said to let my mother do as she pleased. Before I was fully aware of it, I was already in my personal shuttle and flying away to Rao knew where.” A wry grin twisted his lips but there was no mistaking the self-recrimination hiding behind it. “You know me, always running away from my problems like the coward that I am.”

“I hate it when you're so hard on yourself,” she muttered angrily. “You knew what your mother was doing was wrong and tried to stop it. It's not your fault she was so... so... _unreasonable_. And then she _hit you_ for it and your father just... _let it happen_. A lot of people would have done the same thing in your shoes.”

To her despair, he didn't look convinced – he wouldn't even so much as look at her – and continued the story before she could say anything else. “Anyway, I had no idea where I was going. All I wanted to do was get as far away from Daxam as possible – at the time, I didn't even know if I ever _wanted_ to go back – so I kept going and going until I landed on a planet at random. This was that planet.” His grin seemed to soften and turn genuine just the slightest bit. “I don't know how long I was there all alone before Bal-Seg appeared. To this day, I still can't figure out how he was able to find me and he never answered me when I asked. At first, I thought he was going to scold me and drag me back to Daxam with him but then... he just... stood there next to me and didn't say a word. We stayed like that for a while before I finally decided on my own to go home.”

It was at that point that she noticed the ghostly figure of a boy sitting on the ground off to the side while the flickering image of an old man stood over him like a guardian spirit. The sight made her heart ache.

“When we arrived back at the palace, my mother apologised for hitting me and said it would never happen again. She had been a little upset about losing the necklace, she said, and hadn't meant to take it out on me. I forgave her, of course – I mean, she's my mother, after all – and tried my best to pretend it never happened in the first place. Meanwhile, Hal-Ed had apparently been besides himself with worry and all but lectured me about going anywhere without him. He went on and on about my safety and his Oath to the point where I had to threaten to do it again if he didn't shut up,” he chuckled weakly before his expression sobered again. “I did it again anyway after that, you know. Neither I nor Bal-Seg ever told him about the planet, much less inform him before I decided to go there again whenever things got particularly rough – rougher than even my usual... solutions... could help with, that is. It was like our own little secret and there was this sense that sharing it would ruin its specialness somehow so he never found out to the very end.”

“But...” She faltered and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “But you're sharing it with me now.”

He shrugged and scratched his jaw, his nervousness so apparent he was practically radiating it. “I... You were really sad and it didn't seem like... the usual things would work, I guess? This place... It kind of... helped me when I felt like there was really nothing I could do about something so... I thought it might help you the same way.” His apprehensive gaze finally met hers then. “Are you... Did it help?”

Even though he clearly didn't intend it to be so, it was a loaded question from where she was standing.

Because a part of her revelled in the fact that he'd shared something so close to his heart with her simply because he wanted her to stop being so sad and it made her feel incredibly special.

Yet another part of her despaired over the same fact, painfully aware that her earlier plan to get over her feelings for him was now more impossible than before if the tumultuous state of her heart that very moment was any indication.

“Y-Yes, it did,” Kara finally forced herself to answer... but feeling her chest constrict at the relieved smile forming on Mon-El's face, she wondered what exactly she herself meant by that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I feel like this is the part where you guys (especially those of you who have been reading my fics for a while now) say, "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE GOING TO BRING IN THE ANGST!" And I can't really defend myself because... well. That should be obvious. >_>;; In light of that, I really hope you guys enjoyed the break I gave you... (YOU CAN'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED, AKANE171.) I can't really say much without spoiling something in the process but... uh... please be patient with me for a while longer because I promise I will make it worth your while?
> 
> Anyway, this also marks the closing of the side ships poll and I'm happy to announce the results:  
> Lena/Winn - 3  
> Eve/Winn - 7  
> James/None - 2  
> James/Lucy - 3  
> Lena/None - 2  
> Eve/OC - 1
> 
> Which means congratulations to the Eve/Winn shippers' overwhelming victory (do you guys have a ship name?) and the narrow win James/Lucy shippers clinched for themselves! Meanwhile, since Lena lost the only ship of hers that got any votes, she will be... well, getting a cat, I suppose? I'll figure it out later... Once again, thank you for voting and I hope you like how things turn out later!
> 
> Bonus quote for this chapter:  
> "Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with." - Dana Scully, The X-Files (S06E08 - The Rain King)


	2. Icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything has a breaking point and everything breaks in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. So... um, let me start off by saying I'm fine and I would like to apologise very profusely for how late this chapter is. I've been a little occupied with something else and it's been eating up quite a bit of my time and attention. Writing the chapter itself was the other reason it was late. If you must know, this chapter was actually chapter three in my master plan. I spent about two weeks writing, tossing and rewriting the "original" chapter two which was meant to give you guys some humour to munch on before the angst train came into town but it didn't come out the way I intended. When I begged the writing gods for help, they said unto me, "THOU SHALT WRITE ANGST AND MAKE THY READERS SUFFER." And because I didn't want to incur their wrath and suffer eternal writer's block as a result (and because I owe you guys and this fic only my best writing and not anything even I consider sub-par), I threw that chapter out the window and produced this chapter. Which is... not very funny. On second thought, maybe some of you would have preferred a sub-par but funny chapter...
> 
> TL;DR I can't be sure but I have a feeling it's time for you all to love-hate me like you've never love-hated me before.
> 
> PS: I'm sorry, akane171... I know I promised you that you'd get to laugh at Kara's misery but if you do manage to laugh, I'll know I've broken you...

There was a human saying about time healing all wounds.

Kara had first come across it when she was still familiarising herself with the English language by reading some of the books lying around in the Danvers household – angry glares from Alex quickly taught her which tomes belonged to the girl and she made an effort to avoid those – since she was aware that mastering the basics through the wisdom cube alone would not be enough. Looking back at the moment now, she found it difficult to remember which book had contained the phrase which was a little surprising since she took some measure of pride in her almost perfect memory.

All she really remembered was thinking that the saying was innocently misleading at best and cruelly deceitful at worst.

After all, she was proof enough that time was not in fact capable of accomplishing something so impossible. Not when the wound in question was the size of a literal planet – a gaping hole in the cosmos where millions of people had once existed and an entire culture had thrived for centuries – and all that was left to ostensibly 'heal' was chunks of lifeless rocks and radioactive minerals drifting around in space.

Not when she was one of the only two souls in the universe who had survived that catastrophe.

Not when she was the only one who truly remembered what had once been there and thus the only one who could genuinely mourn the loss.

It was true, however, that the twenty-four year-long eternity she had spent with Mon-El in the dream world while her pod was floating in the Phantom Zone had helped and for that she would forever be grateful to him. The fact that he wasn't from Krypton mattered little in the grand scheme of things; like her, he too had lost his home and his people, had been saved by those who cared about him at the cost of their own lives and then had found himself trapped in a mysterious place alone with a complete stranger who didn't want anything to do with him.

He had understood how she felt. And, knowing that, he had reached out even though she had not given him a single reason to do so, giving her the courage to offer him the same kindness in turn eventually.

That eternity they had shared had not healed the wound per se but it had certainly eased the pain, and that was more than she could have asked for.

Unfortunately, it was also true that leaving the Phantom Zone and consequently the dream world as well had in a way reversed most of the progress she had made during that stretch of eternity. The moment she had arrived on Earth – the moment she had felt time move again –, she had been confronted by the full weight of what she had really lost both on that fateful day and throughout her unwitting imprisonment in the Phantom Zone. Twenty-four years. A cousin, all grown up instead of the baby she had last seen, who barely knew her. Holograms of her parents, devoid of the warmth their real counterparts had possessed, being the only way she could ever see them again.

The passage of time – her _awareness_ of it – brought the pain back, and instead of fading away as the years passed, that pain just ebbed and flowed, diminishing slowly only to return in a rush at the most unexpected moments in the most unexpected ways.

She would look at a calendar one morning and realise that it was her mother's birthday.

She would mistake a stranger across the street for her father while walking through town on a sunny afternoon.

She would catch a whiff of a fruit or herb in the market and suddenly be reminded of a favourite dish from her childhood.

Then the pain would make its unwelcome return, heedless of where she was or what she was doing at that very moment, and make her long for her old life all over again.

She wanted to hug her mother again. To listen to her father talk about his work again. To open her eyes in the morning and see Rao in the sky, not Earth's yellow sun. To not have to keep making sure she had full control of powers she had never asked for – to keep holding herself back from being _herself_.

The problem, Kara eventually learned, was that the passing of time did not stop her from wanting all these things she couldn't have.

Krypton was gone. Her parents were gone. These were undeniable facts and no matter how much her heart yearned for them, her brain knew without a doubt that they were beyond her reach forever.

Mon-El, however... Mon-El was _right there_.

She could hold his hand. She could hear his laugh. She could see his smile.

Here was something she could want and realistically have.

Except she couldn't.

She couldn't even do any of those things now.

Now, she couldn't so much as touch him for fear of him discovering her feelings for him through their mental connection. Instead, she'd been forced to make sure that there was always some space between them every time she visited – not enough to be so far away that it would raise questions but just enough that their hands wouldn't so much as accidentally brush against each other. Just enough that she could keep reminding herself not to give in to the urge to reach out for him and intertwine their hands like she always used to do.

Now, she hardly ever heard him laugh or see him smile – not without them being somewhat tense and tinged with shadows, anyway. What made it worse was the fact that she only had herself to blame for that; she was the one who had started putting some distance between them both physically and metaphorically, after all, and even though she knew he was feeling confused and possibly even hurt by it, she couldn't tell him why.

The morning after the day she had realised her feelings for Mon-El as well as the fact that she could never let him find out that very same thing, she had declared to Eve with a great deal of vehemence that she was going to find a way to stop having said feelings for him. Her desperation, pride and perhaps even naivete had actually allowed her to trick herself even if for the briefest of moments into believing that she would be successful in her endeavour... but that self-serving lie had not held up for long.

Nothing she did had worked. Attempting to research love in a bid to come up with a way to reverse the process had served only to reaffirm her feelings or prove useless since the information she found applied only to humans and not aliens like her. When that avenue had failed to provide the answers she wanted, she had resorted to simply searching the internet for general tips on how to fall out of love with one's best friend... only that had given her almost nothing she could work with as well. Advice such as not seeing said best friend for a while seemed cruel and made her feel like she was punishing him for something that was her fault – which it was, since he had technically not done anything besides be himself – since seeing him less often than she already was meant he would be alone for even longer in the dream world while others like confessing her feelings just to get closure ran counter to the very thing she was trying to accomplish so she ended up disregarding nearly everything she managed to find.

Which meant that at the end of a very long and exhaustive quest for a way out, she found herself right back where she had started or possibly even worse off than before.

She was in a prison of her own making and there seemed to be no way out.

The only thing she could do – the only solution she could think of – was try to go about her life like normal, hoping against hope that if she kept it up for long enough she could eventually revert things back to her pre-epiphany life. In the meantime, she would just have to keep him at arm's length literally and figuratively until such time that she succeeded.

One day passed. Then another.

A whole week went by, and Kara found herself even further from her goal than when she had first started.

Instead of fading away or dimming in the slightest, her feelings for Mon-El had seemed to only grow since the moment she first became aware of them. It was as if her own heart was rebelling against everything her brain was commanding it to do and no amount of telling herself that it was futile seemed to have any effect; there was only room for him and no one else. Not now and not ever. An attempt to even consider casually dating a human guy as a way to get over Mon-El made her uncomfortable on more than one level as it felt like doing something like that implied that her feelings were superficial and Mon-El was somehow replaceable in any way. There was also some measure of guilt driving her decision to reject the idea since it basically meant that she would just be using this hypothetical guy and no matter how desperate she was, that felt like a line she wasn't willing to cross.

During that period, another unwelcome but ultimately expected change also occurred: Now, instead of that loud drumming that her heartbeat turned into whenever she saw him, there was only a deep ache that held her chest in a vice-like grip. Being close to him came to hurt just as much as it did to be apart from him, and there had been one brief horrifying moment where she had found herself irrationally resenting him for her own self-inflicted suffering.

Her affections had turned into poison in her veins, corrupting everything she was trying so hard to preserve and in the depths of her despair it began to feel like losing him was inevitable.

In these dark moments, what came to mind was that human saying about time healing all wounds.

Kara wished she knew who had come up with it because she very dearly wanted to find them and call them a liar to their face.

 

* * *

 

She didn't intertwine their hands any more.

It was a small and strange thing to miss, but to Mon-El, the one action encapsulated not only their relationship but also the long journey that had seen them turn from antagonistic strangers to the best of friends so he felt somewhat justified in a way for feeling the way he did.

The memory was an old one – a laughable turn of phrase considering his current timeless circumstances – but he could still remember the first time Kara had been the one to initiate any kind of physical contact with him.

He had been on the verge of drowning in his grief and misplaced anger as he relived the last time he had seen Bal-Seg when he had felt the lightest of touches on his arm. That had snapped him out of his dark thoughts and he'd looked up to find her staring at him, those bright blue eyes of hers shining with genuine concern. Of course, the moment he'd realised what she'd done seemed to be the moment _she'd_ realised what she'd done too and she had pulled away almost immediately, stammering and blushing as she apologised and tried to downplay her recent actions.

That, however, had only served to highlight the sincerity of her intent to comfort him and he had found himself at a loss as to how to react. No one had ever done something like that for him before and he certainly hadn't expected it to come from a Kryptonian girl of all people. Almost everyone who had approached him with anything resembling kindness on Daxam had been insincere about it while Bal-Seg, although he had truly cared, had never been the type to offer what the old man had termed 'empty gestures'. Mind mired as it had been in the past, it had suddenly struck him how her genuine kindness and inability to so much as disguise it would have made her a target – an easy one at that – if she had ever set foot in Daxam's royal court. He had told her as much, for lack of anything else to say, and that had allowed the conversation to flow again with neither of them dwelling on the not-so-insignificant event that had just transpired.

At the time, he had dismissed it as an impulsive act on her part that would never be repeated ever again no matter what happened; after all, she seemed to have found the first instance entirely too embarrassing for her liking and would likely be twice as cautious about not doing it again moving forward. It had also helped to remember that she was still very much a young girl from a restrained society who was also (perhaps unsurprisingly) rather shy once she'd stopped being so openly hostile towards him due to her prejudices.

Except it had happened again. And again. And again. She had not hesitated to cling to him for safety both when they had inadvertently discovered their powers of creation for the first time and during their first flight on Nes'th. He had excused those instances as well, deeming them to have been the result of fear and adrenaline instead of a conscious decision to touch him... but there had been no way to excuse her very deliberate action of pulling him to his knees so that she could hug him after he had told her about Jyaill. The embrace had not been brief either, and while her cheeks had been a little red after they had finally parted her expression made it clear that she had not regretted it at all.

That had been a turning point for them as after that, neither of them had hesitated to reach out for the other when one of them was in danger of being trapped in a quagmire of dark thoughts and memories. However, the first time she had actually held his hand had been when their powers had grown to a level where they were able to create entire structures without too much effort. She had been so overjoyed at the prospect of not only seeing her home again but also showing it to him that she had grabbed his hand without a second thought and pulled him through the front door the moment she had finished recreating it, pointing everywhere with her free hand and babbling so excitedly it had actually taken him some effort to understand what she was saying.

He remembered thinking that her hand felt so small and fragile that he had been half-afraid he would hurt her if he so much as tightened his grip so he had silently allowed her to keep dragging him from room to room and waited until she herself realised what she'd done and was still doing. That, of course, had only happened once the tour had come to an end and her excitement diminished enough that she was able to become aware of their interlinked hands. Then she'd predictably turned bright red, let go of him and started apologising profusely for her actions.

While it had definitely been an amusing sight to behold, Mon-El had quickly decided to take pity on her and told her very gently that he hadn't really minded. He was, after all, a Daxamite, and no stranger to most kinds of touching. _That_ had made her blush even more, and he had allowed himself to enjoy it a little much to her annoyance when he teased her about it. If she was really bothered about having crossed some line, he had told her when she had looked like she was on the verge of kicking him in the shin, they could turn things around with him leading her by the hand as he showed her his home.

His strange suggestion of how to even the score, so to speak, had clearly and utterly bewildered her judging by her expression... but when he had offered her his hand, she had only hesitated for a short while before shyly accepting his offer.

It had not been all that long after that before holding hands became a common occurrence and she would reach for his hand consciously without blushing even the slightest. He had found himself secretly glad for it, seeing it as a sign of how much she had come to trust him, and vowed to never let himself take that trust for granted.

Then Kara had become a part-time resident of the dream world when her pod had finally landed on Earth, and one of the many ways that event had changed their relationship was the increased importance of touch especially where she was concerned. It became about more than just trust; he was now more than ever a source of comfort and familiarity in this strange and painfully confusing new life that had been thrust upon her. Knowing that as well as the fact that it was a great relief to her that she couldn't hurt him with the powers that she had out there in the real world but not here with him in the dream world, he had been all too willing to indulge her every time she reached out for him and had even taken the initiative himself more than once.

When exactly that had transformed into her intertwining their hands every time she visited, however, escaped him, but as he felt that drawing attention to it would just embarrass her and he was all right with it anyway, he kept his silence.

Then she'd suddenly stopped not just intertwining their hands but touching him entirely and he found himself at a complete loss, unsure how to fix the issue much less whether he should even bring it up.

Especially since he had a strong feeling he knew why she had stopped... and he still hadn't managed to figure out how he felt about it.

Kara liked someone. Someone who she was sure didn't like her back. Someone who, for some unfathomable reason, she didn't want to talk to him about.

It was a lot to process.

When he thought about it seriously, he supposed he should have expected this to happen eventually. As stuffy as her people might have been, the very fact that they had chosen their own mates told him that they had been at the very least capable of feeling attraction on some level. It therefore stood to reason that Kara would eventually develop such interests now that she was a grown woman. Maybe he just hadn't seen it coming because a part of him still saw her as that little girl with small, fragile hands who blushed bright red whenever he so much as hinted at anything remotely related to mating. (Although in his defence, she'd continued to behave that way even after she'd finally started growing up. In fact, it could be said that she'd gotten even worse over time as any mention of old lovers even if indirectly made her madder now compared to before.) Whatever the reason, he was finally being confronted with the undeniable reality of Kara having become a grown woman with an interest in... well, mating.

Utterly lost as to how to react when she had first told him about it, he had fallen back on old habits and teased her. Joking had almost always helped, and it was an easy way to bury the unexpected and strange kind of sadness that had overcome him when she'd admitted that she'd developed feelings for this unknown person.

Except instead of the blushing and stammering he had expected from her in response, she had mystifyingly gotten mad at him. It confused him even further, to say the least, but as it was clear he'd miscalculated somehow he had quickly apologised and taken it seriously before trying and succeeding at cheering her up a little much to his immense relief.

He had only allowed himself to focus on his own surprisingly chaotic state of mind after she had woken up and left him all alone again... although being alone with his thoughts did little to help him figure them out.

When he tried to process the idea that this mysterious person Kara was interested in did not feel the same way about her, that just made him even more confused. And a little annoyed on her behalf, if he was being honest with himself. Kara was highly intelligent, incredibly beautiful, far too kind for her own good, fiercely loyal and many other things that any sane person would want in a mate. Sure, she wasn't without her flaws – she was insanely reckless, infuriatingly stubborn and beyond proud at times, just to name a few – but they made her who she was just as much as her more positive traits and if anyone tried to change her to fit some false ideal version of her, he was going to... well, get very angry. (As it turned out, being trapped in an unknown location somewhere far out in space made it very hard to make any credible threats.) How could this guy not have noticed Kara? Others had taken notice and tried their luck, outcome notwithstanding, so why not this one?

The only conclusion he could draw was that this guy was an idiot – a blind one, at that – and therefore undeserving of her. Did he not know how lucky he was that Kara had so much as taken a passing interest in him? Mon-El felt honoured enough that Kara called him her best friend so this... this... _complete ignorance_ on the guy's part of his incredibly good fortune rankled him to no end. Kara deserved only the best and some halfwit who apparently didn't have eyes was certainly not even close to being good enough for her.

...But Kara liked him, whoever this guy was, and so Mon-El felt compelled to like him as well. Anyone who made Kara happy or had the potential to make her happy had to be a good person and all he wanted was for Kara to be happy so he told himself he had to be fine with that.

Which brought him to the third but possibly most troubling part of this whole situation: Kara absolutely did not want to talk to him about this mysterious guy. Or even address the issue beyond the first time she had mentioned him. At all. Even though it was blatantly apparent that said issue continued to weigh heavily on her mind. And this had, it seemed, translated into her not wanting him in her head. And that meant she had taken to sitting an arm's length away from him every time she visited.

He couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

Was she afraid of what he would say? He was pretty sure he'd already said the right thing – at least, what he was marginally sure was the right thing – the first time she'd told him so that couldn't be it. Perhaps she was afraid of finding out how he really felt about this then? It would be really nice if she could, actually; that way, she could tell him because he _still_ didn't know how he really felt about it.

Nothing he could think of made any sense.

He was understandably confused. Confused, worried and possibly even a little hurt that after everything they'd been through together – after everything they'd shared with each other –, she could still think that there were things that she was better off keeping to herself. Things that she couldn't trust him with even just a little.

The realisation pained him, and he began to find himself bizarrely missing her which made even less sense. How was it possible to miss someone when they were right there within reach?

 _-It's possible-_ , a voice at the back of his head replied, - _when that person seems to no longer be the person you used to know.-_

And it was true, as much as he didn't want to acknowledge it. Aside from not intertwining their hands any more, Kara seemed to look at him differently now – almost like... she didn't really want to be here with him. She didn't smile or laugh as much as she used to either, and that made it difficult for him to do the same. There would be moments where things between them would go back to normal but then she'd suddenly stop herself and just... go quiet or change the topic without warning.

She'd changed again, and this time he didn't know if he could keep up. Or if he wanted to.

He... He missed his best friend. And he wanted his best friend back. (It was difficult to admit, but he missed her touch too, and the feel of that warm golden light filling his head.)

...No, he was being selfish again. He shouldn't be thinking about trying to fix things between them. Not when he had been telling himself time and time again that he was supposed to let her go and live her life free of the burdensome and impossible task of rescuing him. No, if he was serious about this, he should be trying to encourage her to confess her feelings and pursue this guy who'd captured her attention. If she did that and was ultimately successful, she would have someone who could be there for her in a way that he couldn't and there would be no need for her to rely only on him for comfort any more. After all, wasn't that what he'd been trying to do all this while? Why was he suddenly having second thoughts about this?

 _-Maybe because you feel like she's replacing you with him?-_ that small voice at the back of his head asked.

Pain flared in his chest but he pushed it down. _That's what should happen_ , he fired back mentally. He'd told himself the night of her first Earth birthday that he would be fine with her leaving him alone in the dream world, moving on with her life and ultimately forgetting about him; having a change of heart now just because he was being forced to watch it happen before his very eyes was unacceptable. Kara needed someone who could protect her when the world tried its hardest to break her, not someone who could only pick up the pieces in the aftermath. She deserved only the best, and Mon-El knew deep down that he was nowhere close to being that no matter how often she called him her best friend.

This was okay. This was good. This was what he wanted.

...Right?

 

* * *

 

The story went like this:

One cold November morning, Ian Teschmacher was in the process of checking out a book from the university library when he looked up and saw the most beautiful girl in the world.

It was love at first sight.

However, the sentiment was not shared by the girl in question who, in a manner typical of most medical students dreaming of becoming doctors, had her nose buried in a thick textbook and therefore failed to notice the guy gawking at her with a starstruck expression on his face.

This did not deter Ian. He was a Teschmacher, and in the long tradition of Teschmacher men making grand romantic gestures in their efforts to woo the women who had captured their hearts – Grandpa Damian had proposed to Grandma Amelia with an armoire he had carved with his own two hands –, he began to hatch an ill-advised plan involving cheap Christmas lights and a ladder that had been in use since the time Abraham Lincoln was still a toddler.

Several days later, Valerie Donner was unceremoniously jarred out of her sleep by a loud crash outside her dorm. When she came out to investigate the noise along with many of her dorm mates, she found a guy she'd never seen before dangling from the tall tree in front of the dorm, his limbs tangled up in a mess of Christmas lights and the shattered remains of a ladder below him.

Upon realising he had an audience, the guy stopped trying to free himself, somehow managed to find her in the crowd and began laughing nervously. This was not how he had intended to get her attention, he explained sheepishly, but since she was out here already he might as well ask her right now: Was there any chance she'd consider going out with him?

Aware that all eyes were on her and feeling understandably very overwhelmed as a result, Valerie found herself facing a dilemma. On one hand, the guy had to be crazy. Sane people didn't get themselves into these situations and it would probably be safer if she didn't have anything to do with him. On the other hand, he seemed quite harmless and kind of cute. What was the worst that could happen?

So she said yes, and the way the guy smiled led her to suspect that she'd just made him the happiest person to ever live.

Then the Christmas lights finally gave way and he fell, broke his leg in two places, cracked three ribs, dislocated an arm and blacked out the moment he hit the ground.

She called an ambulance, put whatever medical knowledge she'd amassed so far to use in the meantime and contemplated if she really knew what she was getting into when she made the decision to follow said ambulance. (She didn't, but it felt like it was a little too late to back out at this point.)

They had their first date in the hospital, and the relationship went on to survive a disapproving father with a baseball bat (hers), a nosy mother (his), a very stressful residency (he brought her food every chance he could), a disastrous wedding (the bouquet toss became the reason Aunts Cathy and Lisa refused to speak to each other for _years_ ) and two failed business ventures (she never stopped believing in him).

Being the product of this relationship and having grown up listening to the aforementioned story as a child, it was only natural that Eve became a hopeless romantic. (A true Teschmacher, her father had declared proudly, which had caused her mother to roll her eyes good-naturedly and ask out loud what had possessed her to agree to date and eventually marry a guy impersonating a piñata.) She believed in True Love – capitals absolutely necessary – and dreamed of the day she herself would have the kind of relationship her parents had.

When the lilac envelopes came into her life, there was a brief moment where she wondered if this was going to be the start of her own love story. But that illusion didn't last long, and between the envelopes' unsettling contents and the forced split of their little family said contents caused, she found it difficult to even trust people in general. (Her father refused to let her blame herself and assured her that even if they were apart, he would never stop loving her mother and vice versa.) It was going to take an intervention from God, the universe or whoever was in charge to make her believe in love again, she was sure of it.

Then Kara Danvers came into Eve's life, and it felt like whoever was in charge had actually decided to take pity on her because Kara was pretty much everything she needed. The girl was kind, friendly, sincere and a good many things that made it easy for them to become friends – for Eve to start feeling normal again – but that wasn't why Eve thought that they were meant to meet.

No, the reason Eve came to believe that she was meant to cross paths with Kara was the fact that Kara had had a friend named Mike – one that she had never mentioned before that one slip-up during their first sleepover – all this while. A friend, Eve was sure, that Kara was a little bit in love with even if she was quite possibly unaware of it herself.

At first, Eve found herself a little wary – understandable, considering her personal experience – but Kara was quick to reassure Eve that she knew Mike very well and he was completely trustworthy even though she was strangely reluctant to reveal much else about him. It was all very curious but as Eve had her own share of secrets, she felt it would be rude to push the issue. Instead, she would have faith in Kara's judgement, quietly monitor the situation and only ask the occasional question if the matter came up. Something told her there was a lot more to this than met the eye and she had a feeling that time would eventually reveal everything to her.

Time, in fact, did eventually reveal everything. _Everything._

Including, in the aftermath of her attempted but ultimately failed kidnapping at the hands of Ross, Kara's true identity and subsequently Mike's as well.

Kara Danvers was not a human. In fact, that wasn't even her real name. And both those things also unsurprisingly applied to 'Mike'.

As if that wasn't enough, the more Eve learned about the real relationship between Kara and Mon-El, the more she found herself convinced that she was watching – figuratively speaking, anyway – something incredibly special happen before her very eyes:

She was witnessing the beginnings of an epic romance – if she had to describe it, she would probably say 'Sleeping Beauty meets Romeo and Juliet but with aliens' –, and thus her faith in True Love was completely restored.

...Except Kara remained completely oblivious to her real feelings and it didn't sound like Mon-El had a clue either.

Eve knew she had her work cut out for her but she was undaunted. The universe had given her a front row seat to a True Love Story and she was going to do everything in her power to make it happen. Preferably sometime during her own mortal lifespan because after all, she deserved to enjoy the fruits of her labour, didn't she?

However, she had vastly underestimated Kara's obliviousness and even though she kept trying harder and harder over the months that followed to the point where she was pretty much one step away from grabbing Kara by the shoulders and yelling into her face that she was head over heels in love with this best friend of hers, the girl continued to resist Eve's efforts. Nothing seemed to get through that thick alien skull and there had even been a moment where Eve thought that all her lists and plans would never get used.

In hindsight, Eve supposed that she should have expected Kara to have her little love epiphany while she wasn't around to witness it because of course the girl couldn't even make _this_ part easy for her. But at least she hadn't missed everything that followed.

Including, unfortunately, Kara's realisation that she couldn't confess her feelings to Mon-El because he would sever their connection if he found out and she would lose him entirely.

It was then that Eve felt like the universe had taken a little _too_ much inspiration from Romeo and Juliet where Kara's and Mon-El's story was concerned.

She wanted to cry. Or scream. Possibly both.

The problem was that she didn't know who she could make the target of her anger in this situation. Kara was certainly out of the question; the girl was broken up enough as it was to the point where Eve had returned from class one day to find her best friend curled up on the couch with her head buried in her knees and a book about lost civilisations open in front of her on the coffee table.

“I don't want these feelings, Eve,” Kara had sobbed, and there really was no need for the girl to explain what she meant. “Why... _Why won't they just go away?_ ”

“I know,” Eve had replied softly as she sat down next to Kara and hugged her, “but that's not how they work.”

A pained laugh had escaped Kara then, and the sound had made Eve's heart break even more for her best friend. “I said something like that to him once, you know. A long time ago. I didn't... I didn't think I'd ever really understand how he felt then. But now I do. And I wish I didn't. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, it doesn't,” Eve had been quick to reply but the continued sobbing made it hard for her to figure out if she'd been heard or not. Lost as to how to fix this, she had settled for holding Kara until the girl stopped crying, said she was feeling a bit better now – an obvious lie, but Eve didn't think it would help to point that out – and thanked Eve for being there for her before disappearing into her room.

The urge to scream then had been overwhelming.

Eve supposed she could scream at Mon-El if not for the annoying obstacle of him not actually being anywhere within her reach for her to yell at. However, there was also the fact that she could maybe sort of admire his noble idiot status in regard to this dream connection severing thing even if just a little; after all, anyone willing to doom themselves to the fate of living all alone in some unknown place for all eternity for the sake of someone they cared about deserved some measure of respect from her. Even if it was horribly misguided and currently causing the person they cared about a great deal of pain. Besides, the guy _had_ known Kara since she was a little girl and watched her grow up so there was good reason to believe that nothing short of a metaphorical anvil dropping on his head would get him to notice her in that way, much less pick up on how she really felt about him.

Denied both the obvious options as the targets of her urge to scream, she directed her anger at whoever was in charge be it God, the universe or whatever evil omnipresent entity was out there that got its kicks out of setting up epic love stories only to not deliver on that promise in the end. “Haven't you put her through enough?” she asked the sky angrily one night when her frustration over the entire situation reached yet another new level she didn't think was possible. “Hasn't she lost enough as it is?”

She didn't get an answer, which was to be expected, so Eve resigned herself to doing her best to help Kara cope with her now burdensome feelings and praying that this story would ultimately have an ending that was more Disney than Shakespearean. However, she couldn't deny that a small part of her felt like they were all just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

* * *

 

“...So, uh... Do you... feel like doing anything?”

The hesitant way Mon-El had asked the question made the now perpetual ache in Kara's chest briefly intensify. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. He was supposed to be his usual cheeky, goofy self who never missed an opportunity to tease her; instead, here he was second-guessing everything he said to her as if he was afraid one wrong word was going to upset her.

She hated it. And herself by extension, since wasn't she the reason this was happening?

“...Kara?”

“...Not really,” she finally forced herself to reply before chancing a glance at his face. As expected, his expression was a mixture of uncertainty, worry, sadness and what looked like... longing? No, she was likely just projecting her own feelings onto him. He most likely just missed how close they used to be but not... not anything more than that. “I just... Can we just sit here and... talk a bit, I guess?” she asked quietly as she cast her gaze back downwards. It was safer if she didn't look at him; the urge to just confess everything had gotten more and more pronounced over time to the point where holding it back had become almost unbearable. But that was what she had to do if she didn't want to lose him. ( _-With the way things are between you right now, how would that be any different?-_ that little voice at the back of her head asked. She ignored it.)

“Okay. Whatever you want. I...” he trailed off as if he didn't know what he was supposed to say next. “Um... What do you want to talk about then?”

“I...” The words she so desperately wanted to say rose up inside her, hovering at the back of her throat and ready to fall out of her mouth but she once again swallowed them back down. “I... I don't know.”

“Oh.”

The silence was suffocating, and she had never felt the distance between them more than she did in that very moment.

“I... There's something I'd like to ask about. If you don't mind, that is.”

His unexpected request dragged her attention back to him whereupon she found him looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. (Was it her imagination, or was he sitting a little closer to her than before?) “What... What is it?” she asked warily.

He hesitated once again, and that was all she needed to know that she wasn't going to like what he said next. “This guy you like.”

The pain in her chest intensified once again, only this time it was accompanied by a flash of fear. “Th-There's nothing to talk about,” she tried to deflect as she turned away again, aware that the conversation was heading into incredibly treacherous waters. “I told you enough the first time.”

“You used to tell me everything,” he replied all too quietly.

Used to. The words stung. Maybe he hadn't intended for it to come out that way but it sounded like a very pointed accusation – one that hurt all the more because of how true it was. But what could she do when this was the one thing she absolutely couldn't talk to him about? “I... I don't know what you want me to tell you,” she mumbled, and this time she was able to catch him shifting ever so slightly closer to her from out of the corner of her eye. So it hadn't been her imagination after all. Part of her wanted to move away until she was a safe distance from him again, knowing that being close to him would only tempt danger and herself, but it was drowned out by the part of her that desperately missed him and the closeness they used to share. Surely having him that little bit closer wouldn't hurt, right? As long as she made sure not to reach out for him and touch him, she would be fine, right?

“Anything, I guess?” He seemed incredibly lost – as if he had no idea what he wanted to know even if he was the one who had brought it up in the first place. “You... What kind of a person is he? Is he... Is he a good guy? I mean, I guess he has to be or you wouldn't like him, right?”

The ill-advised urge to laugh bubbled up in her chest but she buried it like she had with everything else. It was starting to feel like the universe was playing some kind of cruel joke on her, and a small part of her that had become bitter and twisted over the course of the past week wondered if he already knew and was putting her in this situation just to torment her. But no, the look on Mon-El's face was full of genuine concern and she hated herself for thinking even for a moment that he would ever do something so heartless. “He is,” she whispered at last, knowing that she was once again courting disaster but so painfully desperate to just _tell him_ even if indirectly that she was willing to take that risk. “He's a really good person. A lot better than he gives himself credit for.”

“Oh. That's... good.” Another small movement, and Mon-El came just that little bit closer to her again. Against her better judgement, Kara found herself leaning towards him. There was that voice at the back of her head screaming at her to stop – to remember the consequences of slipping up and that she was supposed to be keeping her distance – but _she missed him_. She missed the feel of his hand in hers, the warmth of his embrace, the way his thoughts curled gently around hers... This little bit of distance was enough, wasn't it? All she had to do was be careful and she could do that, couldn't she?

 _It's you_ , she wanted to say. _It's you. It's always been you. It'll only ever be you._ Her mouth opened and the words threatened to spill out but she caught herself in time – just barely – and mentally scrambled for something else to say.

She wanted to preserve their friendship. She wanted to tell him how she felt. She wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. She wanted him to return her feelings. She wanted to stop being in love with him. She wanted to be with him forever.

She wanted _so much_.

“He's... He's very kind. Understanding. Gentle. And he knows how to make me laugh.” She was only distantly aware that everything she was saying was bringing her closer and closer to the precipice that she had been struggling to avoid all this while but it was hard to stop once she'd started. It was beyond dangerous but she just... _she just needed him to know in some small way_. Even if he didn't know that she was talking about him, she needed to say out loud how she felt. Couldn't she have at least that much? “He... He doesn't always know the right thing to say but... somehow whatever he says still ends up being exactly what I need to hear anyway. I... I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Be myself around him. And... And I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anyone else.”

Her mind was at war with her heart, the former desperately preaching caution while the latter was begging to be put out of its misery, and this time it was she who edged just that little bit closer to him. _Just a little_ , she told herself as her resolve to stay away from him continued to crumble. _This little bit won't hurt, right?_

“You really like him, don't you?”

His voice was so soft yet sounded so close, and she looked up with a start to find that it was because he _was_. He was so close their hands were a hair's breadth from touching – so close she could almost feel the heat emanating from his body.

_-PULL AWAY. PULL AWAY NOW.-_

She didn't listen.

Instead, she looked up, up, up ever so slowly until she was finally looking into those blue-grey orbs she knew so well and loved so much.

He was all she could see.

She didn't – _couldn't_ – think.

Instead, her eyes slid shut and she closed the last sliver of distance between them when she pressed her lips ever so lightly against his.

The blue-grey energy immediately flooded her head and the ache in her chest eased.

For one blissful moment, all she knew was that old familiar sense of peace she had wanted and missed for far too long.

It felt like coming home.

Then her brain finally caught up with her actions and her eyes snapped wide open as she pulled away with a gasp that was stifled when she clapped her hands over her mouth in horror.

Mon-El stared at her as if he'd never seen her before, shock written in every line on his face as he remained still as a statue. “Kara?”

 _No, no, no, no, no._ She squeezed her eyes shut again. _Wake up, Kara_ , she told herself desperately. _WAKE UP NOW._

 

* * *

 

Kara jerked awake and upright on her bed, her heart hammering away with such force that it felt like it was on the verge of bursting out of her chest. It was with shaky hands that she once again covered her mouth as the memory of what had happened – what she had _allowed_ to happen – in the dream world played over and over again in her head.

_What have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.
> 
> Bonus quote for this chapter:  
> "I loved you as Icarus loved the sun - too much, too close." - David Jones, Love and Space Dust


	3. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION.
> 
> YOU ARE ENTERING A PITCHFORK-FREE ZONE.
> 
> NO PITCHFORKS ARE ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT.
> 
> Also, here. (drops tissue boxes, buckets and heart medication on the floor)

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Kara remained frozen on her bed with her hands clamped over her mouth, her heart thundering in her ears and her eyes staring unseeingly at the wall of her bedroom, as she tried and failed to process just how badly she'd screwed things up in such a short amount of time.

She'd been careful – so, _so_ careful – for one week. _One week._ She'd managed to, if not rid herself of her feelings for Mon-El, at least keep him from finding out how she felt during that entire period. As much as it had hurt to do it – as much as she had likely hurt him as well in the process –, she had kept him at arm's length on more than one level and maintained that distance because she had known what was at stake. She had known what she was at risk of losing and that knowledge – that deep all-consuming _fear_ – had successfully fuelled her resolve for one week.

...No. No, that was a lie. If she was being brutally honest with herself, her resolve had not actually held up the way she had wanted – _needed_ – it to throughout those seven days; it had in fact slowly but surely eroded with every passing moment no matter whether she had been by herself in the real world or with him in the dream world. There had been countless moments where she had had to clench her hands into fists so tightly that her nails had dug into her palms to stop herself from reaching out to intertwine their hands like usual – moments that had only increased in frequency as the days had passed.

Even so, she had allowed herself to believe erroneously that she was holding up just fine. Yes, it had been incredibly painful – far more than she had ever expected – but she had drawn some measure of (apparently false) reassurance that she had followed her own rules to the letter throughout that one incredibly long week. She didn't touch him, blurt out how she felt about him or do anything that could even remotely give him the faintest idea that her feelings for him were no longer strictly platonic in nature.

Then he had asked about the guy she liked. Which was of course none other than him but she couldn't exactly tell him that (and wasn't that a painfully delicious amount of irony?). She had tried to avoid it but all it had taken was his little comment about how they didn't really talk any more and the feelings of longing and guilt had gotten to her.

In her moment of weakness, she had fed herself a self-serving lie that she could tell him without telling him and actually get away with it. She had told herself that it was all right if he came just a little closer. If she said just a little more about why she loved him so much.

Just a little, she had told herself again and again with every bit of disappearing space between them and every word that left her lips. Just a little and it would still be all right.

She should have known better.

One whole week.

One whole week of successfully keeping her feelings hidden from him.

And in the span of a heartbeat – one blissfully long yet painfully short breath of an eternity –, all of that effort had been rendered completely moot.

She'd ruined everything. In the worst possible way.

It would have been bad enough if she had just accidentally let slip how she felt about him... but no, that would have been far preferable to what she had actually done in hindsight.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

As if that wasn't bad enough, her lips wouldn't stop tingling.

Her vision started to blur with unshed tears and she pressed down harder on her mouth in an effort to at least dull the sensation and the memory that went along with it.

She'd kissed Mon-El.

She'd _kissed_ Mon-El.

She'd kissed _Mon-El_.

And... And that had been her first kiss.

She'd just had her first kiss with the first guy she'd ever fallen in love with – the _only_ guy she could ever see herself being in love with for the rest of her life.

But at what cost?

No matter how she chose to look at it, her friendship with Mon-El had definitely been compromised beyond repair all for the sake of that one all too fleeting moment of utter bliss... and she had no one to blame but herself.

She felt sick.

 _I have to fix this_ , she thought desperately to herself. _I have to fix this NOW._

But _how_? Where did she even begin? Was it even possible?

The questions reverberated endlessly in her head but no matter how hard she tried – and she _tried_ , she really did, even though it was almost impossible to think properly right now –, no answers came to her. It was, the small part of her brain that was still capable of functioning normally pointed out, perfectly understandable. She had, after all, been devoting all of her time and effort to making sure that he didn't find out she'd fallen in love with him and had therefore not bothered to come up with a contingency plan in case she ever messed up. Now that she _had_ – and _oh so spectacularly_ at that –, she was at a complete loss as to how to proceed.

_What do I do? What CAN I do?_

A loud unexpected ringing sound startled Kara out of her chaotic thoughts to such an extent that she nearly launched herself into the ceiling, and it took her far too long to recognise the sound for what it was: her alarm clock. Heart pounding but for two reasons now instead of one, she stared blankly at the little device as it continued its cheerful ringing, completely oblivious to her distress and how much damage it had done to her already fragile state of mind.

6:45 a.m., the clock displayed clearly.

...What time had she woken up? How long had she been awake?

How long had it been she'd-

A second ringing sound from somewhere in the apartment reached her ears, accompanied by a very familiar voice groaning in annoyance. Eve. One thing that Kara had learned very quickly once they started living together was that the girl was not a morning person and it always took forever for her to drag herself out of bed when she had a class that was too early for her liking. True enough, there was a muffled smacking sound marking the silencing of Eve's alarm clock accompanied by more grumbling and then the only noise that continued to reverberate around the apartment was Kara's own clock.

Then that too eventually went silent, and all Kara could hear again was her own thundering heartbeat.

She had probably been up for _hours_ and she _still_ didn't know what she was supposed to do.

The Kryptonian in her began reciting her schedule for the day as if it was any other morning, telling her rather pointedly that she should be getting out of bed this very second and washing up so she wouldn't be late for class. Routines were important, it reminded her, and hadn't routines helped keep her anchored and sane throughout the past week? Why shouldn't they do the same now?

The part of her that was still justifiably stuck in the panicked state she had been in for the past Rao knew how long screamed at her to go back to sleep and try to fix things with Mon-El as quickly as possible. The longer she let this drag out, the worse things were going to get. And things were already much worse than she could even begin to truly fathom.

But how was she even supposed to do that? What would be the point of seeing Mon-El this very second if she had no idea what to even say to him?

 _-Just talk to him-_ , the small voice at the back of her head begged her. _-You're best friends. You've managed to talk things through every other time before this no matter how heavy and complicated the subject happened to be. There's no reason to think you can't do the same this time.-_

 _It's never been this serious before!_ she fired back as she shook her head violently. _I've never screwed things up this badly before so how can I possibly bring myself to believe it'll turn out the same way this time and everything will work out in the end?!_

 _-You won't know until you talk to him-_ , the voice tried to reason with her. _-All you're managing to accomplish right now is driving yourself crazy going around in circles. Go back to sleep for a short while. Face him. Do your best to work it out with him. It's the only way forward for you now.-_

She shook her head again. _No. No, I'm... I'm not ready. I just... I just need more time. Just a bit more. I should have some idea what to say to him first before I see him again. There's no point otherwise. I just need a bit more time to figure this out. That's all._

The voice continued to beseech her even as she finally crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. _-Didn't you tell yourself that very same thing when you were trying to find a way to get rid of your feelings for him? Don't you remember how that turned out? What's done is done; all you can do right now is deal with the consequences as best as you can.-_

“But I'm _scared_ ,” she whispered out loud to herself in the deafening silence of the apartment.

And she was. She was so mindlessly terrified of what awaited her when she fell asleep the next time that she didn't want to fall asleep any time soon. It occurred to her in some distant way that she was essentially running away from her problems – for the second time, even, since forcing herself awake after she realised what she'd done definitely counted as running away too – but unlike every other time in the past where she'd eventually summoned the courage to face her fears and mistakes, she kept running.

The realisation only served to make her feel even worse if that was possible, and yet she continued to run.

A series of muffled crashes and sounds of random objects hitting the floor as someone stumbled around pulled Kara back to reality, and it was with somewhat dull surprise that she found herself sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of tea in her hands. How had she gotten there? The last thing she remembered was getting into the shower and then... nothing. She must have been on auto-pilot, her body going through the motions as her mind continued to be mired in its fear and anguish until the noises had caught her attention. (Frankly speaking, it was actually a miracle she had managed to notice the ruckus at all.)

As there was only one other person living in the apartment, the source of the commotion was easy to guess and true enough, none other than Eve came barrelling into their tiny kitchen, a wild look in her eyes and her bag slung haphazardly around her shoulders. “I'm late, I'm late, I'm late,” the girl moaned in distress, her words coming out in a garbled mess as she narrowly avoided crashing into a chair in her haste to get to the coffee machine. “Why oh why did I think I could attend so many morning classes? And in my _first_ semester? What was I _thinking_?”

If it had been any other normal day, this would have been the part where Kara would make a quip about how Eve needed a whole room of alarm clocks if she really wanted to wake up on time or some other good-natured joke at the girl's expense. Eve would probably play along, wondering out loud in a borderline serious tone whether it would be more cost-efficient if she just bought them in bulk directly from a manufacturer.

As this was unfortunately not a normal day, Kara remained silent... and her silence did not go unnoticed by Eve.

“Kara?” Eve glanced her way when she realised her roommate was being uncharacteristically quiet, worry creasing her brows. “Is everything okay?”

 _I kissed Mon-El._ “I'm fine,” Kara found herself saying instead. “Why do you ask?”

The frown on Eve's face became more pronounced. “Well... you just seem... quiet? Did... Did something happen last night?”

 _I kissed Mon-El._ The confession didn't leave her lips. “Nothing happened. Both of us should probably get going or we'll both be late for our classes.”

“Are you sure?” Eve pressed. “Because I can afford to skip this morning's class and get my notes from someone if you need me to-”

“ _Eve, please._ ” Kara found herself just as shocked as Eve looked at how loud and forceful her words had been, prompting her to soften both her tone and expression before she continued. “I'm sorry, it's just... I'm fine. Really.” (She wasn't.) “Go on ahead. I'll be leaving myself in a bit after I finish my drink.”

For a moment, Eve looked like she wanted to argue but then she finally caved and heaved a heavy sigh. “If you say so,” she murmured as she came around and rested her hand comfortingly on Kara's arm. “But you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Memories of Mon-El saying almost exactly the same thing numerous times in the past surged to the forefront of her mind then, and the pain they caused was enough to make Kara hold her tongue for the third time in a row. “I know,” she managed to get out past the lump in her throat, and bid a still worried-looking Eve a soft goodbye before the girl finally left and she found herself all alone in the apartment.

_-You should have told her. She might have been able to help.-_

_No._ She buried her head in her hands, still mindful enough of her surroundings despite her agitated state to avoid knocking her mug off the counter. _I've burdened Eve with my problems enough for the last week. It wouldn't be fair to drop this on her and make her skip class on top of that. I created this mess; I should fix it on my own._

_-That's not the only reason you don't want to tell her, is it?-_

She stiffened, but past experience had taught her that there was no hiding from a voice that was essentially the last sensible part of her brain. It was true; there was another reason she had stopped herself from telling Eve... and that was the fact that telling Eve meant saying it out loud. She knew it didn't really make much sense but it felt like... like saying it out loud would make it real – make it _final_ – and even though she wasn't trying to be in denial about what she'd done, she had to admit that she was still struggling on some level to fully come to terms with everything that had transpired.

_-Or maybe you're just running away again.-_

Instead of replying, she left the apartment and went to class.

It didn't help.

Class started. Class ended. Nothing the lecturer said registered. Her notebook stayed empty.

And according to her schedule, if this had been a normal day, she would be heading to the library right now to borrow a book Mon-El would like.

Mon-El.

How long had it been since she'd left him alone in the dream world? How long had it been for _him_? Was he still thinking about the kiss like her? For that matter, what had he been thinking during the kiss itself? She had been so lost in the moment that she had utterly failed to pay any attention to the state of the blue-grey energy that had filled her head the moment she had instinctively initiated their mental connection. All her mind had processed was the simple fact that it was _there_ after so long of missing it – missing _him_ – and just how _right_ it was to have it back again in her head.

Now, however... now she oh so dearly wished she had been paying attention.

The memory of his expression when she'd pulled away resurfaced then but it neither provided her answers nor helped to ease the queasiness that continued to plague her. He'd looked shocked – understandable, considering not even she had expected anything like that to happen – but she had been unable to discern anything else about what he might have been thinking in the short moment before she'd forced herself awake. What was he thinking now? What if he'd already figured out how she felt?

What if... What if he'd already severed their connection as a result?

The churning sensation in her stomach turned into a yawning hole, and it was a small miracle that she didn't end up using her super-speed in her haste to get back to the apartment.

But being isolated from the world and all alone with her thoughts once again failed to help. In fact, it only made things worse. Instead of being able to draw comfort from surroundings that were familiar to her, she only felt more trapped than ever.

It truly sank in then that there really was nowhere to run, and that truth brought her to her knees whereupon she curled into a tight ball on the floor of the living room. In her moment of weakness, Kara wished she had told Eve just so that she could at least cry into the girl's shoulder right now.

 _-Of course that's the first thing you'd think of-_ , a voice at the back of her head said then, except this time instead of the calm reasonable tone from before this one projected nothing but contempt. _-Selfish little Kara who thinks that her wants and needs are more important than everyone else's just because she has the best sob story ever.-_

“That's... That's not true,” she argued feebly as she shifted her hands so that they covered her ears in some futile attempt to block out the voice.

 _-Oh really? You dare to claim otherwise when the whole reason you're in the mess you're in right now is the fact that you essentially stole a kiss from Mon-El? The very guy who, in case you've forgotten, told you long ago how important it was in his culture for a person to get permission before doing even that? Face it, Kara; you put fulfilling your desires before respecting his wishes. That is the very DEFINITION of selfish-_ , the voice sneered.

“I-I'm not...” It was a struggle to speak and stop herself from sobbing at the same time. “I just... I wasn't thinking-”

_-Exactly. Just like you weren't thinking when you ran away immediately after that. You didn't think about how you were essentially leaving him all alone without an explanation after kissing him out of the blue. But that's fine by you, isn't it? After all, you've always been the one to determine when the two of you meet; he has no say in the matter short of severing the connection himself – something which you all but made him swear not to do.-_

She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to stop the tears from falling. “Shut... Shut up...”

_-In fact, that's how you prefer things to be, isn't it? With the ball always in your court and him being there for you and you alone.-_

“I don't... I don't know what you mean.”

_-Oh yes you do. You LIKE things staying this way, don't you? As long as he's trapped in the dream world, you get to have him all to yourself. You never have to share. After all, you already can't stand it when he mentions any of the women he used to be with in the past; it would just KILL you to see him choose someone else after you've rescued him, wouldn't it? Why else would you not take your so-called oath to find him seriously?-_

“I don't... I _am_ taking it seriously.”

_-You say that and yet here we are six years later with practically no progress to show for all your 'hard work'. Despite that, you won't even ask for help. And don't give me that line about being afraid someone will convince you he's not real. It's your pride. The truth is you want to be the one to rescue him – just you and no one else. If you really cared about him, you'd have swallowed your pride, taken the risk and asked for help long ago.-_

“I-I-I...”

_-And now you've lost him for good. All because of your selfishness. Just as you deserve.-_

It was the last straw, and that was when the tears finally fell.

 

* * *

 

“You've been avoiding me.”

At the sound of that all too familiar voice, Kara's eyes snapped wide open. Sure enough, she was in the dream world; she must have unwittingly fallen asleep after crying her eyes out on the floor of the living room. A voice at the back of her head noted that this at least meant that he hadn't severed their connection just as he had promised... but a small part of her was starting to wish that he had as she slowly looked up to finally meet Mon-El's gaze.

He looked hurt. Hurt... and angry.

She didn't remember if she'd ever seen him so angry before.

Completely unprepared and with her emotions still a jumbled mess, she said the first thing that she could think of. “I'm sorry-”

“Good,” he snapped, cutting her off in the process, and the repressed snarl in his voice made her flinch. “You should be.”

“I-I-I...” Desperation forced her to speak and yet paralysed her tongue at the same time. “I can explain.”

His furious gaze never wavered in the slightest. “I'm listening.”

She opened and closed her mouth several times and yet the words wouldn't come and the suffocating silence that enveloped them stretched on. What exactly could she say that wouldn't come across as a feeble excuse? He deserved an answer – a proper one at that – and yet she couldn't even make a sound.

“I thought so,” he bit out when she still hadn't said a word after Rao knew how long, and she noted with despair that the last traces of blue had vanished from his eyes, leaving only an unforgiving shade of grey behind.

 _Damnit, Kara, JUST SAY SOMETHING._ “I...” she started only to immediately falter as she struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. “Kissing you was a mistake. I know that and I apologise. Just... Can we please just move past this?”

His gaze seemed to get even more steely if that was even possible. “A mistake,” he echoed flatly. “I see. And you expect me to just-” he threw his arm out in a sweeping motion, “-pretend nothing happened? Just like that? Just because you asked me to?”

Tears began to blur her vision, and she distantly wondered if this was what it felt like to be stuck in quicksand: trapped and sinking ever so slowly while every effort to escape only hastened an unwanted but apparently inevitable outcome. “I didn't mean it like that-”

“ _Then tell me what you meant, Kara!_ ” Mon-El all but roared at her, causing her to clench her fists to stop herself from clapping her hands over her ears at the sudden increase in volume. “ _Because from where I'm standing, that's exactly what you want!_ ”

A part of her – the part that had felt the distance between them oh so intensely and still did even now – ached to reach out to touch him and use their connection to communicate what she felt without the cumbersome barrier that was her inability to find the right words. However, it was held back by the part of her that adamantly did not want to see his thoughts in this very moment. Not when they were full of justified anger directed at her. Torn, she remained where she stood, mute and unmoving.

_-Running away again, are we? How shocking.-_

“Nothing to say again?” There was a hint of a bitter laugh in his voice now, and it sounded so unfamiliar and downright _wrong_ that a chill ran down her spine. “Why don't you just go if silence and half-hearted excuses are all you're going to give me?”

Unbidden, a tendril of anger manifested amidst the sea of fear and guilt that was threatening to drown her, and she unthinkingly let it take control for a split second before she was fully aware of it. “I'm trying, okay?!” she snapped only to immediately wince at her own tone and harsh words.

“Yes, I can see that.” He sounded like he was one step away from outright sneering, so apparent was his contempt in the face of her counter-productive efforts to fix the mess she had turned their relationship into. “I suppose I should commend you for doing that much since you clearly didn't even want to come back here.”

The truth buried in that accusation was like salt in the wound, causing the guilt eating away at her to multiply tenfold... but it also caused the anger to grow. Why did he have to make this so much harder for her? She already felt terrible enough about this entire situation; he didn't have to keep reminding her just how badly she'd screwed up. “Would you just cut it out with the smart-ass comebacks already?!”

 _-STOP. JUST STOP. YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THINGS WORSE-_ , the voice at the back of her head begged her but she was too caught up in her emotions to listen to it.

“Telling me what to do and say now?” he asked, and this time he let out the bitter laugh that had been hiding in his voice all this while. “I should have expected nothing less from a Kryptonian.”

Unlike the countless instances he had used her race against her in jest before this, it sounded like he really meant it this time. The last time he had ever done that, it had been a literal eternity ago when they had still been complete strangers. It felt like a regression – like their friendship had been erased in the blink of an eye – and that made her both fearful and furious at the same time.

Everything she had been trying so hard to avoid was now happening before her very eyes and she felt so terrifyingly powerless to stop it.

But where her fear made her want to retreat, her fury made her want to lash out however irrational and ill-advised it was. Sure, she had made the mistake of developing feelings for him that went beyond friendship and then kissing him without his permission but if he didn't have that _stupid idea_ of severing their connection in his _stupid thick skull_ , she wouldn't have been so _afraid_ of him finding out how she felt. At the very least, she would've been able to confess and get it off her chest regardless of how he would've responded instead of trying and ultimately failing to keep it a secret from him. It wasn't like he didn't know how scared she was of losing the people she cared about. _He knew._ He knew better than anyone else and yet he'd kept pushing that stupid idea of his as if... as if _he didn't care anyway_.

“Do you honestly think I wanted this, you... _you stupid Daxamite_?!” she yelled back as she gave in to her anger. “ _It's not like I chose to fall in love with you, okay?!_ ”

It was quiet – _too_ quiet – for far too long as the two of them silently stared at each other, and Kara watched as a million emotions flashed across Mon-El's face too quickly for her to pick any of them out.

Then his expression hardened... and the sense of dread that crept up on her felt completely justified with the next words that came out of his mouth. “If I'd known that this was what was going to happen eventually, I would've left you alone when we first met.”

She reeled back as if he had physically struck her. “You... You don't mean that,” she whispered hoarsely.

His silence was deafening.

“Please, Mon-El...” she found herself begging as the tears she had been trying so hard to keep at bay finally broke free. “ _Please..._ tell me you didn't mean that.”

“I've never lied to you, Kara,” he replied, his voice eerily even, “and I'm not about to start now.”

Being stabbed with a shard of Kryptonite would have hurt less than this. “Are... Are my feelings for you that abhorrent?” she barely managed to bring herself to ask.

Everything from his stance to his face was so still it was as if he had been carved from stone. “I think it would be better if I didn't answer that.”

It hurt.

It hurt _so much_.

She had thought that it had been bad before but this... this was worse than anything she could have ever imagined.

(As it turned out, that sentiment had been premature.)

“Besides,” he continued, and still neither his voice nor his expression shifted even a little, “we both know those feelings aren't real.”

The accusation threw her for a loop. “What... What are you even...”

He didn't so much as blink. “Admit it, Kara. I'm just... a convenient option.”

“'C-Convenient'?” Even repeating the word made her sick.

“You can't hurt me, you don't have to worry about your true identity with me... It's very practical. As expected of a Kryptonian, I suppose.”

“How dare you... _How dare you..._ ” The pain and rage building up inside her like a perfect storm made her choke on her own words. “You of all people... _You of all people_ should know that I would _never_ -”

“Just like I thought you would never do something like kiss me?” he cut her off sharply. “Because we both know how _that_ turned out.”

Maybe it was because she had felt like that was an unfair point to bring up. Maybe nothing else had come to mind. Maybe she had just wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

It didn't matter. Not in the end.

“I can't imagine why Bal-Seg ever thought you'd turn into a decent person.”

She regretted the words the moment they left her lips but it was too late. Neither regretting them nor covering her mouth in horror immediately afterwards could erase them or remove the look of pure anguish that had finally replaced Mon-El's expressionless mask.

The thought formed in her head before she was fully aware of its possible ramifications.

_I don't want to be here._

 

* * *

 

Pain.

So much pain.

Kara let out a soft tortured moan as she came to on the floor of the living room. There was a stabbing pain in her skull as if someone had pried it open and carved out a piece of her brain while she was unconscious. She'd never woken up like this before; what could possibly have-

Then the memory of what had transpired in the dream world came back to her slowly in bits and pieces, and that was when it finally dawned on her what had happened.

“No,” she breathed out disbelievingly. “No, it can't be.”

But the evidence was right there and there was no denying it.

Now she'd really ruined everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (runs away screaming from the mob) I SAID NO PITCHFORKS!!!
> 
> PS: Questions about a certain Daxamite's behaviour will be answered but you'll have to not kill me if you want said answers. Or for this whole thing to be resolved, basically. >_>


	4. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the absence of light, there is only darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A portal opens, spits out a chapter and closes before any pitchforks can be thrown through it.]
> 
> [Attached is a note that reads: "YOU ALL UNDERESTIMATED EVERYTHING. (PS: akane171, you were warned beforehand.)"]

Her lips were incredibly soft.

That was the only thought, coherent or otherwise, that Mon-El's brain was capable of forming the moment Kara kissed him. Everything else became white noise and nothing else registered – not even the newly restored presence of the golden light in his head. It was only when she abruptly pulled away with a horrified gasp that he noticed it if only because it had once again vanished.

For a stretch of eternity that seemed both unusually short and long at the same time, all they did was silently stare at each other with what he could only assume was matching looks of shock on their faces. (It was hard to be sure, what with her covering her mouth with both her hands.)

He could neither move nor think.

“Kara?” he whispered, a hundred unspoken questions rolled into the sound of her name.

Instead of replying, she squeezed her eyes shut tight and he knew what she was going to do before it happened.

“W-Wait!” he cried out but it was too late; she vanished before his eyes and the hand he had reached out to grasp her shoulder found nothing but thin air. Then there was only him and the usual silence of the dream world save for a strange thundering sound that filled his ears.

It took him longer than it should have for him to realise that the thundering sound was his own heartbeat.

_What in Rao's name just happened?_

The question repeated endlessly in his head and he pulled his hand – which was actually _shaking_ – back so that he could press it against his face as he tried to sort out his jumbled thoughts. Maybe it would help if he reviewed everything that had led up to... whatever had just happened? (Which seemed somewhat doubtful since his mind was still struggling to even _believe_ the event, much less process it, but it wasn't like he had anything else to do.)

They had been sitting in uncomfortable silence for what felt like the hundredth time when he had finally worked up the courage to ask her for more information about the guy she liked. Although he knew that she didn't want to talk about it, he couldn't help but want to know. Maybe it had been nothing more than basic curiosity – after all, how could he _not_ wonder about the guy who had succeeded in capturing Kara's attention where others had failed miserably? – but a large part of it had been him trying to assure himself that he could maybe sort of trust this mystery guy to be good to her at the very least whenever he finally managed to convince her to confess her feelings.

She had resisted just as he had expected, of course, but he had known exactly what to say in order to get her to tell him just a little. It had been somewhat underhanded, he had to admit, but then again he had never been the type to play by the rules. Plus, playing dirty usually got him the results he wanted and this time was no different as Kara had ended up caving just as he had desired. (During the long pause, he had found himself instinctively shifting a little closer to her and he still couldn't tell if it was because he had wanted to comfort her especially after being the cause of her current distress to some extent or because he had simply missed her. Maybe it was both. He couldn't be sure.)

Of course, it had been once she had seemed willing to answer his questions that Mon-El had found himself unsure what exactly he wanted to know. Lost, he had simply asked the most basic of things – the only thing that mattered in the end, really – which was whether this mystery guy was a good person. It was only after the question had left his lips that it fully registered in his head and he had wanted to smack himself; the answer had to be 'yes' since he couldn't imagine Kara tolerating some heartless jerk, much less liking him, and she had eventually confirmed it after a long pause.

It had made him happy, in a sense, to know that all she had needed was a little push before she began opening up to him like old times however hesitantly. Buoyed by that fledgling hope that this meant that their frayed relationship was on the mend even as he had once more scolded himself for wanting that to happen, he had slowly shifted just a bit closer to her again. That hope had continued to grow when, unprompted albeit after yet another long pause, she had kept talking. It had not hurt either to note that she did not move away from him despite noticing the gradually shrinking distance between them and had even at one point started leaning towards him ever so slightly.

The quiet joy that had filled him at her actions and willingness to answer his question even if it was in bits and pieces had helped to quell the mystifying sadness jostling for control over his heart – the same sadness that had manifested the first time she had told him about this mystery guy and continued to grow as she kept talking. (Even after all this time, the true reason behind that feeling had continued to elude him; all he could do was speculate.) It didn't help that everything she had said only intensified that contradictory mesh of emotions inside him to almost unbearable levels. Torn, he had struggled to both nurture his happiness over the fact that the recipient of Kara's affections sounded like he deserved that honour and bury his sorrow at his certainty that the moment he would have to let her go completely was nigh.

Was it selfish of him to want one last fond memory of her – one where they were as close as they used to be – before the inevitable end? Was it too much to ask for to see her smile one more time before she disappeared from his life forever? (The answer, he had been sure, was 'yes'... and yet he, weak-willed soul that he was, had still wanted it anyway.)

As all this was happening, he had shifted ever so closer to her... and even she for whatever reasons of her own had started to close the distance between them as well until their hands were nearly touching. _-You're being selfish again-_ , that small voice at the back of his head had rebuked him but he had thought he could be forgiven for ignoring it since it had seemed like she wanted the same thing.

“You really like him, don't you?” he had asked her quietly even though the answer was obvious enough and his question was therefore completely unnecessary. Maybe he had just wanted to hear it one more time to reassure himself that he was doing the right thing. Maybe he had hoped that getting her to say it out loud would help her see that confessing her feelings was worth a try. (Maybe there had been some other reason he still couldn't figure out even after thinking about it for so long.)

Whatever the reason, he had expected nothing more than a simple affirmative response of some kind. A 'yes' if she was still feeling talkative, a hum if she wasn't, a tiny smile if he was really _really_ lucky...

He had most certainly _not_ expected her to close her eyes, tilt her head upwards and kiss him.

It was at that point in his recollection that Mon-El's brain stalled once again, having been presented with information that it was incapable of processing in any form or fashion.

Kara had kissed him.

 _Kara_ had kissed him.

Kara had _kissed_ him.

Kara. Kiss. The two things made sense individually especially since he was more than familiar with both of them... but the moment they were put together, all logic seemed to flee the scene in order to seek refuge in an alternate universe. No matter how hard he tried – and he was trying _really_ hard –, his brain seemed to malfunction and all his thought processes would grind to a halt every single time the memory replayed itself in his head.

It reached a point where he started to wonder if he'd just hallucinated the whole thing.

 _But what reason could I possibly have for hallucinating THAT of all things?!_ he countered his own suggestion, heedless of just how unhinged he was behaving at the moment. _I've been having enough trouble trying to process the idea of her even liking someone as it is!_

Which brought him to the next headache-inducing conundrum: Why would Kara kiss him if she very obviously had feelings – incredibly strong ones at that – for someone else?

He couldn't make any sense of it, and that just made his headache even worse.

The only person who could provide him with the answers he desperately wanted – no, _needed_ – was none other than Kara herself... and she was conspicuously absent right now.

Absent because she had forced herself awake almost immediately after kissing him.

Which just raised even more questions instead of providing any answers.

Mentally setting aside the memory of the kiss for now even as he squeezed his eyes shut in a futile effort to make his pounding headache go away, Mon-El tried to recall the expression on Kara's face just before she'd vanished in the faint hope that it could shed some light on this confusing situation. She'd looked... well, shocked was an understatement. Which, in hindsight, was both mystifying and a little unfair, if he was being honest. _She_ was the one who had initiated the kiss, not him; he was therefore the one who had the right to be stunned at her actions instead of her. Unless of course it was an accident and she hadn't intended to kiss him? But how did that even _work_? It wasn't as if she'd done something like fall on top of him as a result of tackling him whereupon her lips had just happened to accidentally touch his; they had been sitting next to each other when she had very deliberately tilted her head upwards and pressed her lips against his. Perhaps it had just been another one of her reckless impulsive acts and he was merely overthinking it? Except if that was true, there was still the question of what had driven her to act that way in the first place. _Something_ had to have been going on in her head for her to have done what she did no matter whether it had been intentional or not but whatever that something was, he could not for the life of him figure out what it could be.

Then there was the fact that she'd just... _left_... after that. Without so much as a goodbye, much less an explanation. It wasn't as if she'd simply sealed herself in her room the way she had the past handful of times she hadn't wanted to talk to him about something; she'd completely removed herself from the dream world, denying him even the opportunity to try and cajole her into discussing the matter with him. But _why_? Why had she felt like she'd needed to take such a drastic step? Had she been afraid of what he would say or do? (Which, funnily enough in a 'nobody's really laughing' kind of way, was a mystery to him since he didn't know what he was supposed to say or do even at this stage.) Or was it simply an action borne out of panic and he was ascribing too much deliberate thought to it? (Not like that was any better or more helpful.)

It was no good; asking himself all these questions was getting him nowhere because all he seemed to be doing was go around in circles over and over again. Additionally, trying to answer even one of them just caused what felt like five more questions to pop up instead. If he really wanted to stop driving himself crazy – which he was doing _very_ spectacularly, if he did say so himself –, he was just going to have to... well, wait for Kara to come back and answer those questions for him.

Whenever that was.

Lowering his hand from his face, Mon-El opened his eyes and surveyed his surroundings which was still very much devoid of a certain Kryptonian girl. How much time had passed out there in the real world since she'd left? It was the one question he had taught himself not to ask early on once he had learned that the passage of time – relatively speaking, that is – in the dream world while he was alone depended on whether he was paying it any attention to it and whether he focused on Kara's absence. However, he felt like he could be forgiven for slipping up just this once considering the situation.

 _Not like it'll help_ , he reminded himself as he closed his eyes again and let out a weary sigh. _I'm just making it worse for myself. All I CAN do is be patient like always and do my best to not think about it._

So he waited, and did everything he could to keep his mind off the entire matter. (Especially the part where she'd kissed him.)

He played a full game of Snalad. He recreated the ten great wonders of Merlav down to the finest detail. He built an army of tiny yellow robots and had it fight a Sparcorn – resized to match the robots, of course – twice.

And she still hadn't come back after all that.

...She _was_ coming back... right?

The moment the question popped into his head, he physically and mentally smacked himself. Of _course_ she was going to come back eventually; the wait just felt longer than usual this time because he hadn't been able to fully stop himself from thinking about her and the thousand and one questions that had been born as a result of her inexplicable actions.

 _-Not to mention replaying the action itself-_ , the small voice at the back of his head pointed out, earning it a mental smack of its own.

 _Shut up, you're not helping_ , he fired back as he pinched the bridge of his nose. However, he couldn't deny the fact that as hard as he'd tried to stop it from happening, his mind had recalled the memory of the kiss at the most unexpected of times. At one point, it had distracted him to such an extent that he had subconsciously changed the colour of his robot army to the same shade of blue as Kara's eyes. Although now that he thought about it, the yellow he'd initially chosen very closely resembled the exact shade of her blonde hair... _Rao, Kara_ , he thought wearily to himself as his headache began making its triumphant return, _why do you have to be so... CONFUSING all the time?_

But as she wasn't around for him to ask her himself, he resigned himself to doing the only thing he could do... which was keep himself busy while he continued to wait for her to return.

He recreated more monuments. Played more games. Recreated even more monuments. Played even more games. Created his own slipshod mash-up of monuments and games. (Some of which he was actually quite proud of, if he did say so himself. At least, he would have been if they had been created under better circumstances.)

And still Kara was nowhere to be found.

_-She's not coming back.-_

The voice that had made that statement as well as its cold tone was still familiar even after all this time, and it made him flinch now just as it had a lifetime ago. “Mother, please,” he whispered as he squeezed his eyes shut, “leave me alone.”

 _-You're being weak again, Mon-El-_ , Rhea's scornful voice continued to resound in his head. _-Weak, gullible and wilfully blind. Just like you always were. Just like you always have been. Why else would you refuse to see the truth?-_

“Kara _is_ coming back,” he insisted even as a small part of him wondered if he was trying to convince the ghost of his mother living in his head or himself. (Besides, she was _in his head_ so wasn't he still trying to convince himself in the end?) “I just... I just need to be more patient.”

 _=Your mother is right.=_ This time, it was his father's booming voice that filled his head. (It was both strange and yet perfectly expected at the same time, Mon-El thought, how well he could recall the undertone of quiet disappointment in the man's every word even though it had been a literal eternity since he had last heard it.) _=It's in your best interest to open your eyes and see what is right in front of you. The sooner you acknowledge the situation for what it is, the sooner you'll be able to accept it.=_

“No.” He shook his head as if the action could rid himself of the two ghosts he had wanted least to haunt him. “No, it's not true. I refuse to even _think_ those thoughts, much less say them out loud.” (He pointedly ignored the fact that his parents' voices could only be saying what they were saying if the thoughts were already in his head.)

 _-Being stubborn isn't going to get you anywhere. Although it's not as if there was any point in your life before this where you behaved any better-_ , Rhea added in that casually indifferent tone she always used when she wished to wound with as little effort as possible. _-Admit it, Mon-El. That girl has abandoned you. You should have expected nothing less from a Kryptonian.-_

“She hasn't,” he replied through gritted teeth. “She's coming back. I'm sure of it. And don't... don't use that against her. Kara being a Kryptonian has nothing to do with this.”

 _=You're only fooling yourself, son.=_ There was the sound of a weary sigh – the same one that Lar Gand had always let out when Mon-El had done something that his father had disapproved of once again. (And he had done that a lot.) _=This is exactly the kind of thinking I had hoped that you'd give up once you'd grown older but perhaps that was too much to ask for.=_

He covered his ears in a futile attempt to shut out the voices of his parents. “Stop it,” he begged. “ _Please._ ”

 _-And that's after having used you-_ , Rhea continued, completely heedless of his request. _-Because there really isn't any other way to interpret what she did.-_

“No-”

 _-She USED you, Mon-El-_ , she cut him off before he could get even halfway through his feeble protest. _-She couldn't be with the one she really wanted but you... you were conveniently there. You and that pathetic bleeding heart of yours. She saw that and she took advantage of it. She kissed you because she couldn't kiss the one she really wanted to kiss. How can you not see that?-_

“N-No.” The word escaped him in a pained gasp and even though his eyes were shut it did not stop the tears from building. “Kara... Kara would never do something like that.”

 _=You yourself noted that she's been behaving very differently lately. The girl you know – or claim to know – no longer exists. Maybe she never existed in the first place. Now you have to see that she's no different from any of the other people – especially the women – who sought you out, my son. I warned you that this would keep happening as long as you kept thinking that everyone who approaches you doesn't harbour some kind of ulterior motive=_ , Lar Gand rebuked him. _=You were a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like you always were on Daxam. And all because you let it happen.=_

“That's... That's not true...”

_=How else can you explain her actions? Actions which, you should remember, run counter to our customs. And you can't say that she doesn't know; you told her this very part yourself YEARS ago. She kissed you without requesting your permission, Mon-El. And in the process, she disrespected our ways – disrespected YOU – without a second thought.=_

“Stop... _Please_ , just... _stop_.”

_-You are nothing to her. You MEAN nothing to her. You always did. She used you and now that you've served your purpose, she's thrown you away. You are waiting in vain.-_

“I'm not,” he denied, but his words lacked the force he had meant to put into them. “She'll come back. You'll see.”

_-How can you believe that when you know very well that she forced herself awake? She INTENTIONALLY left you here, you stupid boy. Stop trying to lie to yourself that it wasn't final. But then again, I should've expected nothing less from you when all you used to do was run away whenever you were confronted with something you didn't like.-_

“Kara, _please_...” he begged weakly even though he knew that she couldn't hear him, simply too desperate to escape the poisonous words filling his head that he was more than willing to abandon logic, “just come back and tell me it's not true.”

But she didn't.

Eternity stretched on, and the voices became louder and more insistent, digging their claws deeper and deeper into his mind and slowly but surely eroding his fragile grip on the faith he had in someone he once had complete faith in.

Even as he tried to keep believing that Kara would come back and explain herself, a part of him began to believe otherwise against his will.

A part of him began to believe everything the voices said.

It was at the point where he was barely hanging on to the last strands of hope in her return that Mon-El felt that he was no longer alone in the dream world. Kara. Kara had come back. He had been right all along. Everything had just been in his head-

She was wearing day clothes.

That was the first thing his brain registered when he laid eyes on her.

She was wearing day clothes instead of the pyjamas he had last seen her in.

Which meant that... that it had likely been a few hours out there at the very least since she'd left. And she had most likely returned by accident.

...She'd never intended to come back, had she?

The last embers of hope that had been kept alive in his heart – that had surged in the split second when he had detected her presence – finally died, and what took its place was a feeling he never thought he would ever associate with Kara:

Betrayal.

“You've been avoiding me.” The words escaped him before he was even aware that he had spoken, and because of that he was unable to keep the hurt and anger coursing through his veins from seeping into his voice.

The pure shock and unadulterated panic he saw in her blue eyes when she snapped them open to stare at him only served to confirm his suspicions, as did the way she struggled to come up with something to say. “I'm sorry-”

“Good,” he snapped, and the wounded beast in him that was blinded by its own pain drew cruel satisfaction in seeing her flinch. “You should be.”

“I-I-I... I can explain,” she said, her desperate plea to be heard clear in her tone.

Beneath all his fury and agony, there was still a part of him that wanted to believe in her – that wanted to believe that this was all just a misunderstanding on his part – and so he gave her what she wanted. “I'm listening.”

But her mouth opened and closed repeatedly without letting out a single sound, and with each silent moment that passed he found that faith betrayed yet again. Why? Why wouldn't she just explain herself? Was the truth that shameful? Was she trying to come up with a believable lie?

_Why won't you just say something? Anything?_

“I thought so,” he finally ground out after Rao knew how long and she still hadn't said a word, much less a sentence. As much as he hated to admit it, it seemed as if his parents had been right. Kara had used him as a substitute for the guy she really liked; she just didn't want to say it to his face. Their friendship – if it had even been real in the first place – had been tossed aside with barely a second thought and she only appeared to be remorseful now because she'd found herself unexpectedly facing him again.

“I...” As if his thinly veiled accusation had spurred her into trying again, she finally – _finally_ – broke her silence. Except what she said next failed to help. “Kissing you was a mistake. I know that and I apologise. Just... Can we please just move past this?”

The way she downplayed her actions – downplayed _everything_ – would only have hurt more if she'd lacked the basic decency to look him in the eye as she'd done it. “A mistake,” he repeated, his voice flat. Was that the extent to which she viewed her transgressions? And did she really think so little of him – of how he felt about all this – that she thought he would just go along with her request without complaint? “I see. And you expect me to just pretend nothing happened? Just like that? Just because you asked me to?” he all but spat as he swung an arm out in a sweeping motion to indicate everything that had transpired as well as what was transpiring now.

She was on the verge of crying, he could tell – he'd memorised the signs long ago – but for what reason he could only guess. He would probably have been able to determine it under normal circumstances but now... now that he was beginning to feel like he hadn't really known her after all, there was no way to tell. “I didn't mean it like that-”

Against his better judgement, he let her feeble retraction get to him and he lost control of the anger he had been barely keeping in check all this time. “ _Then tell me what you meant, Kara! Because from where I'm standing, that's exactly what you want!_ ”

 _Just say something_ , that small part of him that still refused to believe that it had all been a lie begged her. _ANYTHING. Tell me I'm wrong. Just give me some sign you actually care._

But still she kept quiet, and the grief and doubt that had been gnawing away at him underneath all the rage threatened to consume him entirely.

Trapped in a quagmire of all these dark emotions, Mon-El found himself falling back into old habits – one in particular that he had developed long ago to survive the treacherous environment that was Daxam's royal court – even as he began to wish that Kara had never come back at all. “Nothing to say again?” he asked sarcastically as a way to mask his pain. “Why don't you just go if silence and half-hearted excuses are all you're going to give me?”

Wonder of wonders, she had the nerve to _get mad at him_. “I'm trying, okay?!”

It mattered little that she looked like she regretted her outburst immediately afterwards; that didn't change the fact that she made it sound like he hadn't already given her so many opportunities to explain herself – opportunities that she had so blatantly squandered again and again. “Yes, I can see that,” he replied scathingly. “I suppose I should commend you for doing that much since you clearly didn't even want to come back here.”

Of course, that only seemed to make her even madder. Why had he expected anything else? “Would you just cut it out with the smart-ass comebacks already?!”

Even now, she was still making demands of him – demands that seemed to ignore his right to feel hurt by and express said hurt over her actions and words. “Telling me what to do and say now?” The bitter laugh that followed his question was an ugly thing even to his own ears. “I should have expected nothing less from a Kryptonian.”

“Do you honestly think I wanted this, you... _you stupid Daxamite_?!” she all but screamed at him. “ _It's not like I chose to fall in love with you, okay?!_ ”

...What?

In that split second, all his pain and anger drained out of him, leaving only overwhelming amounts of confusion in their absence. What in Rao's name was she going on ab-

Then, one by one, the pieces began falling into place.

Her fondness for intertwining their hands. Her pronounced reactions when he teased her. Her annoyance when he talked about other women. (Rao, how had he not recognised _jealousy_ when it had quite literally been staring at him in the face?)

“ _He's a really good person. A lot better than he gives himself credit for.”_

The blushing. The stuttering. The random bouts of shyness.

“ _He's... He's very kind. Understanding. Gentle. And he knows how to make me laugh.”_

Her blatant preference for spending time with him as opposed to anyone else especially when it came to human males.

“ _He... He doesn't always know the right thing to say but... somehow whatever he says still ends up being exactly what I need to hear anyway.”_

How she would keep running to him to ask for his opinion when a human male showed any interest in her.

“ _I... I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Be myself around him. And... And I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anyone else.”_

Her refusal to tell him the name of the guy she'd developed feelings for – a guy she had never mentioned to him in any way before that point – even though that information was pretty much useless to him and there was therefore no reason to keep it a secret.

“ _I'm scared that telling him will change things between us for the worse and I don't... I don't think I could handle that. Besides, I don't think he feels that way about me. I don't... I don't think he ever will.”_

 _Oh_ , Mon-El thought dumbly to himself. _I'M the blind idiot._

The tiny part of his mind that was still capable of functioning normally grew equally tiny hands and began slow-clapping.

Kara had kissed him because _he_ was the guy she liked. And she'd run away immediately after that because she'd been afraid of how he would react... especially when he finally figured it out.

A million and one emotions instantaneously crammed themselves into his heart, and all he could do was stare silently back at her as he tried to process them all.

There was disbelief, still, at the thought of it all. Pride and humility at the very idea that she thought him worthy of her affections. Joy at knowing she really did care about him – far more than he had ever expected. Nervousness because he had no idea what he was supposed to do with this revelation. Something like affection but far more potent. So many more that he couldn't even name in his dumbstruck state.

He hadn't known that there were this many feelings to even be had – certainly not all at once and not directed at the same individual. Not before this moment.

But all of them were swept away just as quickly as they had arrived, leaving only two behind. Two that began to eat away at him without mercy.

Guilt and shame.

He had thought the worst of her – had misconstrued her actions so terribly and unfairly – all because he had let the shadows and ghosts of his past get to him and convince him that there had been malicious intent where only clumsy panic had existed. And, as if that hadn't been bad enough, he'd taken his misguided anger out on her instead of trying like usual to give her the time and space she needed to open up to him.

She hadn't deserved any of that.

And now... now, more than ever, he was fully aware of just how much he didn't deserve her even as a friend.

It didn't matter how he himself felt about her.

She was better off without him.

Maybe she had always been from the start.

He remembered now that she had wanted nothing to do with him when they had first met but he had thought that she had needed company and comfort however clumsy it had been.

Clearly he had thought wrong.

His good intentions had ruined her life... just as it had with Jyaill a lifetime ago. How much better would her life have been if he hadn't reached out to her and unwittingly anchored her to the dream world – to his wretched existence? What great things would she have accomplished by now if she hadn't been wasting her time trying to rescue him? At the very least, she definitely wouldn't have developed any kind of positive feelings for him; instead, she would have been free to fall for someone who actually deserved her affections.

_I should have known my place._

A part of him wanted to sever their connection then and there so that she would be free of him as quickly as possible. Only the realisation that doing that would not really solve the problem stopped him. Kara liked him – seemed to still like him even after the atrocious way he'd behaved towards her – and knowing her, severing the connection now would just make her more determined to rescue him. It didn't matter how many more years of her life the endeavour would cost her; she would do it if only to have the chance to yell at him for his actions once they were face to face again in the real world.

No, if he really wanted to stop being a burden to her for good, there was only one thing to do regardless of how much the thought alone sickened him.

He was going to have to break her heart.

And he knew exactly how to accomplish that.

(The best part – for a very loose definition of 'best' – about what he was about to say, he thought, was how much truth was in it and how accurately it reflected what he actually believed.)

“If I'd known that this was what was going to happen eventually, I would've left you alone when we first met.”

It took all of his willpower to stay where he was and not show any emotion as he watched her take a step back, a look of pure pain and disbelief etched on her face. “You... You don't mean that,” she whispered hoarsely.

Mon-El tightened his jaw to stop himself from saying more, certain that he would ruin everything if he opened his mouth even just a little, and was rewarded, for lack of a better word, with the sight of Kara visibly coming just that closer to falling apart entirely.

“Please, Mon-El...” The desperation in her voice and the tears streaming down her face nearly broke his resolve. “ _Please..._ tell me you didn't mean that.”

Every fibre of his being protested against the course of action he had chosen... and yet he knew he had to keep going. For her sake. “I've never lied to you, Kara, and I'm not about to start now.”

Anguish. Pure anguish. That was the only way to describe the look on her face right now. “Are... Are my feelings for you that abhorrent?”

 _No_ , he desperately wanted to reply. _I'm beyond honoured that you would even consider me worthy of them for even a moment._ But those were not the words that he allowed to leave his lips. “I think it would be better if I didn't answer that,” he said instead.

If he concentrated very carefully, he thought he might have actually heard her heart break... and, somewhere in the background, his as well.

But she was still here. She still refused to leave.

So he kept going. And he knew, just as before, exactly what to say.

He knew her so well after all.

“Besides,” he continued as he did his best to keep his voice level, “we both know those feelings aren't real.”

The pained look on her face was momentarily replaced by one of utter confusion. “What... What are you even...”

“Admit it, Kara. I'm just... a convenient option.” He wondered what it said about him – about her, too, for that matter – that the fears his parents' voices had preyed on were the same things he knew she would take as a personal slight.

His double-edged accusation found its mark if her expression was any indication. “'C-Convenient'?”

Even though it hurt to do so, he kept pushing, knowing that he couldn't afford to give her time to recover or counter his arguments. “You can't hurt me, you don't have to worry about your true identity with me... It's very practical. As expected of a Kryptonian, I suppose.”

Just as he had expected, his words stoked the anger burning inside her along with the pain that was already present. “How dare you... _How dare you..._ ” she sputtered. “You of all people... _You of all people_ should know that I would _never_ -”

He couldn't let her finish that sentence. Not if he wanted to stick to the path he'd chosen. “Just like I thought you would never do something like kiss me?” he cut her off sharply. “Because we both know how _that_ turned out.”

In hindsight, he should have expected her to give as good as she got. It was one of the things he liked about her after all.

“I can't imagine why Bal-Seg ever thought you'd turn into a decent person.”

There was no way she could have looked more horrified and regretful over what she'd just said, but all Mon-El could think was that he'd deserved it.

Then she disappeared, and judging by the way he felt as if someone had rammed a giant jagged blade right through his chest, it was final this time.

“It's done,” he whispered out loud to no one in particular.

That was when he finally let himself fall to his knees and cry.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that but it didn't matter anyway; with Kara having severed their connection – likely for good –, there would be no more reprieve from the timelessness.

The only companion he would have with him from now on was his own thoughts.

...He missed her already.

Was he allowed to do that? He was sure he'd given up that right after what he'd done to her but the ache was still there nonetheless and all he could think about now was her.

Her... and all the feelings her actions and words had stirred in him.

He thought about the sadness he felt now and how it resembled the one he had felt when she had first told him she liked someone. He thought about how her kiss, feather-light as it had been, had affected him so deeply even though he'd done far more than that with countless other women. He thought about how much it had hurt to think that she had used him as a stand-in for someone else. He thought about how he had felt when he had finally realised that he was the one she liked... and how much it had hurt when he had realised how important it was that he let her go for her own good in light of her feelings for him. He thought about how much it had pained him to say all those things to her even though he had been doing it with her best interests in mind.

He thought about all these things and more... and then he finally realised the reason behind all these feelings.

 _Oh_ , he thought dully to himself. _So that's what it all meant._

“Did I... Did I do the right thing, Bal-Seg?” he whispered out loud.

There was no answer.

Of course there wasn't. Bal-Seg was long gone. Just like Kara.

He was all alone now. Well and truly alone for the first time in his life.

So alone.

So alone... and so tired.

So, _so_ tired...

Maybe he could just... close his eyes...

...for...

...a...

...bit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (creeps in to tuck the outer space stray puppy in)
> 
> (notices the pitchfork-wielding mob)
> 
> (runs away screaming again)


	5. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions are made, and the future is slowly shaped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A new chapter is teleported in remotely to prevent pitchforks being thrown at the sender.]
> 
> [Accompanying it is several crates of supplies, a small radio playing "Cosmic Love" by Florence + The Machine and a note which reads: "YOU MIGHT NEED THESE".]

> _And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat_   
>  _I tried to find the sound_   
>  _But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,_   
>  _So darkness I became_

 

* * *

 

Eve found her curled up in a ball on the floor of the living room – the very same spot she'd unwittingly fallen asleep – with her tear-streaked face buried in her knees, and Kara actually wished that she'd had the strength to drag herself to her room after she'd woken up if only so that she could be left alone like she deserved.

“I'm ba- Kara?” There was the sound of something hitting the floor – Eve's bag, probably – followed by hurried footsteps approaching her and then Eve's worried face came partially into view when she knelt down in front of Kara. “Hey, what happened? Are you okay?”

“I screwed up, Eve.” Kara didn't know if Eve could even understand what she was saying considering how much she was sobbing; she herself could barely make out the mangled words coming out of her own mouth. “I screwed up _so badly_. I-I-I don't... I can't fix it this time. _I can't._ I want to _so much, Eve_ , but... but... _I don't know how._ ”

“Okay, Kara, I need you to calm down a bit because I can't make sense of a single thing you're saying,” Eve said soothingly as she clasped Kara's shoulders with her hands and tried to coax the girl to at least look up and meet her gaze properly. “Come on. Take a deep breath and tell me again what's wrong. Let me help.”

“I should've asked you,” Kara kept crying, her words punctuated by wet hiccups as she made no effort to listen to what Eve was asking of her. “I should've asked for your help. I thought I could- Maybe if I'd asked, things wouldn't have turned out this way. Why... _Why didn't I ask you for help?_ ”

Eve's hands tightened their grip on Kara's shoulders although the gesture barely registered thanks to Kara's invulnerability. (The awareness of that fact only made things worse because it brought to mind the one person whose touch she could always feel no matter how light – a person whose touch she would never be able to feel again.) “Shh, it's okay. I'm here now. I want to help. Just talk to me, Kara. Tell me what's wrong.”

“I kissed him.” Kara had no real idea why that was the first thing that popped out of her mouth. Maybe it was because she considered that to be the catalyst for the disaster she was currently dealing with (even if, a small voice at the back of her head pointed out, none of this would have happened if she hadn't made the mistake of falling in love with Mon-El in the first place). Maybe it was because the memory kept coming up despite her brain's current self-torturing obsession with replaying every single ugly detail of her last conversation with her best friend (who, she was sure, no longer saw her the same way but rather as someone he hated with every fibre of his being in light of the utterly despicable way she'd behaved towards him).

Maybe it was because, even if it had been wrong on so many levels to do it and it had cost her the one thing that she treasured the most in the entire world, she could not bring herself to fully regret it. Especially not when it was now going to be the last remotely happy memory she would ever have involving Mon-El.

The hands grasping her shoulders went completely rigid, and if Kara had been in any condition to pay attention she would have noticed Eve's expression going slack. “...I'm sorry, _what_?”

Squeezing her eyes shut – not that it helped stop her tears in any way – as she struggled to organise her chaotic thoughts, Kara swallowed the baseball-sized lump in her throat before forcing herself to start from the beginning. (A beginning which now felt like it had happened a million years ago instead of just last night.) “I-I... Last night, Mon-El asked me about the guy I liked a-and I... I didn't want to talk about it but... but we hadn't really talked to each other for _so long_ and I felt _so guilty_ about it, Eve. I couldn't... I just wanted things to be the way they used to be, you know? I just... I thought I could tell him without telling him. I wanted to say it out loud _so badly_ that I... _I couldn't help myself_. And then... And then as I was talking, he kept coming closer _and closer_ and I... _I missed him so much, Eve_. I thought it would be fine – I thought it would be okay so I didn't move away and before I knew it he was _right there_ and I... and I...”

“...You kissed him,” Eve finished quietly, her voice carefully neutral.

“ _I didn't mean to!_ ” Kara bawled as a fresh wave of tears assailed her. “I know I shouldn't have _but I wasn't thinking_! I just... I just wanted...” The rest of her sentence dissolved into incoherent sobbing even as her already raw throat painfully protested the torment she was putting it through.

There was a long period where the only sound filling the apartment was Kara's tortured crying before Eve spoke up again. “...And what happened after that?” she asked very cautiously.

“I-I-I... I ran away.” Unimaginable amounts of guilt and shame filled her, and Kara discovered then that it was actually possible for her to feel even worse than she already did. “ _I ran away, Eve._ I-I didn't... I didn't know what to do and... and he was staring at me like that – like I was _a complete stranger_ – so I just... I forced myself awake. I panicked and I thought- _I wasn't thinking_. A-And after I woke up, I realised... I realised I didn't know what to do and I kept telling myself that I could figure out a way to fix it if I just had enough time to think it through. I-I just... _I just needed time_. I kept telling myself that I'd go see him once I figured out a way to fix things between us. _But I couldn't. I couldn't find a way._ And then I accidentally fell asleep just now and...”

The memory of Mon-El's usually kind and cheerful features twisted in pain and rage crystallised in her mind, causing the pain in her chest to intensify. “He looked _so angry_ , Eve. So _angry_ and so _hurt_. And the worst part is he had _every_ right to feel that way. Then I-I... I kept saying the wrong thing and he just kept getting angrier and more hurt and then... and then... I got mad at him too and... and we just... started _yelling at each other_ -” Why? Why had she allowed her own pain to transform into anger when she knew very well that she was the one at fault? _Why?_

“He started saying these... these _things_... l-like... like how he wished we'd never become friends in the first place and how I only liked him because it was 'convenient' and it made me feel _so hurt and so angry_ that I... that I... _I said the most horrible thing to him, Eve._ ” She'd thrown Bal-Seg's memory in his face... and all because she'd wanted to pay him back for all the agony he was making her feel. She'd used the memory of someone he had cared deeply about – someone who he had told her about in confidence because he'd trusted her that much – in such a cruel and deplorable fashion. How hideously petty was that? How despicable a person did that make her? And she'd had the gall to call herself his best friend?

The previously still hands on Kara's shoulders began rubbing them soothingly as Eve tried to calm her down. “Shh. Kara, it's all right-”

“ _It's not 'all right', Eve!_ ” If not for the state of her throat, Kara was sure that she would have deafened Eve with her anguished outburst. “I... I violated our friendship in the _worst_ possible way and now... now I'll _never_ be able to fix it.”

“Of course you can,” Eve tried to reassure her. “You've literally been best friends forever. I'm sure that all you have to do is apologise from the bottom of your heart when you see him again-”

Kara shook her head violently at the false hope being offered to her. “You... You don't understand. I... I-I... After I said that horrible thing to him, I regretted it so much that I... that I... I thought... The thought just popped into my head and-” A sound that spoke of nothing but pure anguish escaped her. “ _I severed the connection, Eve. I-I-I... I lost him._ ”

Despite everything she had been told, Eve somehow still managed to find it in herself to cling to hope however slim it seemed. “You don't know that for sure-”

“ _I do. I know._ ” How could she even begin to describe the hollowed out sensation in her head she had woken up to just now – a sensation that had only faded in the slightest and was still there? How could she stress that there was only one possible explanation for this pain in light of what had transpired? As with the million other questions jostling for space in her already overloaded brain, Kara had no answers for these ones either. “I've lost him for good, Eve... and... and... _I only have myself to blame for it_.”

The finality of her statement, coupled with the utter devastation she could hear in her own voice, robbed Kara of the last vestiges of her ability to string two words together and sent her spiralling into another bout of heart-wrenching crying.

It said something that even Eve was lost as to what she could say, much less do, to help the sobbing wreck in front of her.

 

* * *

 

“Here.”

Kara accepted the cup of tea being presented to her with numb hands. “Thanks,” she whispered hoarsely – apparently even her enhanced regeneration couldn't keep up with all the crying she'd been doing – and took a sip but barely tasted anything. The liquid at least helped soothe her throat somewhat although it did little to make her actually feel better in any way. “You... You don't have to, you know.”

“Oh, hush.” The glare Eve shot her as well as the girl's irritated tone made Kara feel like a disobedient child being lectured, causing her to shrink into the sofa. “You're my best friend, Kara, and times like these are when best friends are there for each other. And even if we _weren't_ best friends, I'd have to be a heartless monster to turn a blind eye to your suffering.”

Kara dropped her gaze to stare listlessly at the steaming liquid in her cup. “I... I'm sorry. It's just... I don't think I deserve to have you as a friend.”

“Don't feed me that tripe,” Eve scolded her crossly. “If this is you trying to apply some kind of score-keeping system to our friendship as part of your self-loathing marathon, I'd like to remind you that you've done more than your fair share for me in the friendship department too. Off the top of my head, there's the fact that you once walked into an occult shop that looked like it was owned by an actual witch just to buy a present for my birthday even though the place freaked you out to no end, the time I came down with a stomach bug so terrible it left me bedridden for nearly a whole week and you not only visited me every day but also took such detailed notes for me at school that I could've sworn you'd stolen them from the teachers... oh, and let's not forget the big one: _You saved me from being kidnapped and potentially killed by my crazy stalker._ Basically, what I'm saying is the least I can do for you in return for everything is be here for you as you mourn losing the love of your life who also happens to be your best best friend.”

If she had been in a better state of mind, Kara would probably have blushed and devolved into a stuttering mess at Eve's labelling of Mon-El as 'the love of her life'. However, it was hard to argue otherwise when her heart was in utter shambles right now over the fact that she had well and truly lost him for good and how certain she was that no one in the whole universe would ever be able to so much as come close to making her feel the way she had with him.

For the first time ever in her (technically) young life, she'd really liked someone – _loved_ someone – and it hadn't worked out.

No, that was an understatement. It had been an absolute disaster that had cost her so much more than she had expected – than she had been willing to gamble, much less sacrifice – and she had no idea if she would ever be able to recover from it.

It hurt. _So much._ And it felt like the pain was never going to go away.

A part of her didn't want it to. If this was all she was going to have to remember Mon-El and their relationship by, she wanted to cling to it until the very end – an end that was incredibly far away thanks to the incredibly long life ahead of her – even if there were pinpricks of time where she found herself wishing she could forget him entirely just so that the pain would stop.

(Her mother's necklace hung around her neck and both her parents' images and voices were immortalised in the Fortress of Solitude's computer but Mon-El... All she had to remember him by was her memories. Memories which she knew would fade over time no matter how hard she tried to hold on to them.)

(The realisation made the pain even worse.)

“Come on.” Eve's kind voice drew Kara out of her dark thoughts and she looked up to find the girl retrieving the mostly untouched cup of tea she'd handed over earlier, having apparently come to the conclusion that it was never going to get finished. “It's dinnertime already so how about we order some takeout and get some food in that bottomless stomach of yours? You could use it, I think, and after that you should probably get some rest-”

“ _No._ ” The croaked word reawakened the previously dulled pain of her raw throat especially with the desperate way it had escaped her but Kara didn't care. The thought of closing her eyes and seeing either nothing but darkness or a false dream – the knowledge that it was no longer an imagined fear but an undeniable certainty... It was enough to make her want to throw up even the few drops of tea she'd ingested earlier. “I-I-I... I can't. Please, Eve... Don't ask me to sleep. I-I don't... _Please. Don't make me._ ”

Eve frowned, concern clear in the crease of her brows. “You can't seriously be thinking about going without sleep-”

“I can do it,” Kara cut her friend off desperately even though she wasn't entirely sure which of them she was trying to convince. “I don't... I don't really need to sleep unless I'm really exhausted because of my powers. I just did it every night because-” _-that was the only way I was able to see Mon-El_ , she mentally finished but the words never left her lips. Now that she could no longer see him – and thanks to her own grave error, no less –, there was no need to so much as take a nap unless her body was in severe need of rest. (And even then she was determined to find an alternative. Anything to avoid the emptiness that now doubtlessly awaited her in the realm of the unconscious.) “I can do it, Eve. I'll be fine.”

The look on Eve's face clearly communicated how dubious she was about everything she had just been told but she thankfully kept her thoughts to herself. “All right then,” she said carefully, but there was a weary sigh hiding behind her reply that spoke of her true feelings on the matter. “I'll go order the food. You stay here.”

Dinner that night was an unusually quiet affair compared to those that had preceded it. Even though Eve had ordered her favourites, Kara found herself unable to enjoy the food – it helped, for lack of a better word, that she could barely taste any of it – and before she was aware of it the meal was over and it was time to call it a night.

At least for Eve.

“Are you sure about this?” Eve asked, making no effort to mask her worry. “If you want, I can stay up a little longer and keep you company.”

Kara shook her head and tried to move her lips in such a way that it resembled a smile. She was only partially successful. “I'm sure. And there's no need for you to do that. You've got another early morning class tomorrow, don't you? I'll be fine.” There was that lie again – she still didn't know if she was trying to convince Eve or herself – but as there was nothing else she could say, that was all she could offer. (Maybe if she repeated it often enough, it would come true.)

Eve gave her that dubious look again but once again chose not to argue, opting instead to wish Kara goodnight before disappearing into her room.

Seeing no appeal in trying to distract herself by watching whatever show happened to be on at this hour, Kara washed up and changed into her pyjamas even though she still had no intention of going to sleep. It was the comfort of following her routines, the small part of her brain not crippled by grief surmised, and in her current state every scrap of comfort she could get was more than welcome. Even if it came from something as mundane as everyday routines.

Routines were all she had left now, anyway. The routine life of Kara Danvers.

Alone with her thoughts – this thought in particular – and the accompanying realisation that there was no longer any room for Kara Zor-El to continue existing, Kara felt the walls closing in on her just like her first night on Earth in the Danvers household.

The big and important difference was that this time, going to sleep would not grant her the peace and comfort she so desperately wanted.

Tears began to blur her vision for the hundredth time since she'd first woken up that morning as she curled up into a tight ball on her bed. She'd left Mon-El all alone in the dream world. She'd essentially abandoned him and subjected him to the worst possible fate she could ever imagine. She'd done the one thing that she'd sworn she would never do and it was all because she'd been childish and impulsive like she'd always been. How could she ever forgive herself for that? How could _he_ ever forgive her? And even if she put that aside, what she'd said to him had more than likely ensured that the only thing he felt about her now was hatred.

A part of her desperately wanted to find a way to fix the situation as quickly as possible even with the knowledge that she'd severed their connection hanging over her head. The only thing she could think of was to double her efforts to rescue him so that she could apologise to him face to face and try to salvage their friendship. But what if he didn't _want_ her to rescue him? What if he chose to see it as her trying to make him feel indebted to her and ended up resenting her for it? What would she do then?

She squeezed her eyes shut but the tears escaped anyway to roll down her cheeks. What was going on in the dream world right now? What was Mon-El doing and feeling at that very moment? Was he still there or had the severing of the connection caused him to disappear from that place?

The questions kept piling up but no answers were forthcoming, and before she knew it her alarm clock was cheerily informing her that it was time to get out of bed again.

So she did.

She washed up, got dressed and left the apartment before Eve even emerged from her room.

The hours passed. The world kept spinning.

Kara Danvers, whose life had technically not changed in the slightest, kept moving forward.

Meanwhile, Kara Zor-El, whose world had once again come crashing down around her, began to slowly wither away.

 

* * *

 

“-swear, it's like I'm watching some TV drama play out in real life. I mean, Meredith's got these two guys – who also happen to be best friends, mind you – chasing after her and she likes them both – you won't believe the _ridiculous_ nicknames she gave them-”

“Hey, Alex,” Kara interrupted her adoptive sister's latest rant over the phone about the never-ending headache that was her roommate, “can I... can I ask you something?”

“Uh... sure?” It was obvious that the unexpected question had thrown Alex for a loop judging by the awkward pause on the other end of the line. “Ask away.”

“Do you...” Kara faltered as the courage that she had scraped together to broach the subject fled her in an instant and had to take a shaky breath in an effort to regain even a sliver of it before she could continue. “Do you miss home?”

“Of _course_ I do.” Alex's reply was instantaneous. “I mean, sure, it's nice living on my own – well, relatively speaking; you know what I mean – and I get to do whatever I want whenever I want minus classes but... yeah. I miss my bed, I miss Mom's cooking, I miss being able to bug you with my music... Hell, I even miss that furball of yours even if I'm pretty sure he doesn't miss me at all.” There was a slight pause. “Why? What's up?”

Kara closed her eyes as the now perpetual ache in her chest flared up again. She shouldn't be surprised. When Alex thought of home, she thought of a cosy house in Midvale. When Kal-El thought of home, he thought of a tiny farm in Smallville. But when she thought of home... “Nothing,” she replied as neutrally as she could. “It's just...”

She thought of Krypton – of her mother's comforting embrace, her father's kind voice, Rao's crimson light and the quiet busyness of Argo City.

She thought of an endless field of green swaying under a cloudless blue sky and a red sun that never set – of a warm hand that fit hers perfectly, a cheeky laugh that was undeniably infectious, a soft smile that made her heart flutter and a sea of blue and grey that she would be more than happy to drown in.

“...I miss home too,” she whispered.

(Alex didn't understand. Kara hadn't expected her to.)

 

* * *

 

He began to haunt her the way her parents did.

It didn't seem to matter that he was still alive.

She would see his figure at the very edges of her vision. She would hear his voice somewhere in a crowd. She would feel the sensation of his fingers sliding against hers as their hands intertwined.

But it was all a lie.

There was a gaping hole in her head, her heart and her soul that told her as much. (The headache was a distant memory now, but a sense of emptiness still remained.)

Yet she still wanted to believe.

She still chased his ghost across every street and around every corner... and somehow still managed to be surprised – to be _heartbroken_ – when she failed to find him.

Her hand kept reaching for another that wasn't there.

She still missed him.

She still loved him.

She still refused to sleep, but a part of her began to wonder if she was doing it to avoid the darkness waiting for her or to punish herself.

 

* * *

 

“You can't keep going like this.”

The truth in Eve's quiet comment cut deep, but after several days of nothing but constant if dulled agony the pain barely stood out. “I know,” Kara whispered as she let her eyes slide shut for a moment. It was the closest she had ever allowed herself to come to actually sleeping even though exhaustion had begun to nip rather viciously at her heels. (Apparently even her solar-charged body had its limits.)

“You're scared,” Eve stated simply, and Kara was infinitely grateful for the lack of judgement in the girl's voice. “I know. But I can actually _see_ how tired you are, Kara. And I mean that literally. There are _bags_ under your eyes. I didn't think that was even _possible_. Sooner or later, you're going to need to actually let yourself fall asleep or you'll just pass out in the middle of the street or something.”

Kara buried her head in her hands but continued to resist her body's desperate plea for rest if only so that she didn't end up falling asleep mid-conversation. “I know, Eve,” she repeated wearily. “And... And you're right. I... I'm going to stop.”

“...Stop what exactly?” Eve asked cautiously.

“...Running.”

It was the only way – the only _accurate_ way – to describe what she'd been doing. She couldn't deny the fact that she'd severed the connection but just as she'd done after she'd kissed Mon-El, she had chosen to avoid dealing with the consequences of her actions since then by forcing herself to stay awake. Then, as if that hadn't been enough, she'd filled all the parts of her schedule that she had reserved for him with studies, chores, more studies and anything else she could think of to keep her mind off him.

(She had tried, she really had, to continue her efforts to rescue him at the start... except every time she had picked up her notebook, she'd started crying all over again. There were now tear stains on the pages where she'd made an attempt to continue her work before finally giving up.)

Instead of behaving according to her age – chronological _and_ physical –, she'd acted like a child.

That had to stop.

That was _going_ to stop. _Now._

“So...” Eve's concerned voice dragged her back to reality. “What are you going to do now?”

There was only one thing she could do. And that was face her fears for good and deal with whatever came next.

“I'm going to go to sleep tonight,” Kara answered with a note of finality in her voice. It was time to find out if she could somehow restore her dream connection with Mon-El or if it was severed for good. If she could in fact restore it, she was going to apologise to him from the bottom of her heart and ask for his forgiveness. If he said no, she was going to take it in stride no matter how much it hurt and ask if he would be all right with her still trying to rescue him while making clear that she wasn't doing it to make him feel indebted to her. If he said no to even that and went so far as to ask her to leave him alone forever, she was going to accept that as well and try her best to move on with her life. (Whether she succeeded or not would be another matter entirely.)

If their connection had well and truly been severed for good, she was still going to continue her efforts to rescue him. Then she would apologise to him face to face in the real world and leave the future of their friendship – if they still had one – in his hands. She would let him walk out of her life if he wished and make no effort to keep him in it no matter how much she wanted it.

Even though she was not privy to the thoughts in Kara's head, Eve seemed to somehow still get a good sense of what she was thinking because the girl simply offered her a reassuring smile. “Well then,” she said, “I hope you sleep well.”

Unlike all her other attempts before this, Kara found herself able to muster a halfway decent smile. “Thanks, Eve.”

Despite her brave words, Kara couldn't stop a feeling of nervous dread from overtaking her as she slipped into bed. It was one thing to convince herself on an intellectual level that she would accept whatever happened next; it was another thing entirely to convince herself on an emotional level that she was going to get through this without her heart turning into an irreparable wreck. But she'd made up her mind to start acting like an adult and that was what she was going to do no matter how much it hurt.

Besides... she still missed him.

She still loved him.

And regardless of how he felt about her, that would never change.

_I want to see him again._

With that thought – that desperate prayer – in mind, she closed her eyes and let sleep finally claim her.

 

* * *

 

She awoke slowly and for that one brief hazy moment, Kara was unaware of anything beyond a vague sense of peace that seemed to fill her from head to toe. Contentedly drowsy, she brought a hand up to her face and made a half-hearted effort to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

Then her memories of everything that had led up to this point came rushing back to her and she bolted up in a sitting position.

The sight that greeted her made her heart soar – an endless field of green swaying carelessly as if moved by a wind she could not feel and a red sun floating above her in a cloudless blue sky.

She was back in the dream world.

“I... I did it,” she whispered out loud to herself, joy and disbelief colouring her voice.

...But where was Mon-El?

“Mon-El?” she called out, the happiness and hope that had bloomed in her chest fading slightly upon her realisation that the person she had returned for was nowhere to be seen.

There was no answer.

Fear and dread began to creep up on her as her thoughts began to rampage in her head. Was this a consequence of her severing their connection? Had her initial assumption that she could simply restore it by wanting to come back been horribly flawed? Was she now doomed to keep returning here every time she fell asleep – to keep returning to a dream world devoid of him just like the real world?

If this was her punishment for abandoning him, then it was a fitting one indeed.

...No. No, it was too soon to give up. She refused to give up that easily. And even if that really was the case, she was going to deal with it like an adult just like she'd decided before she went to bed. (Although she thought she could be forgiven if she cried at least a little over it.)

Steeling her heart, she got to her feet, picked a direction at random and began walking just as she had over six years and one twenty-four year-long eternity ago.

She walked. And walked. And walked.

And, just as she was about to lose hope entirely, she looked up and saw a void in the vegetation a short distance in front of her.

There was only one conclusion to be drawn.

Something was lying there unmoving and keeping it flattened.

Something... or someone.

Joyful anticipation compelled her to run forward but nervous dread forced her feet to maintain their sedate pace, and it felt like forever before she finally reached her destination.

She was not disappointed.

There he was, asleep on the ground just like she had first found him oh so long ago.

For one brief moment, Kara found herself wondering if she'd travelled back in time or if everything between that first time and now had been a kind of dream, and she had to look down at herself to confirm that she was not in fact still a twelve-year-old girl. But no, her body was that of an eighteen-year-old and she was wearing the pyjamas she had put on before going to sleep instead of her white Kryptonian clothes adorned with the symbol of her family's crest.

This was real. Everything was real. (For a loose definition of it, anyway.)

Even so, she could not stop herself from feeling a sense of deja vu and thinking about history repeating itself as she carefully knelt down next to his unconscious form and watched his chest slowly rise and fall.

Everything was exactly the way it had been when they had first met.

The biggest and most important difference, however, was that this time, she already knew everything she needed to know about him. She knew who he was. She knew the sound of his voice and his laugh. She knew the colour of his eyes (and _oh_ , how she loved those eyes of his!). She knew the curve of his lips when he smiled or grinned. She knew what it felt like to hug him and hold his hand.

She knew what it felt like to care for him – to love him – the way she never had and never would with anyone else.

The man sleeping in front of her was no stranger. Far from it. He was the one person she knew better than she knew herself.

For a long while, she did nothing but watch him sleep, suddenly unsure what she was supposed to do. The long apology she had mentally prepared had been composed with the idea that he was very much conscious and still angry at her; him being asleep as he was now definitely complicated matters.

If she wanted to proceed with her original plan – any part of it, in fact –, she would have to wake him up.

Therein lay the dilemma: Should she do that or let him continue sleeping?

She was stuck.

It seemed incredibly selfish to wake him up just so she could apologise to him especially since him sleeping ensured that he would not have to endure the timelessness he had been subjected to all this while until such time that she rescued him and he woke up in the real world. On the other hand, she didn't really think it was right either to just leave him like this while she made decisions about his future without getting his input or permission. (She'd caused enough trouble doing things without his permission, after all, and wasn't keen on repeating that particular mistake.) Plus, the idea of coming here every night to basically watch him sleep seemed a little... well, uncomfortable was putting it lightly.

Still... what was happening now proved that when their connection was severed, he simply went to sleep again – however that worked – and did not feel the burden of eternity weighing on him. If she chose to wake him up and he told her that he didn't want her to rescue him, she would respect his wishes and comfort herself with the knowledge that he wouldn't be suffering a fate worse than death.

With all of that in mind, she made her decision and reached for his hand.

(A small voice at the back of her head which sounded suspiciously like Eve suggested waking him up with a true love's kiss but she ignored it. Kissing him without his permission had gotten her into this mess in the first place and she wasn't about to kick-start her apology by giving herself yet another big screw-up to apologise for.)

It was a long shot since she didn't know if it would work but she closed her eyes and focused on trying to find the blue-grey energy in the darkness. At first, there was nothing but she strengthened her resolve and concentrated harder until...

_There._

Traces of blue-grey energy flitted at the edges of her consciousness, dormant and unresponsive to her mental probing.

She tried harder.

_Wake up_ , she pleaded through their fragile connection. _Please._

The blue-grey energy stirred at long last and seemed to reach out for her own thoughts, and when she opened her eyes again she was greeted with the sight of him stirring awake as well.

Even in light of everything, the sight of those blue-grey eyes of his still stole her breath away.

“Kara.” Shock was the only thing she could see on Mon-El's face when he was alert enough to notice her presence, and the way he said her name gave her no further clues as to what he thought of her return or even her in general.

“Hi.” It seemed like the most banal thing to say but it was the only thing that came to mind as she pulled her hand back and regretfully ended their mental connection. (A part of her wondered if she should have asked him if he spoke Kryptonian in the name of mirroring their first meeting.) “I...” _I missed you._ “I... I want to say something – a lot of things, actually – and... and... I know I have no right to ask anything of you but... but I'd like you to hear me out first before you say anything.”

Silence. He had pushed himself up to rest most of his upper body weight on his elbows but was still staring at her with that shocked look on his face.

She swallowed thickly and forced herself to continue speaking while she still had the courage to do so although she let her gaze drop down to her lap where her hands fidgeted endlessly. “F-First of all, I'd like to apologise for... everything. Pushing you away without telling you why, kissing you without your permission, leaving you so abruptly after that without an explanation, not coming back immediately to explain myself, making a complete mess of things after I came back, saying all those hurtful things to you... Especially about Bal-Seg. That was... That was beyond reproachful – especially from someone who calls herself your best friend – and words cannot express how sorry I am for saying what I did. It's not true, just so you know. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you're a good person – much better than you'll ever know or admit – and I think that if Bal-Seg could see you now, he'd be so proud of you.” _I know I am._ “And, last but not least, severing the connection and leaving you here even though I swore to your face that I would never do that. I'm not asking for your forgiveness – I have no right to do that – but I want you to know that I'm sorry all the same.”

He had sat up sometime during her long speech but still wouldn't say anything. And so she kept talking if only to fill the silence.

“I... I completely understand if you don't forgive me. B-But... But I still want to rescue you. I-If you're okay with that, I mean. It's... It's not because I want you to feel like you owe me. I want to do it because I still consider you my best friend. And because... because...”

_Just say it, Kara. Just get it out of your system and move on._

She looked up to meet his still unreadable gaze.

“I love you, Mon-El.” It was both terrifying and liberating to finally say it out loud. “I... _I'm in love with you._ And... And I get that you don't care about me – not in that way and probably not any more in _any_ way – and that's-” She choked, cleared her throat and forced herself to continue although she let her tear-filled gaze drop down to her lap again and her hands curled into fists. “Th-That's fine. That's... okay. I'm not going to try and change your mind. Just... let me do this for you. I want to do that much for you. After that, you... you're free to go anywhere in the universe you want and never look back. You won't owe me anything. But if you don't want even that – if all you want is for me to leave you alone –, I'll do it. Just... tell me what you want.”

He still wouldn't say anything, and the last of her courage fled her. “Please,” she begged quietly as a tear slipped out despite her best efforts, “say something.”

“...You weren't supposed to come back.”

Kara flinched and prepared herself for a torrent of incredibly justified anger-

...'supposed to'?

Her eyes snapped wide open and she lifted her head to stare uncomprehendingly at Mon-El whose expression was a paradoxical mixture of joy and despair. “W-What...?”

He went silent again, although now that she paid more attention to reading his features instead of keeping her emotions in check she could see that the anger she had expected was nowhere to be found.

“Mon-El, please,” she pressed when he still hadn't said anything after a while, “tell me what you mean.”

“I think...” he started slowly after another long pause just as she was about to try again as if he wasn't entirely sure whether he should be saying what was on his mind, “I owe you quite a few apologies as well.”

To say that she was utterly lost was an understatement. “Apologies? For what?”

His hesitation became more pronounced. “I... I waited for a very long time for you to come back after... after you kissed me. And... And then I started to think that you were never going to come back at all.”

Shame once again began to gnaw at her and she broke eye contact. “I'm sor-”

“I thought you'd used me as a substitute for the guy you liked and cast me aside after I'd fulfilled my purpose,” he continued, cutting her off in the process.

She nearly gave herself whiplash with how fast she snapped her gaze back to meet his. “ _I would never-_ ” she started hotly before catching herself. Then she made an effort to see things from his point of view and took a deep breath before speaking again. “I... I understand why you might have come to that conclusion and I apologise once again for giving you that impression.”

Something that passed for a grateful if grim smile twisted his lips. “Because of that, I was unfairly angry at you, didn't give you the time and space you needed to explain yourself and ended up saying things I deeply regret in hindsight. I was wrong on all counts and I want to apologise for that. But...” Guilt became the dominant expression on his face. “The things I said to you after I realised the truth... Those require a separate and even more sincere apology because... because I said them on purpose.”

Her mouth opened and closed soundlessly several times before her tongue regained its ability to function normally. “But... But... _why_?”

“Have I ever told you how blue your eyes are?” Mon-El asked her apropos of nothing.

Thrown for a loop for the third time over the span of their relatively short conversation, Kara found herself once again at a loss for words. “I... what?”

“I mean, they're always blue, of course,” he seemed to correct himself as he turned to look away and raised a hand to scratch his jaw. “But when you're very happy or very sad, they're _insanely_ blue. Like...” He met her gaze again, and there was some indecipherable emotion swirling in the depths of those blue-grey orbs of his. “Like comets.”

“I-I-I don't...” She shook her head in an effort to rid herself of the fuzzy feeling overtaking her brain and her heart. “I-I don't understand.” Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Or was she reading too much into it? She was terrified to find out.

Then the hand that had been scratching his jaw reached out for her face in an intimately familiar way, and it took all of her focus to remember to breathe as his fingers gently tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

“You're wrong, Kara,” he whispered quietly as his hand lingered, his fingertips brushing ghost-like across her cheek, and the blue-grey energy lurked at the edges of her mind just beyond the reach of her own thoughts as if it was... afraid. “I _do_ care about you. A lot more than I have any right to, in fact.”

Her heart was doing strange things in her chest, and when she drew her next breath it felt as if she had inhaled a lungful of fire. “Th-Then... When you said all those things...”

“I was trying to drive you away.” There was another apology woven into his confession, and the expression on his face could not be described as anything but grief. “It hurt to say all those things to you but I thought... I thought it would be okay as long as I could get you to leave – as long as you were free of me. And it worked. You left.” A smile that was somehow both warm and broken curled his lips as he finally – regretfully – pulled his hand back. “Except you came back. And I don't think I have it in me to do it all over again.”

“Then don't,” she replied softly. “I... You know how I feel about you and... and now, I know how you feel about me too. I'm... I'm not going to abandon you. Not again. _Never_ again. And there's nothing you can say from now on that could possibly change my mind.”

His smile vanished to be replaced by a grim, sorrowful look that didn't fit him in the slightest. “You deserve better, Kara.”

Unlike all the instances in the past where she'd gotten angry at him for saying something similar, this time she stayed calm and kept her voice even. “There's no one better, Mon-El. And even if there were, I'd still choose you.”

They stared at each other silently for a long while, and Kara watched as a myriad of emotions flickered across Mon-El's face. (Considering the maelstrom raging away in her own mind and heart, she was pretty sure her own face wasn't all that different.) It was, she supposed, perfectly understandable considering everything that had transpired. Even though they had both admitted their true feelings and apologised for the terrible things they'd said in the heat of the moment – and otherwise, in his case –, that did not magically erase all the pain they had caused each other and themselves in the process of avoiding that very admission.

Besides, there was also the fact that things between them had changed irrevocably, for better or worse, making it impossible for their relationship to just go back to the way it used to be. And she was pretty sure neither of them knew what to do next.

But... there was hope.

She'd managed to come back.

He hadn't pushed her away again.

They were talking to each other. Just like they used to.

It was a start.

 

* * *

 

> _I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map_   
>  _And knew that somehow I could find my way back_   
>  _Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_   
>  _So I stayed in the darkness with you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (emerges from hiding very cautiously) So... is it safe for me to show my face now or am I still not off the hook? Because some of the crates have champagne if you want to celebrate the angst train leaving town... well, sort of. Mostly. ...Maybe I'll just... leave now before you make a decision... (flees)
> 
> PS: Now that the chapter is out, can I just say how sad I am over the fact that pretty much everyone thought I'd take the easy route and give you all a massive time skip? You all should've known better... Also, you all were so concerned about Mon-El that you didn't think about how much Kara would suffer if she had to wait 7 YEARS to see him again...
> 
> PPS: Seriously though, give Cosmic Love a listen. It's just SO GOOD. (In case it wasn't clear, that's the song quoted in this chapter.)


	6. Heartlines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Mon-El struggle to find their footing. Eve is unhelpfully helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, SO sorry about how late this chapter is. Real life started to become really hectic after I posted the last chapter and I'm still struggling to figure out a way to properly balance writing with everything else going on in my life right now. Hopefully I'll find my groove by the next chapter but I just want you all to know that you never have to worry about me abandoning this fic. I've come too far to stop now and considering it would be very cruel to leave things hanging just as our space puppies have gotten together (sort of, anyway), you can rest assured that I would never do that to you. Unless I'm feeling evil. ...Which totally doesn't happen. At all. *cough* Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

“...How long?”

“...About a week.”

“Oh.” He paused. “I didn't notice.”

“That's... um, good.”

“I guess?”

“B-Besides, um... I mean, you _were_ asleep. Or something to that effect. So it was kind of expected. That you didn't notice anything, I mean.”

“True.”

“Any idea how that happened?”

“Not really. I mean, I was... well, thinking about... you...”

“O-Oh?”

“Yeah... I mean... because of... well, you know.”

“Oh. Um. Y-Yeah.”

“And then I sort of... started feeling drowsy so I just... closed my eyes.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah. Next thing I knew, you were... well, staring down at me.”

“I-I see.”

“And... yeah.”

Silence. By then, they had both shifted so that they were no longer facing one another. Instead, they were sitting side by side – close enough to touch but not quite – and staring at some random point in the horizon. And most definitely not at each other.

“...Even so...”

“Hmm?”

“I'm sorry. That I took so long to come back, I mean.”

“It's fine. I mean, you-”

“-weren't supposed to come back anyway.”

“Yeah. That.”

“...Well. I'm back now.”

“I... um, noticed.”

More silence.

The awkwardness in the air was so thick a nth metal blade would've been needed to cut through it.

 _-So much for talking to each other like before, huh?-_ , a voice at the back of Kara's head snarked.

 _Shut up_ , she mentally growled back. _You're not helping._

The voice went silent, and that was about the only good thing to have happened in the past Rao knew how long.

She resisted the urge to pull her knees up so that she could bury her head in them and groan out loud. This was so beyond uncharted territory for her – and clearly him too for that matter – that it was not even on the proverbial map. To make matters worse, every attempt to so much as try to draw on the old state of their relationship for some kind of guidance proved to be an utter failure. That was not to say that it didn't work; the problem was that it _did_... but only for a short while. Then they would both seem to remember everything that had led up to this point and realise at exactly the same time that they were technically no longer _just_ best friends (although what they were now exactly was up for debate). Then things would get awkward again.

Rinse, repeat.

It was actually starting to get _really_ aggravating.

_-Are you annoyed at yourself or the situation?-_

_Both_ , she mentally groaned and once again resisted the overwhelming urge to bury her head in her knees. _Why is this so HARD? The movies made it look EASY._

Against her better judgement, Kara glanced in Mon-El's direction...

...only to find that he'd chosen the exact same moment to look at her.

For a heartbeat, they stared at each other... before promptly redirecting their gaze to the horizon again.

 _And here we go again_ , she thought to herself miserably as she tried to banish the blush that had suddenly spread across her face. So much for behaving like an adult; whatever little progress she'd managed to make in achieving that goal had clearly been rendered moot in light of this new and unexpected twist in her life. With no plan and no time to _make_ any plans, she was flying blind and it was showing.

“I have no idea what's supposed to happen next.”

The out-of-the-blue statement drew her attention back to him, but this time she found him very pointedly keeping his eyes on the horizon and scratching his jaw.

“...What do you mean?” she asked cautiously even though she was pretty sure she had a very good idea of what he was talking about.

His shoulders, stiff with tension, moved in a manner resembling a shrug. “You know.”

Oh. So they were doing that thing where they were going to use every trick in the book to avoid describing their current situation out loud. Wonderful. “Well... I don't either. Know, I mean. That is, the other thing, not... you know, not knowing what you meant.” _Holy Rao, Kara, are you trying to achieve some world record in awkwardness?_

“I, uh, guessed as much.”

“You should have some idea though, right?” she blurted out mostly out of a desire to prevent yet another long period of awkward silence from manifesting.

That got him to meet her gaze although there was nothing but confusion to be seen in his blue-grey eyes. “Some idea about what?”

“...You know.” She waved a hand in the air stiffly. Great, now she was doing it too.

“Oh.” He furrowed his brow. “...Wait, why would you think that?”

“I mean...” It was her turn to shrug nervously. “You're older, for one. As in you've been through more.”

One of his eyebrows arched. “...You _were_ paying attention when I told you about how things were like on Daxam, right?”

“Well, yes, but...” Kara floundered for a counterargument before a memory about something – or rather someone – Mon-El had told her about long ago came rushing back to her. “You said Hal-Ed fell in love with his latchmate, right? You _must_ have picked up _something_ from him.” (She very pointedly avoided the fact that she was essentially suggesting that they try to emulate a _married_ couple.)

The expression on his face could not be described as anything but incredulous. “You did _not_ just suggest that I take cues from that lunatic in any way.”

She frowned, her embarrassment from earlier forgotten for the moment. “I know you found him annoying even though he was just doing his job but really, Mon-El, isn't this reaction a bit extreme?”

“Kara, _the man was a walking disaster_. If you thought he had weird ideas when it came to carrying out his duties, you don't want to know what he was like in his personal life.”

“He can't have been _that_ bad...”

“Oh really? Then tell me, can you find any way to justify _this_?”

He gestured, and some... _thing_... materialised in front of them.

She stared in undisguised horror.

“What _is_ that?!”

“ _That_ , I'll have you know, is what Hal-Ed made for his 'precious beloved' as a birthday gift one year.”

“It's... It's... _hideous_.”

“ _See?_ Even you think so! Bal-Seg and I used to wonder out loud why Lorra never struck him down for creating that monstrosity. Want to know what made it even worse?”

“It can get _worse_?”

“Ain was a painter. Lorra was her patron goddess.”

“Oh _Rao_.”

“Yes, he presented that... _eyesore_... to someone whose life was devoted to creating works of art. It still baffles me how she managed to stop herself from destroying it the moment he presented it to her.”

“...I think... that means she must have loved him too.”

“She did, however questionable it was. Bal-Seg always said it was a sign of Yuda's power for better or worse.”

“...I'm sensing there's another story here for some reason...”

“...I may have... _helped_ her... solve that problem of hers...”

“...You didn't.”

“I did.”

“And he was _okay_ with that?”

“Well, I _did_ make it look like an accident...”

“Of _course_ you did.”

He shot her that trademark cheeky grin of his, causing her to roll her eyes in fond exasperation even as a faint smile formed on her lips, and for a moment things were back to normal.

Which, like before, did not last for very long because they both once again realised they were all but staring at each other.

Then they quickly turned away in unison and went back to staring at the horizon.

_-What's that human saying again? One step forward, two steps back?-_

_NOT. HELPING._

Awkward silence descended upon them again, and just as Kara found the courage to try and start another potentially doomed conversation, she felt the pull of the real world.

“...I think I'm waking up,” she whispered as she snuck a glance in his direction.

“...Well, you should probably do that then,” Mon-El whispered back in an indecipherable tone while keeping his eyes firmly on the horizon.

She bit her lip and did her best to stay in the dream world for just a little longer as she tried to figure out if she was supposed to say something significant before she left. Before this entire mess had transpired, she'd simply said something along the lines of “be back soon” but now, in light of everything, she had no idea if that was adequate. And considering she'd taken a whole week to return this round, making any reference to time seemed more than a little inappropriate and not at all reassuring. She wanted to make sure that he didn't doubt that she was definitely coming back but being too insistent about the issue was probably going to have the exact opposite effect. What then?

Out of ideas and feeling herself succumbing to the pull against her will, she let her usual impulsiveness take over and did the only thing that came to mind:

She shifted her hand just enough so that the tips of her fingers brushed against his hand and used the opportunity to send a wave of genuine if timid affection through their mental connection.

His surprise was clear in his expression when he swivelled his head to stare at her as well as in the state of the blue-grey energy in her head, but then a wave of affection similar to hers came flowing back from his end and the last thing she saw before she woke up was his shy boyish smile.

 

* * *

 

Mon-El continued to stare at the spot where Kara had been sitting long after she'd left and the last traces of the golden light vanished from his mind. His thoughts and feelings had been a mess after he'd revealed the truth about his feelings for her and they had remained that way as the both of them had struggled to figure out how they were supposed to behave around each other from now on.

But the moment he'd felt her feather-light touch and her affection for him flooding his head through their connection, all of that confusion had melted away and he'd simply felt...

...happy.

Which made him feel guilty because it didn't seem like he _should_ be happy. After all, his worst fear had essentially come to pass in the most extreme manner possible and he apparently no longer had any way of fixing it. Not to mention the fact that his first and last attempt to push her away had involved saying some truly terrible things that he still deeply regretted.

It was a nightmare.

And yet he still couldn't snuff out that small flame of joy her return and heartfelt confession had kindled in his chest.

Closing his eyes, he let out a weary groan and allowed himself to fall flat on his back as a headache began to cheerfully pound away in his skull.

_What in Rao's name have I gotten myself into?_

The question continued to reverberate endlessly in his head but just as the case had been when it had first started doing so, no answer was forthcoming.

She was supposed to have left. For good. And now she was back. Also for good, minus the times she was awake just like before. In hindsight, he supposed he should have expected this; after all, she had an annoying tendency to do the exact opposite of what he wanted her to do at the worst possible moment all the way back to the first time she'd ever flown her own dragon.

A sigh escaped him.

“Gods, Kara,” he murmured out loud, “why do you have to make things so... _difficult_ all the time?”

As the girl – no, woman – in question was very clearly not around, he naturally didn't receive an answer.

He sighed again, and something told him that he was going to be sighing a lot from now on. But sighing wasn't going to get him anywhere, as much as he wished that it did, and so he tried to focus his attention back on figuring out where things stood where the two of them were concerned. It had been difficult enough when they had taken their first stumbling steps towards becoming friends and then best friends since neither of them had had any experience with that; dealing with the recent turn their relationship had taken promised to be even more challenging in comparison if their earlier (incredibly stilted) conversation was any indication.

Unbidden, Kara's earlier suggestion that he look to Hal-Ed's latching to Ain for guidance came back to him then and he found himself trying to imagine what his personal guard would have said if consulted about this matter.

His mental recreation of Hal-Ed immediately began frothing at the mouth about Kryptonian assassination plots.

Mon-El rolled his eyes. “I don't know why I expected anything else.”

_-This is all a ploy, Your Highness! She cannot be trusted!-_

“A little late for that, I think. Besides, pray tell: Exactly what kind of assassination plot would involve kissing?”

_-She could have lined her lips with poison, for one!-_

“...I can't decide if that's incredibly creative or unbelievably dumb.”

_-This is a Kryptonian woman we're talking about! Anything is possible! And as your personal guard, it is my duty to consider everything a threat to your life until proven otherwise!-_

“Kara's incapable of doing something like that, okay? She's way too kind for her own good, for one, and even telling a necessary lie makes her feel guilty. I mean, I had to _convince_ her to pull a prank on a human girl who totally deserved it, for Rao's sake.”

_-That's just part of her deception! It's a long game; why can't you see that?!-_

“Yeah, this was a bad idea to begin with and you just proved it several times over. Please get out of my head now.”

_-B-But Your Highness!-_

“ _Goodbye, Hal-Ed._ ” With that, Mon-El visualised kicking his personal guard out of his room and locking the door just as he had done countless times back on Daxam, all the while ignoring the man's pathetic wailing about precautions and whatnot until it finally faded away.

Of course, getting rid of his brain's recreation of Hal-Ed meant that he was once again without anyone, real or imagined, to look to for help in dealing with his current dilemma. Lost and perhaps a bit desperate, his mind recreated the only person he felt reasonably certain would have had the answers if they were still alive and by his side.

 _=Why=_ , Bal-Seg's grouchy voice all but boomed, _=are you asking me about WOMEN of all things? I have so much knowledge about far more important matters at my disposal and THIS is what you come to me for help with? Besides, are you not already an expert in this?=_

As with Hal-Ed, a part of him wondered if it was meant to be comforting or not that he could still remember his tutor so well that he was almost sure that this was what the old man would have said in real life. “All that precious knowledge of yours was boring stuff, you ancient relic, so you can keep it to yourself for all I care,” Mon-El countered in an annoyed tone. “And Kara's not just any woman, all right? She's...” he trailed off as he struggled to find a word that could come close to expressing everything the woman in question represented.

He'd met thousands of women throughout his life – had taken a great many of them to bed as well – and they all had stood out in their own ways. Beauty, intelligence, gentleness... the list went on.

But Kara... Kara eclipsed them all effortlessly. Maybe he was a little – or a lot – biased, but none of the women he'd crossed paths with in his old life could even come close in comparison. None of them had left their mark on him, for good or ill. None of them had tried to see _him_ – him, Mon-El, not the crown prince of Daxam – and understand him like she did. (His royal identity had been suffocating more often than not, and it had not helped when he realised that as much as Hal-Ed and Bal-Seg genuinely cared about him, they had only entered his life because he was the prince.) None of them had impressed him – had _challenged_ him – the way Kara had and continued to do.

None of them had ever made him feel like this before.

“She's Kara,” he finally finished, feeling for some reason like the statement clarified nothing and everything all at once.

 _=You care about her.=_ It wasn't a question.

“I do,” he replied anyway, “and that's the problem, I think.”

_=And that problem is...?=_

“I still don't know if I have that right.”

He still thought he didn't deserve her in any way – not her friendship and certainly not her affections.

But, as with most things involving Kara, Mon-El was starting to suspect he didn't actually have any say in the matter. Not her feelings and not his either.

_=Whether you have that right or not does not change how you feel. And that is the only thing that should influence your actions moving forward.=_

Was that what he wished his tutor would say or his rational mind masquerading as the old man in an effort to drill some sense into him? He had no idea... but maybe it wasn't important in the grand scheme of things. “I know.”

_=Good. Now leave me be to enjoy the peace and quiet you never allowed me to have back on Daxam.=_

Mon-El rolled his eyes but a small if sad grin tugged at his lips nonetheless. “That makes two of us.” _I miss you, you stupid old man_ , he thought but didn't say.

Silence reigned again and he stared listlessly at the red sun shining down on him as his mind which had been distracted with summoning two ghosts from his past returned to dwelling on his apparently unsolvable dilemma. Out of that maelstrom of conflicted thoughts and feelings, the memory of Kara's confession surfaced and replayed itself.

“ _I love you, Mon-El. I... I'm in love with you.”_

The words made him feel as if his heart was suddenly too big for his chest and caused the true question driving his turmoil to spill out of him.

“Am I allowed to be happy, Bal-Seg?” he asked out loud.

He didn't receive an answer, of course, but even so, he wanted to believe that the old man would have said 'yes'.

 

* * *

 

A small miracle happened in the morning, and that was Eve found herself waking up at a relatively early hour despite not having any morning classes to attend. Well, 8am was early by her standards, anyway.

She supposed she shouldn't be surprised; after all, she had had trouble going to sleep last night what with her driving herself crazy with worry over Kara's situation. Then again, that had pretty much been the case since the day she'd returned to the apartment to find Kara bawling her eyes out on the living room floor.

However, last night had been particularly trying in light of Kara's declaration that she was going to go to sleep. Eve had been well aware of all the unspoken implications hiding inside that decision and knew that saying too much could make things worse so she had simply wished her best friend a good night's sleep. To make matters worse, her brain had taken note of the date and she wasn't sure if it was supposed to be an omen. The hopeless romantic in her was optimistic and chose to see it as a positive sign where Kara's True Love Story was concerned but the practical side of her which she was sure she'd inherited from her mother prepared for the worst.

And so it was with great trepidation that Eve got out of bed, washed up and headed to Kara's room to check in on the girl, half expecting to find her either catatonic with grief or sobbing uncontrollably into her pillow.

Except Kara's room was empty.

...Of course. Eve smacked herself on the forehead as she remembered that her best friend was such a creature of habit that she'd probably dragged herself out of bed at her usual time even though she was an emotional wreck.

With that in mind, she turned on her heels and began walking in the direction of the kitchen where she did in fact find who she was looking for in roughly the exact state she had envisioned: Kara sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of untouched tea in front of her and a vacant look on her face.

“...Good morning, Kara,” Eve said cautiously as she slowly approached her best friend and allowed herself to feel the slightest bit of relief when the girl slowly turned to look at her. “How did you sleep?”

Eve had expected her question to trigger a whole flood of tears and heartbreaking wailing about having truly lost Mon-El for good.

Instead, Kara _blushed_. “Um,” she said oh so intelligently.

Alarm bells began ringing in Eve's head and she narrowed her eyes. “What happened last night?”

“Ummm.” Maybe it was a trick of the morning light but it looked like Kara's blush darkened just a shade.

The alarm bells upgraded themselves to klaxons. “Okay, you.” Eve jabbed a finger in Kara's face. “Start talking. _Now._ ”

“Um. Well.” Kara began fiddling with her glasses. A _lot_.

Feeling her patience begin to wear out even as she struggled to keep her slowly growing excitement concealed, Eve stepped closer so that she could loom threateningly over her best friend. “ _Words, Kara. Yesterday._ ”

Kara shrank into her seat, a somewhat terrified look on her face. “Eve-”

“Nuh uh. No excuses, no nothing.” Eve removed the cup of tea in her way, grabbed one of Kara's hands and dragged the girl over to the couch. “Sit down and tell me everything. _This. Very. Second._ ”

“Um...” Kara started only to quail once again when Eve sent a death glare in her direction. “I managed to return to the dream world,” she said in a rush.

A small satisfied smile began forming on Eve's face. “Go on.”

Kara looked down at her fidgeting hands. “A-And... um... I... uh... I confessed. Properly this time, I mean.”

Eve began mentally dragging a crate of champagne out. “...And...?”

“M-Mon-El... H-He, um...” Kara curled into herself and mumbled something unintelligible.

“He what?” Eve pressed as she stepped closer.

“Hesaidhelikedme.” The words left Kara's mouth in one giant jumbled mess and her blush darkened even further.

Time stopped for Eve. “...Okay, back up and repeat that for me because I just want to be absolutely certain I heard what I just heard. _And do it slowly._ ”

It was as if a dam had broken. “I told him that I still wanted to rescue him because he was still my best friend and because I love him – because I was _in love_ with him – but it was fine if he didn't feel the same way,” Kara began babbling at superspeed. “And it was fine if he didn't want me to do that either because he had every right to be mad at me but then... but then...”

“...He said he liked you?” Eve filled in when Kara trailed off.

Kara nodded shyly and curled into an even tighter ball. Meanwhile, Eve struggled to refrain from screaming “ _YES!_ ” out loud although she did allow herself to start celebrating in her head. “He told me he'd said all that stuff to make me leave because... well, you know.” She gestured vaguely. “And he said it hurt him to do it so much that... that he couldn't bring himself to ever do it again.”

Eve upgraded her mental celebration to a full-blown parade. “That's good,” was all she allowed herself to say. “And?”

At that, Kara lifted her head up to stare curiously at Eve, her embarrassment apparently forgotten for the moment if the lack of red dusting her cheeks was any indication. “And what?”

The mental parade halted in its tracks. “...What do you mean, 'And what'?” Eve asked incredulously. “What happened next?”

Kara's blush returned. “Well... We, um... talked.”

All the air went out of Eve's mental parade. “...You talked,” she echoed flatly.

“W-Why do you sound _disappointed_?” Kara asked a little defensively.

Eve waved her arms angrily in the air as her temper started to get the better of her. “Why? _Because I was expecting more than just talking, that's why!_ ”

“ _'M-M-More'?_ ” Half mortified and half disbelieving, Kara began flailing her arms in a perfect mirror of Eve's agitated movements. “ _Eve, we just fixed our friendship!_ ”

That rebuttal just made Eve roll her eyes. “You've done the friendship thing for longer than an eternity. _Literally._ You need to move things along.”

“ _Move th-_ Neither of us have _any_ idea what we're supposed to do next!”

Eve huffed in annoyance. “Well, _I_ know what you're supposed to do next.”

“And what's that?” Kara asked, her tone equal parts sarcastic and curious.

“Jump his bones,” Eve replied matter-of-factly.

For a long quiet moment, Kara just stared blankly at Eve, leading the girl to suspect that her best friend's alien brain was having trouble figuring out the human slang that had just been thrown at her.

It was very obvious when Kara finally did because her blush came back in full force. “ _W-W-WHAT?!_ ”

“You know, have sex with him,” Eve clarified needlessly if only so she could have an excuse to hammer the point home.

For the next few seconds, the only sound to be heard in the apartment was Kara gurgling. “ _I know what you meant!_ ” she sputtered when she finally regained the ability to form actual words. “What I want to know is _why_?!”

“Do you even have to ask?” Eve levelled a flat look at her best friend. “Kara, you're essentially a forty-two year-old virgin-”

“ _I spent twenty-five years of my life being twelve!_ ”

“An inconsequential detail-”

“ _How is that 'inconsequential'?!_ ”

“-and even if we put that aside, you're physically eighteen and in college,” Eve continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. “If there's ever a time and place to start getting physical in your relationship, this is it.” She paused. “Just checking: You _can_ take your clothes off in the dream world, right?”

“Well, Mon-El takes his shoes off before he- _Wait, why am I even telling you this?!_ ”

Cats that had just eaten the fattest canaries to ever live could not look as pleased as Eve did at that very moment. “Oh, good. Then sex is _definitely_ on the table. I was worried there for a moment. ”

“ _Why are you worrying about something like that?!_ ”

“Well, _someone_ has to and since _you're_ not going to do it, _I'll_ have to pick up the slack,” Eve countered crossly. “Besides, can I just say that this was _such_ a missed opportunity for you? I mean, the timing was perfect and the mutual confession thing is great, don't get me wrong, but it could've been _so much better_.”

Kara's mortification was once again temporarily supplanted by utter bewilderment. “Timing? What? What in the world are you talking about?”

Wordlessly, Eve picked up her phone, brought up the calendar and shoved it in Kara's face. “Yesterday was the fourteenth of February. I get how you could have missed all the madness going around campus and frankly I don't blame you if you were ignoring it on purpose but now that you're in a _much_ better place, you should realise the significance.” At the sight of the girl's blank stare, Eve sighed in exasperation. “Valentine's Day, Kara. _You two confessed your feelings for each other on Valentine's Day._ ”

Just as Eve predicted, Kara turned bright red once more. “I-I-I... I-I didn't- _It doesn't mean anything._ B-Besides, how is this helpful in any way?”

Another sigh escaped Eve. “I'm just pointing out that Valentine's Day sex would've been a great way to cap off a successful Valentine's Day confession.”

To her credit, Kara actually tried to form some kind of a proper response – if one counted incoherent sputtering as an attempt, that is – before she all but leapt up from the couch. “I don't have to listen to this any more! I'm going back to my room!”

“Where you're going to go to sleep and take my advice to jump him already?” Eve asked somewhat hopefully as her best friend started storming away.

Then she watched as Kara tripped over thin air and nearly crashed headlong into the wall. “I- WH- YOU- _I'M NOT LISTENING!_ ” the girl practically screamed with a borderline purple face at Eve before continuing her march back to her room.

Eve heaved another frustrated sigh as the sound of a door slamming reverberated throughout the apartment. “I'm going to have wrinkles before those two even get to second base,” she muttered irritatedly to herself. Oh well. At least this meant that her favourite True Love Story was back on track. Now she could resume her efforts to push those two idiots even closer together...

 

* * *

 

Even though she knew on an intellectual level that Eve would never do something like barge into her room without permission, Kara still drew an inordinate amount of satisfaction from locking her room door. It was pretty much a symbolic gesture and nothing more but in her head it put just a little bit more of some much-needed distance between her and her supposed best friend right now so it had to be done. And now that she had accomplished that, she was going to do everything in her power to get rid of all those... _thoughts_... Eve had happily planted in her head.

“Honestly,” she muttered to herself as she fought to banish the heat still scorching her cheeks, “I'm _never_ going to her for help _ever again_.”

Of course, that meant that she was pretty much back at square one where her little relationship predicament was concerned. Upon waking that morning – had it really been only two hours ago? –, she had stared unseeingly at the ceiling as she struggled to believe what had transpired that night. A part of her had even wondered if she'd dreamt it all up in the traditional sense because it was just that hard to believe... but the moment the thought had entered her head, she had shoved it back out with a vengeance. Paranoia wasn't going to help and besides, she was pretty sure there was no way her brain could have come up with a dream that good – not to mention elaborate – what with the state she had been in when she'd fallen asleep.

Having affirmed to herself that her return to the dream world had in fact happened along with everything else, she had gotten out of bed and gone about her day like usual until she'd ended up in the kitchen nursing her typical morning cup of tea. With only one afternoon class to attend today, she had allowed herself to sit idly in the kitchen and mull over her dilemma.

Then Eve had happened and now here she was, a virtual prisoner in her own room because being alone with her chaotic thoughts was infinitely better than being subjected to her supposed best friend's obsession with her se- _love_ life. (Rao, even _that_ alternative was embarrassing enough on its own.) Was the girl secretly a Daxamite or something?

Groaning, she took off her glasses and all but threw herself onto her bed as she once again attempted to put her supposedly genius brain to work on her plight. Just as she had done while she had been in the dream world with Mon-El, she quickly dismissed all the information she had gained about relationships from her favourite books, shows and movies since none of it had proved helpful. Besides, now that she had given herself more time to think about it, everything she knew about human dating rituals was useless when applied to her relationship with Mon-El. Meal dates were definitely out since they didn't need to eat in the dream world and creating food constructs not only felt pretentious but also made her a little queasy. They couldn't technically _go_ anywhere without creating it first and they'd already been doing that for years anyway. Even the whole 'getting to know one another' phase was rather redundant since they'd already spent one twenty-four year-long eternity doing just that.

For a moment, she considered asking Kal-El for advice since he was already in a relationship with Lois before remembering that her cousin had been raised on Earth and therefore had followed human dating rituals instead of the ways of their people. Maybe he could be convinced to fly her to the Fortress of Solitude to look up the information? She had been too young to even start being curious about these things when she had lost everything, after all, but she was sure that what she was looking for was buried somewhere in the computer's vast archives. Although she would probably need a really good excuse to give Kal-El as to why she was suddenly interested in this matter...

On a whim, she tried to imagine how the entire thing would go even if she managed to get past that particular hurdle.

“Hello, Mother, Father,” she addressed her parents' holograms in this imaginary scenario, “can you please tell me about Kryptonian courtships? Oh, and do they have to be changed in any way if the other party isn't a Kryptonian? Specifically royalty? Like the crown prince of Daxam, for example?”

In this imaginary scenario, her parents' holograms then activated the Fortress' self-destruct sequence and she perished in a gigantic ball of flame.

...Okay, so maybe that wasn't an option if things couldn't go right even in her own imagination. And for some reason, she had a feeling that it wasn't all that far from the truth. After all, there was very little reason to believe that her parents – and possibly even their holographic selves, depending on how advanced that technology was – would approve of her getting into a relationship with someone who not only happened to be the crown prince of her people's most hated enemies but also had a reputation that pretty much made him the frat boy of the universe.

Another groan escaped Kara but it was muffled when she grabbed her pillow and buried her face in it.

_What in Rao's name have I gotten myself into?_

It was becoming increasingly clear that she was in way over her head with this whole new not-just-best-friends-any-more thing with Mon-El... but then again, this was vastly preferable to the alternative. She had expected the worst – had thought she had lost him for good – and even after she'd managed to restore the connection and see him again, she had prepared herself for his anger and even a permanent dismissal. This, however overwhelmingly confusing and potentially treacherous it was, was almost assuredly the best possible outcome.

“ _You're wrong, Kara. I_ _do_ _care about you. A lot more than I have any right to, in fact.”_

The memory of Mon-El's confession replayed itself in her head then, and she pressed her pillow against her face just a little harder as if the action could stamp out the blush that had once again spread across her cheeks.

Mon-El liked her.

Mon-El _liked_ her.

Mon-El liked _her_.

For a moment, all her worries and confusion about what the future held in store for them faded from her mind and she allowed herself to bask in the simple happiness of knowing that the guy she was in love with returned her feelings even if he hadn't used the exact same words as she had.

_He likes me._

Yes, the future was full of uncertainties but this... this one certainty was more than enough for now.

A soft strange sound burst her little bubble of happiness then, and she lifted her head to find that a piece of paper had been slipped into her room through the gap at the bottom of the door.

A creeping sense of dread began to fill her... and yet morbid curiosity compelled her to slide out of bed and pick it up to inspect it.

She immediately regretted that decision.

'WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE HAVING SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME', the title of the printed article loudly proclaimed.

The piece of paper promptly met its untimely demise courtesy of a particularly powerful blast of heat vision.

 

* * *

 

As certain as she had been that her return to the dream world last night had actually happened, Kara nevertheless could not stop a sliver of trepidation from running through her when she went to sleep that night. Because of this, a barely perceptible sigh of relief escaped her lips when she opened her eyes after falling asleep to find herself back in the dream world and staring at Mon-El.

Judging by the look of barely concealed happy surprise on his face when he noticed her presence, a part of him had feared that she wouldn't return either.

Small they may be, but their reactions were proof that their faith in the strength of their connection and possibly even the feelings they had each confessed to the other was still shaky at best.

She could only hope that this was one wound that time could eventually heal.

“Hi,” she greeted him, shyness rendering her voice barely above a whisper as she hesitantly approached him.

“Hi,” he replied just as softly, not a single muscle in his body twitching as he waited for her to come closer and sit down next to him.

“S-So, um...” they both started to speak at the same time only to stop when they realised they were talking over each other.

“Y-You first,” she mumbled as she dropped her gaze down to her hands and futilely tried to get rid of the heat that had suddenly flooded her cheeks.

He was not that much better, having decided the horizon was a much more fascinating sight all of a sudden although the hand scratching his jaw gave him away. “Well, uh... I've been thinking.”

“...About...?” she carefully prodded him when he failed to be more forthcoming.

“You know,” he clarified – or rather didn't – with a stiff shrug.

“Oh.” She chanced a glance at him before looking back down at her now fidgeting hands. “...And?”

“...I still don't know what's supposed to happen next,” he finally confessed after another long pause. “Or more like what to do, I suppose.”

Bizarrely enough, a small smile began tugging at the corners of her lips. “Me too,” she responded, “but... I think it's fine. Us not knowing, I mean.”

That got him to look at her. “It is?” he asked dubiously.

“Well, maybe not _totally_ fine,” she amended a little sheepishly, “but... I guess I meant _we'll_ be fine. After all...” She let the smile she had been suppressing spread across her face. “We're just a girl from Krypton and a boy from Daxam figuring it all out again. Together.”

The corners of his lips curled ever so slowly. “Together?” he repeated.

“Together,” she affirmed.

Their hands didn't touch... but they didn't need their mental connection to be aware of the flicker of hope being tentatively nurtured in each other's hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE A SLOW BURN AND I MEANT IT. YES, EVEN AFTER THEY'VE CONFESSED TO EACH OTHER. YOU'RE FREE TO LOVE-HATE ME FOR THIS. ...But maybe more love and less hate, if that's possible? Yes? No? Nevermind... ._.
> 
> Anyway, a certain topic has been brought to my attention (you can all thank sweetandviolent for this) and now that the question has been posed to me, I find myself unable to ignore it. Now I have a question for all of you and I'd like your honest answers: Do you guys want/expect there to eventually be some level of smut in this story?
> 
> (immediately gets smacked in the face with a giant "HELL YES" sign)
> 
> ...FOR THE LAST TIME, EVE, YOU'RE PART OF THE STORY! YOU DON'T GET A SAY!
> 
> (clears throat and ignores the grumbling in the background) So... yeah. That's the question. My original intention was to just leave the sex as implied but a friend of mine pointed out that considering everything I've put our space puppies and you guys through, it's almost an obligation on my part to deliver on this eventually. My one concern has been making my fic inaccessible to those who don't like/want to read smut (or are too young) but as I can't know who's okay with it and who's not unless I ask, I decided to just put the question out there for all to see. Just to be clear, I have zero experience writing smut (my past works will attest to this) and even if I do write some in the end, there will probably be fluff(?!) and a ridiculous amount of pillow talk (because I LOVE writing pillow talk; again, some of my past works are proof enough of this) so going forward with this is going to be a pretty big gamble for everyone on more than one level. But anyway, let me know what you think! Don't be afraid to say 'no' if that's how you really feel (and nobody had better judge or come after those who vote 'no' because I'll be Very Unhappy about it if I see it happening).


	7. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all baby steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life is still getting the better of me so I'm sad to say that it looks like I'm on a two-weeks-a-chapter update schedule for now. I'm still hoping that I can improve on that but it probably doesn't help that each chapter is quite long and I write large parts of it while half-asleep... On that note, does anyone know if there's a super-serum or something I can drink so I don't need to sleep any more?

_You can do this, Kara._

She'd lost count of the number of times she'd told herself that in the past hour to no avail.

Another sigh – she'd lost count of those too – escaped her and she let herself slump in her chair as she continued to stare at the object lying in front of her on top of her study desk.

On the surface, the aforementioned object was incredibly innocuous, being nothing more than a plain-looking notebook that was still in good condition despite having been in relatively constant use for the past six-plus years. Nothing had been pasted or even written on its now slightly worn and faded cover and no potentially identifying marks had been made on any of its sides.

Absolutely nothing about it at first sight gave away its contents which by Earth's standards was anything but ordinary.

When she thought about it that way, the notebook was a pretty good representation of herself along with only a handful of her other possessions – possessions which, unlike most of her things, could be said as belonging to both Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El.

Over the course of the six years since she had first been 'born', so to speak, Kara Danvers had amassed quite a lot of possessions both big and small. They ranged from silly little trinkets like the purple elephant key-chain she'd won – legitimately, even – at a fair to rather important equipment like her laptop which had been a graduation gift from Eliza.

It was a stark contrast to Kara Zor-El who had only been able to call three things as truly hers when she arrived on Earth: her pod, the clothes she was wearing and her mother's necklace. Of those three things, only one of them was still with her and she never took it off; her pod had been taken forcibly from her and she had no idea where it was now while her clothes which she had long outgrown were now stored safely away in an inconspicuous box in the Danvers house's attic.

Like the notebook, the necklace looked like any other of its kind on Earth... except neither its chain nor its stone were made out of any material that could be found in this part of the galaxy.

The same could be said for her glasses which were made of materials similarly unavailable on Earth for the purpose of creating the mask that was Kara Danvers – of hiding Kara Zor-El in plain sight and keeping her powers in check.

St'rki counted too despite being from Earth, and thinking about him now made her miss him terribly – more than she usually did, at least. For a creature that by principle could not comprehend a single word she said no matter what language she used, he was somehow able to perfectly understand her every time she talked to him. (She wondered how he would react if he was with her now and she used him as a sounding board for her newfound relationship problems instead of Eve who was being as unhelpful as possible. Would he listen patiently? Look at her like she was being silly? She could only speculate.)

This notebook, however... It was more than a link to her past and her true identity – more than a little metaphorical bridge that connected the lives of Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El.

It was the key to a future she wanted to achieve for herself. Now more than ever.

She lifted the hand that had come to rest on the notebook and flipped it open.

The familiarity of the scribblings that greeted her came not only from the fact that they were in her own handwriting and her native language – or Daxamite in certain cases – but also the fact that she had pretty much memorised them by now. Nearly every night that had followed the one where she had taken the Sacred Oath had been spent either adding to those very scribblings or going over them to make sure that no mistakes had been made. (And mistakes _had_ been made, if the occasional scratched out line or amended equation was any indication.)

She continued flipping through the notebook, taking note of the mixture of lists, calculations and maps that filled every available space of every page.

More than six years' worth of hard work recalling every bit of information she'd learnt back on Krypton, learning whatever she believed could help after arriving on Earth and applying it all in her unwavering effort to rescue Mon-El.

But it wasn't enough.

It hadn't been enough for a long while and it was past time for her to admit that.

_-You say that and yet here we are six years later with practically no progress to show for all your 'hard work'. Despite that, you won't even ask for help. And don't give me that line about being afraid someone will convince you he's not real. It's your pride. The truth is you want to be the one to rescue him – just you and no one else. If you really cared about him, you'd have swallowed your pride, taken the risk and asked for help long ago.-_

The words her own mind had spat at her when she had been at her lowest point, terribly alone and deathly afraid that she had lost her best friend for good because of her own foolish mistake, came back to her, and it hurt just as much to remember it now as it had hurt to hear it for the first time back then.

Of course, it was at that point that she ended up flipping to a page that she had tried to work on during that dark period and her gaze landed on the stains her tears had left on it.

In a way, she supposed that they were similar to the mistakes she had made with some of her calculations and maps in that they were evidence of her failures big and small – proof that she wasn't good enough when and where it mattered the most.

Just as she had several times over the years, she found herself once again considering getting a new notebook and making a clean copy of all her work. In those instances, she had ultimately decided against it because she had been worried that one of her corrections was in fact a mistake and she didn't want her first and potentially correct entries to be lost.

This time, however, she wanted them to remain for an entirely different reason.

Kara pressed her fingertips against the tear stains as she thought about the promise she'd made to herself to start acting like an adult. Only children pretended they hadn't messed up when they had in fact done just that; meanwhile, adults faced up to their mistakes and did their best to learn from them.

She had taken that first step with the long speech she'd delivered to Mon-El when she'd finally returned to the dream world after severing their connection. It had been terrifying and heart-wrenching and a hundred other things... but it had been the right thing – the adult thing – to do. The fact that she'd gotten the positive response she had never expected in a million years was another matter entirely; the important thing was that she had put her selfish wishes, her feelings and perhaps most importantly her pride aside in favour of doing what was best for the person she cared so much about.

And she knew exactly what she had to do next to make sure that she stayed on this course.

 

* * *

 

“I need your help.”

“All right.” Mon-El didn't even hesitate for a second. “Tell me what I can do.”

Kara bit her lip as guilt and shame began to gnaw away at her. “You don't even know what I'm asking you for help with.”

He merely shrugged. “You wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I mean, I know you, Kara. You prefer to handle things all by yourself as much as possible so this – whatever it is – must mean a lot to you.”

The guilt and shame inside her only grew, and not even the sliver of happiness she felt at how well he knew her and his lack of judgement was enough to quell it. “I... It does,” she admitted reluctantly, “but... it just doesn't seem... fair.”

“Fair?” he echoed, his brows furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I... This thing...” She faltered and had to stop to take a fortifying breath. _You can do this, Kara._ “What I'm asking is... is... is if you'll help me rescue you.”

Realisation dawned on his face. “Ah,” was all he said.

His muted reaction made her nervous, and that coupled with the already turbulent state of her heart caused her to drop her gaze to the ground and start babbling. “I know I took the Sacred Oath over six years ago and you never asked me to do it in the first place and I've been _trying_ , Mon-El, _I really have_ , but I need to admit not only to myself but also to you that there's only so much I can do on my own and if I was actually serious about this I would be using every resource at my disposal instead of stubbornly pretending everything's fine-”

A familiar touch on her shoulder cut off the flood of words spilling out of her mouth and she looked up to find him giving that equally familiar reassuring smile of his. “Okay, calm down, Kara. Breathe.”

“But-”

“ _Kara._ ”

She did as she was told somewhat reluctantly, drawing in several lungfuls of air until she calmed down a little before she continued. “As I was saying,” she started, feeling a little glad that he didn't try to stop her again, “I'm ashamed to admit it but I've been letting my pride get in the way of my efforts to rescue you and I want to apologise for that. No matter how smart I might be, it doesn't change the fact that I was only twelve when I left Krypton. There's only so much I can accomplish on my own with the limited amount of knowledge I learnt while I was there; if I really want to make some actual progress, I'm going to need help.”

Her hand twitched as she fought an almost ancient instinct, built over a literal eternity of familiarity, to reach up and touch his hand so that she could initiate their mental connection. It was both incredibly strange and weirdly expected how their relationship had sort of regressed drastically in light of the recent change in their relationship. Before, neither of them had hesitated to reach out for the other whether it was physically or mentally. During that one week where she'd been trying so hard to prevent him from learning about her feelings, she had avoided touching him out of fear that her secret would be revealed... but now...

Now, however, it seemed as if they had both realised at the same time just how... _intimate_... it was to be able to see and feel each other's thoughts and emotions. That realisation had made them hesitant – had further ensured that the casual camaraderie they had essentially lost when she had started trying to hide her feelings remained out of reach – and she had a feeling that it was going to take them quite a bit of time and effort to restore this part of their relationship.

“My help, you mean.”

Mon-El's statement drew Kara out of her reverie, and she refocused her gaze on his face to find him still giving her that smile of his that never failed to put her mind at ease. The sight of it was all the encouragement she needed to keep going. “You've seen far more of the universe than I have and I'm sure that Bal-Seg taught you a lot of things that could prove useful so... yes.” She swallowed thickly and curled her hand into a fist when it twitched again. “Like I said before, I know it's not very fair since I'm the one who took the Oath to rescue you of my own volition but-”

“Kara,” he cut her off gently, and she closed her mouth with a soft audible 'click' at his unspoken request to let him say his piece. “It's okay. I understand. Both why you didn't ask for help at the beginning and why you're asking now. Like I said, I know you. There's no need to apologise but if you insist, then I forgive you. And I'm more than happy to help. I mean, you _are_ trying to rescue me after all. Besides...” He shrugged somewhat sheepishly. “I feel like I should apologise too since I never offered to help before this even though I'm the one who benefits the most from you succeeding.”

Despite the seriousness of their discussion, a bemused smile began tugging at the corners of her lips. “To be fair,” she replied, “I would probably have refused to let you help and insisted that I could do it myself. And in _your_ defence, you _were_ hoping I'd just give up and leave you here for all eternity. Helping me would've run counter to that.”

That got him to grin ever so faintly. “Wow, did I just hear you not only _not_ be mad about my past attempts to get you to leave but also use it to _justify_ my inaction in my own rescue? Who are you and what have you done with Kara Zor-El?”

“Oh shut up,” she mumbled as she smacked him lightly on the chest, causing him to pull away with a cheeky laugh and remove his hand from her shoulder in the process much to her regret. Then she realised what she'd just done and flushed a little. “I-If you're quite done being annoying, can we please get started now?” she asked irritatedly as a way of masking her embarrassment.

“All right, all right,” he said, seemingly oblivious to her sudden mood change as he held his hands up in mock surrender. “Show me what you've done so far.”

Eager to make sure that he didn't have another opportunity to start teasing her again, Kara quickly began creating floating constructs of everything she had accomplished over the past six years, making sure to go just slow enough that Mon-El could catch any mistakes she might have made. He stayed quiet for the most part while she went through each calculation, list and map, only interrupting her politely every now and then to ask for clarification, add information of his own or correct some small error. (She was a little proud of the fact that she simply took his corrections in stride and didn't let herself get consumed by self-loathing over messing something up.)

“...So...” she started hesitantly once she'd run out of things to show him, “what... what do you think?”

“As always,” he started as he turned to look at her with a proud grin on his face, “I know I should stop being impressed by you considering how long we've known each other but you still manage to impress me anyway. This is amazing work, Kara. I mean it. Especially considering your circumstances. I didn't even expect you to know some of those equations you showed me earlier, for one.”

Red dusted her cheeks just as it always did when he praised her, and she had to turn her gaze downwards to her fidgeting hands in an attempt to keep even a sliver of her composure. “Th-Thank you,” she mumbled, “b-but, um, that's... that's not what we should be focusing on right now.”

“Ah. Right.” He seemed to sense that he'd made her nervous which seemed to make _him_ somewhat nervous too because he began scratching his jaw. “So. Uh. Let's see... We'll start with the first set of calculations you came up with to try and figure out the trajectory of my shuttle and go from there. How about it?”

She breathed an internal sigh of relief, grateful for his shared willingness to pointedly avoid another potentially awkward moment between them. “Sure,” she agreed readily as she recreated the calculations he had asked to review.

They were in the middle of debating whether they had to consider the possibility of more than one stray piece of debris hitting his shuttle and affecting its already theoretical flight path – one of many she had come up with, in fact –, thus necessitating an entirely new subset of calculations, when a thought seemed to occur to him and he paused mid-sentence. “Come to think of it... I never did ask: What's your plan after you manage to figure out where my shuttle is?”

The unexpected question which in hindsight she really should have expected caused her to freeze. “Um... well...” Oh Rao, how was she supposed to get out of this? “I was originally going to use my pod to try and tow your shuttle out of wherever it is...”

“...But you don't have your pod any more,” he said, and she didn't miss the way he carefully avoided even so much as hinting at how that had happened.

It was a gesture for which she was grateful no matter how small it was although it did little to help solve her current dilemma.

“Kara?” he tried to prompt her, his brows furrowed in confused worry.

“IwasplanningtoborrowKal-El'spod,” she mumbled under her breath as quickly as she could, hoping against hope that he would fail to hear her.

Unfortunately for her, that hope was unfounded. “I'm sorry, did I just hear you say that _you're planning to borrow your idiot cousin's pod?!_ ”

This promised to turn out just as bad as she'd imagined if his tone was any indication. “Mon-El, please-”

“ _No. Absolutely not._ ” The expression on his face was some borderline comical mix of fury and horror. “ _I forbid it, Kara._ Do you hear me? You are forbidden from going _anywhere_ near his pod.”

“Okay, first of all, I don't need your permission. Second of all, _I'm trying to rescue you_. The method shouldn't matter-”

“ _Of course it matters!_ This is _your idiot cousin_ we're talking about! Everything he owns could potentially be infected with his stupidity!”

“ _That doesn't even make any sense!_ And stop calling Kal-El an idiot!”

“ _I don't care!_ You're not taking that chance if I have any say in it! Kara, _sitting in your idiot cousin's pod for an extended amount of time means you could have turned into a complete moron by the time you find me_!”

“For Rao's sake, Mon-El, please be reasonable-”

“ _I will fly my shuttle into the nearest sun if you show up in his pod!_ I mean it, Kara! And don't ask how I'll know or manage it! I'll find a way, okay?!”

“Is this a pride thing? Are you just reluctant to get any kind of help from Kal-El? Because I swear to Rao-”

“It is _not_ a pride thing! And besides, you're the last person I want to be lecturing me about pride, considering you still insist Kryptonian music is superior to literally every other music in the universe!”

“Why you... The Argosian Symphony is an unparalleled masterpiece, you... you... _uncultured simpleton_!”

“For the last time, I never said it was terrible! I just said I've heard better!”

“ _You take that back!_ ”

“ _Make me!_ ”

The already off-track conversation was then further derailed by a pillow fight that only escalated with each fluffy projectile that went sailing through the air.

“...What were we talking about again?” Kara asked a while later as she lay on the grass trying to catch her breath.

“The undeniable reality that your cousin is an idiot and your terribly limited knowledge of quality music,” Mon-El replied without missing a beat despite being similarly exhausted.

She dropped a pile of pillows on him for that, and the fight began anew.

 

* * *

 

They eventually got back around to discussing serious matters – although she did have to promise to try and find an alternative to using Kal-El's pod much to her annoyance – and while they did actually manage to make some headway, Kara knew that there was more to be done.

There was a lot more that she _could_ do.

But she needed more help.

One person came to mind. (One other person besides Kal-El, that is. Mon-El could be so infuriating sometimes...)

Having made her decision and after giving herself a bit of time to figure out what she was going to say, she picked up her phone and called a familiar number.

However, the voice that answered, while still familiar, was not the one she had been expecting.

“Hey, Kara.”

She blinked, and her surprise caused her to pause before responding. “Oh. Um. Hi, Selina. Is... Is Bruce there?”

“He's a bit busy right now – Wayne Enterprises stuff – hence little old me answering this phone instead of him. What's up?”

“Well... It's just... I wanted to ask him for a favour.”

“A favour, huh? Sounds really serious.”

“It is.” Kara paused as she tried to figure out what to say next. “I... um, I guess I'll call back later when he's free.”

“Tell you what,” Selina chimed in before Kara could say anything else. “I'm not sure when he'll be available so how about I let him know that you need to speak to him and make sure he calls you instead?”

Kara perked up. “That would be great. Thanks, Selina.”

“It's nothing,” Selina replied breezily. “Bye, Kara.”

But then no call came later or even the next day, and Kara began to wonder as to why. Was Bruce just that busy? He usually did his best to return her calls or emails, rare as they were, as quickly as possible even if he had a hundred things on his plate so this felt a little unusual. Had Selina perhaps forgotten to pass along her message? No, that couldn't be; the woman was blasé about a lot of things – unsurprising for someone so closely associated with cats – but not when it came to the people she cared about. So what then?

She got her answer when she returned to the apartment from her afternoon class on Friday to find Selina sitting on the couch as if she belonged there.

In hindsight, she felt like she should have expected this to some extent.

“Hi, Kara,” Selina greeted her with a casual wave of her hand. “I forgot to ask you if you had any plans this weekend when we spoke on the phone.”

A grin tugged at the corners of Kara's lips. “Hi, Selina. It just slipped your mind, huh?”

Selina shrugged casually and didn't answer the question, but the gesture alone told Kara everything she needed to know. “So. Do you?”

“No.” Which was mostly true, considering the only thing on the agenda was the same thing that she had been doing for the past couple of weeks: finding new ways to avoid Eve's highly unwanted and extremely mortifying 'relationship advice'. “I'm guessing this is an invitation to spend the next couple of days at Wayne Manor?”

Selina grinned. “Smart girl. We can go as soon as you pack some clothes; I parked the car just around the corner. If we leave now, you'll have just enough time to get settled in before Alfred serves dinner. And I should probably mention he's cooking your favourites.”

That was all the motivation Kara needed. “Be right back,” she replied before using her superspeed to zip into her room, toss a few things into a bag and come back out to the living room. “Oh, one moment.” She grabbed a post-it note, scribbled a short message telling Eve she had gone to stay with a family friend for the weekend and stuck it on the fridge door. “Okay, we can go now.”

“Excellent. By the way, just a note of warning: The ride might be a little... fast. Hope you didn't eat too much for lunch.”

Kara wisely decided not to comment, and instead waited until Selina was driving at a more reasonable speed later on before trying to speak. “So, um... I don't want to sound unappreciative but... what brought this on?”

“You sounded really serious on the phone when you talked about asking Bruce for a favour,” Selina replied without taking her eyes off the road. “It felt like something that would be best discussed in person so here we are. Plus, I figured you could use a break from your studies for a bit. Not that I know personally how stressful it can be, considering, but still.”

“Thanks, Selina.”

“It's nothing. While we're on the subject, how are you doing so far? I heard you're studying two different subjects to boot.”

“I'm managing. Classes are interesting and the lecturers know what they're talking about.”

“That's good. Manage to make time for yourself?”

For some unfathomable reason, alarm bells began ringing in Kara's head. “...Yes...?”

“Also good to hear.” The pause that followed, despite being incredibly brief, was beyond suspicious. “So. Got a boyfriend yet?”

It was at that point that Kara began wondering if she could jump out of the moving car without arousing suspicion.

 

* * *

 

“I was not informed of this.”

A giggle escaped Kara as she released Alfred so that she could hug Bruce next. “Hi to you too, Bruce.”

“Hello, Kara. Why was I not informed of this?” he asked even as he hugged her back, turning his accusing gaze first to Selina who simply smiled back and then to Alfred who just busied himself with fetching Kara's bag from the car.

“I told Alfred,” Selina replied as she brushed past the both of them. “He needed to know he had to prepare more food tonight, after all.”

“But not me?”

“Oh come on, Bruce. Just enjoy the surprise. Aren't you happy to see Kara?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Then shush and just go with it.”

Bruce made a face that made Kara think of a kicked broody puppy, and it took all of her willpower to stop herself from devolving into a giggle fit. Luckily, Alfred happened to walk past her then, and she dutifully followed him as she once again tried to convince him to let her carry her own bag to no avail.

She had just finished unpacking her things – her only victory, however small, had been to successfully badger Alfred into letting her do that on her own – when a meow informed her that she was no longer alone.

“Oh. Hello, Isis,” she greeted the Siamese cat that had strolled into the room. The sight of the feline reminded her of her own pet, and the resulting wave of sadness made her scoop Isis up in her arms and start cuddling her. “You don't mind if I use you as a substitute for St'rki for a while, do you?”

Isis looked balefully at her for a moment before closing her eyes and submitting herself to Kara's pampering. “Oh, all right,” the cat seemed to say. “At least it's not a dog, I suppose.”

A knock at the door caused her to look up to find Alfred standing at the entryway informing her that it was time for dinner, and she realised with a start that roughly a whole hour had passed since she had first arrived at Wayne Manor.

It was only once they had started dinner that Kara learned that while she had been passing the time giving Isis belly rubs, Selina had been updating Bruce about the real reason she had arranged the impromptu visit.

“So Kara,” Bruce started while Alfred was in the middle of bringing out the main course, “I understand you want to ask me for a favour?”

“Um, yes.” _Okay, Kara, just breathe and say exactly what you planned to say._ “First of all, I just want to say that I know I'm asking for a lot but-”

“Kara,” Bruce interrupted her gently. “It's fine. Ask away.”

“A-All right. Um.” She took a moment to collect herself before continuing. “I need your help. To look for... survivors.”

He blinked, as did Selina and Alfred. “Survivors? Like yourself and Clark?”

“Yes.” She sent a quick mental prayer of thanks to Rao for the opportunity to avoid lying to Bruce's face. Well, lying outright, that is; it was still pretty much a lie of omission. After all, she _was_ looking for a survivor... but not one from Krypton. “Someone else _must_ have been able to escape the destruction of our planet and I just think that... that... if they _are_ out there somewhere, I want to find them. I _need_ to find them. But I can't do it alone and I didn't want to get Clark's hopes up-” _More like if I go to him with this, he'll ask questions I don't feel like answering especially since he might still remember my search of Daxam last time and the person I'm trying to find will probably never forgive me if I involve 'my idiot cousin'._ “-so I was wondering if-”

“Yes.”

It was Kara's turn to blink in surprise. “...Sorry, what?”

Bruce gave her a smile that resembled the one Mon-El had given her when she had asked for his help. “Yes, I'll help you. I'd be happy to.”

“R-Really? Thank you, Bruce!” She practically leapt out of her seat to run over and hug him.

“Yes. Well.” He patted her back awkwardly. “I'll start looking into what I can do after this but... I haven't done anything yet, you know.”

Only the knowledge that she could crush his bones to dust if she wasn't careful stopped her from tightening the hug. “You said yes. That's more than enough for me. Oh! I should probably mention that I've already sort of started by running a few calculations so I'll show them to you afterwards.”

“All right, we'll go through them tomorrow – I have to see if my computers can do the job or if I need to make some modifications – but that just makes your gratitude right now even less warranted-”

“Oh my _god_ , Bruce. Just shut up and accept the thanks,” Selina groaned. “We all know you're already making a hundred plans in your head so the sooner we finish dinner, the sooner you can go down to your man-cave and start working on helping Kara.”

“It's the _Batcave_ , Selina. How many times do I have to say it?”

“I'm _never_ calling it that, B. How many times do _I_ have to say _that_?”

Kara did her best to smother her giggles as the two supposed adults continued bickering – Alfred just rolled his eyes heavenward and muttered something about how they had better not start a food fight – and had to double her efforts when Bruce excused himself the moment he finished off the last bite of his dessert only to head straight in the direction of the nearest entrance to the Bat-cave.

“Hey, Kara.”

At the sound of her name, Kara turned to find that Selina had half-followed her back to her room. “Oh hey, Selina. Did you want something?”

“Nothing in particular,” Selina answered with a shrug. “Just that Bruce is going to be pretty preoccupied for the next few hours and Alfred's doing the laundry so I was going to head into the city in a bit. Want to join me?”

“Oh. Um.” Kara glanced at the grandfather clock in the hallway. “I'd love to but... Isn't it a bit late for a drive?” Plus, she'd actually intended to sleep early so that she could update Mon-El about this unexpected development but she couldn't exactly tell Selina that...

Selina gave her a wry look. “Kara, it's Gotham. We might as well be living in perpetual night. And I'm not leaving immediately so you can get some rest first if you're feeling tired. But it's okay if you're not interested.”

“No, I want to,” Kara replied quickly; having the option to sleep for a short while would allow her to have the best of both worlds. “I guess I'll see you in...?”

“Half an hour or so,” Selina supplied. “I'll call you when I'm ready to go. I just have to prepare a couple of things first.”

“Okay. Thanks Selina!” With that, Kara dashed up to her room without sparing a thought as to what exactly the woman had in mind. (She really should have known better.)

 

* * *

 

“Napping again?”

“What- Oh.” Kara looked down at her clothes which were very clearly not pyjamas and realised immediately why Mon-El would come to that conclusion. “No. Well, yes, sort of. It's already night out there but I'm going out with Selina in about thirty minutes so I didn't bother to change.”

“Selina?” he echoed confusedly. “She came over to your apartment?”

“Well, yes, but I'm at Wayne Manor right now. She showed up out of the blue to ask me if I wanted to come and stay over for the weekend so I said yes.”

“Ah.” Then the furrow in his brow deepened. “What brought this on?”

“Well...” _Best to just come clean right away. No point in hiding this._ “I wanted to ask Bruce for help to find you but Selina picked up the phone instead and she decided to come over and bring me to Wayne Manor so I could ask him in person. Although I didn't say I was looking for you specifically, of course; all I told him was that I was looking for fellow survivors. He said yes and didn't ask any more questions.”

A small smile of gratitude formed on his lips. “I see. Thank you. And him too, of course.”

It was illogical, but a light blush dusted her cheeks anyway. “Y-You're welcome but... I mean, all I did was ask for help and he hasn't really started yet so...” She cut herself off with a nod towards the small recreation of a star system she didn't recognise, finding herself suddenly desperate to change the topic. “A-Anyway, what's that?”

He glanced back at his own construct. “Oh, this? I'd like to introduce you to the Keltrekk system. Not much to look at in this part of the galaxy, actually, but there have been some phenomenons there in the past that I thought might be worth considering a possibility.”

“A possibility for what?”

“Where my shuttle might be, you could say.” At her stunned expression, he shrugged self-consciously and gave her a timid smile. “I figured that since I have all this time on my hands, I might as well... you know... spend it productively. I mean...” He very pointedly trained his gaze back on his construct as his hand came up to scratch his jaw. “I kind of feel a little... motivated, you could say... to get out of this place now.”

“O-Oh. I-I-I see.” The heat in her cheeks intensified as she began staring at her feet as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world. “S-So! Um. What... What phenomenons happen here that you think might be relevant?”

Judging by the way some of the tension bled out of his shoulders, he was grateful for her blatant attempt to avoid making things even more awkward between them. “Time-space distortions,” he explained. “See this?” He pointed at a small whirlpool-like thing floating in-between two planets. “They happen very rarely and have been known to appear at completely random parts of the universe; the Keltrekk system just happens to be one of the few places where they've been detected more than once.”

Intrigued, she stepped closer so that she was standing right next to him and began studying the construct of the distortion. “Sounds promising.”

“Well...” The hand that had been scratching his jaw moved to scratch the back of his head. “Maybe, maybe not.”

His vague answer caused her to turn to look at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“It's not exactly easy to study these things,” he explained. “Our scientists sent probes and some even travelled to the site when one was detected but they could never really determine much about them. Why they appear, where they might lead, what would happen to anything or anyone that travelled into or through them... nothing. Bal-Seg used to read the reports in his spare time – having access to all this information was one of the few upsides of having to deal with me, he always said – and he had his own theories...”

As Mon-El continued to talk, clearly quite absorbed in his mini-lecture, Kara kept quiet and took the opportunity to study him instead. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in what he was saying – far from it, since there was a strong chance that this information could prove useful – but seeing the way Bruce and Selina behaved around one another today had made her think about her own relationship with Mon-El. The ease with which they talked to each other, the way they worked together as Batman and Catwoman – even though she'd never had the chance of seeing them in action herself –, the amount of history between them... What existed between Bruce and Selina seemed to somewhat reflect both how things were between her and Mon-El and what she _wanted_ things to be like between them. (Except maybe the superhero part; she wasn't sure they were ever going to replicate that.)

And yet here they were, unable to have a single conversation without things getting incredibly awkward.

Her gaze drifted down to his hand which was just a hair's breadth away from hers. He didn't notice, still too absorbed in relaying what Bal-Seg had told him long ago to realise that she wasn't really listening to him any more.

She swallowed and tried to get her nerves under control. _You can do it, Kara._

Oblivious, he kept talking... only to stop when she tentatively reached out and loosely grasped his hand.

For a long time, neither of them did or said anything, and the general stillness of the blue-grey energy in her head told her nothing about what he might be thinking or feeling at that very moment.

Just as it all was starting to become a bit too much for her and she was ready to pull her hand back, however, he turned his around so that they were palm to palm and brushed her knuckles with his thumb.

Then he continued talking as if nothing had happened even as the blue-grey energy curled gently around her own thoughts.

She tried and ultimately failed to stop herself from shivering a little, but did not fight the urge to more securely intertwine their hands.

They stayed like that for the rest of her visit.

 

* * *

 

“Here. Put this on.”

Kara stared at the black bundle that had just been thrown at her. “Is this... what I think it is?”

“If you're thinking that it's one of my old catsuits then yes, it is what you think it is.” Selina emerged from the shadows in the garage already dressed in her Catwoman guise, her goggles perched carefully on her head. “Now do that superspeed changing trick you and Clark have and let's go. I'd say I won't look but it's not like I'd be able to see anything anyway.”

“B-But I thought you just meant a drive around the city!” Kara squawked in a panic, feet rooted to the ground and hands still limply gripping the clothes in her hand. “You didn't say it was going to be... to be _this_!”

Selina gave her a look that clearly communicated how naïve she had been. “Kara, it's _me_ we're talking about,” was all she said. “Are you still up for it or not?”

There really was no way to argue with that or refuse the now even more tempting offer, and so Kara meekly did as she was told and climbed into the car without saying another word. (For a brief moment, she wondered how Mon-El would react if he saw her as she was dressed now... and then immediately punted the thought into the sun before it could take root.)

“...So, um...” she finally worked up the courage to speak up after a while, “Are we going anywhere specifically? Or are we patrolling?”

“Oh, you know,” Selina replied breezily, “I thought we'd just drive around a bit like I said.”

Kara narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You already have a destination in mind, don't you?”

“You catch on quickly.” Selina shot her a smirk as she suddenly executed a sharp turn and... drove into a building? “We're here.”

“And here is...?” Kara asked slowly as she got out of the car and found herself standing in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse.

“One of Bruce's little tricks to help make it hard for anyone to trace Batman and Catwoman back to Wayne Manor,” Selina explained as she grabbed a small bag from inside the car. “Come on. We're leaving through the roof.”

Dying of curiosity was becoming more and more likely with every passing moment as Kara silently followed Selina's lead, hopping from roof to roof until they stopped on top of a building that looked exactly like the dozens that surrounded them. “...We're not... you know, stealing something, are we?” she finally managed to bring herself to ask.

Selina grinned. “I _am_ a thief, after all. But don't worry; the guy deserves it. Total scumbag by the name of Gilbert Goldberg. Runs a little blackmail racket that involves setting people up in compromising situations. Believe me, GCPD is going to appreciate getting whatever dirt we can find on him.”

Kara opened her mouth to argue that two wrongs didn't make a right, remembered that she'd essentially terrorised bullies like Belinda back in school into being better people and then shut her mouth before she turned herself into a hypocrite. “...So what are we here to do?”

“Not 'we'.” The smile on Selina's face was positively wicked. “You. I'm just here to supervise.”

“M-Me?”

“Yes, you. I know it's been quite some time and you probably haven't had a lot of opportunities to practise but I hope you still remember your safe-cracking lessons.”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Then you should be just fine. Now get in that office, find the guy's safe and make me proud.”

“...Okay, I can't take it any more. I have to ask,” Kara said in the middle of what she was reasonably sure was the beginning of her criminal career. “Is there a particular reason why we're doing this? Because I'm really starting to suspect that you planned this along with my trip here.”

There was a long pause before Selina finally replied. “You know, you have the worst parts of Clark and Bruce in you.”

“...I don't know if that's supposed to be a compliment or not.”

“It depends. What I'm trying to say is... I get where they're coming from, I really do. None of us want you getting into the type of life we have. But I know. I can see what Clark and Bruce don't want to acknowledge, and that's the fact that there's a very strong possibility that you're going to end up doing something like this in the future. It's only a matter of time and circumstance. So instead of trying to keep you sheltered until that day comes and then justifiably worrying about how unprepared you are, I'd rather do something about it now and make sure you have _some_ idea of what's in store for you.”

The sound of the safe opening barely registered to Kara's ears. “...Thank you, Selina.”

“Don't mention it,” Selina waved it off as she walked over to the safe and inspected its contents. “Mm, records and cash. Classic _and_ perfect.”

Kara openly gawked as she watched Selina sweep everything inside the safe into her bag. “Really? Even the money?”

“Thief, remember?” The flippant way Selina said it made Kara think of Mon-El... and how the two would probably get along splendidly when they finally met. “I'm not keeping it, of course, but I _do_ know a nice animal sanctuary that could use a generous little... _donation_.”

“Of course...” Kara replied wearily, deciding it would be pointless to say anything more on the subject. It was not until they were on their way back to Wayne Manor that she spoke up again. “Just out of curiosity: Did you essentially make me break Bruce's 'no supers operating in my city' rule and do I have to worry about getting banned from Gotham from now on because of that?”

“You think too much. First of all, you didn't use any of your powers except your enhanced hearing when you were cracking that safe so I'd say you just... _bent_ the rules a little. Secondly, you have nothing to worry about because no one besides us is going to know about this little excursion.”

 

* * *

 

'NEW KITTYCAT ON THE BLOCK?', the headline of the next morning's issue of the Gotham Chronicle proclaimed over a grainy picture of two feminine figures in black catsuits leaping across the city's rooftops.

Bruce was not happy. At all.

Alfred began grumbling very loudly about bad influences.

Selina chose to critique the quality of the photo instead of addressing the angry glares being directed her way.

Meanwhile, Kara wondered if she would've been better off staying in National City and enduring Eve's unique brand of torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK, THEY HELD HANDS. THAT'S SOMETHING, RIGHT?
> 
> (is greeted by cricket noises)
> 
> ...If there's a fanfiction version of the Guinness World Records, I'm probably winning for Slowest Slow Burn at this rate, aren't I...
> 
> PS: Regarding the question I asked last chapter, I've mostly made up my mind now but you're all going to have to wait and see. In the meantime, please continue to enjoy the story.


	8. Uphill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes. Kara frets for a number of reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... First of all, I once again would like to reassure all of you that I'm still alive and I'm still writing this fic. If you must know, I've been working on this chapter for the past three weeks and the problem wasn't that I was stuck. In fact, the exact opposite.
> 
> It.
> 
> Wouldn't.
> 
> END.
> 
> A friend finally advised me to just chop the thing in two and I decided to listen so here we are. Hope you don't mind.

Phones unsurprisingly began ringing later in the day.

Bruce got a call from Kal-El who expressed his Polite and Quiet Worries about Selina potentially corrupting his cousin and turning her into a super-powered criminal at the very least, if not a supervillain. (Selina, who naturally eavesdropped on the entire conversation, merely rolled her eyes.)

Eliza called as well, and the phone was passed around so that the Danvers matriarch could say her piece to every resident of Wayne Manor – not even Alfred was spared – which varied depending on who she was talking to. (In Kara's case, all she got was lots and lots of motherly concern... which in hindsight was worse than getting scolded.)

To top it all off, Alex gave Kara an earful that very clearly communicated a rage stemming from unparalleled jealousy, and it took a promise to bring back another 'souvenir' from the Batcave before the girl finally calmed down. (It felt a lot like bribery but if it spared her enhanced hearing from any further abuse – for something that technically wasn't even her fault anyway since Selina had been the one to propose the little 'trip', not her –, Kara was more than willing to do it.)

All of these little things only served to further compound the issue in Bruce's eyes, and so he began putting together a new list of rules especially for Kara that would apply the moment she so much as set foot in Gotham.

So of course the next time she came over, Selina took her for a nice little drive around the city.

In the Batmobile.

Which ended with them breaking into the Gotham City Museum.

(Kara was filled with a dizzying sense of triumph when she finally beat the security system with some guidance from Selina... and then almost immediately had a minor meltdown over the fact that she'd just committed yet another major crime. And _enjoyed_ it.)

When they finally returned to the Batcave, they found a very unhappy statue that looked like Batman waiting for them.

“We didn't steal anything this time,” was the first thing Kara blurted out in a panicked tone, only realising after the fact that she really wasn't making things better for herself. _This must be how Gotham's criminals feel_ , a small detached part of her noted dispassionately.

In contrast, Selina was so calm and collected as she exited the vehicle that one could be forgiven for thinking she'd just returned from an innocent round of window shopping at the mall. “Why, hello handsome,” she purred as she sauntered up to the statue that vaguely resembled a living breathing human, her hips swaying in a way Kara was sure she would never be able to replicate even if she practised for a hundred years. “So nice of you to be here to greet us. Did you wait long?”

A muscle in the statue's face twitched imperceptibly. “Cat,” it growled, and oh, that had to be the Batman voice that struck fear in the hearts of Gotham's less upstanding citizens.

Naturally, Selina was immune. In fact, it just made the sultry smirk she was sporting grow even wider. “Bat,” she replied easily as she walked right up to him and traced his jaw – which was clenched so tightly Kara didn't even need her powers to hear his teeth grinding – with a claw-tipped finger.

There was another twitch, but the talking statue didn't move aside from that one tiny muscle spasm. “You cannot possibly have forgotten the rules because I reminded you about them when this trip was planned. And this morning. _And three hours ago._ ”

“Did you?” Selina asked coyly as her hand travelled downwards to trace the symbol covering his chest. “I must have tuned out the moment you said the word 'rules'. You know how... _absent-minded_... I can get when people want me to... _behave_.”

“ _Selina..._ ”

“ _Bruce..._ ”

Kara, who had been silently watching this entire situation play out all this while and getting more and more uncomfortable with every passing second, finally found the strength to uproot her feet and began edging her way towards the nearest exit. “I'm just... going to... go now... if that's okay...”

Then she all but ran for the door just as what promised to be a very long (and somewhat one-sided) argument started in the middle of the Batcave.

“I feel like a kid in the middle of a very dysfunctional custody battle,” she complained to Alfred later through a mouthful of triple chocolate ice cream. She had run into him when she had gone looking for a place to put away the borrowed catsuit after having changed into her pyjamas and instead of subjecting her to an earful he had merely asked her to hand the outfit over. She had been so grateful for it that she had all but shoved the catsuit into his open palm and readily accepted his gruff offer of an extra serving of dessert in the kitchen.

The butler grunted into his cup of tea – she didn't think she had ever seen him drink anything else – and took a sip before replying. “Don't expect things to improve anytime soon.”

“I'm not.” She shovelled another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth before speaking again. “...You really aren't mad?” she asked tentatively.

He looked up from his drink. “Mad about what?”

“You know...” She nodded at the black bundle of cloth sitting innocently on the kitchen table. “That.”

Another grunt escaped him. “If there's anyone I should be mad at, it would be Ms Kyle for dragging you into all this nonsense. Besides, Master Bruce is one to talk considering what he got up to at what age.”

The tightness in her chest eased at his words and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from giggling. She'd only heard bits and pieces of Bruce's early 'adventures' when he'd first donned the cowl; he never allowed Selina or Alfred to say more than a sentence or two whenever either of them tried telling Kara about those days. “Thank you, Alfred.”

“I haven't done anything,” he replied dismissively before taking another sip of his tea. Then he nodded at the catsuit. “Does it fit properly?”

“What? Oh. It's okay. I mean, it's not a perfect fit-” which was to be expected since she didn't exactly have Selina's figure _and she was totally not in the least bit jealous_ , “-but it's not uncomfortable at least.”

“Well, we can't have that,” he grunted and put his cup down decisively before picking up the catsuit. “Come along now.”

“What? Where?” she asked in confusion but dutifully followed as he led her to one of the many rooms in Wayne Manor which, upon closer inspection, looked like some kind of small workshop. “Um... Alfred?”

“Now where did I put it...” he muttered to himself as he rummaged through a set of drawers before letting out a soft noise of satisfaction and pulling out... a roll of tape measure? “Right then, step on up Ms Danvers. And stand up straight; I don't want to get this wrong.”

“...Alfred, are you doing what I think you're doing?” she asked even as she did as she was told.

“If this is going to continue – and I suspect it will regardless of how I feel about it –, I'll not have you running about in something that doesn't fit you perfectly,” he grumbled without any real fire, his attention completely focused on his work. “It offends my pride as the butler of Wayne Manor and as a Pennyworth.”

Knowing that giggling might make it hard for Alfred to get accurate measurements, Kara bit down on her lip and desperately looked for something to distract her. It was at that point that her enhanced hearing picked up the muted sounds of two familiar voices floating through the manor. So Bruce and Selina had finally exited the Batcave... although based on Bruce's still agitated tone, the argument was nowhere close to ending.

...And then suddenly the noises reaching her ears stopped sounding _anything_ like arguing.

Kara flushed bright red the second she realised what she was hearing and clapped her hands over her ears. “Are they always like that?”

It said a lot that Alfred was not only able to immediately tell what she was referring to but was so unfazed by it that he just kept going about his work without so much as blinking. “If you think hearing them is bad, imagine constantly running the risk of walking in on them.”

She tried really, _really_ hard not to imagine it.

 

* * *

 

Needless to say, Mon-El was incredibly confused as to why Kara wouldn't sit close to him, much less look him in the eye, the next time she visited him. She only made it worse when she tried to deny that something was wrong even though he could very clearly see her crinkle but he got the sense that they were both better off if he didn't point it out so he kept quiet.

 

* * *

 

Breakfast the next morning was beyond awkward... but only for Kara, apparently, because the three residents of Wayne Manor behaved as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened last night in or out of costume. It was therefore a great relief to her when it was time for her to go back even if it meant subjecting herself to Eve's unwanted interference in her relationship with Mon-El once again.

“I have to ask,” the girl started, her eyes narrowed in suspicion, “you didn't make up this family friend in Gotham just so you have an excuse to hide from me every now and then from now on, did you?”

Kara scowled. “Do you really think I'm _that_ desperate-”

“Yes,” Eve cut her off without mercy, causing Kara to sputter indignantly.

“ _A-Am not!_ And even if that were the case, where exactly did you think I was spending the weekend instead? Some dingy motel on the outskirts of the city?”

“I was thinking more of a makeshift camp in the library but that's actually not a bad idea.”

Kara bristled but couldn't really fault Eve's logic – she liked the library; what was so bad about that? – so she elected to tell the truth. “If you must know, I've actually asked for help from... well, this family friend... in rescuing Mon-El – admittedly without revealing his identity and how I know him – so there was actually a purpose for my visit.”

If Eve had put two and two together and figured out who this mysterious 'family friend' might be, she certainly didn't show it. Instead, her only reaction was to lean across the tiny coffee table in their living room, her previously accusatory glare replaced by a look of genuine curiosity. “Oh? Now _that's_ definitely something I want to hear more about. How's that going?”

“Slow,” Kara sighed, half glad that she had managed to get Eve to drop her ridiculous line of questioning and half despondent over the new topic of conversation. “ _Painfully_ slow. It's difficult enough to work on it on a theoretical level but putting my theories to the test is proving to be even harder than I anticipated. I don't know if it's because I overestimated my own capabilities – which I am forced to admit is entirely possible –, because I underestimated how primitive Earth technology is compared to my planet's or both.” Then she winced. “Sorry, no offence intended.”

Eve casually waved the comment aside. “None taken. The fact that you and your cousin could come here from halfway across the universe so easily while we're still struggling to get a robot on Mars pretty much says it all.” Her gaze softened into one of quiet concern. “How long do you think it's going to take?”

“...A few more years, probably,” Kara confessed reluctantly. The technology at Bruce's disposal was slightly more advanced than Earth's in general thanks to the information he had access to in the Fortress of Solitude through his friendship with Kal-El but not by a vast extent. Bridging the vast gap between the technology of Earth and that of Krypton was one key reason; Bruce's somewhat justified wariness of relying entirely on alien technology even if it was from a mostly trusted source was another. Plus, based on what she could remember from her lessons back home and what Mon-El had told her about the efforts of his own people, the study of time-space anomalies had been fraught with difficulties to say the least even with their level of knowledge and technology. Had her people's decision to use the Phantom Zone as a place to keep their worst criminals even been made with a proper understanding of that place? She didn't know, and there was no one she could ask about it. But that wasn't important right now. “I'm doing my best to work harder but a lot of it from now on is just... waiting for results, basically.”

“Hey.” Eve reached out to clasp Kara's hand comfortingly. “You're doing everything you can. I'm sure Mon-El will understand.”

“He does. That's part of the problem,” Kara muttered, her tone half guilty and half annoyed. “He's always been _too_ understanding.”

“You two...” Eve let out a sigh of fond exasperation. “If us mere humans could have your kind of relationship problems instead of our dumb issues, we'd probably be so much better off.”

An inelegant snort escaped Kara. “Yeah, well, you only say that because you're not in my shoes right now. The grass is greener and all that.”

“Well, I know it sounds like empty platitudes but if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to tell me. You know I'm here for you. And Mon-El too, for that matter, even if it's by proxy.”

“Thanks, Eve, I will. But just having you here as my best friend is more than enough.”

“Don't mention it. Besides, I have a vested interest in seeing you succeed at this because the sooner you get your boyfriend's cute butt here on Earth with you, the sooner I can just lock the two of you in the nearest room with a bed and refuse to let you out until you've had sex.”

“ _E-E-EVE!_ ”

 

* * *

 

It seemed as if Bruce had gotten the sense of just how important this was to Kara because he called a few days later to inform her of his decision to invite her over whenever there was some significant development in her quest instead of just giving her reports over the phone. Kara was immensely grateful for his willingness to indulge her this much and neither took it for granted nor failed to express her profound appreciation for his actions.

It probably helped that he had seemingly worked something out with Selina as to what she was allowed to do while she wasn't spending time working on her little rescue mission with him because the rules were going to be a lot more lax starting with her next visit. Late night excursions were allowed provided extreme care was taken and they stayed out of the particularly dangerous areas of the city, among other sensible restrictions, and Selina seemed comfortable enough with them to not want to flaunt them in Bruce's face in the most outrageous manner possible. (At least, that's what the woman said _now_ ; what she actually did in the future was anyone's guess.)

The biggest surprise she got the next time she visited, however, was the brand new handmade catsuit Alfred handed to her personally in a manner that brought to mind grand official ceremonies. “This one is yours, Ms Danvers. It should fit you perfectly.”

“Thank you, Alf-” she started only to lose the ability to speak when her eyes finally picked out the symbol created by incredibly fine stitching at the part of the outfit that would rest right above her heart:

The symbol of the house of El.

“I couldn't make it too obvious since it might raise too many questions should you get photographed again but I thought you might still like- oof.”

 _Not too tight_ , she had to keep telling herself as she hugged him. _Not too tight._ “ _Thank you, Alfred_ ,” she mumbled into his chest as the tears she failed to keep in check started to soak his vest. “ _I just... Thank you. So much._ ”

“You're welcome, Ms Danvers,” he murmured as he patted her comfortingly on the back. “But come now, no need to cry. It's only a little bit of needlework.”

She didn't know how to tell him what it meant to her, having this small thing – this one more way she could remind herself that she was still Kara Zor-El no matter how small. She didn't know how to tell him how much she envied Kal-El for having the freedom to wear their family crest out in the open like she used to be able to do without a second thought. She didn't know to to tell him how much a small part of her resented her cousin for it because he used it as a means of hiding his 'real' identity instead of a representation of his true self.

She didn't know... and so she kept all those feelings to herself and settled for thanking Alfred again.

 

* * *

 

Mon-El knew the moment she told him about Alfred's not-so-small act of kindness, and she could not be more grateful when he simply enveloped her in a hug without saying a single word.

 

* * *

 

An unusual new routine began to take form in Kara's life after that; she attended class, studied diligently, locked herself in her room whenever Eve's 'relationship advice' became too much to handle and on rare occasions allowed herself to be whisked away to Wayne Manor to get updated on how the search for Mon-El's shuttle was going. While she was there, she was permitted to follow Selina out on her little excursions as long as she made sure the woman didn't drag her into any more criminal activities – although it wasn't as if Selina didn't succeed in breaking that rule once in a while, much to Bruce's displeasure – and she would head straight back at the first sign of trouble.

(On one extremely special occasion, Bruce took over for Selina on account of the woman needing to make an appearance in her civilian identity at the launch of a night safari that had benefited from one of her 'donations'. Kara said a very lengthy prayer of thanks to Rao for the fact that it never made the news because she was sure Alex would never forgive her for it for the rest of her life.)

Weeks turned into months. One semester break was spent getting a taste of working life in the form of a part-time job waitressing at a coffee shop near their apartment. Eve finally managed to drag her to a few clubs where Kara developed a fondness for club soda and Eve met a guy by the name of Jordan. (Kara may or may not have asked Bruce to do a background check on him just to be safe.) Eliza forbade her from spending her hard-earned money on a trip back to Midvale and made the trip to National City herself once with St'rki in tow just to assuage Kara's worries about her adoptive mother and pet. (Eve's parents hosted the little reunion, and the cat enjoyed the most amount of pampering he had ever gotten in his already privileged life thus far as a result.) She worked up the courage to ask Mon-El for a dance on her birthday and he naturally obliged much to her joy and relief. The Teschmachers invited her to spend the holidays with them and wore her down until she finally relented.

Life went on.

And then before she knew it, spring was upon her again.

 

* * *

 

“So.”

Kara kept her eyes studiously fixed on her breakfast and refused to look up to meet Eve's baleful gaze. “So what?”

“It's February. Again.” Eve snatched up her phone, brought up the calendar and all but shoved it in Kara's face to emphasise her point. (Kara still ignored her.) “You know what this means.”

Despite her valiant efforts to play dumb and carry on as if nothing was out of the ordinary, Kara could still feel the tips of her ears start to burn along with the rest of her face. “I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about.”

The phone was pulled away but the respite was brief as Eve merely moved so that she was standing right in front of Kara. “Don't you dare give me that, missy,” the girl growled, her eyes flashing dangerously. “You know very well I'm talking about how Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Which also means the first anniversary of your relationship with Mon-El is coming up. And what do you have to show for it?” She waved her arms in the air angrily. “ _Nothing, that's what!_ ”

“It's not 'nothing',” Kara muttered defensively around a mouthful of cereal. “We... well, hold hands. And hug.” There had also been the dance on her birthday but she wasn't all that keen on sharing that bit of information for a multitude of reasons.

Her answer was clearly not remotely satisfactory in the slightest because Eve's immediate reaction was to let out a noise of frustration, march over to the couch, pick up a cushion and scream into it.

“Wh-What do you have against hand-holding and hugging?” Kara asked, somewhat annoyed at the perceived criticism of her relationship _which wasn't even any of Eve's business to begin with, thank you very much_. “I... I _like_ holding Mon-El's hand. And hugging him. What's so wrong about that?”

“There's nothing wrong with that,” Eve said when she finally extracted her face from the cushion in her hands, her expression a mixture of weariness and exasperation. “I'd just prefer it if you did those things _with less clothes on_.”

The blush dusting her cheeks darkened by several shades and Kara sputtered for far too long before she regained her ability to form coherent words. “I-I-I'm not ready for that yet, okay?!”

“At this rate, you're _never_ going to be ready!” Eve let out another frustrated sound, snatched up her bag, stuffed her phone inside and marched towards the front door. “I'm going to meet up with Jordan!”

“What? Why?” Kara asked, completely thrown by the abrupt decision.

“Because _you_ -” Eve spun on her heels and pointed a finger in Kara's direction, her usually sunny features twisted into an expression best associated with the divine wrath of a very pissed off god, “-are giving me _a hell of a lot of second-hand sexual frustration_ , Kara Danvers, and _unlike you_ , _I'm_ going to actually get it out of my system!”

Then she dramatically exited the apartment and slammed the front door shut for good measure.

“...I'm not _s-sexually frustrated_ ,” Kara mumbled feebly into the empty apartment even as a wave of relief washed over her now that Eve was no longer around to say all those highly embarrassing things.

Even so, Eve's words continued to linger and echo endlessly in her head no matter how hard she tried to banish them and that just made her even more flustered and defensive. So what if all they'd done for a whole year was hold hands and hug? They were both comfortable with how things were between them right now and that was what mattered the most, wasn't it? They were in a good place where they'd pretty much stopped being awkward around each other – barring a few instances here and there, that is – so there was no reason to do anything that even had the slightest chance of potentially jeopardising that, right?

...Except...

She slowly raised a hand to her face and brushed her lips with the tips of her fingers.

It wasn't... _wrong_... to just... want a little... _more_ , right?

Unbidden, the bittersweet memory of her first kiss edged its way to the forefront of her mind and she let her eyes slide shut as she relived every single detail of it. She remembered the feel of his lips pressed against hers, the way the blue-grey energy in her head had been so comfortingly familiar that she had lost herself in it... and the shock and horror coursing through her entire body when she had realised what she'd done, not to mention every painful and ugly thing that both of them had thrown in each other's face after that as a result of their fears and misunderstandings.

As far as first kisses went, Kara was pretty sure it counted as an unmitigated disaster no matter how nice it had been in the moment.

She wanted... well, a do-over, she supposed. That wasn't too much to ask for, was it? But... to say that she was afraid would be an understatement. The first time had not gone well at all so who was to say that she wouldn't screw it up again somehow? And then there was also the fact that she'd crossed a line by forgetting about his customs – the very customs he had told her about to affirm to her that she wasn't obligated to respond positively to someone's advances if she wasn't interested, no less – and failing to ask for his permission before kissing him. Sure, she'd apologised already but was that really enough? At the very least, she was going to make sure she asked for permission the next time... but how was she supposed to do that? Did she just... _ask_ if she could kiss him? Rao, even _thinking_ about it was making her blush; how terribly was she going to fare when she actually tried it?

...Of course, if she was being brutally honest with herself, that was only half of the problem.

The other half of the problem was... was that Mon-El didn't seem all that interested in kissing her. At all. Or even doing anything more than holding her hand and hugging her, for that matter. She had been the one to reach out and hold his hand the first time after they'd confessed to each other, not him. Sure, their first post-confession hug had been initiated by him but since she knew that it was because she'd been crying over the chance to wear her family's crest again even if almost no one else would see it that time, she couldn't be sure that it had meant anything more than a platonic comforting gesture – one that he had made countless times since she was still a child.

And he had done nothing else besides that.

She knew why _she_ wasn't making any move to nudge their relationship along but what was _his_ excuse? If he was following his people's customs, why hadn't he... well, asked for her permission to kiss her or anything like that? He _was_ a Daxamite, after all, and he'd kissed thousands of women and much more before this – she tried not to think about that part too much – so what was stopping him now? Was it because she was a Kryptonian and there was something related to the war between their planets at play that he didn't feel like explaining to her? Surely he'd tell her if that was the case, right? Could it be because he'd learnt that she was a terrible kisser from that one instance then? Because it seemed terribly unfair to judge her... kissing abilities, for lack of a better phrase... based on that one fleeting time and she deserved the chance to... _redeem_ herself, so to speak. Or was it because some part of him still saw her as a child? If that was the case, that wasn't entirely fair either... but she didn't know how to fix it.

But the most confusing and somewhat frustrating thing was that there had been... _moments_... where it seemed as if he _had_ wanted to kiss her – moments where she had thought for sure that it was finally going to happen. They were few and far in-between, no doubt about that, but it hadn't been so rare that she could simply (and reluctantly) attribute it to her imagining things just because she wanted it that badly.

Perhaps the most telling instance had been her birthday after she'd scraped together whatever bits of courage she could muster and stuttered her way through a request for a dance. Just like her sixteenth birthday, she'd felt the need to clarify pointlessly even though he had already started recreating their usual venue before she'd even finished speaking.

Just like her sixteenth birthday, he'd stepped closer to tuck the maejlis flower that had formed in his hand behind her left ear... only he hadn't pulled back immediately after that.

Instead, his hand had lingered, the tips of his fingers resting feather-light on her cheek – so lightly she would've sworn she was imagining the contact if not for the flickering traces of blue-grey energy dancing at the edges of her mind.

What she most certainly _hadn't_ imagined either was how close his face had been to hers in that fragile moment suspended in eternity.

He had been so close that he was all she had been able to see, his mesmerising blue-grey eyes half-lidded and impossible to read – so close she had felt his warm breath fanning across her face in such an intoxicating way she'd barely been able to breathe herself.

Frozen in nervous anticipation and maybe the slightest bit of fear, she had been so sure – so, _so_ sure – that he was going to lean in and kiss her at long last.

But then he'd simply pulled away as if the moment hadn't existed and offered her his hand like usual. Nothing about his expression so much as hinted that he might have even considered kissing her for a second.

At the time, she'd been too scared to say something and potentially ruin things that she'd just accepted his proffered hand and set her heart on enjoying the dance to the fullest. (And she _had_ enjoyed it; dancing with Mon-El was always something to be treasured.) It was only after she'd woken up that she'd let all the questions she'd shoved aside earlier to crowd her head. Had he actually wanted to kiss her or had it all been in her imagination? Maybe he'd wanted to but then changed his mind? But for what reason? And was he going to try again? Should she ask? Did she _want_ to know the answer?

There were so many questions and too many potential answers that all she was accomplishing was making herself confused and... and...

...insecure.

It was easy to forget all her questions and complicated feelings when she was by his side in the dream world – that one week she had spent thinking she'd lost him forever had taught her to treasure every moment she had with him – but that was not the case when she was alone in the real world.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the calendar hanging on the wall. Valentine's Day was in less than two weeks. It was going to be their first anniversary – Rao, where had the time gone? – in less than two weeks and she still had no idea where their relationship was headed. Or if it was even headed anywhere.

 _I'll give it until then_ , she told herself as firmly as possible. _If nothing's happened by then, I'm going to talk to him about it. In the meantime, I'm going to figure out exactly what I want to say and ask. Then... whatever happens, happens._

Having made up her mind, Kara got up from her seat and got on with the rest of her day.

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, she really should have known that Eve wouldn't just sit quietly and let things be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (watches nervously as pitchforks are slowly raised)
> 
> Um... I'm sorry for the lack of Mon-El in this chapter and I promise the next update - which will be a lot faster compared to how long this update took since most of it has already been written - will more than make up for it? So... please don't kill me? >_>;;


	9. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a long and bumpy road (no thanks to meddling so-called best friends) but the destination is reached all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (summons several storage containers with the word 'SUPPLIES' written across them)
> 
> You're probably going to need these. That's all I'm saying.

Trusting and naïve girl that she was, Kara thought nothing of it when Eve asked her to make an emergency trip to the supermarket for her to buy some groceries on Valentine's Day itself. “I'm planning to cook Jordan dinner tonight – God knows he doesn't eat healthy food unless someone shovels it down his throat – but forgot to get all the ingredients I need,” the girl explained as she handed over a piece of paper. “Could you help me get everything on this list while I prepare everything else?”

Kara naturally agreed and headed out, completely oblivious to the calculating stare boring into her back as she exited the apartment. Because she had no reason to suspect anything, she took her time and even made a small detour of her own to see if the local bookshop had any new titles she might be interested in. Throughout her little shopping trip, she split her focus between the task she had to do and the speech she planned to give Mon-El when she went to sleep that night. She had it all sorted out for the most part and hoped that it would be enough to achieve some kind of progress where their relationship was concerned.

Lost as she was in her thoughts about said speech and its potential consequences both good and bad, she walked into the apartment and took a moment to process the sight of Eve standing in the middle of the living area with a very self-satisfied smile on her face.

It was at that point that the alarm bells in Kara's head began ringing.

“Welcome back, Kara,” Eve said in a falsely reassuring tone that just made Kara even more wary.

“...You didn't really need these groceries, did you?” Kara asked suspiciously, holding the bag in her arms like a makeshift shield.

“Oh no, I really did. Thanks so much for that,” Eve replied happily but made no move to relieve Kara of her burden. “But yes, it was mostly just an excuse to get you out of the apartment. Now, on to the main issue: Do you know what today is?”

The alarm bells began multiplying. “...Yes...?”

“And that would be...?”

“...Valentine's Day...”

“Mhm. And the significance where you're concerned is...?”

“...Do I really have to say it out loud?”

“Well, it would be nice but I'll take your blush as a good enough answer. Anyway!” Eve's smile seemed to sharpen as she picked up the nondescript black paper bag that had been sitting near her on the table and held it out. “I decided to get you a present.”

“...Thank you...?” Kara said hesitantly as she freed one of her hands, stuck it into the bag and pulled out some kind of almost see-through cloth.

The moment she realised what she was holding, she dropped it back into the bag so quickly that it would have been reasonable to believe that the item in question had spontaneously burst into flames.

“Victoria's Secret was having a Valentine's Day sale,” Eve explained with a sunny smile that was a stark contrast to the look of mortified horror on Kara's face. “I thought I'd do you a favour and get you something to wear tonight when you celebrate your first anniversary with Mon-El.”

“That... That... _thing_... looks like it was made out of... of... _cobwebs and dental floss_!” Kara barely managed to get out in between all her sputtering. “There is absolutely _no way_ I'm going to wear that! Not tonight and not ever!”

“Oh really?” The smile on Eve's face made her look like she'd just been dosed with extra-strong SmileX. “Because I think you're going to find that you don't really have much of a choice.”

Kara stared blankly at her supposed best friend.

Eve continued smiling.

Then Kara's eyes widened and she all but slammed the bag of groceries down on the kitchen counter before dashing to her room.

Still smiling, Eve remained where she stood and waited patiently for her best friend to reappear.

Just as she expected, Kara came running back out with an expression that was half comical rage and half blind panic. “Eve, _what did you do with all my clothes_?!”

“I burned them.”

“YOU _WHAT_?!”

“Okay, I lied. That would've been terrible for the environment, after all. Plus, I helped you pick out quite a few of those clothes and I would never waste my efforts like that. In any case, they're not here. So!” Eve held out the black paper bag again. “Accept your fate.”

Kara actually took a step backwards as if the bag contained all the plagues in the universe. “ _No! Absolutely not!_ I'm just going to sleep in the clothes I'm wearing now and you can't do anything about that!”

“You're right.” Eve let out a theatrical sigh but her casual shrug belied her lack of concern that her plan seemed to have been foiled. “But if you do that, I'll never return your clothes to you.”

“Why are you doing this?!” Kara looked like she was about to start crying in distress.

Eve huffed in annoyance. “I'm trying to help you get laid, obviously. It's my sacred duty as your best friend. Well, the one you're not madly in love with anyway.”

“ _I don't need your help! Especially with THAT sort of thing! My relationship with Mon-El is fine! I'M doing just fine!_ ”

“I wouldn't describe 'not even kissing in the first year of your relationship' as 'doing just fine' so we'll have to agree to disagree.” Another weary sigh escaped Eve and she put the bag down. “I thought you might put up this much resistance so I'm willing to offer you an alternative.”

“How generous of you,” Kara somehow managed to mutter sarcastically despite being on the brink of dying from embarrassment.

“Thank you,” Eve replied in such a way that Kara couldn't tell if she was being mocked or not. “Now here's your alternative.”

Then she lifted a cushion off the couch and picked up the clothes that had been hidden under it with one hand.

Kara gulped audibly as she stared at the shirt and shorts in Eve's hand. “Those shorts are... really... _really_... _short_.” The shirt wasn't exactly loose either but that occupied a very distant second place on her list of things that were causing her a great deal of distress right now.

“ _That's the whole point._ ” Eve held both options up in each hand. “So what will it be? Oh, and don't even think about cheating by only pretending to wear your choice tonight because if I don't see the clothes you're wearing now in the laundry basket before I leave tonight – and believe me when I say that I _will_ be checking and putting it in the washing machine before I leave –, it's bye bye wardrobe.”

A long stretch of silence ensued as Kara soundlessly opened and closed her mouth several times and her blush darkened to the point she looked purple. Then she let out an indescribable noise, snatched the shirt and shorts out of Eve's hand and stormed off in the direction of her room.

Eve didn't even try to suppress her smirk as she heard the sound of Kara slamming her room door shut. “Just as I predicted.”

 

* * *

 

“He-”

Mon-El's greeting died in his throat and his eyes widened imperceptibly the moment he noticed what Kara was wearing.

“S-S-Stop staring,” she mumbled as she tugged self-consciously at the edge of her shorts in a futile attempt to make it cover more of her legs, temporarily forgetting due to her abject mortification that she could just change them into something much more modest.

“Huh?” He blinked and started. “Oh. Uh. Right. Sorry.” Then he turned away immediately and set his gaze firmly on the horizon.

A confusing mix of relief and disappointment flooded her as she finally remembered her dream powers and transformed her shirt and shorts into her favourite set of baby blue pyjamas. On one hand, his willingness to do as she asked without hesitation because he knew it would put her at ease warmed her heart because it reminded her once again just why she loved him so much. On the other hand...

On the other hand, maybe it was all in her head but it felt like... like he'd turned away a little _too_ quickly. Like maybe he'd only stared because he wasn't used to seeing her wear something so scandalous and not because he'd actually found her much to look at.

At that thought, the insecurities that had plagued her about her relationship with Mon-El for the past few months came rushing at her, causing her heart to clench painfully in her chest. Sure, it was nice that he clearly respected her enough to not ogle her like she was a piece of meat but it would _also_ be nice to know if he... _liked_ her like that or not. (Rao, this was all very confusing, not to mention frustrating. Why had she thought this whole relationship thing was a good idea again?)

 _Stop being so scared, Kara_ , she scolded herself as she curled her hands into fists and did her best to tamp down on those insecurities. _You prepared a speech to address this very issue, didn't you? Now is the time to use it and get everything out in the open. You don't have a better option._

Mind made up, she closed her eyes and ran through everything she had planned to say in this very moment. She would start by reaffirming her feelings for him and how much she wanted this relationship with him to work. Then she would ask him to clarify what he actually thought and felt about their relationship. If what he said revealed that they weren't actually on the same page, then she was going to have a proper discussion with him about how they were going to move forward like an adult.

Feeling as ready as she was ever going to be, Kara took a deep breath.

“Do you want to mate with me?” she blurted out instead.

Then, upon realising what exactly she had just said, she had to stop herself from actually creating a bottomless hole under her feet so she could just disappear and never be seen again.

On his part, Mon-El turned to look at her so quickly that she could have sworn she actually heard his neck crack. “Sorry, _what_?”

“I-I-I...” The heat flooding her cheeks was so intense she was sure she was going to burst into flames any moment. Even so, what's done was done and, being as stubborn as she was, she pushed forward even if she was sure she was about to discover if death by embarrassment was really possible, dream world or not. “Y-You heard what I said.”

His eyes were so wide they seemed to be on the verge of popping out of their sockets. “Uhhh...”

The ensuing lack of any other response compounded her nervousness with every passing moment to the point that it gradually turned into annoyance. “W-Well?” she asked when the silence became too much to bear.

“Uh, yes? Wait, no. I mean yes.” He looked like he was about to have a panic attack. “Which answer is the one that keeps me out of trouble?”

His question only served to make her even more annoyed. “There's no right answer! Just... Just tell me the truth!”

“You're obviously angry! Which means there _is_ a right answer!”

“Stop trying to change the topic and just give me an honest answer already!”

“I _can't_ , okay?!”

The unexpected response threw her for a loop. “What do you mean you 'can't'?”

Having apparently realised what he'd just said, he closed his eyes and dragged a hand down his face. “This would be so much easier if we were on Daxam...” she heard him mutter under his breath.

There was the strange sense that she'd heard him say that exact phrase before a long time ago and it took her a moment to realise when: the time he'd told her about his people's rite of passage as part of his (very misguided) attempts to talk to her about mating. “What do you mean by that?” she asked, feeling for some reason that his non-answer now was related to that very thing.

Mon-El stilled and slowly lowered his hand from his face to eye her with an unreadable look. “I don't... I don't know how to explain it to you in a way that you'll understand,” he finally replied with a strangely defeated tone.

“Try?” Kara whispered softly. “Please? For me?” It was cheating, she knew – he rarely ever refused her anything especially when she asked like that, after all – but she wanted- no, _needed_ to know.

Judging by the look on his face, he knew she was playing dirty but still caved anyway. “...All right,” he sighed heavily, and another moment of silence passed as he closed his eyes again and visibly contemplated the issue before studying her carefully. “Do you remember what I've told you about my people's rite of passage?” At her silent nod, he let out another sigh. “I may have... oversimplified... things a little.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...” He stopped, groaned and covered his face with his hand again as he uttered a few unrepeatable words in Daxamite. “I think I need to go further back,” he muttered seemingly more to himself than her before visibly steeling himself and meeting her gaze again. “Do you remember everything I've ever told you about Yuda?”

She nodded hesitantly again. “She's the Daxamite goddess of love and unions.”

“And...?” he prodded her.

“...And... the reason asking for permission from someone you're interested in was important to your people was because forcing yourself on someone was considered an insult to her worthy of severe punishment.”

He gave her a grim smile she assumed was a silent way of complimenting her for her memory. “Those two things are linked in a way. To start from the very beginning, there is an old legend about Yuda – so old it predates even Vell Or's quest to become the first king of Sard – that tells of a young woman who had been searching for herbs in the forest when she was attacked by a brute from another tribe who forced himself on her and left her for dead. She survived the assault, however, and managed to drag herself out of the forest and to the nearest bit of shelter which happened to be a shrine dedicated to Yuda. Bloodied and near death, she begged the goddess for help and promised that if the goddess intervened, she and her family would worship only the goddess until the day the last of her bloodline perished.”

Sickened by the story, she nevertheless swallowed her trepidation and encouraged him to continue. “What happened next?”

“Yuda possessed the woman, healed her wounds and proceeded to slaughter the brute's entire tribe and lay waste to his village until not even a single stone remained standing. A whole village – every last person and every last structure – wiped off the face of the planet without a single trace left to indicate they had ever existed.”

Kara blinked, taken aback by the unexpected harshness of the tale. “That's... That seems a little excessive.”

Mon-El merely shrugged. “Brutal stories for brutal times. I should probably tell you about some of the ones associated with the other gods one of these days. Especially Bal-Seg's favourite legend about Telle; you might like that one. Or maybe not.” He shook his head. “But we're digressing. Anyway, one of the tribes that Vell Or sought to bring under his rule was led by a woman named Lind-Rel who claimed to be descended from the woman in that legend about Yuda. She refused his initial offer of an alliance so Vell Or invoked the sacred rite of Dakkam Ur and challenged her to a fight to the death. However, they were so evenly matched that it is said they fought for three days and three nights without either one ever gaining the upper hand. By then, he had become so taken with her that he was no longer willing to kill her. She was so unlike any other woman he had ever encountered, the stories say, that he could not imagine anyone else standing by his side when he became Sard's first king.”

She blinked again, stunned for an entirely different reason this time. “...Okay, I wasn't expecting this to be _that_ kind of story...”

A miniscule grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “I'll have you know that my people can be quite romantic when the situation calls for it. As I was saying, Vell Or wished to make Lind-Rel his mate and expressed those wishes during a rare lull in their fight. On her end, Lind-Rel had become hesitant to slay Vell Or as well because the priestess of her tribe had foretold that the mate Yuda had chosen for her was someone who was equal to her in every way and her fight with Vell Or had convinced her that he was that very individual. When he told her of his new intentions, she accepted and, after helping him achieve his lofty goal, became the first queen of Sard. In honour of his beloved mate and her tribe's singular worship of Yuda, Vell Or elevated Yuda's status in the Sardite pantheon until she was second only to Rao and incorporated many of the practices and laws of her tribe into the ways of his new kingdom. One such law was the one that promised everything short of divine retribution on those who would insult Yuda by forcing themselves on an unwilling partner – the unpardonable sin that was the cornerstone of Lind-Rel's tribe's beliefs.”

“I see...” She took a moment to process the information that she had just received. “Is this also the reason why all your people's latchmates are chosen for them? Because that was what Lind-Rel's tribe did?”

“You guessed right.”

“...This is also related to your people's rite of passage, isn't it?”

“Correct again.” He paused as if considering how to proceed. “When I first told you about Daxam's rite of passage, what exactly was your impression of it?”

“I-I... W-Well...” she stammered uncertainly, aware and ashamed that even after all this time there were still certain ways her old prejudices about his people coloured her perception of their customs.

The smile he gave her spoke of understanding and perhaps even a little forgiveness, and for that she was infinitely grateful. “The rite of passage is a way of understanding oneself and what brings one pleasure through the worship of each of the gods. To us, there is no greater way of showing our appreciation for everything the gods have given us than to enjoy life to its fullest. In the case of Yuda, the training we receive helps us understand things like the type of partners we prefer and what to expect when we... well, mate. There is also a song we must learn called the Hymn of Yuda which... I suppose you could say it encapsulates everything that Yuda represents and what we must do to honour her. One line in particular is the most important: 'The ground is flat where Yuda walks.'”

“Is it related to the legend?” she hazarded a guess. “Because she destroyed that village to the point that nothing was left?” Then she slowly connected the dots and realised where he had been going with this entire 'lesson'. “Is that... Is that why you said you 'can't'? Because of some fear of divine retribution?”

“It's about _respect_ , Kara,” he corrected her softly. “If we understand who we are and know for certain what to expect from one another, we are equal in Yuda's eyes. Our training ensures that. When it comes to partners not from Daxam, it is imperative that they are... _experienced_ , for lack of a better word... so that we can still be considered as equals before Yuda. But you...” He faltered, sounding somewhat lost and possibly even a little frustrated. “I won't disrespect you by asking for permission when you don't... _know_ yourself well enough to know what it is I'm asking of you. I... I _can't_. Do you... Do you understand?”

There was an unpleasant twisting feeling in her stomach and chest that just seemed to get more pronounced with every passing moment. “So you're saying that... that you won't even so much as kiss me because I've never...?” she trailed off, uncertain if she wanted to finish her question.

Mon-El shrugged helplessly. “The ground is flat where Yuda walks,” he repeated as if he didn't know what else to say.

“But what if I ask?” she blurted out before she was even fully aware of the words falling out of her mouth.

The blank stare he was giving her made it clear that she had completely lost him. “You... what?”

It had been a desperate and impulsive question, but the more she thought about it the more it seemed to be the only way for them to move forward to what she hoped was a mutually desired outcome. “I... I want you to teach me how your people ask for permission.” If she was the one to ask, that should make it okay, shouldn't it? After all, that would mean that she knew what _she_ was asking of _him_ and it would in some way put them both somewhat on the same level by the standards of his people's customs, wouldn't it?

She didn't know. It was a pretty crazy leap of logic by her own admission.

But it was worth a try.

His mouth opened and closed soundlessly several times, and she came very close to convincing herself that he was going to refuse when he finally spoke. “Are you sure?” he asked carefully.

It was an out, but she had no interest in taking it. “Y-Yes.”

“...All right then.” He stepped closer and closer until she could almost feel the warmth radiating from his body. “Do you remember the formal Daxamite greeting meant for social events?”

She nodded jerkily. How could she forget? It was, after all, the first time she had ever received a kiss from him even if it was just on her hand.

If he figured out what was on her mind, he didn't show it. “They're similar to some extent,” he murmured as he picked up her hand, and she failed to stop a shiver from running through her entire body at both the contact and the sudden presence of the blue-grey energy in her head. “You start by turning the person's hand palm up and brushing your thumb across it before kissing it.” He kept his eyes down and described his every action in an almost detached manner, but there was a strange tone in his voice she had never heard before. (She would have missed it if she hadn't been doing her utmost best to focus on anything but the sensation of his lips on her skin.)

The way her heart was pounding away in her chest, it seemed entirely possible that he could hear the drumbeat. “S-So... what... what do you do if you want to refuse?”

He still didn't look at her. “You take the person's hand, turn it palm down and draw your finger across the back of their palm horizontally.”

“And...” She swallowed nervously. “A-And if you want to... to accept?”

There was a small barely perceptible pause before he continued. “You turn the person's hand palm up, draw a line down it from the wrist to the tip of their middle finger and return the kiss.”

It was a struggle to remember exactly what all this was supposed to be about especially when she felt his lips brush her palm again, and it took him releasing her hand and pulling away for her to even begin to collect herself. When she was marginally sure that she could actually go through with this, she reached out a shaky hand for his, lifted it and copied his earlier actions. (Her lips may have lingered on his palm for a lot longer than it was supposed to. She wasn't sure.) “L-Like this?” she rasped as she lowered his hand but didn't release it, all the while doing her best to ignore the way the blue-grey energy was one step away from drowning out her own thoughts.

His gaze was steady but unreadable, as was the blue-grey energy. “Yes.”

This was it. There was no going back now. “Th-Then... Y-Your response?”

Ever so slowly, he lifted her hand, turned it palm up, drew a finger down it from her wrist to the tip of her middle finger and pressed a feather-light kiss to her palm before releasing her hand again.

“O-Oh.” Joy and nervousness warred for control inside her, and the conflict robbed her of her ability to say anything else.

He waited, unmoving, for her to take the next step.

It felt like he was always waiting for her in some form or fashion.

She swallowed thickly, gathered the few scraps of courage she had left and pushed herself on her tiptoes as she let her eyes slide shut.

He met her halfway and-

_Oh._

It was everything like the first kiss and more.

All her anxiety and trepidation faded away in an instant, replaced by an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment that she wished with all her heart would last forever. The blue-grey energy gently caressed her thoughts, glowing ever so softly with warmth and affection.

She felt... She felt...

... _whole_.

When the need for air finally became too great for her to ignore, she pulled back and opened her eyes to find him staring back at her with that same unreadable look. Suddenly self-conscious again, she took a small step backwards and brought her hands up to cover her mouth. “Was that... Was that okay?” she asked timidly, heat slowly but surely flooding her cheeks. “I-I-I mean, I've never- well, except for that other time – with you, even – but you never said if- you know, s-so-”

“Kara.” He closed the distance she had just created between them and gently pulled her hands away, a hint of a smile on his face and in his eyes as the blue-grey energy curled comfortingly around her thoughts once more. “It was fine. Better than fine, even.”

His words caused a flicker of hope to manifest in her heart, but her nervousness continued to rule over it. “D-Do you... Do you really mean that? I-I mean, you're not just saying that because you don't want to hurt my feelings, right? B-Because you don't have to, you know-”

“ _Kara._ ” This time, there was a note of admonishment in his voice and the blue-grey energy in her head as he cupped her face and she automatically obeyed the unspoken request for her to stop blabbering. “You are a very desirable woman and there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you kiss. Do not let _anyone_ make you question that. Not even me. Do you understand?”

She nodded ever so slightly, unwilling to jostle his hands in any way. “S-So. Um.” Her gaze darted downwards to land on his chest, suddenly finding herself unable to meet his gaze any longer even as she brought a trembling hand up and curled her fingers just enough to snag the fabric of his shirt. “I-I... D-Do I, um... Do I have to keep... you know, asking for permission? Every time I-I... you know, want to... k-kiss you?”

“Ah.” There was a pause. “This is going to be a regularly recurring thing, then?”

The question drew her gaze back up to his face, her mind a jumbled mess of annoyance and anxiety. “I thought I- Was I not clear enough...? O-Or... Or do you... _not_ want it to be?”

“I do,” Mon-El quickly reassured her, a slightly sheepish and apologetic look on his face. “I just didn't want to assume, that's all.”

“W-Well, I do,” she said as firmly as she could before faltering again, her gaze darting up and down as she struggled to decide whether it was safe to look him in the eye as she kept talking. “S-So... do I?”

A slightly awkward cough escaped him and the blue-grey energy in her head seemed to retract just a little from her mind. “I... uh, think it should be fine for you to just skip it from now on if you want. I mean... On Daxam, things didn't usually stop at kissing, much less _one_ kiss when anyone gave their permission so we're kind of in uncharted territory here.”

Kara tried really, _really_ hard not to think about what he meant by that and forced herself to keep talking if only so they could avoid that topic like it was the plague. “O-Oh. O-O-Okay. B-But, um... Just, you know... What if, say, you're not... you know... up for it or something like that? I-I mean, I don't want to... you know, try and k-k-kiss you when you... you know, don't want to be... k-kissed.”

One of his eyebrows arched. “Turn down any opportunity to receive a kiss from the most beautiful woman in the universe? I don't think there'll ever be a time where that will happen.”

It was a miracle Mon-El hadn't burned his hands already considering how much heat she could feel flooding her cheeks. “That's not fair,” she complained childishly. “Y-You can't just... _say stuff like that so easily_.”

“What, you mean the truth?” he asked, his expression full of nothing but genuine confusion.

She emitted a noise that was half embarrassed and half annoyed. “ _There you go again!_ ”

This time, he managed to figure out what she was talking about and, much to her frustration, began _smirking_. “So you want me to stop complimenting you? Because I will if that's really what you want.”

“I didn't say _that_...” she whined, beyond caring that she was acting more like a spoilt brat at the moment than an adult.

He widened his eyes in faux surprise. “Oh, you want me to do nothing but compliment you then? My, my, Kara... I never thought you were that kind of woman but it's clear now how badly I've misjudged you all this time.”

She let out another indescribable noise and smacked his chest with her free hand. “I didn't say _that_ either! Stop twisting my words and teasing me, Mon-El!”

“But it's so fun and I've barely started,” he pointed out cheekily as he released her face much to her well-disguised dismay – she wasn't _that_ mad at him, okay? – but she was mollified when one of his hands drifted downwards to clasp one of her own. Their mental connection restored, she found the blue-grey energy radiating nothing but mischief, however, much to her similarly restored annoyance. “While we're on the subject, have I ever told you how adorable you are when you're flustered?”

“Y-You... _ugh_!” She smacked him again. “I hate you so much right now!”

A full-bellied laugh burst out of him. “No you don't,” he countered easily before dropping a soft kiss on her hair.

The tender act was enough to drain all the irritation out of her – which was _totally not fair_ because he shouldn't be able to get away with being such a... such a _meanie_ just by doing something _that_ simple no matter how nice it felt – and she found herself mentally scrambling for something to say so that she could change the topic and hopefully salvage some of her pride. It was then that she suddenly recalled the significance of tonight and an almost hysterical giggle escaped her despite herself as she dropped her gaze back down to his chest.

“What?” he asked, clearly surprised by the sudden and drastic change in her mood and behaviour. “What's so funny?”

“It's just...” She bit down on her lip to stop another giggle from escaping her and tried to compose herself to no avail. “I can't believe it took us reaching our first anniversary for us to have our first proper kiss.”

The blue-grey energy stilled before it began radiating confusion. “Sorry, first anniversary of what?”

“Huh?” Having not anticipated that question at all, Kara looked up once again to meet Mon-El's gaze, half expecting to find him preparing to tease her... except he really did look lost. “Well, our relationship.” It must be because he had no way of knowing that a whole year had passed out there in the real world since that fateful day. That was the only explanation that came to mind. Come to think of it, she hadn't even told him about the whole Valentine's Day thing. “We've been... well, together for a whole year now.”

Instead of clearing things up, however, her explanation only seemed to make him even more confused. “...But we've been together for a lot longer than a year.”

“No, not- I mean...” she faltered, suddenly getting the sense that they were no longer on the same page. Again. “A year ago today, w-we... you know, confessed our feelings for each other.”

“Oh. That.” The furrow in his brow deepened again. “Is this an Earth thing? Or a Kryptonian thing? Telling someone how you feel about them is all it takes to initiate a relationship? Really?”

“Well, not really, but...” Against her better judgement, she found herself getting just a little defensive. “I think that counts, doesn't it?”

Unfortunately for her, he didn't seem all that convinced. “...But nothing happened after that,” he pointed out. “For a whole year, according to you.”

Forget a little; now she was definitely _very_ defensive. “W-We held hands! A-And hugged! Plus, there was the dance on my birthday! Those things were definitely not 'nothing'!”

Mon-El's expression was a mixture of dubiousness and, gallingly, fond exasperation. “We've been holding hands and hugging since you were twelve. And I'd like to remind you that you were twelve for _twenty-five years_. As for the dance, we first did that on your sixteenth birthday so I'm pretty sure it doesn't count either.”

“W-Well, _I_ think they count,” she huffed.

“And _I_ think they don't,” he responded calmly.

“You...” she fumed, too angry to find the words to express how annoying she found him to be at that very moment. “We're going to be arguing about this for a very long time, aren't we?”

Her question caused him to blink in surprise, and it was only then that she realised the implications of her own words. “Is that so?” he asked as a small bemused smile began forming on his face and the blue-grey energy in her head began poking her mind in a mischievous manner. “How long is 'a very long time', if you don't mind me asking?”

Blushing for what felt like the hundredth time that night, Kara nevertheless refused to let him win once again and stubbornly stood her ground. “Forever.”

“'Forever', huh?” His smile softened into something warmer and – dare she say it – a little shy. “I should probably point out that that's a really, _really_ long time.”

As usual, his smile was infectious and the corners of her lips curled ever so slightly. “That's the whole point.” A wave of self-consciousness washed over her as she contemplated her next step but she tamped it down and forced herself to say what was on her mind. “Y-You, um... You don't have to ask for permission either from now on, just so you know. Th-That is, what I mean is... I'm giving you permission to... you know... k-kiss me whenever you feel like it.”

“Ah. Duly noted,” he said.

And then nothing.

She glowered at him and the hand half-curled around the fabric of his shirt tightened its grip, but the effect was somewhat ruined by her luminescent blush. “That was supposed to be a hint.”

The expression on his face was one of angelic innocence. The blue-grey energy in her head, however, conveyed nothing but devilish mischief. “Oh? What were you hinting at exactly?”

Her blush somehow managed to intensify. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

“Well...” he drawled, still maintaining that pretence of innocence, “I wouldn't want to assume so...”

It took her a great deal of effort to stop herself from giving in to the urge to hit him. “I-I-I... I-I want you to... to k-kiss me,” she finally ground out, irritation and nervousness causing her to trip over her own words.

“Good to know this recent change in our relationship hasn't made you any less bossy,” he commented quite casually, but smoothly tipped her chin up with his free hand and pressed his lips against hers before she could so much as voice a single word protesting his statement.

(She very magnanimously decided to let him get away with winning their argument in such an underhanded manner – and before it had even begun at that – after a great deal of serious contemplation. But just this once. Or so she told herself.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (opens the storage containers to reveal crates of champagne and insulin shots)
> 
> YES, I FINALLY LET THEM KISS. YOU CAN ALL START CELEBRATING NOW. Of course, the insulin is for anyone having trouble processing all the fluff. I like to keep all my bases covered. Also I've been threatened by you guys with your medical bills one too many times to not take precautions but that's neither here nor there...


	10. Observation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three different individuals, three different perspectives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (clears throat)
> 
> One year ago today, a young Kryptonian girl who had just lost her entire world woke up to find herself in a strange place with the crown prince of Daxam as her only companion. Yes, it has been a year since I posted the first ever chapter of my Paradise in a Dream series and as you can see, the story is still far from over. I'm not really sure if that's supposed to be a good thing or not but either way, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have been diligently reading and supporting this fic especially if you've been with me on this journey since that day. I hope you have been enjoying yourself (well, as much as humanly possible when the angst train comes to town anyway) and that I will continue to meet your expectations until the very end.
> 
> (clears throat again)
> 
> In any case, please ignore my silly rambling and enjoy this latest chapter!

_I deserve sainthood for this._

That was the recurring thought that Eve had in the months following what she called The Great Long-Awaited Valentine's Day Confession That Proceeded to Go Absolutely Nowhere. (No, she was _not_ interested in shortening it, thank you very much.)

A small voice at the back of her head tried to point out that she had already been patient – so, _so very unbelievably_ patient – since the day she realised that her best friend was head over heels in love with a guy – a freaking _prince_ , for that matter – who had been _her_ best friend since forever – _literally_ – but was totally unaware of it herself. If she and her patience had managed to survive the years of silent torture that had followed that realisation, she could handle being patient for a little longer.

Another more vocal voice in her head loudly stressed that she had already been patient enough and she deserved to reap the fruits of her hard work. _NOW._

When she realised that her brain had pretty much split into two so it could argue with itself to death, she took a deep breath and decided to calmly review the current situation.

Kara had successfully confessed her feelings. That was worth celebrating considering how long the girl had taken to even realise she _had_ those feelings. Mon-El had reciprocated. That was even more worthy of celebration considering everything from the fact that he'd known Kara since she was a kid to how strongly he believed she could do better that he'd been more than willing to condemn himself to an eternity of floating in space just so she could be free to find this hypothetical better guy.

This was good. This was great. She should be happy. She _was_ happy. For Kara, of course, but also herself by extension because the whole thing had been driving her up the wall either with frustration, worry or both.

She _was_ happy... except for the fact that _nothing had happened after that confession_.

At first, she had decided in light of Kara's highly exaggerated reaction following the helpful little article Eve had printed out for her that maybe it would be fine to just dial it back a little and let the girl have some time to process the entire situation. After all, Kara had been clearly prepared to have her heart broken beyond repair _and_ lose her best friend forever at the same time; getting the exact opposite outcome in the end had probably caused her alien brain to short-circuit in the most spectacular manner.

 _A week_ , she had told herself with what basically amounted to false confidence. _I'll give her a week. Something should happen in those seven days._

With that, she had kept quiet and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

At the end of that very long week, she had quite casually asked Kara how things were going with Mon-El.

“Well, we... um... We're talking,” Kara had confessed like it was some major achievement.

When she looked back at that moment, Eve was sure that the only reason she hadn't started screaming in frustration was the fact that disbelief had caused her jaw to unhinge itself and create a crater in the floor.

Absolutely no progress had been made. At all.

It was like... like her favourite show had gone on an indefinite hiatus just when things were starting to get super interesting. And no amount of Strongly Worded Letters – or in her case, Loudly Voiced Suggestions – was going to change that.

Patience, it seemed, was _not_ actually a virtue.

Even thinking about it now was making her blood pressure skyrocket so Eve took a deep breath, thought happy thoughts like cute puppies and waited until she'd calmed down again before continuing her little trip down memory lane.

Kara's abrupt disappearance to Gotham supposedly to see a family friend had seemed a little too timely for Eve's liking but considering the complex nature of Kara's familial relations on Earth, she didn't think it was her place to pry. However, Kara had somehow managed to keep disappearing just when Eve was close to setting up some kind of intervention so it was only natural that Eve had started getting suspicious and eventually voiced said suspicions. Finding out that the trips were related to Kara's ongoing efforts to rescue Mon-El had stopped her... but only just. (With this new bit of information, she felt like she had a good idea who that 'family friend' might be but left the matter alone. As with the identity of Kara's cousin, she didn't see the need to know.)

This was also a good thing. As she herself had told Kara albeit in a different way, Mon-El being on Earth just that much sooner meant that she could kick _his_ slow-moving butt as well – metaphorically speaking, of course – instead of being restricted to just kicking Kara's.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

It had only occurred to her later to ask if anything had happened during the trip since she was sure that Kara had discussed the matter with Mon-El.

When Kara had started blushing, Eve had foolishly thought that something good had happened.

“W-We... um... W-We held hands,” Kara had mumbled shyly with her gaze pointed firmly downwards.

...That was _not_ what Eve considered 'good'.

“W-Why are you looking at me like that?” Kara had asked defensively when she had finally looked up and noticed the incredibly sour expression on Eve's face.

“Do you even have to ask?!” Eve had all but yelled in response.

 _Screw being patient_ , Eve had thought to herself after that. _It's time to start pushing again. HARD._

But of course Kara had continued to resist, and Eve got the sense that the girl's trips to Gotham had really turned into a welcome means of escaping Eve's attempts to create some kind of progress in her favourite True Love Story.

Hugs, as nice as they were, most definitely did _not_ count as progress in her books.

At least Kara had allowed herself to finally be dragged to a club where Eve eventually met Jordan, so there was that.

But she was digressing.

Maybe it was a Kryptonian thing or maybe it was just a Kara thing but whatever the case, nothing was happening. Well, nothing significant by her standards, anyway. In fact, she was pretty sure that at this rate, she was going to have wrinkles before those two idiots had their first proper kiss, not to mention the fact that she was likely going to be worm food before they finally had sex.

For one brief moment, Eve had almost allowed herself to believe that Kara was actually all right with this and if she really cared about her best friend, it would be better if she just gave up and resigned herself to enjoying a very G-rated True Love Story.

Then she had remembered that one of the key turning points that had led to The Great Long-Awaited Valentine's Day Confession That Proceeded to Go Absolutely Nowhere was Kara kissing Mon-El and went right back to being beyond frustrated with the entire situation.

Besides, there were also the little things that Eve had noticed as the months passed like how much more defensive Kara got when Eve brought up the matter. It was just a hunch, but if Eve had to guess, the lack of kissing was starting to get to the girl as well. Perhaps the most telling instance had been Christmas where Eve had caught Kara looking somewhat forlornly at a sprig of mistletoe someone in their apartment building had hung over their front door.

Regardless of how vehemently she insisted that she was fine with the way things were where her relationship with Mon-El was concerned, Kara _definitely_ wanted more than just hand-holding and hugging. Yet she wasn't actively doing anything. And clearly neither was Mon-El for whichever of his many possible reasons.

In the end, Eve was amazed it had taken until February for her to reach her boiling point.

However, contrary to what she had told Kara, Eve had not gone to see Jordan; instead, she had gone to the mall.

And now here she was, brooding over a slice of chocolate cake at one of her favourite cafes.

“Curse you, Kara Danvers,” she muttered as she angrily shovelled another mouthful of sinful chocolatey goodness into her mouth. “As if giving me high blood pressure wasn't bad enough, you have to make me stuff my face with calories I really don't need. _And you don't even put on any weight no matter how much YOU eat._ ”

A passing waitress gave her a funny look but Eve ignored her; there were more important things that required her attention. Like the incredibly sorry state of her best friend's love life.

Something _had_ to be done... but what?

By the time she'd polished off the last crumb of her chocolate cake, no new concrete ideas had formed and so it was with a weary sigh that she got up, paid her bill and left. Instead of heading either straight back to the apartment or going to see Jordan like she'd said, however, she began walking around aimlessly in the mall. The only thing she could think of that she hadn't tried yet in some form or fashion was a more indirect approach – something less blunt and more sneaky. Plant thoughts into Kara's head. Nudge her in the right direction. Find a way to nudge _Mon-El_ in the right direction, if that was even possible.

It was at that point that Eve happened to walk past a particular shop.

Sixteen seconds later, she backtracked, stood in front of the shop and stared.

The look that formed on her face as her mind began putting together a devilishly genius idea was so full of sadistic glee that a nearby child who happened to see it ran screaming for his mother.

Completely ignorant of the fact that she had just potentially traumatised a kid for life, Eve walked into the shop, browsed its wares until she found something she liked, traumatised the cashier with her borderline psychopathic smile as she paid for it and then went to back to the apartment to start on the rest of her preparations.

Everything went according to plan.

The rest was up to those two idiots, and so Eve left the apartment to enjoy her own Valentine's Day night with her boyfriend while wearing a very satisfied smile on her face.

This time, there was going to be progress. She was sure of it.

She wasn't disappointed.

“Can I have my clothes back now?” was the first thing Kara said the moment Eve walked through the front door of their apartment the next morning, still wearing the shirt and shorts she had 'chosen' to wear last night and her face almost glowing red.

“I'll return them to you later,” Eve replied breezily as she sat down on the one-seater facing Kara. “But first things first: Did anything happen last night?”

Kara stiffened where she was seated on the couch – a good sign – and crossed her arms in front of her chest in a very defensive manner – another good sign – as her blush darkened – an even better sign. “I-I... I don't kiss and tell,” she mumbled defiantly.

“ _AHA!_ ” Eve crowed triumphantly as she leapt to her feet and all but stabbed Kara's eye out with her finger. “SO THERE _WAS_ KISSING!”

The colour of Kara's face was now one shade away from purple. “I-I-I didn't say that!”

“You pretty much just did.” Eve's smile was half smug and half predatory as she sat back down and leaned in. “Now spill. I want to hear _everything_.”

Kara futilely tried to melt into the couch as she curled into herself and shuffled away from Eve. “Th-There's nothing to tell.”

“Oh no.” Eve got up from her seat again and rested her palms on the coffee table as she loomed over her prey. “If you want your clothes back, you're telling me all about it. How was it? Is he a good kisser? And how many times? Give. Me. Details. _NOW._ ”

A whine normally associated with dying animals escaped Kara as she covered her face with her hands, and Eve was just about ready to begin grilling the girl again when she finally responded. “N-Nice,” came the muffled confession. “I-It was... It was... n-nice.”

In Kara language, that was pretty much code for 'mind-blowing'. Eve smirked. _Atta boy, Mon-El._ “And how many times?”

Another long whine. Another long stretch of silence. “...Th-Three.”

…Well, better than one at least. There was hope for them yet. But that was a thought for another time. Right now, it was time to be a best friend. Well, a more normal boring one anyway. “That's good to hear. I'm really happy for you, Kara,” Eve said genuinely with a smile on her face as she sat back down.

Ever so slowly, Kara lowered her hands just enough to meet Eve's gaze. “Th-Thanks.”

“So.” Eve leaned back and made herself comfortable. “What else?”

Kara pulled her knees up to hide her face in the place of her hands which she used to tuck herself into an even tighter ball. “...We... um, talked a bit.”

“Why did I expect anything else?” Eve sighed wearily. Oh well. Win some, lose some. “Fine. What did you talk about?”

For some unfathomable reason, Kara started scowling. “He thinks the past year doesn't count as far as our relationship is concerned because all we did was hold hands and hug.”

 _Huh._ Eve cocked her head to the side. “You know, he might have a point there.”

“Hey!” Kara lifted her head just enough to glare at Eve. “Whose side are you on?”

“Mine, naturally,” Eve replied easily, earning her another glare from her best friend. “That aside, I'm guessing – well, hoping, really – that you guys talked about where you're going to go from here as opposed to... whatever it is you spent the last year talking about?” At Kara's hesitant nod, she kept prodding. “And?”

Kara curled into herself again and looked away, her features tinged with uncertainty. “...It's hard,” she admitted. “I mean... His people didn't really do this sort of thing, you know? It was all arranged marriages and casual hook-ups. As for me... I don't know how my people approached this sort of thing so I have nothing to draw on. And... Well, please don't take this the wrong way but we can't exactly do a lot of the things you humans do in your relationships.”

Only the knowledge that bringing up sex would automatically cause Kara to shut down and flee kept Eve from mentioning just that option. “Yeah, I suppose stuff like lunch dates are out of the question based on what you've told me about your little dream world. But I'm sure you can do other things like... Oh, what about visiting nice places?”

One of Kara's eyebrows arched. “We've also been doing that for ages.”

“Well, yes, but I mean nice _romantic_ couple-y places. Like... say... Paris.”

To Eve's confusion, Kara winced. “Um...”

“What? What's wrong with Paris?”

“Nothing. Well, nothing wrong with your Earth Paris anyway.”

“There's another Paris out there? What's it like?”

“...It's a toxic wasteland of a moon that became that way as a result of a very violent war several hundred years ago.”

“So... not a romantic place then?”

“Not unless you like radiation poisoning.”

“Huh. Never expected to hear something like that.”

“You mean that there are places out there with identical or similar names to places you know on Earth?”

“Well, yeah.”

That earned Eve a wry look from Kara. “Do you really think you're the only species in the entire universe that named their planet after some word synonymous with 'ground' in their native language?”

Eve frowned. “Fair point.”

“If you must know, it's not just Earth. There's even at least one other Saturn out there. With a moon named Titan, even. Although in their native tongue, it's pronounced more like Zutarrn.”

“Interesting... but we're totally digressing. If Paris is not an option, just find somewhere else to go. Or create. Well, you know what I mean. Alternatively, find something to do that both of you like. But, you know, in a more romantic way.”

“That's... really vague.”

“It's not my fault you have such a complicated love life that giving you relationship advice is so hard,” Eve shrugged.

“I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble then,” Kara muttered sarcastically.

“I forgive you,” Eve replied magnanimously and ignored the glare Kara threw her way. “Still... I wish you all the best like always, Kara. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks, Eve.”

“You're welcome. Oh, and keep the gift from last night. You know, just in case you ever feel like using it in the future.”

“ _E-E-EVE!_ ”

Oh yes. She totally deserved sainthood for this.

 

* * *

 

Growing up on the streets taught you a lot of things especially when it came to reading people and sniffing out lies. After all, if you didn't know who you could trust, you were going to have a lot of trouble surviving.

When those streets happened to be in Gotham... Well. If you didn't learn fast, you were probably not going to live long enough to see your next sunrise.

Selina knew this well. After all, that had been her life a long time ago.

(How the hell she had ended up going from _that_ to living in a mansion with a billionaire boyfriend and a goddamn _butler_ she still had no idea.)

Which was why she knew that there was something about Kara's little quest to find fellow survivors of Krypton's destruction that the girl wasn't telling them.

Bruce would probably have picked up on it if not for the unique circumstances at play, she was sure; he had a soft spot for Kara – they all did, really; who was she kidding? – and saw himself in her due to their similar losses all too much to look at the matter too closely.

She, on the other hand... It had taken a while, admittedly, but she had noticed.

For one, it was not wild desperation shining in those blue eyes every time they stared at the data scrolling across one of the many monitors in the Batcave but rather grim determination.

Then there was the fact that the information and calculations Kara kept handing over to Bruce seemed awfully specific and the one time Bruce had questioned her about it, the girl had drowned him in what Selina had dubbed 'alien nerd speak' until he had finally let the matter go. (The glazed look on his face as he was being bombarded with science jargon even he couldn't understand had been so hilarious that Selina had been unable to resist taking a photo. “For once,” she had crowed at him, “you know how the rest of us feel when we talk to you sometimes.”)

(Because it had been such a momentous occasion – and because she was who she was –, she had had the picture printed, framed and hung in her personal room in Wayne Manor.)

(Alfred had asked for a copy.)

(Bruce had not been amused.)

Kara wasn't looking for survivors in general; she was looking for _a_ survivor. Someone that she knew without a doubt had escaped that catastrophic event and was just waiting to be found.

How she knew this and why she was keeping this a secret was a mystery.

A part of Selina was tempted to just ask Kara directly, knowing that the girl's almost legendary inability to tell a convincing lie would get her to reveal everything in less than a minute. Cats and curiosity and all that jazz, after all. However, another part of her – the one that ultimately prevailed – refrained from doing so, knowing all too well that Kara was afforded very little true privacy with all the adults in her life carefully watching her every action – and in some cases to almost paranoid levels. The least Selina could do was let her keep this one secret to herself for now. Besides, something told her they would all eventually find out anyway.

As it turned out, that wasn't the only secret Kara had been keeping.

“Hey, Selina?”

The hesitant way her name had been said caught her attention more than the question itself, and Selina looked up to find Kara standing just outside the Wayne Manor gym with a look on her face that said she already regretted doing this. Hmm. This promised to be interesting. “Yes, Kara?” she asked evenly as she switched off the treadmill and stepped off it.

“Well...” Kara slowly edged inside in a way that gave the impression she was resisting the urge to flee. “I... um... Can I... Can I ask you something? It's a bit personal so you don't have to answer if you don't want to-”

“ _Kara._ ” The corners of Selina's lips curved to form a wry smile when Kara flinched. “This is me we're talking about. If I don't intend to answer, I'll just tell you upfront so ask away.”

Despite that, Kara still didn't look entirely sure. “Um. S-So.” She hemmed and hawed a little more. “W-What... When you and Bruce... you know... got together... how did that go? I mean, w-what did you guys do? T-Together, I mean. A-And how did you manage to work things out considering everything?”

Selina stared, slowly blinked and then continued staring for a little while longer. _Okay... I was not expecting that._ “Before I answer that, may I ask what brought this on?”

Surprisingly – or perhaps not –, Kara started blushing. “I-I just thought it would be helpful to know, you know? Just in case.”

“Just in case of...?” Selina prodded with one raised eyebrow.

For one second, Selina almost convinced herself that Kara was going to melt a hole in the floor with her heat vision considering how intensely she was staring at her feet. “Ummm... W-Well... D-Do you... uh... remember that time you asked if... if I had... you know... a-a... a... b-b-boyfriend?”

Oh. Oh, wow. This promised to be _really_ interesting. “Mhm...”

“I-It just... you know... made me think about that sort of thing...” That didn't sound convincing. At all. Especially since it had been roughly a year since that question had been asked. “A-And... well... I was just wondering... If I had a... hypothetical boyfriend... or, say, there was a... um... p-potential for one... I mean, you've been with Bruce for a really long time so... I thought it would be best to ask you for advice... or something.”

Well, well, well. Little Kara was sweet on someone but trying to disguise it as a hypothetical situation. And somehow not even Bruce had noticed anything. _'World's Greatest Detective' my ass._ “I see,” Selina said out loud, doing her best to keep her voice neutral. “So you just want to be prepared.”

“Y-Yes, that's right.” Kara nodded so vigorously she resembled a bobble-head, her eyes shining with relief and faint hope.

Very well. She'd play along. For now, at least. “I'm not really sure I can be of much help,” Selina answered honestly. “Our circumstances _are_ pretty unique. Don't get me wrong; we did try to do things like... well, normal people but we were only half successful. Something or other usually got in the way – usually things that required Batman's presence – and in the end we ran into so many interruptions that we mostly gave up on the idea. Had quite a few... _rooftop_... dates though.”

Evidently that had not been the answer Kara had been looking for if the way her shoulders sagged and her gaze became downcast was any indication. “I see...”

The question popped into Selina's head out of the blue and, being who she was, she didn't hesitate to voice it. “How were things done on Krypton anyway? Did your people even _do_ dates?” Everything she'd ever heard about Krypton from Clark – which was admittedly rather sparse – indicated they were the stuffy boring kind so the idea of them going on dates was pretty out there.

At that, a somewhat wistful look crossed Kara's features. “I don't know. I was too young to find out for myself and I never asked my parents. The information's probably in the Fortress of Solitude but...”

“...but you don't exactly have easy access to it,” Selina finished for her.

Kara's shoulders managed to sag even more if that was possible. “Yeah. I suppose I could ask Clark but he'll probably start asking questions.”

“You mean like you've been expecting me not to?” Selina asked bemusedly. “You _do_ know me, right?”

Kara visibly stiffened and slowly raised her head to stare at Selina with a deer-in-headlights expression, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly. If she concentrated, Selina thought she might actually be able to hear the gears in the girl's head grinding themselves into dust. “Umm... W-Well, yes, b-but I...”

One of Selina's eyebrows arched. “But...?”

Dropping her gaze back down to the ground as she shuffled her feet – she probably really wanted to run away now –, Kara emitted a sound that only vaguely resembled a word before she seemed to collect herself just enough to continue the conversation. “Maybe I'm wrong but... I feel like... like I can trust you not to overreact and push when I don't want you to. Does that... Does that make sense?”

It was hard to argue with that considering how well Selina knew the two men in particular who would have the most issue with the idea of Kara dating. Clark still saw the girl as that lost little child who needed taking care of, no doubt, and would probably start Acting Very Concerned. But of course that would be _nothing_ compared to how _Bruce_ would behave because this 'hypothetical' guy would be lucky if he didn't somehow wake up in Gotham dangling by his ankle from a gargoyle to the sight of Batman glowering at him. “I think I have an idea where you're coming from,” she replied wryly while a small part of her wondered how she'd ended up being the cool big sister in this situation.

Kara's shoulders sagged again with poorly disguised relief. “S-So. Um. Yeah. B-But I mean... We're just talking hypotheticals after all, so... yeah.”

“Right. Hypotheticals.” Selina let the girl squirm a little more before she decided to take pity on her. “You know, I could just ask Clark for you. If you want me to, that is. And I promise he won't find out that I'm doing it on your behalf.”

At that, Kara's head snapped up and the girl stare at Selina with a look of hope on her face. “R-Really? I-I-I mean, you'd do that?”

Selina shrugged casually. “It's not like it would be too much of a hassle to do it. Besides, I'm curious now so you could say I'm also doing it for myself.”

The words had barely left her lips before she found herself getting tackle-hugged by a very happy Kryptonian. “Thank you, Selina!”

“Well, don't thank me yet. I haven't actually done anything after all,” Selina noted wryly as she patted Kara on the back. “Give me a bit of time and I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, let's see if your safe-cracking skills have been getting rusty.”

 

* * *

 

It took her only a few days to come up with an idea and a few more to refine it but before long, Selina picked up her phone and dialled a specific number in Metropolis.

She was only mildly surprised when a woman's voice answered. “Hello, Clark Kent's phone.”

Well, wasn't this fortuitous. “Hi, Lois. You two moved in together already?”

“Hey Selina. And yes, officially as of last week. But I'm guessing that's not why you called.”

“Pretty much. Is Clark there?”

“Yeah, just a second. Clark!” There was the vague sound of a conversation in the background before Clark's confused voice reached her ears. “Selina?”

“Hi Clark. I suppose congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you. Is anything wrong? I mean, you don't usually call me so...”

“Oh, nothing much.” It was probably a good thing he couldn't see her face considering the Cheshire smile playing on her lips. “It can wait in favour of discussing this little overdue change in your life.”

A weary groan was her immediate answer. “Selina, is there a particular reason why my personal life interests you so much?”

“Because it's _fun_ ,” she replied breezily. “Mostly because of your reactions, of course. So really, it's your fault in the end. You know, now that we're on the subject-”

“Against my will.”

“-I'm suddenly curious: You guys did all the boring normal date stuff, didn't you?”

“...Yes, Selina. Because that's what normal people do.”

“Are you seriously telling me no cross-cultural date stuff happened? At all? Wow. Talk about boring.”

“I'm pretty sure people back on Krypton did very boring things when they were in relationships too.”

“But you can't _really_ be sure, can you? I mean, for all we know they did some pretty kinky stuff like... oh, I don't know, orgies every other weekend or something. Should I worry about Lois leaving you for someone more exciting in bed?”

There was the sound of plastic creaking dangerously. “ _S-Selina!_ ”

“Our sex life is great, thanks for asking!” came Lois' cheerful contribution to the conversation in the background.

Something cracked on the other end of the line. Probably the phone. “Lois, _please_!”

If she were anyone else, Selina might have felt bad about the whole thing. Instead, her grin just widened. “Well, good for the both of you. Although naturally I now have to wonder if you haven't in fact been hiding some Kryptonian sex rituals from the rest of us out of some misguided attempt to maintain their squeaky-clean image and yours by extension.”

Another crack resounded over the phone. “ _There are no-_ Look, if I give you information about this issue directly from the Fortress of Solitude's computers, will you drop this ridiculous notion for good and never bring it up again?”

Selina hummed non-committally. “I'll consider it depending on what is in that information. Bye, and congratulations again.” Then she hung up and smirked to herself. “That was almost too easy.”

True to form, an encrypted message came through the secure line Bruce had set up a few years ago for emergencies less than a week later addressed to her. She smoothly rebuffed all of his questions about it, telling him only that Clark was eager to clear up a misunderstanding and leaving it at that. Bruce had shot her his usual disapproving look, certain that she had been doing something she shouldn't but didn't press the issue. Well, not with her anyway; he was probably going to interrogate Clark about it and she didn't really care how Clark would either frame it or try to cover it up. All that mattered was that she'd gotten what she wanted, and so it was with a satisfied smirk that she read the files before printing them out in preparation for Kara's next visit.

“Oh,” was Kara's muted reaction as she read the files. “Um.”

“Not what you expected?” Selina asked as she studied the girl.

“It's just...” A strange look flitted across Kara's face, appearing and disappearing too quickly for Selina to decipher. “I, uh... don't think this is going to be... applicable... in the end.”

“For your hypothetical relationship?” Selina clarified, a bemused smile playing on her lips.

As expected, Kara flushed and made a show of diligently studying the documents in greater detail. “Y-Yeah. That.”

“Understood.” Selina carefully waited until she was sure that Kara was sufficiently distracted before smoothly asking her next question. “And what about your super-strength and invulnerability?”

“Oh, that's not an issue,” Kara replied without a second thought.

Then she froze and ever so slowly raised her head to stare at Selina with a look of pure panic on her face.

Selina's smile morphed into a smirk.

“Uhhh... Th-That is... I have a good enough control of my powers now so there's nothing to worry about. I-I-I mean... Clark does just fine so I can do the same, right? B-Besides, this is all just... hypothetical! There's nothing to it!” By the time Kara had reached the mid-point of her stammered and highly unconvincing reply, her face was practically purple.

“Of course.” Selina nodded sagely. “Purely hypothetical.”

“Y-Yes. Purely hypothetical.” Kara's nodding was so vigorous it looked like her head was moving at superspeed.

“...And I suppose you want to continue reading the files alone in your room now?” Selina asked in a completely indifferent manner.

“Yes please,” Kara squeaked timidly, and wasted no time dashing out of Selina's room when Selina waved her away.

While she definitely got the impression that she wasn't privy to all the information she needed to make complete sense of this entire situation, Selina had a pretty strong suspicion that things were going to get _very_ interesting when the truth finally came out.

“I wonder if Alfred will allow me to put a popcorn machine in the kitchen...” she mused out loud.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes, even eternity wasn't enough time.

Especially when you were trying to figure out something as complicated as what it meant to be 'in a relationship'. With the most amazing woman in the entire universe, no less.

Mon-El closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose with the hand he was not currently using as a pillow, a loud and weary sigh escaping him. On the surface, it didn't seem like something that should be causing him this much of a headache. They cared about each other a great deal, they enjoyed each other's company, they already knew each other so well... It wasn't as if they were trying to solve the mysteries of the universe.

Except they might as well be, if the year following their mutual confession was any indication. (He still insisted it didn't count as far as their relationship was concerned, partially because he felt it was true and partially because of how much fun it was to have that little argument with her.)

Then again, their unique situation _did_ complicate things by quite a bit. It had not been an exaggeration when he had said they were in uncharted waters, for one, what with his hands being tied due to his customs and her having no knowledge of how this matter had been handled by her people. What she had shared about human mating customs had been of little help as well, something which he was actually fine with since he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to take cues from such a primitive species in the first place.

“Is there any way you could find out about your people's customs?” he had asked her when they had been discussing what to do following their second (third?) kiss. “I mean... It only seems fair, since you chose to follow mine, even if just a little.” Thinking about how she had essentially used the rules that had kept him from doing anything to circumvent those very same rules still filled him with a strange mixture of awe and bemusement. Even now, she still managed to surprise him.

“W-Well, I mean... I mostly did that b-because that was the only way to... you know,” Kara had stuttered, her gaze fixed firmly downwards and her hands twisting themselves into knots.

He had coughed awkwardly at that and scratched the back of his head for lack of anything better to do. “I know. But still... I'd like to extend you that same courtesy. I mean...” The thought that had occurred to him then made him grin a little. “A little bit of yours and a little bit of mine, right?”

The words from long ago had caused her to look up at him in surprise, and there was a brief moment of silence before a shy smile had stolen across her face as she had grasped what he was trying to say. “Right. Then... I guess I'll have to figure out a way to find out. B-But, um...” she had trailed off as she began blushing again, her gaze flitting between his face and her once again fidgeting hands. “In the meantime... c-could you... um... could you k-kiss me again? Please?”

“I'll follow your lead,” he had murmured against her lips after obliging her.

Whether she knew the deeper meaning behind his statement or not was something he could only guess.

At his core, he was still very much a Daxamite and going slow was something completely new to him in the best and worst way possible. On one hand, being with someone who genuinely cared about him made him want to savour every moment even when they weren't doing anything more than quietly enjoying each other's company. On the other hand, holding back knowing that she had given him permission to do more than hold her hand and hug her and what it felt like to kiss her was its own special kind of torture.

But she was very obviously far from ready for such things and he was unwilling to do anything that could even remotely be construed as nudging her in that direction. It was more than just his customs driving this decision; even if he didn't have the Hymn of Yuda resounding in his head every time he thought about it, he respected her too much to even consider it.

In the end, she mattered most, and there were very few things he would not do for her.

The vague sense that he was no longer alone drew him out of his thoughts, and Mon-El opened his eyes to find Kara looking back at him with a soft smile on her face. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied with a matching smile on his face as he sat up. “So how did it go?”

“Um, well...” she faltered as she began blushing for some strange reason. “Selina came through just like she said she would.”

“That's wonderful. So what did you find out about your people's customs?”

Her blush darkened. “...You're, um... supposed to introduce yourself to my parents, for starters.”

“Ah.” He stared blankly at her as his brain tried to process that fact.

First he tried to imagine it with her living parents on a Krypton that was still thriving.

Then he tried to imagine it with her parents' holograms in the Fortress of Solitude.

For some reason, in both scenarios the only conclusion he could foresee involved him getting shot to pieces by droids until there was nothing left of his body.

(Unbeknownst to him, she had attempted the same mental exercise... and had imagined the exact same outcome.)

“...I don't think that's an option,” he finally said diplomatically.

A soft giggle that bordered on hysterical escaped her as her frame lost some of its tension. “Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought too.”

“So... I guess that's that then,” he noted for lack of anything else to say.

She nodded and turned away, her cheeks still dusted with red. “Yeah, I guess.”

(He would not find out until many years later that she had conveniently left out a key piece of information... and that was the fact that starting such a process on Krypton almost always led to a marriage proposal.)

“So. Uh.” He mentally scrambled for a way to change the topic. “I was thinking we could-”

“W-Wait!”

Mon-El froze in the midst of getting to his feet and looked up at Kara confusedly to find her staring at him with an expression that was a paradoxical mixture of nervousness and determination. “...Kara?”

“C-Could you... um... just sit back down?” she asked timidly. “A-And close your eyes.”

His confusion only grew, but he did as she asked without questioning her motives.

For a long while, there was only silence until her voice reached his ears again. “Lie back,” came her hesitant instruction... and for some reason, she sounded like she was behind him.

Even though he still could not make any sense of the situation, he obeyed and slowly lowered himself until his head ended up resting on something soft and warm.

It took him a while to realise that it was her lap.

Understandably startled, he snapped his eyes wide open and stared blankly at an equally surprised-looking Kara. Barely a heartbeat later, her blush intensified and she slapped a hand over his eyes. “Y-You're supposed to keep your eyes closed!” she scolded him in a rather squeaky voice as the golden light now filling his head practically radiated embarrassment to an almost blinding degree.

“R-Right. Uh. S-Sorry,” he apologised awkwardly and closed his eyes again. Rao, what was she doing? More accurately, what was she doing _to_ him? He'd been in way more intimate and compromising positions with other women before so why was this incredibly innocent one getting to him so much?

Another long stretch of silence followed as he tried his hardest not to think about their current situation before his attempts were very abruptly helped – or hindered, depending on how one chose to look at it – by the sensation of fingers gently running through his hair.

It took all of his effort to remain still and keep his eyes closed.

“I-Is this... Is this... okay?” he heard her ask uncertainly as the golden light seemed to shrink away from his mind. “I-I-I mean, if you don't like it, I can just stop-”

“No.” He couldn't be sure, but he might have surprised himself just as much as he had her by how quickly and strongly he had objected. “I... I don't mind. I'm just... not used to it, I guess.”

“O-Oh. O-Okay.” The hand in his hair which had stilled when he had spoken up carefully resumed its earlier actions, and it was not that much later that its companion which had still been covering his eyes lifted only to land right above his heart.

They stayed like that for a stretch of eternity.

Surprisingly, it was Kara who broke the silence.

“I think Selina suspects something.”

The statement caught him by surprise – it seemed to be a pattern this visit – and he chanced cracking one eye open to look at her. “You think she knows about me?”

To his relief, she merely shook her head and didn't ask him to close his eye again. “No, not specifically. It's just... When I asked her for help... The word 'boyfriend' came up, so.”

“Boyfriend?” he repeated the unfamiliar human word in confusion. “Why is having a male friend something to be suspicious about?”

“No, it's not- Well, it is but not in that way. Or more like not _just_ that way?” As if she realised she was just making him even more confused, she cleared her throat and began explaining herself. “'Boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' are terms humans use for people in a relationship. Like us, basically.”

“I see.” He tested his luck and opened his other eye. “Is that what we are? Or rather, is that how you want to... well, define us, I guess? I mean, we've never really discussed that part.”

“I don't know,” she confessed as her fingers began idly scratching his scalp. It was actually quite nice. “It just... doesn't feel like it really fits for us. Like it's not... _enough_. At least, that's what I think. Does that make sense?”

“Well, we're not human so it's only to be expected.” He shot her a small grin. “How about we just be us? No one's forcing us to use specific terms after all.”

The smile that stole across her face was half shy and half bemused, and the golden light glowed with quiet happiness. “Just a girl from Krypton and a boy from Daxam, right?”

He sent a wave of affection her way through their connection. “Exactly.”

Another period of comfortable silence blanketed them again, and just like before it was she who brought it to an end.

“Can I ask you something?”

Having closed his eyes again of his own volition sometime during the moment of quietude, Mon-El opened them to look up at her in curiosity. “Go ahead.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation before she voiced what was on her mind. “A long time ago, you showed me Vell Or's tomb and... I didn't have any reason to think much of it back then but after what you told me about him and Lind-Rel, I couldn't help but wonder: Why wasn't Lind-Rel buried next to him? Did something happen between the two of them?”

A smile tugged at his lips even as he quietly wondered why such a topic would bother her so much. “No, by all accounts they loved each other until the very end. In fact, them being buried separately can be said to be the last act of love Vell Or showed his mate. See, as part of their claim that they were descended from the woman in that legend, Lind-Rel's family was traditionally buried at the site where the shrine to Yuda in the legend is supposed to have stood. When it came to the issue of how and where she and their offspring would be buried, it was agreed that Lind-Rel and every daughter born into the royal family of Sard would be buried according to her traditions while the sons would be buried according to his. A temple dedicated to Yuda was built there on Vell Or's instructions and Lind-Rel became the first one to be officially buried in it. The branch families continued this tradition for a while but eventually only the royal family stayed true to it. I can show it to you if you want.”

Surprisingly – or perhaps not –, Kara shook her head. “Another time.” Red dusted her cheeks. “I... don't really want to move right now.”

 _That makes two of us._ “All right,” he said simply with a soft smile before a thought occurred to him and he gave her a measured look. “You know, there's a legend about Vell Or and Lind-Rel that I think you might like to hear.”

Curiosity replaced her look of embarrassment. “What is it?”

“According to legend, when Vell Or and Lind-Rel passed away and found themselves standing before the gods, Vell Or requested for them to be reborn over and over again instead of spending eternity in Rao's light. He wanted the chance to prove to them and to Lind-Rel that his love for her transcended all of time and space – that he would keep finding her and falling in love with her all over again in every lifetime even if he didn't remember her every single time. The gods were so amused with his declaration – Yuda most of all, naturally – that they granted his wish. In fact, Yuda was so impressed by Vell Or's devotion that she decided to keep watch over them and help ensure that they would eventually cross paths every single time they were reborn. Those who believe it's real say they're still continuing this endless cycle to this day, always meeting and falling in love no matter the circumstances.”

“Do you think about her?” Kara blurted out of the blue as the hand running through his hair abruptly stilled.

Caught off guard by the seemingly random question, Mon-El could only blink at her in confusion. “Who, Lind-Rel?”

The hesitation returned, evident not only in the way the golden light seemed to retreat from his mind but also the slow shake of her head. “N-No. I mean...” she faltered, clearly second-guessing her decision before she pushed through. “The woman that you... that Yuda supposedly chose to be your mate.”

Oh.

His mind went blank and stayed that way for Rao knew how long as it struggled to process what she was asking.

“You don't have to answer if you don't want to,” she finally said to fill the silence, her expression full of regret at having brought the matter up in the first place.

“No, I just... You took me by surprise, that's all. I...” He found himself faltering as well, unsure how she would feel about what he was going to say. “I used to. When I was younger. It wasn't all the time but... I wondered, every once in a while. It's not something we were actually against, you know; being alone is... not something my people handle very well and the knowledge that Yuda has bound us to someone helps with that. But then... The day after I finished my rite of passage, I overheard my parents speaking to one of the priests who had presided over my birth about how they still could not find someone who fit the signs indicating who my latchmate was meant to be. After that, I... didn't. It felt kind of... well, pointless.”

“I'm sorry.”

The sadness on his behalf coming through their connection was familiar... but not the guilt. “Kara?”

She turned away and avoided his searching gaze. “I... I'm glad,” she confessed somewhat shamefully. “That they never found anyone. Because... It would've hurt, feeling the way I do while knowing you were supposed to be with someone else – someone who by all accounts would love you and who you would love in return as much as Vell Or and Lind-Rel loved each other.”

“Y-You...” The words stuck in his throat, and it took all of his effort to force them out. “Are you... Are you saying you'd still...”

His aborted question drew her now curious gaze back to meet his. “Why not? You're kind, unselfish-”

“I'm only those things because of you,” he cut her off. “Because of your influence.”

“No.” Annoyance tinged with anger crinkled her brow and flowed into his head through their connection. “I can't make you become something you're not. You've always been a good person, Mon-El; you just never had the chance to show it. That's all I gave you: a chance. If you weren't good at heart, you would never have tried to comfort me even after all the terrible things I said to you the first time we spoke to each other. That was all you. I keep saying it but you never listen: You're a better person than you give yourself credit for.” Her features softened into something sad yet beautiful. “You deserve to be loved, Mon-El.”

A surge of affection overcame him upon hearing those words, and it was so powerful that he was paralysed body, mind and heart. All he could do was look up at her – at those brilliant blue eyes staring back down at him with so many emotions swirling in them he could only dream of being able to name them all.

 _Comets_ , he thought but didn't say.

The loss of the sensation of her fingers in his hair as well as their mental connection when he abruptly sat up was regrettable but as this was the only way to achieve his goal, it was a price he was willing to pay.

“H-Hey!” There was surprised indignation in her voice which he found mirrored in her expression when he turned to face her. “What-”

“I'm going to kiss you now,” he told her simply, and watched as her irritation disappeared almost immediately to be replaced first with shock and then shyness.

“O-Oh. Um. O-Okay,” she mumbled, a blush spreading across her cheeks.

The look on her face as they both leaned in slowly made it clear she was still nervous about this aspect of their relationship no matter how much she clearly wanted it... but there was also a hint of disbelief. It was as if a part of her still couldn't quite believe that this was real – as if she was still grappling with the idea that he would want her like this.

In the brief moment before their eyes fully closed and their lips made contact, he wondered if she knew they had that in common too.

Like always, he took it all in – the softness of her lips, the gentle glow of the golden light in his head and the contentment flowing into him through their mental connection – and like always, he had to resist the temptation to deepen the kiss. This was already far more than he deserved and the last thing he wanted to do was screw it up especially after he had promised both her and himself.

Being able to have this with her was more than enough.

He pulled away and opened his eyes first so he could take in the sight of her face as she slowly brought herself out of the moment, her brilliant blue eyes half-lidded and unfocused and her pink lips slightly parted. The temptation to dip in and steal another kiss manifested itself but he buried it, instead settling for resting his head on her lap again and closing his eyes.

It took a while before he felt her fingers gently running through his hair once more and her other hand came to rest above his heart. The golden light slipped timidly into his head the moment their connection was restored, glowing brightly with quiet happiness.

This time, it was he who brought an end to the silence. “Can we do this again every now and then?” he asked as he looked up at her cautiously.

Surprise flickered across her face before a shy smile curved her lips. “Sure. I... I'd like that too.”

He returned the smile all too readily and brought her free hand up so he could press a kiss to her palm in lieu of a verbal reply before returning it to its original position and clasping it.

Neither of them saw the need to say or do anything else after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was worthy of being a milestone chapter (not that it was intended to be one when I planned it out but the timing was fortuitous)! I mean, everyone's happy and Karamel is making slow progress... If you want more fluff and happened to miss it, I wrote a companion fic for Christmas last year which happens after this chapter called "On Fat Home Invaders and Missile Toes". Well, half of it chronologically happens after this chapter anyway. Go read it and enjoy the fluff while it lasts!
> 
> Random Person in the Crowd: ...Wait, what?
> 
> (flees)
> 
> PS: Would anyone aside from akane171 happen to be interested in a Vell Or/Lind-Rel fic especially if I mention "reincarnation romance"? Just curious.


	11. Ephemeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is unpredictable... and oftentimes cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: What do you get when you cross a roller-coaster with an oncoming angst train?
> 
> Answer: This chapter.
> 
> (runs away)

'This too shall pass.'

Kara had come across the phrase during one of her early reading sprees when she had relentlessly devoured every book she had managed to get her hands on in the Danvers residence. The book in question had been unearthed from a ratty cardboard box hidden in a dusty corner of the attic, its corners slightly dog-eared and its pages already turning yellow with age. Despite its slightly sorry state, its cover was still very much legible and what was printed on it had captured her interest instantly. 'Fables from Around the World', the title had read, and both her knowledge that Mon-El might like the stories inside and her own curiosity had prompted her to almost immediately scurry away to her favourite spot in the nearby woods with the tome safely clutched to her chest.

To her delight, the book had lived up to her expectations, and so it had been with quiet joy that she had spent the afternoon committing the more interesting ones to memory so that she could share them later with her best friend. One fable in particular had stuck with her despite its simplicity, and she had deduced that it was because of how well the lesson had resonated with her own life to some extent especially in regard to the events that had led to her current situation.

In the story, a king asked the wise men of his court to present to him a ring which had the power to make a sad person happy and a happy person sad. After much deliberation, they went out to find a smith and returned to the palace with nothing more than a simple silver ring. It was only when he inspected the item that the king realised it was no ordinary piece of jewellery, for engraved upon it were the words, 'This too shall pass.' The profoundness of the phrase struck the king to his core, for it was then that he realised the impermanence of all things – his life, his wealth, even his kingdom – and not merely joy and sorrow.

“Huh,” had been Mon-El's muted reaction when she had shared the fable with him that night. “I guess there _are_ some reasonably intelligent humans after all.”

The statement had earned him an elbow to the gut, and in the ensuing pillow fight that naturally escalated to a pillow projectile war, both the fable and its lesson had been tucked away in the corner of her mind much like the book had been in the attic.

Years passed, and as change after change in her life occurred, the phrase would occasionally come to the forefront of her mind whenever it became relevant but remained out of focus for the most part. By the time her relationship with Mon-El had transformed into its more intimate incarnation, she had by and large forgotten it entirely.

But how could anyone in good conscience blame her? For what felt like the first time in her life, everything was great. She was studying something she was interested in, working towards an occupation that would allow her to help people like she desperately wanted, successfully maintaining her friendship with Eve despite the girl's aggravating meddling ways, making good solid progress in her quest to find and rescue Mon-El, gradually getting more comfortable with the physical aspect of her relationship with said Daxamite...

Everything was perfect.

As that phrase from long ago communicated all too clearly, however, she should have known that it would not last.

 

* * *

 

“-and so after individually double-checking the almost thousand recorded signals Bruce sent over myself just to be absolutely sure, I can now safely say that you and your shuttle are _not_ in fact anywhere in the Sea of the Dead.”

“Thank you for your continued hard work like always,” came Mon-El's sincere response followed by a soft kiss to her hair that filled her with a pleasant warmth as the blue-grey energy in her head emitted a wave of gratitude. “I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you for this.”

Kara flushed with a mixture of pride and shyness even as a bemused smile curved her lips and she snuggled deeper into his embrace – a noteworthy feat considering the fact that her back was already against his chest and his back was pressed up against the headboard of her bed. “I think it could be argued that I'm partially doing this for myself at this point so there's really no need to repay me. And like I keep saying, you should save your thanks for when I finally find you anyway, not say it every time I cross out a name on the list of potential places you might be. Also, you probably owe Bruce at least one huge favour when you finally arrive on Earth since I couldn't have done this without his help.”

The arm around her waist tightened its grip, and if there had been any sliver of space left between them before this it certainly didn't exist any more. “Sure, sure. How about lessons on smiling more often? Because based on everything you've told me about him, he could use some help with that. I'll even be generous and teach him how to have a genuine sense of humour for free.”

Rolling her eyes, she twisted just enough so that she could lightly elbow him in the gut, earning her a soft grunt of pain in the process, before shifting back into her original and very comfortable position. “I'm serious. I may be the one doing all the calculations but without his help, they wouldn't have amounted to anything. I'm especially grateful that his technology was advanced enough to handle the task of remotely scanning all the vessels floating in the Sea of the Dead because I certainly wouldn't have enjoyed trying to find your shuttle amongst all the Elseis burial caskets floating there in person.”

A flicker of amusement flowed into her head the moment the words left her lips, and she knew she was going to regret making that particular confession before he even started speaking. “Why, is the usually recklessly brave Kara Zor-El admitting that she's afraid of a few dead bodies? I'm shocked. I mean, you don't think they're going to come to life and try to attack you, do you?”

This time, the heat flooding her cheeks stemmed from embarrassment – embarrassment that she knew he could feel through their connection – and yet she still put up a valiant effort to counter his assertion. “I-I-I just didn't want to disturb their final resting place, okay? That would be sacrilegious and highly disrespectful,” she stammered, mentally cursing the fact that she sounded defensive even to her own ears.

Evidently he had not missed it either if the way the blue-grey energy in her head was glowing with mischief was any indication. “Uh huh. Or maybe you're just scared. It's okay to admit it, you know. I promise I won't tease you about it.”

“You're already teasing me about it,” she huffed in annoyance, somewhat glad that she couldn't see his face right now because the grin he was most likely wearing would've annoyed her even more than she already was with him. “And I most definitely am _not_ admitting to anything of the sort no matter what you say or do.”

“Oh really?” The smirk she could practically hear in his voice put her on high alert, and it was at that point that she realised just how dangerous their current position was for her. “Are you sure about that?”

“Mon-El, don't you dare,” she said warningly even as her body tensed in preparation for what seemed to be an imminent and necessary attempt to escape her current situation.

Unfortunately for her, the mischievous way the blue-grey energy was curling around her thoughts only served to confirm her fears. “Oh, I _so_ dare.”

Then the tips of his fingers slipped under her pyjama shirt and began tickling her side.

A squeal of involuntary laughter escaped her as she tried to squirm away from him to no avail; Mon-El's free hand which had been lying idly at his side earlier trapped her wrists while the other continued its relentless assault. “M-Mon-El, s-s-stop!” she demanded in between bursts of breathless giggles and laughs, shaking half from the tickling and half from her futile attempt to escape said tickling. “If you- I-If you don't-”

“You'll what?” he taunted her, smug in his awareness of just how empty her threats were to both their ears. “Pout? Sulk? I'm utterly terrified.”

The sting his teasing inflicted on her pride, however small, fed the annoyance already burning in her. Determined to not let him win yet another one of their fights – and he won quite a few –, Kara made the bold move of trying to get to her feet in a reckless attempt to wriggle out of Mon-El's grasp. Unfortunately for her, he caught on quickly and matched her move perfectly, continuing to tickle her all the while.

In the midst of the continued struggle, one of her feet caught in the sheets, causing her to trip backwards as she was twisting around and unintentionally kick his leg with enough force to unbalance him and force him to release her wrists. Two surprised yelps cancelled each other out as both of them went crashing back down on the bed in a heap of tangled limbs.

Having had whatever little breath she had left in her lungs knocked out of her and smarting a little from the collision, her first instinct was to chew him out for causing this whole mess in the first place.

However, the words died in her throat the moment she opened her eyes and found him hovering over her with an expression full of nothing but stunned surprise.

He was so close she could feel the heat of his body and his breath fanning across her face.

A flush crept up her neck and spread across her cheeks while a strange heat began building in her chest as her brain processed the situation in its entirety: dream world or not, the fact of the matter was that the guy she was in love with had her pinned down on her bed.

(For one brief moment, she let herself wonder how her parents would have reacted if they had walked into her room to find their only daughter in such a compromising position with the crown prince of Daxam... and immediately shoved the unhelpful thought out of her head.)

As she continued to stare up into those blue-grey orbs she knew so well, the surprise on his face slowly morphed into an expression she didn't recognise before it was quickly replaced with a look of genuine worry. “Sorry,” he murmured as he moved to get off her.

What? “W-Wait.” Something compelled her to reach a hand up and snag his shirt. “Why are you apologising?”

He obeyed the silent command but looked at her confusedly as if she was the one acting strangely instead of him. “...I'm not exactly giving you a lot of space here,” he pointed out slowly.

Her brow creased in confusion, the jumble of emotions crowding her head forgotten for the moment. What was he-

Oh.

Affection bloomed in her chest, replacing the strange heat that had been burning there only a short while ago. Even now in a situation like this, he was still taking things like her fear of small places into consideration. “It's okay,” she whispered, a soft smile curving her lips even as her blush darkened just a shade. “I... It's you so... I-I-I don't mind. S-So...” Her words failed her then but her grip on his shirt tightened, and she could only hope that the small act was enough to clearly communicate her wishes.

“...All right,” he whispered back and relaxed again although she didn't fail to notice that there was still a touch of hesitation in his expression.

There was no point where their bodies were touching except for the fistful of shirt she was still gripping... and yet it made that that strange heat from before not only return but grow in intensity with every subsequent heartbeat – a drumming sound that filled her ears and seemed to keep getting louder and louder.

_Closer._

The word threatened to spill out of her mouth unbidden and she had to bite her tongue to stop it in its tracks but the thought alone was enough to make her blush darken yet again.

...And yet... And yet...

Kara swallowed with great difficulty, her throat suddenly dry as her will to resist the downright scandalous idea forming in her head gradually eroded. She couldn't... could she?

A heady mixture of temptation and recklessness made her mind up for her, and the hand gripping his shirt tugged downwards.

Mon-El blinked in surprise, clearly caught off guard and a little confused at the action.

She could back out now... or push forward, however hesitantly. _Please don't make me ask out loud_ , she mentally begged him as she tugged his shirt again while staring unguardedly into his eyes.

Understanding dawned on his face and he lowered his head slowly to kiss her like she was silently requesting, having clearly sensed her anxiety and trying to both accommodate it and ease her nerves at the same time.

If only he knew why.

Unlike all the past instances, she resisted the instinctive urge to lose herself entirely in the moment – in the feel of his lips against hers and the almost overwhelming presence of the blue-grey energy in her head.

Instead, she parted her lips just enough so that she could run the tip of her tongue along his bottom lip.

The blue-grey energy in her head flared with the strength of ten suns and a violent shudder ran through his body – so violent she could have sworn she felt it ripple through her own body as well – before he abruptly broke the kiss to stare down at her, his eyes wide with nothing but pure shock.

It was a small miracle she hadn't burst into flames considering how hot her face had become. The urge in that moment to break eye contact at the very least was beyond powerful... and yet she made no effort to do anything of the sort. It was true that her boldness had shocked even her... but she didn't want to pretend what she had done had been unintentional or that she regretted it.

She wanted... She wanted...

She just... _wanted_.

“...Kara?” The way he said her name spoke of surprise, confusion... but also something else lurking just underneath. Something that, if she thought about it, had been lingering at the edges of his gaze and the blue-grey energy for some time now:

Desire.

Her hand tugged his shirt again before she knew what she was doing.

His eyes widened further if that was even possible and the confusion faded from his eyes but traces of hesitation still lingered in those blue-grey orbs. 'Are you sure?' his gaze seemed to ask.

Heart pounding, she swallowed and tugged his shirt once more.

The agonisingly slow pace at which Mon-El lowered himself again made the heat burning in her chest intensify to unbearable levels. It almost – _almost_ – made Kara want to back out yet again, aware that it was deliberate on his part – his silent way of telling her that it was not too late to reconsider but all she did was close her eyes just as his lips touched hers-

-and then she was fallingflyingdrowningburningfloatingsinking _everything_.

All their kisses before this point had been soft and sweet but this... this was heat and passion and things she couldn't name because coherent thought had ceased to be possible the moment their tongues brushed against each other. Base instinct filled in where inexperience failed her, and his careful guidance did the rest.

A moan reached her ears as if from some far-off distance, and it took her fogged-up mind far too long to realise that the sound had emanated from her own throat. It would likely have embarrassed her if she had been capable of feeling anything of the sort but she was too swept up in this terrifyingly thrilling new experience to care.

_More._

It didn't matter that the heat in her chest had reached a level comparable to a supernova and was rapidly spreading throughout her entire being. It didn't matter that her lungs were burning just as intensely as it begged for air. It didn't matter that her body had started trembling with a strange kind of energy that seemed to demand release in a way she couldn't fully comprehend. It didn't matter that the presence of the blue-grey energy in her head had become so overwhelming that it would have been easy to believe that it had always been an integral part of her own mind.

She just wanted _more_.

There was a loud gasp – him, her, maybe both – when he broke the kiss but while her lungs gratefully and greedily sucked in the air it had been denied for so long her lips chased his with blind desperation. However, it was barely a thunderous heartbeat later before he was pressing her head back down on the bed again with a bruising kiss, and the appreciative noise that had escaped her turned into a muffled whimper when she felt the tips of his fingers scorch her skin as they angled her head-

Someone moved – when she looked back at the fragmented memory later, she still couldn't figure out who – and then Kara felt her knee bump into his leg.

Panic sliced through her and caused her to freeze.

Mon-El pulled back instantly, seemingly taking every trace of warmth in the room with him. “Kara, what's wrong?”

Everything came rushing at her all at once, and her head became a jumble of emotions she was in no way equipped to process: guilt, relief, embarrassment, shame, loss and a hundred others that had no name. “I- S-Sorry, I just- Y-You-” she stumbled over her words as she brought her hands up to cover her face, unsure what exactly she was trying to say in the first place.

“Grife.” More under-the-breath cursing followed, and she felt the bed shift as he backed off entirely and put some distance between them. “No, I'm the one who should apologise. I just- I thought- No, that's not right. You weren't ready. I shouldn't have pushed and I'm sorry.”

“N-No, I-I-I-” Bereft of his warmth – of any kind of warmth, even, because the room was suddenly all too cold and there seemed to be a yawning hole now where the heat in her chest had been moments ago – and inexplicably shivering slightly as a result, she brought her hands down enough to see him sitting an arm's length away with an utterly distraught expression that not even the hand covering his face could completely conceal. “I-It's not- I _did_ \- It's just-” What was she even trying to say? She had no idea. “You didn't do anything wrong, I promise.”

The way he looked at her made it clear he didn't believe her in the slightest.

Guilt crowded out everything else as she shakily sat up and struggled to figure out a way to fix this mess she'd unwittingly created. “Mon-El, I-”

A niggling feeling and the distant sound of ringing caused her words to die in their throat, and her face fell as she realised what was happening.

Her aborted sentence caught his attention, and all it took him was one look at her expression for him to come to the same realisation. “Waking up?” he asked in a painfully neutral voice.

She swallowed thickly, certain that their already turbulent situation had just worsened... and it felt a lot like it was once again her fault. “Y-Yeah. I need to... Eve...” she faltered and winced internally at how much it sounded like she was just making the most feeble of excuses.

“All right then.” His tone didn't change in the slightest.

Her heart somehow managed to sink even lower. “C-Can we... We're going to talk about this... right? When I get back?” _Damnit, Kara, stop sounding so doubtful of yourself. Are you trying to assure him or not?_

There was far more grey than blue in his eyes, much to her distress, but he nodded ever so slightly.

It did little to ease her mind and heart as she gave in to the pull of the real world.

 

* * *

 

For one short and blissful moment, Kara was at peace despite the ringing of her alarm clock.

Then she fully woke up, remembered everything that had transpired in the dream world and felt like the worst living being to have ever existed. “You really messed up this time, Kara,” she groaned as she screwed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hand.

She had been the one to instigate everything only to freak out for no real reason in the middle of it and now... Mon-El was probably beating himself up to no end because he (erroneously) thought that he'd done something wrong. And when she took his customs into consideration...

There really was no hole big or deep enough for her to crawl into the more she thought about it.

“Stupid,” she muttered out loud. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

The ringing reached a new intensity, dragging her out of her self-loathing marathon. It was a tad immature, but she let herself transfer some of the irritation she had been directing at herself to the infernal device and barely managed to hold herself back from smashing it to pieces instead of just smacking it silent. Unfortunately, the action and the ensuing silence did little to make her feel better and it was only the thought of the importance of today that forced her out of bed.

It didn't seem fair, being somewhat forced to choose one best friend over another, but the universe clearly hated her so a part of her felt like she should have expected this to some extent.

“Okay, enough with the pity party, Kara,” she scolded herself as she headed for the bathroom to wash up, doing her best to shove her recent relationship troubles to the back of her mind in the process. “Eve needs you right now and you are _not_ letting your dumb problems get in the way of that.”

As expected, Eve's alarm clock had not rung by the time she was finished and heading out of the apartment. No matter. She had a plan and she was going to stick with it. A short walk later, she was in the nearby coffee shop picking up some croissants and bear claws along with Eve's usual coffee order. Once she was reasonably sure she'd gotten a big enough breakfast for the both of them, she headed back to the apartment, sending a text to Jordan asking him to please give his girlfriend a call to wish her good luck along the way, and prepared herself for a difficult confrontation.

“Eve, open the door. I know you're awake; I can hear you shuffling around inside,” Kara said sternly at the door of the girl's room. “I bought you some breakfast and it's going to get cold if you don't come out and eat it right now.”

“I'm not hungry,” came the muffled answer. “In fact, I'm not feeling well.”

Kara let out an annoyed huff. “That's a lie and we both know it. Come on, Eve. Just come out and let's get it over with. You're only going to make things worse for yourself if you do this.”

Silence greeted her, but just as Kara began considering getting her lock-pick set out the door finally opened to reveal an anxious-looking Eve. “Is there any way I can convince you to help me skip class?” the girl asked desperately.

A weary sigh escaped Kara. “No. Now come out and eat your breakfast.”

Instead of complying, Eve just tightened her grip on her room door. “If you help me, I'll... I'll... I'll refrain myself from asking about your relationship for a whole month.”

Kara blinked, stunned silent. Eve had to be really desperate if she was willing to use that as a bargaining chip and if Kara was being entirely honest with herself, she was somewhat tempted to take the deal. Even so, she resisted; besides, she could use someone to talk to about last night and... well, Eve was her best and only option. “How about this?” she offered. “If you go to class today, I'll tell you about last night.”

All at once, Eve perked up like a dog that had just been presented with a big juicy bone. “Did something happen last night?”

“Nuh uh. Class first,” Kara said firmly as she reached out and carefully pried Eve's fingers off the door before pulling the girl out of her room. “And for the millionth time, you're going to be fine. It's just one quiz; it's not going to kill you.”

“Easy for you to say,” Eve grumbled as she stuffed a croissant into her mouth. “You're not the one who has to endure The Hartless.”

Kara had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at the nickname as she took a bite out of her bear claw although she supposed she was a little grateful that she wasn't in Eve's shoes. Professor Hart was infamous among the students of National City University for... well, being utterly heartless and merciless. Stories floated around campus about how she was some kind of soul vampire who fed off her students' suffering to her track record of having never awarded anyone anything higher than a B-. According to one urban myth, when one of her students had passed away mid-semester, she had attended the funeral just so she could tell his grieving parents that she was going to fail their son since he was going to be unable to attend any more classes. “I've been helping you study for the past week, Eve, and you got top marks in the mock quiz I gave you last night. I have full confidence in you. Now up and out.”

“She's going to fail me,” Eve moaned as she was shoved out of the apartment and in the direction of the campus. “She's going to fail me and then she's going to call the dean and tell him I don't deserve to graduate and then she's going to call every other university in the world-”

“Okay, now you're just being overly dramatic,” Kara scolded her friend as she gently herded the girl into the lecture hall, mindful of the other students around them who had similar looks of pure dread on their faces. “Get in there and ace that quiz. I'll be right out here.”

Eve's only reply was a look that was part baleful glare and part silent plea which Kara decided to ignore in favour of making herself comfortable as she read her book while waiting. She was halfway through when a shadow fell over her and she looked up to find a zombie vaguely resembling Eve standing over her. “...See, you're still alive,” Kara tried to quip with a nervous grin.

“I think,” Eve intoned flatly, “that I'd like you to fulfil your end of the bargain now.”

All pretence of humour left Kara in the form of a gusty sigh. “Okay, okay. Let's go to the conservatory.”

Aside from the library, the conservatory a short distance from their apartment was perhaps one of Kara's favourite places in the city. It reminded her of the woods near the Danvers residence back in Midvale where she used to hide when she wanted to be alone so she had been beyond overjoyed to find a nice secluded spot in National City that offered her something similar. After she had found her new favourite city hideout, she had shared the location with Eve in case the girl ever felt like she needed some nature-based quietude herself. Over time, it had become a place for them to hang out when they wanted to be left alone outside the apartment.

Like now.

To Eve's credit, she waited until Kara had taken a seat on her favourite bench before beginning her assault. “We're here. Now talk.”

Confronted with Eve's increasingly predatory behaviour and her nervousness over recounting the events of last night, Kara began to regret having made the deal that morning. “Umm... W-Well... L-Last night, w-we, um...”

“WORDS, KARA,” Eve boomed as she advanced menacingly, “OR SO HELP ME-”

“Tongue,” Kara blurted out, froze and then covered her face in mortification as she let out a distressed whine.

Silence.

And then-

“ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN DOING NOTHING BUT PECKING EACH OTHER ON THE LIPS _FOR OVER A YEAR_?!?!?!”

Understandably taken aback by the sudden shouting (even though she really should have expected it), Kara moved her hands so that they covered her poor ears. “E-E-Eve! Don't yell!”

Her face purple with rage, Eve began flailing her arms wildly. “YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY I'M DOING NOTHING MORE THAN YELLING, MISSY!!! WHAT IN- I CAN'T EVEN- _URGH!!!_ ”

“We were taking things slow,” Kara mumbled defensively only to immediately realise that she was just making things worse for herself.

True enough, that just seemed to make Eve madder. “THERE'S TAKING THINGS SLOW AND THEN THERE'S MAKING SLUGS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE TRAVELLING AT LIGHT SPEED!!! AND I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHICH ONE YOU'RE DOING!!!” Another frustrated noise escaped her as she dragged a hand down her face. “My god, I really _am_ going to die before the two of you have sex.”

Kara's blush darkened again. “I-I-I don't see how that's any of your business in the first place!” she tried to argue feebly.

At that, Eve pulled her hand down to shoot Kara a death glare so powerful Kara couldn't help but quail. “It _is_ my business when I've been rooting for the two of you for _years_. _Years, Kara._ And am I wrong to say that that's something _you_ want for yourself?”

Unable to meet Eve's borderline murderous gaze any longer, Kara turned away and started staring at her feet. “I-I-I... I-I don't... know,” she mumbled defeatedly.

There was a beat of silence before Eve spoke again. “What do you- Okay, wait. Who initiated what happened last night?”

“...Me.”

“...And then what happened?”

Kara scuffed the ground with the toe of her shoe. “...I freaked out in the middle of it and he- well, we stopped there.”

“Oh.”

Eve's muted response caused the dam to break, and all at once the insecurities that had been lurking at the back of Kara's mind came rushing out. “Everything seemed to be happening so quickly that I just- He's slept with like a _million_ women, Eve, and I... I've never... He's my first _everything_. I don't... _I don't want to mess it up._ ” The memory of Mon-El's distraught expression surfaced and tears began pricking at her eyes as the guilt she had felt then made its unwelcome return. “Except I have and he's probably beating himself up right now because he thinks he did something wrong and maybe even regretting this whole relationship thing and-” A horrible gut-churning thought occurred to her then and she looked up at Eve with wide panicked eyes. “What if he decides to call it off? What if he says it was a bad idea and we're better off being just friends or worse? What if he's already severed the connection-”

“Okay, stop right there,” Eve said firmly as she clasped her hands on Kara's shoulders. “Listen to me. I get it, okay? He's the love of your life and you want everything to be perfect. But you're going to mess up every now and then _and that's fine_. Same goes for him. Now before I say anything else, I have to ask: What happened next?”

“...I woke up,” Kara confessed, guilt still colouring her tone. “I didn't do it on purpose; the timing was just-”

“-really bad,” Eve finished for her before sighing. “Right, well... I'm only going to say this once so you better treasure it, Danvers.” She took a deep breath. “You need to talk it out with him the next time you see him.”

Kara stared blankly at Eve. “...Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

That earned Kara a smack on the head. “Shush. I'm being serious. You need to tell him how you feel about taking this next step in your relationship – that you want it but you're nervous because this is all new to you. If he's anything like the guy you tell me he is, he's going to understand. As for what happens after that... Well, the two of you are going to work it out. Together.”

“...You really think so?” Kara asked, a sliver of hope in her voice.

“I _know_ so. You've gotten past way more difficult hurdles than this and you're going to get through this one in the end too,” Eve smiled reassuringly.

Ever so tentatively, Kara found herself returning the smile. “Thanks, Eve.”

“You're welcome. Now.” Eve's smile turned mischievous. “You _have_ to tell me: How was it?”

Kara flushed bright red at the memory and dropped her gaze back down to the ground. “...G-Good,” she mumbled. “Really, _really_ good.”

A sound resembling an evil cackle escaped Eve. “ _I knew it!_ Okay, we are _so_ celebrating this. If only we had some champagne or something handy...”

This time, it was a different kind of embarrassment that fuelled Kara's blush. “Don't you think that's a little much?”

“Oh please,” Eve replied crossly, “this is you we're talking about. Do I need to remind you of the fact that it took you _over a year_ to start playing tonsil hockey with the love of your life? Now you stay right here; I'm going to get some drinks from the vending machine we passed by earlier and we're going to toast this momentous event in your extremely slow-progressing relationship.”

“H-Hey, wait!” Kara called out to no avail as she watched Eve ignore her and dash off before disappearing around the corner. Great. While talking with Eve had definitely helped, the way the girl was reacting to the... information... was just downright mortifying. Honestly, she was kind of starting to regret-

Unimaginable pain ripped through her entire body, robbing her of her ability to breathe properly, much less think coherently as she gasped and fell to her hands and knees. She knew this pain and that knowledge filled her with nothing but fear.

Kryptonite.

“Kara Zor-El.”

The sound of her real name being said by an unfamiliar voice dragged her back to the present and she struggled to lift her head high enough so that she could see who had spoken.

Holding a familiar-looking green rock in his hands was a two-legged being with mottled purple leathery skin, bulging eyes and cybernetic implants dotting the parts of his body she could see through the tattered cloak he was likely using to conceal his identity.

An alien.

She was being attacked by an alien.

Either oblivious or uncaring of the shock she was sure was readily apparent on her face, the alien kept advancing. “I will have you pay for the injustice your mother heaped upon me in her place,” he snarled in accented Kryptonian.

“W-What...” she barely managed to rasp through the agony and confusion coursing through her. Her mother? What had she done? Who _was_ this alien?

Then the alien came close enough for her to look into his eyes... and all that stared back at her was madness. “It was an accident. The reports were proof enough. But one of your people died and that justified severe punishment. For me. _Me!_ ” A three-fingered hand reached down, wrapped itself around her neck and hoisted her up into the air, further limiting the amount of air reaching her lungs. “ _I lost my family in that accident but all your people cared about was their one loss! And your mother saw fit to imprison me in Fort Rozz for it!_ An eternity mourning my wife, my children... but now...” He tightened his grip, eliciting a small whimper from her even as she clawed futilely at his hand. “Now... _I will have my revenge._ ”

 

* * *

 

Mon-El grit his teeth and curled his fists around the vegetation blanketing the dream world as he struggled to breathe through the pain. It was happening again. Someone out there was hurting Kara again. Kara was in danger again and all he could do was feel her pain. Once again, he was powerless – _useless_ – to do anything while someone precious to him suffered. The self-loathing he had been feeling earlier over his transgressions redirected itself but continued to build... as did the unbridled hatred he was feeling for whoever was hurting Kara. If only he was out there. If only he could protect her. If only, if only, if only.

His eyes screwed shut as he shoved the useless thoughts away and tried to focus on their connection – a connection that she had somehow managed to initiate despite being in the real world at the moment. The how mattered little right now; if he could feel her, then it stood to reason that she could feel him too just like when they were both in the dream world.

It was a gamble, but at least he could try to do something instead of just pointlessly sharing her agony.

Recalling Hal-Ed's old lessons about pushing through the pain to keep fighting, he began trying to leech her pain away and contain it within himself. At the same time, he tried to push his own thoughts through the link in the hopes that she could feel it somehow. _It's okay_ , he tried to communicate. _It's okay. I'm here. I'm here with you._

The pain flared but he couldn't tell whether it was because his attempts were bearing fruit or things out there were getting worse. It only made him angrier – at Kara's attacker, at himself, at a universe that seemed determined to break someone who deserved only everything good in life but never seemed to get it – and he punched the ground in frustration.

 

* * *

 

Feeling somewhat numb from the pain – at least, that was her best guess – Kara let desperation and instinct guide her next act. To her own surprise, her weak and clumsy punch managed to somehow find its mark, striking the alien in the eye and forcing him to release her. Free, she fell to the ground in a heap but her relief was short-lived as barely a second later, something solid slammed into her stomach and sent her skidding across the ground. A sardonic part of her noted that it was a blessing in disguise since it put a little bit of distance between her and the alien as well as the Kryptonite in his possession-

“ _HEY!_ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO KARA, YOU BIG JERK?!”

 _No._ Panic temporarily blotted out Kara's agony and she lifted her head from the ground just in time to see Eve chuck one of the cans she was holding at the alien's head with surprising accuracy. “Eve,” she croaked, hoping against hope that the girl could somehow hear her, “please... _run_.”

But of course Eve didn't – whether it was because she had been too far away or because she was being stubborn, Kara couldn't tell – and threw the other can before taking advantage of the distraction to run to Kara's side. “Kara, are you okay?” she asked, her features twisted in pure worry.

“You have to go, Eve,” Kara said urgently. “It's not safe-”

“Yeah, I think I noticed that part,” Eve cut her off sharply. “And if you think I'm going to run away, you big idiot-”

“This has nothing to do with you, human,” Kara heard the alien say in Kryptonian, and she looked back at him to find him staring back at her. “Tell your friend I have no grudge against her but I _will_ hurt her if-”

A burst of loud cracking sounds cut through the air and the next thing Kara knew, the alien had fallen to the ground with a cry of pain and a small army of humans dressed entirely in black had surrounded them.

She recognised the man leading them immediately.

“Bartlett, secure the Kryptonite. Sato, make sure any recordings of this incident are erased from the security feed. Johnson, restrain our new guest and prepare him for transport,” Henshaw ordered his men without even glancing in the girls' direction. “Lee, Garcia, assist her-”

“W-Wait.” With Eve's help and despite the girl's protests, Kara struggled to her feet and waited for the man to look at her before continuing. “What... What are you going to do with him?”

Henshaw looked at her with an unreadable expression. “That is none of your concern. The two of you should leave and not speak of this to anyone if you know what's good for you.”

“Of course it's my concern!” she argued, hating that she sounded as weak as she felt. “He's an alien and I demand to know where you're taking him at the very least!”

“You can demand all you like,” he replied neutrally, “but the fact of the matter is that neither you nor this alien – who you should remember just tried to kill you – have any rights on Earth. Go home, Kryptonian. And next time, think about the specifics of your situation before you speak.”

Then he turned away dismissively, and it was only at Eve's quiet urging that Kara allowed herself to be all but dragged away to relative safety.

In the commotion and tense stand-off that had followed, everyone had failed to notice the strange red blinking of the camera trained in their direction.

 

* * *

 

“So. A failure on all fronts.”

“As you expected, Myriad had no effect on your niece unlike her cousin.”

“Hmph. I almost wish Jor-El were still alive now just so I can laugh in his face at how his little experiment turned out in the end. And what about our friend?”

“I put a little present in his implants before he left. Even if the humans don't kill him themselves, he won't live long enough to tell them anything.”

“You're a cold one, Indigo.”

“That's rich coming from the man who just tried to have his niece assassinated. Whatever would your dear wife say about that?”

“Astra will never find out unless either of us tell her and I don't think that will be happening any time-”

“NON!”

“Oh, for Rao's sake... There's no need to yell, Zod. I can hear you just fine. What is it now?”

“I am tired of following your lead and hiding like a coward! We should be attacking the humans _now_!”

“In due time. We're not ready. Patience never was your strong suit.”

“Patience is for the weak. And I'm done.”

“Done as in...?”

“I'm leaving. Jor-El's son will die by _my_ hands and I do not need your pathetic schemes to accomplish that.”

“...I can stop him if you want.”

“Let him be.”

“You're not worried he might be captured and reveal something crucial to the humans?”

“He knows nothing significant. And you underestimate Zod; he won't allow himself to be defeated so easily.”

“Whatever you say. So what do we do next?”

“We continue our preparations. How much longer?”

“Still a few years. This planet's primitive technology continues to be... frustrating... for me to deal with.”

“We have time. We can afford to wait. Let the humans enjoy their Earth while they can; it will be ours before long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess this is the part where someone goes, "So THAT'S why you said you had to rewatch Season 1."
> 
> (sees pitchforks being slowly raised)
> 
> ...Or maybe not. (runs away again)


	12. Ripples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one event affects only one person in only one way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (quietly sneaks in)
> 
> (drops some tissue boxes)
> 
> (quietly sneaks out)

“Hang on. Just a little further. One foot in front of the other. That's it. Excuse me, my friend's sprained her ankle so can you please let us through? Thank you. No, it's fine; I'm taking her to her family doctor.”

Eve's voice sounded somewhat distorted and far off – a strange thing to think considering the girl was right next to Kara and had a tight grip around her waist as she half-dragged them back to their apartment. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was very close to just passing out on the pavement; Kara couldn't be entirely sure. She could literally _feel_ her body start to mend itself now that it was no longer being exposed to Kryptonite and while that was certainly a big positive, the same could not be said for her chaotic state of mind.

Her thoughts were flying in every possible direction as she recounted the incident that had taken place not too long ago. (Had it really been less than an hour? It felt both like it had just happened and was in the distant past at the same time.) An alien had just tried to kill her. An alien who had known her real name and spoken Kryptonian rather fluently.

An alien who, if he was to be believed, had been unfairly sentenced to Fort Rozz by her own mother.

Her own mother.

She felt like she was going to be sick... and it had nothing to do with whatever traces of Kryptonite radiation still lingering in her body.

It was impossible. Her mother was kind, wise and just. She was not the type of person who would do something like this. Furthermore, while she was aware that things on Krypton had not been as nice as she had been led to believe as a child, there was no way it could have been _that_ terrible. That alien had to have been lying. He _had_ to be.

...Right?

_-But what reason would he have for lying?-_

As always, that small voice at the back of her head was a source of calm and rationality when she was spiralling... and just like every other time, she had a feeling she wasn't going to like where this conversation with herself was going to lead. _I... He could have said it just to get at me_ , she tried to argue feebly.

_-To what end? He had Kryptonite and was this close to killing you. If he had wanted to gloat for whatever reason, he would've said something much less sympathetic.-_

The truth in what the voice said was undeniable... and yet she still refused to acknowledge it.

It was of course at that point that her brain recalled memories from a lifetime ago – memories of things Mon-El had said when they were first getting to know each other.

“ _I wouldn't expect someone your age to be capable of seeing anything beyond the self-aggrandising stories your parents probably spoon-fed you about your precious planet from the day you were born.”_

“ _She was... eloquent,”_ he had said when she had asked him what her mother had been like. _“Knew almost exactly what to say at every turn.”_

They had still been relative strangers back then, and she hadn't learned how to read him yet. But now... now that she knew him so well, she looked back at the memory and noticed all the signs she had missed an eternity ago: the way he had hesitated before answering her question, how carefully he had chosen his words, his reluctance to look her in the eye as he had spoken, the silence that had followed especially after she had said she'd wished she'd had the chance to see her mother work just once...

She suddenly felt so incredibly tired.

There was the sound of keys jingling followed by a door swinging open. “Thank god,” she heard Eve sigh in relief. “Okay, bed for you. You're practically dead on your- Bad turn of phrase. Sorry.”

If she were in a better state, Kara might have made a sarcastic comment or even a small quip. Instead, she just let Eve keep dragging her in the direction of her room.

She was out before her head hit the pillow.

 

* * *

 

_Calm down. You're worrying too much. She's fine. She HAS to be._

It was no use. No matter how much he kept trying to reassure himself that Kara was fine and reminding himself that thinking about her was just making the wait feel longer and thus more unbearable, Mon-El found it impossible to do anything else. Someone out there in the real world had hurt her – had tried to _kill_ her – with _Kryptonite_. It had to have been Kryptonite; the pain that had paralysed his body earlier had been identical to the incident long ago. Which meant that it had to have been someone who knew her true identity _and_ had access to the mineral.

As far as he knew, that was a very short list.

Bruce came to mind but he dismissed it after a moment's thought; while he had not met the human himself, everything Kara had told him about the man indicated that he was honourable and trustworthy. Bruce had sworn that the Kryptonite in his possession would only be used in times of extraordinary need and since there was no reason to even think that Kara had done anything that qualified as such, then he was most likely not the culprit.

His suspicions naturally settled on the human who had been the perpetrator behind the past instance: Henshaw.

Just thinking about the human made him want to punch something.

But no. He had to consider the possibility that the culprit was someone else. Assuming something without giving it any deeper thought had earned him far too many scoldings and raps on the knuckles from Bal-Seg in the past and he should have known better. (If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost hear the old man giving him an earful now for jumping to conclusions even if briefly.) Someone else could have been behind this. Perhaps that Lex person she had told him about who seemed intent on killing Kal-El? The thought failed to make him feel any better, however, as the idea of someone harming Kara to get at her idiot cousin made him resent said idiot cousin even more. If he ever met him...

A familiar body all but crashed into him, abruptly bringing an end to the turbulent state of his mind. Kara. Relief flooded him instantly. She was alive. She was-

The golden light that filled his head the moment he initiated their connection was full of sorrow but most of all alarmingly weak just like the grip of her arms around his torso and her hands as they grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. “You knew, didn't you?” he barely made out what with the way she'd buried her face in his chest.

Confused, he could only hold her as he tried to soothe her mind through their connection. “Knew what?” Could she have figured out that she had somehow initiated their link while she was still awake? But how? Was it because he had managed to reach out to her in a similar fashion and she had sensed him in the process? What-

Her grip tightened, and in a heartbeat the sorrow radiating from the golden light transformed into anger. That was the only warning he got before she pulled away just enough to glare at him with eyes that shone with both pure rage and unshed tears. “My mother,” she whispered hoarsely. “You knew what kind of a person she was, didn't you?”

“Kara, I don't under-”

“ _You knew, didn't you?!_ ”

He had no idea how this was related to the apparent attempt on her life earlier but it seemed as if there was no getting around the subject... and he had sworn long ago he would never lie to her about anything. “...Yes,” he finally admitted reluctantly. “Yes, I did.”

All at once, the fight went out of her and the anger the golden light in his light gave way to the sorrow from before. However, this time it was intertwined with all-consuming grief – grief that seemed to have pushed her over the edge judging by the way her tears were now falling freely from her eyes. “You knew,” she repeated as if it was finally sinking in for good. “You knew and you didn't tell me.”

Guilt bloomed in his chest as his mind recalled memories of a little girl mourning the loss of her entire world. “I... You'd just lost... _everything_. And you loved your mother. It didn't seem right to take that away from you. Especially not when it was still so... recent.”

“Then why didn't you tell me later?” she demanded, her anger roiling again beneath the sorrow.

“I...” he faltered, aware that he had no real excuse. “There didn't seem to be a good reason to do it. And... it never came up.”

She shook her head violently. “I deserved to know. She was my mother.”

“It's precisely because she was your mother that I didn't want to tell you,” he replied softly.

This time, she shook him instead although her still weakened state made the gesture almost ineffectual. “You should've told me _because_ she was my mother!” Then she buried her face in his chest again and he felt her tears start to soak his shirt. “Why... Why didn't you?”

At a loss for words and unsure if she would welcome the gesture, he kept his mouth shut and refrained from reaching out for her mind through their connection. “I'm sorry,” he finally said when nothing else came to mind.

“Good,” came the harsh and immediate response. “You should be.”

Filled with guilt as it was, his heart still broke for her. “Kara...”

“I should have known,” she mumbled. “I should have known that she...”

It took him a while to realise that she was talking to herself instead of him. “Kara, don't do this to yourself. She was your mother and she loved you. You never got the chance to see her as anything else. There was no way you could have known. It's... There's no way you could have found out. Especially not as a child.”

Silence. He couldn't tell if that was a good sign or not. Unsure as to what he should do next, Mon-El carefully wrapped his arms around Kara's trembling form even as he looked out for any signs that the gesture was unwelcome. To his quiet relief, she merely burrowed herself deeper into his embrace and did not push him away.

He had no idea how long they stayed like that while he summoned up the courage to give voice to the question that had been weighing on his mind since this entire argument began. “Kara... what brought this on?”

Another stretch of silence greeted him, and he began to think that she was never going to answer until she finally spoke up however softly. “I was attacked earlier,” she whispered.

“Are you all right?” he asked, careful not to give away that he knew. The last thing she needed right now was to find out that she had unwittingly shared her Kryptonite-induced agony with him.

A bitter laugh escaped her. “Define 'all right'.”

He winced. “Right. Sorry,” he murmured weakly and paused before asking his next question. “Who was it?”

The grief flowing into his head through their connection intensified. “...An alien. He... He said he was a prisoner in Fort Rozz. And that... that my mother had sentenced him there unfairly.”

His embrace tightened involuntarily. A Fort Rozz prisoner? But that meant- No. It couldn't be. Except that was the only plausible explanation. His mind whirled as it tried to process this latest revelation even as a part of him struggled to keep his turbulent emotions from flowing back into her head. “How did you manage to escape?”

She let out another bitter laugh, and the sound was so incompatible with everything that made her who she was that he found himself loathing it with every fibre of his being. “Henshaw showed up and apprehended the alien.”

Another surprise, although at least this one was much more pleasant by comparison. It seemed as if he really had misjudged the human after all. “That's... good,” he said carefully.

It seemed to be the wrong thing to say because Kara pulled away again to glare at him and the rage emanating from the golden light was almost blinding. “How is that in any way good?! This is the _DEO_ we're talking about! The same people who... who... They could be torturing him right now for all we know!”

Mon-El stared uncomprehendingly at her. “...Kara, that alien tried to kill you. I don't think you should be-”

“Concerned about him?” she finished for him angrily. “Why shouldn't I be? He's an alien like me and I know first-hand what the DEO is like! And if wasn't for me...” The anger slowly gave way to grief once more. “If it wasn't for me... If my mother hadn't...”

Oh. “Kara, it's not your fault,” he told her gently. “It's not your responsibility to bear the consequences of your mother's actions. For better or worse, even. That alien made a choice to take out his grievances on you and as for your mother... She was just carrying out her duties.”

“ _That's not an excuse!_ ” The rage was back, and she shook him for good measure. “Even if it was the law, she shouldn't have done it if it was wrong! That's not the mother I knew!” Fresh tears began trailing down her cheeks and she bowed her head as grief weighed on her once again. “That's not the person I... the person I...”

The knowledge that nothing he could say would help kept him mute but he allowed himself to carefully pull her back into his embrace, a gesture she thankfully did not reject but seemed to welcome albeit somewhat reluctantly. Almost as if she didn't feel like she deserved to be comforted. The thought made his heart ache for her even more.

A long stretch of silence punctuated only by her muffled sobs ensued before it was brought to an end by her. “...I still love her,” came the guilt-ridden confession. “Why... Why can't I hate her?”

He thought of how the hand that had once held his so gently had been the same one that had slapped him with enough force to bruise.

He thought of how the voice that had once sung him to sleep had been the same one that had spat cruel insults in his face when he had failed to live up to expectations.

He thought of how one person had been his entire world as a child and how all that had changed in the blink of an eye.

“...Because...” he replied slowly, “in the end, she's still your mother.”

No reply was forthcoming, and so silence reigned until she vanished from his embrace and he was once again left with nothing but his own chaotic thoughts and feelings.

 

* * *

 

Kara sluggishly opened her eyes and found herself immediately blinded. “What...?” Shielding her eyes from the unexpected glare, she reached out her other hand towards the source of the light and found... a lamp? A bit of fumbling later, she managed to find the switch and shut it off before sitting up in bed and looking around. Without the lamp's light, her room was quite dark. A quick glance at her bedside clock indicated that it was already evening which meant that she'd slept most of the afternoon away. At least she felt a lot better compared to before.

Of course, it did not take long for her to recall the events that had led to her current state and the revelations that had followed. If not for the fact that she still felt utterly drained on an emotional level, she was almost sure she would have started crying all over again.

Her mother had not been the just and fair person she thought she had been.

Mon-El had known this and kept it from her all these years.

She didn't know which one hurt more.

Suddenly unwilling to stay in bed any longer, she got up and left her room in search of something to distract her. However, Eve was nowhere to be found and so she once again found herself with only her thoughts to keep her company. As if they were a lodestone around her neck, the memories of events long past and fairly recent weighed her down and she sat down heavily on the couch. It was all too much. Her world and everything she thought she knew about the people she loved had been turned on its head in less than a day.

 _Story of my life_ , she thought bitterly to herself when she realised this wasn't the first time she had gone through something like this.

It was when she was in the middle of doing her best to not keep thinking about her mother, however, that the other aspect of the attempt on her life fully registered:

The alien had escaped from Fort Rozz.

The same Fort Rozz that was supposed to be impossible to escape from because... because...

...because it was in the Phantom Zone.

The same Phantom Zone that had been her own unwitting prison for twenty-four years before she finally escaped and reached Earth like she was supposed to with Kal-El.

And if she had managed to escape...

It occurred to her then that she had never once questioned _how_ that had happened.

...She couldn't have... but how?

Closing her eyes, she tried to recall the moments leading up to her arrival on Earth. She had been talking to Mon-El when she had felt like she was being shaken to her core. That had to have been the turbulence her pod had experienced as it exited the Phantom Zone... but what had reactivated it and set it back on its intended course after so long? “Think, Kara, think,” she muttered to herself frustratedly. “There has to be something-”

The red blinking light on her pod's dashboard.

At the time, she had barely given it any thought in light of the chaotic nature of her circumstances and even less after that due to the revelations that had followed. Besides, it wasn't as if there was any reason to see it as anything remotely suspicious.

Now, however... She had to consider the possibility that someone had been behind it.

Someone imprisoned inside Fort Rozz.

Which meant that she had essentially been used to bring a prison full of incredibly dangerous aliens to Earth.

The churning in her gut from before returned and only worsened as everything else she should have realised sooner began coming into focus.

It was possible for something as small as her pod entering the atmosphere to go unnoticed but there was no way something as gigantic as Fort Rozz falling out of the sky would have failed to capture everyone's attention.

Including, undoubtedly, Kal-El.

He'd known. He'd known since the day she had arrived and he'd kept it from her. And if that was the case, what were the odds that Bruce didn't know too whether it was from Kal-El or through his own global surveillance system?

They had all known and chose to let her live the past eight years of her life in blissful ignorance instead of telling her. And they had probably intended to keep it that way indefinitely.

The memory of the purple alien and everything he had told her returned to the forefront of her mind, and she spared a moment to wonder if there were more like him – other aliens who had been similarly wronged by Krypton's justice system and her mother by extension.

 _-But you should not assume all of them are the same-_ , that rational voice at the back of her head cautioned. _-The whole cannot be judged by the one.-_

Which brought her back to where she had been earlier: the fact that she was the reason a prison's worth of criminals were now theoretically running about Earth right now. For all she knew, some of the aliens who had been creating chaos across America or trying to kill Kal-El and thus providing the perfect fodder for the anti-alien movement were actually from Fort Rozz.

Did that not mean that she was essentially responsible for every single criminal act these escapees carried out? That the blood of everyone they hurt or killed was on her hands? How many were there? How many had already-

The sound of the front door swinging open interrupted her descent down yet another dark path and Kara looked up to find Eve entering the apartment with a small stack of pizzas in her free hand and a few extra items balanced precariously on top for good measure.

“Oh thank god you're awake,” Eve breathed the moment she noticed Kara. “How are you feeling? Did the sunlamp help? I know you told me the Sun's rays are the source of your powers which includes your super-healing or whatever you call it again and I wasn't sure if a sunlamp would have the same effect but it was worth a shot so I went ahead and bought one. I mean, it couldn't hurt, right? I had to use my emergency credit card for it though so I'm probably going to have to get a houseplant now just in case Dad finds out and asks me why I needed one out of the blue-”

Kara swallowed thickly as her train of thought resumed its journey to its inevitable final destination. “Eve-”

Having failed to hear Kara, Eve continued babbling as she tried her best to unload her delicious-smelling burden on the dinner table without letting anything topple over. “But anyway I decided it was best if I let you sleep. Oh, I guess that means you got to see Mon-El? I hope you told him about what happened instead of trying to keep it to yourself. Although he'd probably get all worried about you and stuff like that which would be sweet but maybe you might find it annoying if he overdoes it? Well, I'm sure you'll set him right if he goes overboard with the 'concerned boyfriend' thing-”

“Eve-”

“Meanwhile, I thought I'd do my part and get some food. I mean, you kind of missed lunch because of you-know-what and you already have a crazy appetite on a good day so I knew I had to get more than the usual. Which is good because I had to go pick up the sunlamp myself to save time and all I ate was the leftovers from breakfast so I'm pretty hungry myself. Sorry I didn't exactly have the chance to ask you what you wanted to eat since you were kind of asleep but I figured pizza was a good enough option. Look, I even got you one with pineapples on it; you can have that one all to yourself-”

“ _Eve!_ ”

It was fortunate that Eve had already put down all the food she had brought inside with the way she jumped at Kara's exclamation. “God, Kara,” she scolded as she pressed one of her now free hands to her chest. “You gave me a fright. What is it?”

The fact that she had yelled at Eve despite the girl not having done anything to deserve it made Kara feel immensely guilty... but she had needed to do it or else she would never have been able to get a word in edgewise. And considering what she needed to say next... “I'm sorry,” she whispered regretfully, “but... there's something I have to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” Obliviously curious, Eve stepped closer but didn't sit down. “What's so important you're actually stopping yourself from all but leaping at the food I got? I mean, I can practically hear your stomach grumbling from here.”

If she had been in a better mood, Kara might have reacted to the joke about her literally inhuman appetite. “I... I don't think we can be friends any more.”

Eve stared, blinked once, then twice before staring blankly at Kara some more. “...Sorry, what?”

 _You can do it, Kara. You HAVE to do it._ “I...” She curled her hands into fists in some vain effort to steel herself for the conversation that was about to unfold. “You saw what happened today. Not just the DEO I told you about before – the men with the guns – but the alien. I... There might be more out there. _Lots_ more. It's... It's not safe for you – for _anyone_ – to be close to me, Eve. And... And I'd never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you just because you were my friend.”

For a long while, Eve just kept staring at Kara before she finally spoke. “...So let me get this straight,” she began in a very neutral voice, “You want to stop being friends with me in order to protect me from becoming potential collateral damage if the DEO or another ugly jerk from outer space tries to kill you again.”

“...Yes. You were lucky today but next time... I just want you to be safe.” _Please don't make it harder than it already is_ , Kara mentally begged the girl.

“I see.” Eve crossed her arms, her tone and expression completely unreadable. “In that case, I wish you all the best in finding a new place to stay.”

Wait, what? “What?” Kara blurted out in confusion, completely thrown by Eve's seemingly random statement.

Judging by her expression, Eve was unfazed by Kara's outburst. “Well, you said we couldn't be friends any more, right? Which naturally means we can't be flatmates any more either because that's based on the very friendship you want to bring to an end. Besides, it would be the next logical step since I'd still be in close proximity to you if we both continue to stay in the same place. Oh, but of course that means one or both of us would have to move out... and since my father can afford to pay for me to stay here by myself, I'd most likely not be the one moving out. So unless you can find a way to counter or even match that – which I doubt –, you're going to have to find a new place to stay. Which of course would be kind of _really_ hard to do mid-semester and all that but since you insist on doing this, what else can I say?”

Kara stared blankly at the best friend she was in the midst of trying to no longer be best friends with as her brain sluggishly put the pieces together. “Are you... Are you trying to _blackmail_ me into not ending our friendship?”

Eve merely shrugged. “I prefer to think of it as... outlining the financial consequences of going through with this absurd plan of yours to push me away. And yes, you big idiot, it's a seriously absurd plan. I thought you were supposed to be a genius.”

“Absurd- _I'm trying to protect you!_ ” Kara protested hotly.

“And while I appreciate the sentiment, it's seriously misguided,” Eve countered crossly, her stoic demeanour having finally given way to her frustrations although that too seemed to give way to a softer expression before long. “Kara, I kind of knew from the moment you revealed you were really an alien that being your friend wasn't exactly going to be completely danger-free. I mean, you've lived here in National City for two years now. You've seen the anti-alien protests and all that stupid crap. I know what I got myself into. Maybe not specifically alien assassins but yeah. And I'm sorry, but I've made my choice. I made it all those years ago when I chose to be grateful to you for saving my life instead of getting mad at you for keeping your real identity a secret from me. I chose to remain your friend then and I'm choosing to remain your friend now. You're not getting rid of me that easily and you're just going to have to deal with it.”

At a complete loss for words, Kara could only keep staring at the human girl before her as a mass of emotions crowded around in her head and tears pricked at her eyes. “...Why are you doing this?” she asked feebly.

A gusty sigh escaped Eve, her expression a mixture of genuine sympathy and fond exasperation. “If you have to ask why, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought because I think the answer is pretty obvious.”

Unable to maintain eye contact any longer, Kara dropped her gaze to her lap and furiously swiped away her tears. “...Thanks, Eve.”

The sound of another sigh reached Kara's ears and she looked up again in time to see Eve plop herself down on the couch next to her. “Don't mention it. Besides...” The girl's warm smile turned into a devious grin. “If you get rid of me, who else in your life is going to pester you into making any kind of progress in your relationship with your literal dream guy?”

Despite the overall sombre mood still hanging over them, Kara somehow found it in herself to laugh however weakly. “That's the real reason you don't want to stop being best friends with me, isn't it?”

Eve's grin only widened and she patted Kara's leg. “You know me so well. Now come on. Those pizzas and potstickers aren't going to eat themselves.”

 

* * *

 

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Neither of them made any move to close the distance between them.

Kara wondered how she was supposed to feel about that.

“How are you feeling?” Mon-El asked her, his voice mostly neutral aside from the undercurrent of worry she was sure she could only detect because of how long they'd known each other.

“Better,” she replied quietly. She couldn't be entirely sure whether the sunlamp had really helped but the food had certainly done the trick either way. However, her answer was accurate on more than one level; time to clear her head and a conversation with Eve over dinner had allowed her to heal on a mental and emotional level as well.

It had led her to realise she had pretty much unfairly taken her grief out on him and he had only been trying to protect her much like how she had just tried to protect Eve by pushing her away... which made her quite the hypocrite when she thought about it some more.

In short, she owed him a really big and sincere apology.

“Talk to him,” Eve had told her firmly in-between mouthfuls of pizza. “Properly. I mean, the two of you are good at that, aren't you? So do that. I'm sure you'll work things out eventually. Also, _apologise_. You owe him that much.”

“That's good.”

Mon-El's exhaled statement drew her out of her thoughts and she refocused her attention on him to find that some of the tension had bled out of his frame and his features were now slightly tinged with relief.

But he still didn't come any closer.

She swallowed and gathered her courage, wishing that she felt as calm as she was trying to appear. “...We need to talk.”

His posture stiffened again, much to her disappointment although she wasn't at all surprised. “...About what?”

 _Just say it, Kara. Say it and MEAN it._ “I'm sorry,” she told him sincerely. “About getting angry at you before. I was upset about my mother and took it out on you just because... because you were there and somehow tangentially connected to it all. I understand that you were just trying to protect me – protect my memory of my mother – and I appreciate it.”

To her quiet relief, his posture relaxed slightly. “Apology accepted,” he responded and hesitated before speaking again. “...And for what it's worth, I'm sorry myself. I didn't-”

“No,” she cut him off with a shake of her head. “You don't have anything to apologise for, Mon-El. This was all on me. You had a good reason and it's not like you expected... well, today to happen. Speaking of which...” she faltered as her courage momentarily failed her. “I think... I think Fort Rozz followed me out of the Phantom Zone.” Then she caught the look on his face. “...But you already knew that,” she continued slowly, unable to hide the accusatory tone that had slipped into her voice unbidden.

To his credit, he didn't try to deny it although the stiffening of his posture spoke volumes. “It was a possibility I considered, and I only thought of it after you told me that you'd been attacked by someone from there.”

Her hands curled into fists as the anger she thought she had put to rest began bubbling up again. “Were you going to tell me?”

“Yes, because it concerned your safety.”

“So you're saying that you wouldn't have told me otherwise.”

His expression was infuriatingly stoic. “There would have been no point.”

She had to grit her teeth and take a few deep breaths to calm herself before she allowed herself to speak again. “I deserve to know either way.”

“Why?” he demanded to know. “What would it have accomplished? _I know you, Kara._ You would've blamed yourself for something that was beyond your control – a situation where you were just an unwitting pawn in someone else's schemes. You already feel guilty enough for surviving when almost everyone else died; you didn't need that burden multiplied unnecessarily – and again for something that you had no say in whatsoever.”

 _If I'd died with everyone back on Krypton, there wouldn't be a prison's worth of dangerous criminals running free right now._ The words burned at the back of her throat but she held them back through sheer force of will. Spitting them out would only prove him right and something told her that it would also have the added effect of taking the conversation in an unproductive direction. “I'm not a child any more, Mon-El. You don't... _You can't protect me from everything._ Especially not the truth about something that involves me directly and how I might or might not feel about it.”

Not a single muscle on his face or even in his entire body so much as twitched. “But I'm not wrong, am I? About how you felt about it when you figured it out. About how you _still_ feel about it right now.”

She shook her head violently. “That's not relevant-”

“ _Of course it's relevant!_ ” he all but roared, his stoic facade replaced with an expression of rage she didn't quite understand, and she couldn't tell if his outburst or the look on his face shocked her more. Then he froze as if he'd just realised that he might be scaring her and dragged a hand down his face, the very picture of regret. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. But Kara... This has nothing to do with whether you're still a child or not. I just... _I need you to be safe and happy._ Do you... Do you understand that?”

Her heart felt like it had twisted itself into knots, and she didn't know how to feel about all this. “That still doesn't mean you get to make these decisions for me,” she finally whispered, unsure as to what else she could possibly say.

At that, he pulled his hand down just enough so that he could meet her gaze with his own unreadable one. “I'm not trying to,” he whispered back. “But you're not giving me a lot of options here.”

Confusion and frustration clouded her mind, making it hard for her to find some way out of this maze of messy emotions they had both created for themselves. “I don't understand what you're trying to say.”

“And I don't know how to explain it in a satisfactory way,” he replied, his tone a perplexing mixture of sorrow and defeat.

“...Then... Where does that leave us?” she asked when the silence that had descended upon them became too much to bear.

“...I don't know,” he finally responded after another long pause.

That, to her immense despair, seemed to be the only thing on which they could agree.

 

* * *

 

Kara woke the next morning feeling little better than when she had gone to sleep. Her conversation – if one could even call it that – with Mon-El had pretty much stalled after that point. The only other thing she found herself able to discuss with him was the red blinking light she had seen on her pod's dashboard just prior to her arrival on Earth. He had shared his best guess which was that a Coluan had been behind it and when she had recreated the light for him, he had identified it as the symbol of the Brainiac clan, confirming his suspicions.

Not that it had helped in any way.

Even a pep talk from Eve failed to improve her mood no matter how hard the girl tried, something which inspired no small amount of guilt in Kara. It wasn't Eve's fault that things between her and Mon-El were already complicated by nature; this latest development had just exacerbated those very complications.

The worst part was that she couldn't really see how they were going to get past this latest hurdle.

In light of everything, an unexpected call from Alex proved to be a most welcome distraction. Here was someone completely uninvolved in the chaotic mess that her life had once again turned into and if choosing to spend some time with said person instead of trying to figure out a solution counted as running away from her problems even if momentarily, she could live with it.

“Hey, Alex,” Kara said into the phone, a small smile playing on her lips.

“Hey back at you, little sis,” Alex replied cheerily. “Guess who's in town?”

Kara froze. “What? You're here? In National City? How? Why?”

“No, I'm on Jupiter,” Alex snarked. “Of course that's what I meant when I said I was in town, you doofus. Want to meet up for lunch? You pick the place, text me the address and I'll answer all your questions then.”

“Sure! Wait, you're paying, right?”

“Hey, it's your town, you cheapskate! You're paying and that's final!”

A click indicated that Alex had hung up, ensuring that she had had the last word, but Kara was all too familiar with this dirty tactic that she wasn't about to let it slide. “I don't care what you said. You're still paying,” was how she greeted Alex even as she hugged her adoptive sister outside one of her favourite coffee shops.

“So stingy,” Alex complained theatrically although she readily returned the hug before releasing Kara. “But fine. I'll be the bigger person this time and let it slide. How's life?” she continued, ignoring the derisive snort that escaped Kara as they both sat down .

The innocent question caused the genuine smile on Kara's face to slip but she did her best to restore it as much as possible even as everything that had occurred just yesterday – Rao, had it really been just yesterday? – came barrelling back to the forefront of her mind. The alien attack. Henshaw's appearance. The truth about her mother. Her realisation that she was indirectly responsible for the escape of Fort Rozz's inhabitants. Eve's refusal to put her own safety above their friendship. Last night's argument with Mon-El. “...It's been a little rough,” she admitted honestly if somewhat vaguely.

“Oh? Want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly. So! Um... Why are you in National City anyway?” Kara quickly tried to change the subject before she said anything incriminating or got caught trying to lie and ended up telling Alex anything that might put her in danger.

Alex shrugged as she signalled to the waiter approaching them to give them a bit more time, apparently having failed to notice anything amiss with Kara's behaviour. “Well, if you must know, I got a job offer here.”

“What? Really? That's great!” Her own troubles forgotten for the moment, Kara beamed and got up from her seat just so she could hug Alex again.

“Yeah, well, I haven't accepted it yet so I think you might be jumping the gun here,” Alex noted even though she didn't exactly make any effort to reject the hug.

Confused, Kara pulled away to stare at Alex. “Why, is there something wrong with it? Come to think of it, you were studying halfway across the country; how did you get a job offer from a company in National City of all places?”

“The company has offices all across America and it just so happened that they had an opening here,” Alex explained. “They offered to let me see their National City branch to help me make up my mind and I thought I'd use the opportunity to see you. Plus, they're offering a lot of nice benefits so... who knows? I'm seriously considering it at the very least.”

“Well, I'd certainly love being able to live in the same city as my sister,” Kara confessed. “What kind of benefits are we talking about?”

“Oh, the usual. Quite a bit of travelling will be involved so that's a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. But anyway, enough about that for now,” Alex said firmly as she lightly slapped the menu in front of her. “I'm starving and I bet you are too. Shall we order already? After that, you can tell me what's new with Eve. Is that Jordan guy you told me about treating her okay? Because I know you don't like violence but since _I_ do, I can totally rough him up a little for her if it's necessary...”

 

* * *

 

They parted with a hug and promises of more meals together if she accepted the job – interspersed with more sisterly teasing, naturally –, but the smile on Alex's face disappeared the moment Kara vanished from her sight after being swallowed by the afternoon crowd. Wordlessly, she pulled out her phone, scrolled through her recent contacts list, found the number she was looking for and hit 'Redial'.

“I take it you've made your decision?” the voice on the other end of the line asked her without preamble the moment the call connected.

“I'll be able to make sure she's safe myself?” she demanded, seeing no reason to expect any pleasantries or extend them herself.

“Of course. That is what I promised you in our first conversation after all,” was the calm reply.

“Then fine,” she bit out. “I accept.”

“Very well. I'll have the necessary paperwork mailed to you today, Miss Danvers,” the voice responded. “Or should I say 'Agent' Danvers?”

“Whatever,” she snapped before ending the call right then and there, uncaring if the man on the other line took offence to the abrupt and downright rude way she'd terminated the connection.

Putting away her phone, she looked up in the direction Kara had walked off in and thought about the deal with the devil she'd just made. She was going to work for the monster who had nearly killed her adoptive sister years ago and taken her father away from her... but by doing so, she would be able to make sure that no one would be able to hurt Kara again. Not the DEO and certainly not any rogue aliens running around looking for revenge. Besides, she would be lying if she said she was doing this solely for Kara's sake; becoming an employee of the organisation that had caused her father's death would bring her one very large step closer to learning the truth about his death. All her feverish research these past few years had yielded precious few results but this... It would probably take her a few more years – years of keeping her head down and following the lead of a man she loathed with every fibre of her being – but she was sure she would finally get the answers she had sought for so long in the end.

If there was one thing she hoped would _not_ happen, however, it would be Kara ever finding out about all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (drops more tissue boxes before running away at full speed)
> 
> NECESSARY ADDENDUM POSTED ON 11 FEBRUARY:  
> Having found out about a certain engagement, I now regret that I essentially posted this angsty chapter on the eve of such a happy day. Because of this, I'm going to work extra hard to get the next chapter out sooner.
> 
> Friend: So it's going to be a happy chapter?
> 
> ...
> 
> (begins sweating nervously)


	13. Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (quietly puts down a tissue box with the note "Hang in there" stuck to it before sneaking away)

About a week later, a powerful alien attacked Metropolis and attempted to kill Superman.

Kara didn't need to listen to the news anchor to know how said alien had identified himself; she had seen the man on television with her own eyes once a lifetime ago in the company of her Aunt Astra and Uncle Non.

General Zod.

She also remembered the last time she had ever heard his name: a whispered conversation between her parents and her Uncle Jor-El in the dead of night – a conversation that she had only managed to overhear even if in bits and pieces because she had woken up in the middle of the night with a parched throat. Zod had done something terrible – which said a lot now that she knew what Krypton's standards were like – and her mother was going to be presiding over his trial while Uncle Jor-El was to be a key witness.

Even if the details of the crime itself had eluded her, she had known then what that usually meant.

But now he was free. Free to exact his revenge on the son of the man he most likely blamed for his imprisonment in the first place.

And it was all her fault.

“I'm fine, Kara, really,” Kal-El tried to reassure her with his Superman voice when she called him in a state of panic the moment she saw the news. “Nothing some time under the sun and a good night's sleep won't fix. The only thing I'm really worried about is that he managed to get away in the end.”

_You knew_ , the part of her consumed by rage wanted to yell into the phone. _You knew this was going to happen and you didn't tell me. I deserved to know. I deserved to know what kind of danger I'd brought to Earth with me. I didn't deserve to be happy and safe while other people were probably getting hurt or killed by the criminals I ended up setting free._

_I'm sorry_ , the part of her drowning in guilt wanted to sob at the same time. _I'm sorry I'm the reason you nearly got killed. I'm sorry you're still in danger right now. If I'd just died back on Krypton, you'd be safe. Zod and every other prisoner in Fort Rozz would still be in the Phantom Zone instead of hurting you and everyone else on Earth right now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry._

“...Okay,” she whispered into the phone instead. “I... Please, just... Stay safe. _Please._ ”

“I will.” He was still using his Superman voice. (That just made her feel even worse.) “Don't worry, Lois would kill me if I went and died on her.”

“That's not funny,” she croaked as her hands tightened dangerously around her phone and the device began creaking in protest as a result. “Don't... Don't joke about something like that.”

There was stunned silence for a while before he finally responded. “Sorry,” he murmured with genuine regret. “I promise I'll take care of myself, Kara. And I promise I'll get Zod next time.” He paused. “Did you know him? Back on Krypton, I mean.”

Kara shook her head slightly and only belatedly realised that he couldn't see the gesture. “Only by reputation.” Her grip around her phone which had loosened slightly before he had asked that particular question tightened again. “It... It wasn't a good one.”

A dry chuckle reached her ears. “I guessed as much.” Silence blanketed them once again, and she almost succumbed to the temptation to give voice to the turbulent emotions roiling inside her – whether it was the anger or the guilt, she couldn't tell – when he spoke up. “Kara, please be careful yourself. Things might be... a little dangerous for the foreseeable future so try not to take any unnecessary risks.”

If she had been unsure as to whether Kal-El had known about Fort Rozz before this, that comment would have put those doubts to rest for good. And still she kept it to herself. “I understand,” was all she allowed herself to say.

As it turned out, however, Zod's assault on Metropolis had far-reaching consequences that she had not anticipated and further compounded her anger and guilt. Anti-alien sentiments surged with some humans even beginning to outright demand for not just nameless faceless aliens but even Superman himself to leave Earth. He had brought this new threat with him, the more vocal ones claimed, and humanity would be better off if he removed himself from this planet and took his new nemesis with him.

'GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM,' they screamed with their hate-filled voices and large crude signs.

She wanted to scream back at them – at their ingratitude, at their ignorance but most of all at their heartlessness. Surely they knew by now that Krypton was no more? Or did they just not care? That didn't even take into account the fact that unlike her, Earth was the only home Kal-El had known. Even if he had the chance, what were the odds he would actually want to stay there, away from those he loved and who loved him in return? And what about other aliens like them? Those who had nowhere else to go – who were also only on Earth because they had been forced to leave their home planets for whatever reason?

But the rage bubbling inside her in response to all this ugliness could not compare to the guilt she felt knowing that this could all be traced back to her in the end. Everything unfolding in real time before her seemed to prove over and over again that her arrival on Earth had been a terrible mistake – that her parents shouldn't have put her in that pod all those years ago. (Her mother's necklace which had once been a welcome source of comfort especially when she was by herself in the real world now felt like an anchor dragging her down.)

She wanted so badly to apologise even if she had no idea where to begin or to whom she should direct her apologies first. It wasn't just the fact that, as far as she could tell, she had been the method through which Fort Rozz had been brought to Earth; it was the fact that she had let herself be blissfully ignorant of it all for so long. She had lived a relatively peaceful and carefree life while those criminals had terrorised and likely hurt or even killed innocents. How was she supposed to make peace with that?

It was of little comfort that some humans had chosen to respond to the escalating situation in a less antagonistic manner by coming to the defence of the alien population in general. Senator Marsdin who represented the state of Iowa in particular was a loud and vocal supporter of what she called “the basic right of any living being to be treated with compassion whether they were born on this planet or not”. Citing the country's own terrible track record when it came to treating minority races and immigrants, she was not shy about drawing uncomfortable comparisons between what was happening now and numerous past instances where innocents had suffered due to racial prejudices. Her willingness to argue with her colleagues over the matter had earned her both criticism and applause with many considering her the face of the 'pro-alien' movement for better or worse.

While all these were serious matters that weighed heavily on her mind, however, the one issue that plagued Kara's mind the most much to her shame was the abysmal state of her relationship with Mon-El.

She still went to sleep every night to see him, having sworn to herself years ago after she had unintentionally severed their connection that one time that nothing in the entire universe would ever make her abandon him in the dream world ever again. She still told him about her day – everything from the major events to the smallest inconsequential things.

But it wasn't the same as before.

Unlike before, she talked not to keep him informed or entertained but to fill the oppressive silence that blanketed them at all times. Even then, their conversations were stilted and unnatural as if they had fallen out of sync and were just going through the motions. Neither of them smiled or joked or laughed. They no longer touched or even so much as sat close to each other, the physical distance between them perfectly mirroring the emotional chasm that recent revelations had carved into a bond that literally defied time and space.

It reminded her of the time she had only just realised her true feelings for him... and what had happened after that.

The thought terrified her.

_Is this it?_ That was the question that haunted her now. _Is this how it ends? Was all this just a mistake?_

She didn't want to know the answer, and so she continued the charade even though it felt like she was just delaying the inevitable.

“I don't know what to do, Eve,” she whispered, partially because it was terrifying to say it out loud – like doing so made it that much more real and final – and partially because she was still very much aware that they were in a public area at the moment. “I want- _need_ to fix it but... _I just don't know how_.”

Even Eve seemed somewhat at a loss as to how to advise her on the matter if the expression on the girl's face was any indication. “Just give it some more time,” she tried suggesting as she silently offered Kara the last of her tiramisu. “I think the problem is the two of you are kind of right and wrong at the same time about different things but you're both conflating the issues so until either one of you can untangle that mess, nothing's going to get solved.”

A weary sigh escaped Kara as she accepted the proffered food but uncharacteristically began poking at it with her fork instead of devouring it immediately. “I'm trying. It's just... I'm afraid that even if I manage to figure it out, it'll be too late by then.”

“Hey.” Eve reached out and rested her hand on Kara's wrist, effectively stilling the Kryptonian's unintentional attempt to turn the tiramisu into an unappetizing pile of mush. “Don't think like that. The two of you have been through worse and you're going to get through this mess in the end, all right? It's just going to take some more time and effort, that's all.”

The reassuring words failed to comfort her but Kara did her best not to let it show on her face and gave Eve a feeble smile instead. “If you say so.” She glanced at her watch. “You should probably get a move on. Aren't you supposed to meet Jordan in a few minutes?”

A frown creased Eve's features, making it clear that the girl was very much aware of what Kara was trying to do but unsure as to whether to pursue the matter. “Will you be okay?”

Kara nodded and flashed Eve another valiant attempt at a smile. “I'll be fine. Go be with your boyfriend.”

It said a lot that while she acquiesced and took her leave, Eve still paused and gave Kara one last worried look before she was swallowed by the crowd.

Left with nothing but her own troubled thoughts for company, Kara saw no reason to stay at the cafe any longer and finished up the mangled tiramisu before leaving herself. She moved on autopilot, her feet carrying her down the familiar path back to their apartment as she let her mind wander and mull her seemingly unsolvable problems.

An uncomfortable crawling sensation began growing on the back of her neck, and it took her several minutes for her to realise that it wasn't just her imagination or even a side effect .

She couldn't be sure but it felt like... like someone was following her.

Fear seized her heart and caused her steps to falter. Drowning as she had been in her anger and guilt over the consequences of her arrival on Earth, she had allowed herself to forget one very important fact:

Fort Rozz's former inhabitants wanted her dead.

The thought, accompanied by the prickling sensation on her neck that had become even more prominent as time passed, sent her mind racing at light speed. Was she putting everyone around her in danger right now? If yes, then what? What was she supposed to do? What _could_ she do? Go somewhere else instead of their apartment? But where?

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed an alleyway and darted into it as quickly as she could. All she could think about was getting away – from whoever was pursuing her and the crowd in case said pursuer decided to start attacking her without a care for collateral damage. Her blood had all but frozen in her veins even as her heartbeat thundered in her ears, the sound easily drowning out the pounding of her feet on the ground as she started running. Too consumed by mind-numbing terror, she found she didn't care where she was going; all that mattered was that she got _away_.

Then she turned a corner and found herself staring at a dead end.

_No._

She was going to die. She was going to die here in this very moment and no one would even know for hours.

A part of her wondered if she deserved it.

Survival instincts drowned out the thought before it could fully take root and she desperately searched for a way out before her frantic gaze finally landed on a fire escape that looked like it was about to fall to pieces at any second.

_Up._

Selina would have been proud, she thought distantly to herself while using her powers in the discreet way the woman had taught her to soften her footfalls as she scrambled up the rusty staircase. Maybe she could tell her about this the next time they met.

If she lived past today, that is.

The dark addendum came to her just as she reached the roof of the building, and Kara wasted no time flinging herself to the ground to make sure that no one below would be able to spot her. Staying still was easy now what with her fear of her potential impending death paralysing her from head to toe but the logical part of her brain which somehow managed to continue functioning pointed out that she was not completely safe yet. _Focus_ , she told herself as she tried to listen out for any sound of activity down in the alleyway.

She didn't know how long she stayed like that – all alone, afraid for her life and the deafening sound of her own heartbeat being her only companion.

It was just when she began to think that it had all been in her head that she heard it:

Footsteps.

A scream threatened to claw its way out of her throat but she clamped her hands down hard on her mouth to prevent it from escaping as she squeezed her eyes shut. Despite all the guilt that had been festering inside her for the past few days, there was only one thought that kept echoing in her head as she prayed desperately to Rao or whichever deity was listening for help.

_I don't want to die._

The footsteps continued their sedate pace, and in her frantic state she couldn't even tell where it was coming from and where it might be going. Was it headed away from her? Or upwards to her hiding place?

Only waiting would provide the answer.

So she waited. And waited. And waited. All the while listening to the sound of what could be her impending demise.

Her thundering heartbeat stuttered when the footsteps paused seemingly right below her before it began racing at twice its previous speed. _Please don't come up, please don't come up, please don't come up..._

When the footsteps started up again and seemed to move away, she nearly let out a premature sob of relief as the tears she had been barely keeping in check began running down her face.

Yet it was a very long time before she felt it was even remotely safe to get up and continue her journey back to the apartment on shaky legs.

 

* * *

 

“I think someone was following me today.”

Mon-El was in front of her in an instant, his hands grasping her arms and his features creased in undisguised worry as he openly scanned her for injuries. “Are you all right?”

“I-I...” The mess of emotions jostling for space in Kara's mind caused her words to falter even as her hands instinctively reached up to clasp his. There was the comfort of feeling his touch and having the blue-grey energy in her head again after so long. Relief because there would always be a part of her that associated him with safety. Guilt, bizarrely yet appropriately enough, from feeling as if she might have told him about this just so she could get this very reaction out of him and thus reassure herself that he still cared about her. “I-I'm fine. I managed to run and hide until they left.”

His shoulders sagged visibly as some of the tension bled out of his frame and he hung his head. “Good,” he sighed, his own relief flowing back into her head. “That's good.” Then he raised his head, his expression completely serious as the blue-grey energy seemed to probe her thoughts. “You're sure they didn't just wait for you to come out of hiding and follow you again?”

The unexpected question gave her pause as a quiet sense of unease began to grow in the pit of her stomach. “I... I think so,” she whispered slowly, doubt seeping into her voice. Where was he going with this?

A frustrated noise escaped him and he let go of her before taking a step back, turning on his heels and running a hand down his face. “It's not enough.”

“What?” Confused by his statement and bereft of his warmth both physically and mentally, she struggled to even find the right response. “Mon-El, what's 'not enough'?”

There was a long stretch of silence before he turned around to meet her gaze, and something about the shade of grey his eyes had turned into told her that the conversation had taken a turn she was not going to like. “You can't just keep running and hiding.”

Against her better judgement, she allowed a sliver of her own growing frustration at his cryptic behaviour to slip into her voice. “What exactly do you expect me to do then?”

Like every other time, she felt it before anything else – the ripple of his thoughts and something distinctly Mon-El that she couldn't quite name – as he asserted his will over the dream world and the next thing she knew, they were standing in what looked like... a gladiatorial arena?

The sense of unease continued growing until it threatened to consume her entirely. “Mon-El, what... what is this? _Where_ is this?”

“Warworld,” he answered simply, and the fact that she recognised the name brought her little comfort. “The main arena, to be precise. Members of Daxam's royal family have been honoured guests here for generations. I myself began attending the games as a child and witnessed thousands of matches over the following years. Starting this very moment, I will recreate the gladiators I've witnessed for you to fight and hone your skills.”

A burst of incredulous laughter left her lips. “You're joking, right?”

He said nothing and merely kept staring at her unblinkingly.

Realisation dawned on her, and it settled uncomfortably around her shoulders like an ill-fitting coat. “...You're not joking, are you.”

“I would never joke about anything that involved your safety,” he replied, his tone uncharacteristically flat. “Your first lesson begins now.”

“What-”

The rest of her sentence died when she felt the dream world shift once again and a cold feeling of dread crawled up her spine as she slowly turned on her heels to find some brown six-legged creature with far too many teeth staring back at her.

Years spent familiarising herself with everything that made Mon-El who he was told her that he was not fooling around about all this but a part of her still didn't want to believe it. “Mon-El, you can't be serious.”

“I told you.” This time, there was a mystifying trace of anger in his voice. “I would never joke about anything that involved your safety. And you might want to do something right about... now.”

That was all the warning she got before the beast charged.

 

* * *

 

It was hell after that.

Every single visit to the dream world turned out exactly the same way: Mon-El would say something along the lines of “Good, you're here” which would be followed almost immediately by the sight of the now unfortunately familiar walls of the arena forming around her. Then she would find herself facing off against whatever alien he had decided to force her to fight this time.

Maybe she was lying herself just a little but she thought it would upset her a lot less if she actually had a say in all this. In fact, the only thing she _had_ been able to control was her clothes which was not exactly much to shout about. (After the first few nights, she gave up on transforming her pyjamas every single time and just went to sleep in shirts and shorts for the sake of convenience.)

To make things worse, his 'coaching' – if one could even call the harsh citing of what series of mistakes she'd made to result in her untimely 'demise' that – was the only way he seemed willing to communicate with her. If it didn't involve this ridiculous training in some form or fashion, he flat-out called it a distraction and told her to focus on the next match. “Unless you're telling me you're just going to let the next Fort Rozz escapee that finds you kill you with little effort, of course,” he had said curtly.

There had been no way to respond to that without potentially starting what she had a feeling would be a spectacularly ugly argument so she had grit her teeth, turned on her heels and done her best to shove the hurt and anger into a small corner where it could be easily ignored. This Mon-El was a complete stranger – not the man who was her first ever best friend and certainly not the man she had fallen in love with – and the last thing she wanted to do was let him see her cry because she didn't know how he would react to it. And she most certainly did _not_ want to find out.

Yet those feelings just kept growing with every subsequent match that ended with her 'dying' in some way or other.

Decapitated.

“Again.”

Poisoned.

“Again.”

Bisected. (Horizontally.)

“Again.”

Asphyxiated.

“Again.”

Mauled.

“Again.”

Dismembered.

“Again.”

Bisected. (Vertically.)

“Again.”

And again and again and again and again.

 

* * *

 

Kara barely blinked as she watched the axe swinging down towards her face, simply too exhausted to try and even roll away. Just as the blade was about to reach her, however, it vanished into thin air as did the Croigg that had been wielding it and the arena around her. A loud horn blared then, signalling her 'death' and the end of this round of torture. It was fortunate she had already been lying on the ground flat on her back, she thought tiredly to herself as she let her eyes slide shut and tried to focus on anything else but the fact that everything hurt.

“You could have won that match.”

There it was, just like clockwork. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and resisted the urge to scream. “How?” she chose to all but spit out instead, refusing to so much as look in the direction of the voice that had spoken.

“You know very well what I'm talking about.” He sounded closer this time, and she opened her eyes to regrettably confirm that Mon-El was now all but looming over her with that disapproving if not outright furious look on his face. (She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him smile.) “I told you before: A Croigg's natural weakness is its neck. All you need to do is strike it there – preferably the base of its skull or its throat.”

She forced herself to sit up despite her protesting muscles and allowed herself to channel some of her pain and frustration into the glare she shot him. “That could be a fatal blow. I won't take that risk. I won't kill. I refuse to. _You_ should know that.”

Her defiant response only seemed to make him angrier if the way the furrow in his brow deepened was any indication. “The people coming after you intend to _kill_ you, Kara. I think you should be more concerned about _that_ than their well-being.”

“No.” She shook her head violently. “There's always another way. There _has_ to be. I...” Her words failed her as the anger she had been using to keep her going briefly gave way, leaving her with nothing but the sorrow she had been trying to bury all this time. Despite her best efforts, tears began to blur her vision as she tried to glimpse even a fragment of the man she thought she knew better than she knew herself in those steel-grey orbs. “There's been enough death – enough pain and suffering. You know this as well as I do. I don't... _It has to stop somewhere._ Why can't it stop with me?”

There was a flash of something in his eyes but it vanished before she had a chance to identify it. “Just because people died in the past doesn't mean people won't die in the future, Kara,” he intoned flatly. “The only thing that you can do – that you _should_ be doing – is focus on your own survival.”

This time, tears fell when she shook her head and her stomach began to roil dangerously. “I... _No._ You're... You're asking me to... to...” Surely he couldn't be... could he?

A frustrated noise escaped him as he dragged a hand down his face. “ _I'm not-_ ”

The silence that followed his abruptly cut-off sentence was filled with a level of tension so unbearable Kara felt it like a physical weight threatening to crush her. Sensing for some unfathomable reason like they were hurtling towards a point of no return of some kind, she mentally scrambled for something to say. “Mon-El, I-”

She wasn't fast enough.

“Several generations ago,” he started apropos of nothing as he trained his gaze on the horizon, cutting her off in the process, “Queen Ley-Voc had been celebrating the birthday of General Nar Ox who was her closest friend and most trusted confidant when a stranger appeared seemingly out of thin air in the middle of the ballroom. The unknown man was unfazed by the weapons being pointed at him and stated simply that he wished to be a part of the festivities. When that did not convince the court to not bodily throw him out, he told them that he was willing to earn his keep by providing them with the most amazing kind of entertainment and demonstrated his skills by transforming a chair into a brakti. Even though she was still wary, Ley-Voc allowed herself to be convinced by the members of her court to let the man stay and amuse them with his magic tricks. After that, the festivities continued with even greater pomp and splendour than before, and in the midst of the merrymaking no one – not even Ley-Voc and Nar Ox – saw what would happen next coming.”

Swallowing thickly, she tried to push down the unsettling feeling that this story was headed down a very dark path.

“The stranger approached a daughter of one of the noble houses and expressed his interest in her. Although she was amused and naturally flattered, she refused his advances as was her right without thinking twice. It was at that point, the records say, that the man's previously warm features twisted into a cruel smirk as he told her that she was 'nothing much to look at anyway'. The moment the last word left his lips, the woman began disappearing beginning with her feet... and the last part of her to vanish was her head.” He paused, a distant look on his face. “The stories say she screamed until the very end.”

Despite the nature of the dream world, Kara still felt as if she was about to hurl at the sickening turn of events... and the rest of the story only made it worse.

Mon-El continued as if he was reciting a boring business report. “Realising that the uninvited guest was more of a threat than she had ever imagined, Ley-Voc immediately ordered the soldiers present to apprehend him. But what followed was nothing less than a massacre; the stranger's tricks that had seemed so harmless before were now unimaginably deadly. It all only came to an end when a group of strangers appeared – also out of thin air – and stopped the carnage by forcing the initial stranger to say a seemingly nonsensical phrase. Then the stranger vanished and they casually apologised for the situation before disappearing themselves. They left behind untold destruction and over a hundred dead – soldiers, nobles, servants, even slaves. The entire noble house of Yat was wiped out save for a son who had only survived on account of having been too young to attend the celebration in the first place.”

“What... What were they? Those strangers?” she rasped, unsure if she really wanted to know.

“Fifth dimension imps,” he replied, his tone flat and his face blank. “They have reality-warping powers and the only way to banish them back to the fifth dimension where they come from is to make them say their name in reverse. Ley-Voc spared no effort in learning all she could about them especially since even Nar Ox had been wounded in the battle and swore that such a tragedy would never happen again on Daxam. And she kept her word; the next time a fifth dimension imp showed up, it was killed on sight.”

Another stretch of silence engulfed them, and all Kara could do was stare at Mon-El as she tried and failed to figure out why he had shared this story in the first place.

She got her answer soon enough.

A sound that was half frustrated and half weary escaped him as he dragged a hand down his face again. “There are beings out there, Kara,” he whispered, “that see us as nothing more than playthings – to be toyed with and broken and tossed aside without a second thought. And you...” He looked up at her with something she couldn't quite place swirling in his storm-grey eyes of his. “You still don't understand.”

Nothing came to mind no matter how hard she tried to think of something to say, and so she continued to keep quiet.

The expression on his face shifted again but he turned away before she could get a good look and try to decipher it. “Training's over,” was all she heard before a seedy-looking building materialised around him and cut him off from her sight.

It was, she noted with growing despair, the first time he had ever shut her out to this extent. Now, more than ever, she felt the loss of everything that used to define their relationship but most of all the feel of his touch and the blue-grey energy in her head.

By the time she began feeling the pull of the real world, she still hadn't managed to summon the courage to even get up.

 

* * *

 

“You look down,” Eve commented carefully the next morning in-between sips of her coffee. “More than usual, even. Did something happen?”

Kara stared unseeingly at the cup of cooling tea in front of her on the kitchen counter. “I think I really screwed up this time. And I don't know if there's even a way to fix it.”

Eve blinked and set her mug down. “You're telling me that after about a month of you two barely talking to each other and doing nothing but preparing for the next potential attempt on your life, things actually managed to get _worse_?” When Kara merely curled into herself instead of responding, Eve frowned. “Tell me what happened last night.”

“...We... fought... I guess,” Kara finally whispered after a long while of trying to sort out her jumbled thoughts. “I... Training didn't go well and we kind of argued about it because it felt like he was pushing too hard and wanted me to... to.. _kill_. Then he was telling me this story about some really dangerous aliens and I just... It felt like... like we were having two different conversations at the same time or something. And now...” She thought of the building in the dream world. “I don't know if he still wants to even _see_ me.”

Silence descended upon them again and lingered uncomfortably until Eve brought it to an end. “Okay, I didn't want to intervene before this since I thought you were going to eventually work things out on your own and I wasn't entirely sure I had a good enough grasp of the situation to say the right thing but I think I do now.” She took a deep breath. “Let's start with this hypothetical scenario: Say you found out that Ross escaped prison. What would you do?”

Kara frowned, unsure where Eve was going with this but unsettled by the mere idea of that man reappearing in her best friend's life all the same. “Freak out? Worry about you like crazy?”

Eve nodded, the very picture of calm. “Mhm. And you'd probably insist on doing things like following me everywhere I go just in case he comes after me again, right?”

“ _Of course I-_ ”

“And what if I told you I could handle it on my own? That you were overreacting?” Eve cut her off.

“ _'O-Overreacting'?!_ ” Kara sputtered, temporarily forgetting that this was just a hypothetical scenario. “That guy kidnapped you and tried to kill you! How could you expect me to-”

Then she realised the point Eve was trying to make.

“Oh,” she mumbled in a very small voice.

“Yes. 'Oh',” Eve parroted with only the slightest bit of exasperation in her voice. “You get it now, right?”

Kara shrank further into her seat if that was even possible. “...Yeah.”

“Good.” Eve stepped closer and rested a comforting hand on her best friend's shoulder. “Now come on. You have class and I'm going to be a good best friend by making sure you don't skip it because I know you're going to feel bad about it later. Just make sure that your head's clear before you go to sleep tonight. Trust me, it'll help.”

 

* * *

 

The building was still there when she finally returned to the dream world.

Kara tried not to let it affect her and instead focused on the fact that Mon-El hadn't severed their connection. (Her heart still sank a little despite her best efforts.)

Despite her trepidation, however, she curled her fists, steeled her resolve and slowly approached the imposing structure. To her quiet relief, she found a door when she got closer which either meant that he wasn't mad enough at her to completely shut her out... or he'd just forgotten to leave it out when he'd recreated the building.

She hoped it wasn't the second one.

Ever so carefully, she placed her hand on the door and gave it a gentle push. The door opened easily enough – another good sign, she hoped – and then she found herself stepping into what looked like a bar on Daxam.

...This... was not a good sign.

Another bad sign was the sight of the person she had been looking for sitting at the bar swirling a glass full of some unknown liquid – Zakkarian ale, probably; she remembered him mentioning once that it was one of his favourites – and pointedly not looking at her even though she hadn't made any effort to enter unnoticed.

“Hi,” she whispered, the one-word greeting slicing through the unnerving silence in such a way that it was almost jarring. (A small part of her wondered if she was supposed to read into the lack of any background noise or even music in the place.)

More silence.

“...No training today?” she followed up hesitantly.

“There's no point teaching someone who doesn't want to learn,” he finally replied flatly, his hand still mechanically swirling his otherwise untouched drink. Sustenance was unnecessary in the dream world and they had both agreed long ago they weren't keen on finding out if eating their constructs would have consequences so this was all just for show. It was not a reassuring thought in the slightest because it meant that if this was all real, he would probably be completely smashed by now.

She shook her head, partially to get rid of the stray thought and partially in response to his statement. “I _do_ want to learn,” she countered. “And maybe I haven't been showing it very well but you haven't been making it easy either-”

“It's not supposed to be _'easy'_ , Kara,” he cut her off, and she spotted a trace of anger flash across his features before it gave way to something that looked like... weariness? “Can you please just... sever our connection so I don't have to feel it when you ultimately get yourself killed?”

If not for the fact that she'd done her best to prepare herself before she had gone to asleep for the possibility of him behaving caustically towards her, she was sure that she would have let the hurt his words caused distract her from noticing his unusual word choice. “'Feel'? What do you mean, 'feel'?”

The way he flinched at her question and all but slammed the glass down on the bar counter told her it had been a slip of the tongue – one he deeply regretted. “It's nothing.”

“No. It's not 'nothing',” she argued softly as she summoned the courage to step closer and reach for the hand still resting on the glass. “Mon-El, please-”

After a whole month of them not even holding hands, Kara had become desperately touch-starved – the natural consequence of being unable to feel anyone else's touch – and knew that it would likely be a shock to her system when – or if – she ever touched him again. Even as she reached out for him now, a part of her kept this in mind and steeled itself for the potential sensory overload.

What she had not prepared for, however, was the way the blue-grey energy flooded her head the moment her fingers came to rest on his hand... and what she felt through their abruptly restored connection:

Grief.

All-consuming grief – so intense and overwhelming that it felt like a physical blow.

A gasp tore itself from her lips and her eyes involuntarily squeezed shut as the pain coursed through her entire body like the most potent poison.

Then it was over just as quickly as it had begun and she opened her eyes to find that he had yanked his hand away and all but stumbled to his feet so that he could restore the distance between them.

“Mon-El, what...” she rasped as she stared confusedly at the man before her. His body was tense and his features were twisted in a mixture of grief and, mystifyingly enough, fear. “What's going on?”

His only response was to curl his fists and take another step away from her.

“Please, Mon-El,” she begged as she took a step closer, “talk to me. _Please._ ”

He maintained his silence for a long while after her plea but finally spoke just as she was about to lose all hope. “...I felt it,” came the hoarse confession, and it seemed to take all of his energy to force the words out of his mouth. “When you were exposed to Kryptonite.”

Shock robbed her of her ability to form a proper response. “W-What?”

A ragged breath escaped him as his eyes slid shut, and in that moment it seemed as if the full weight of the eternity that was his prison was pressing down on his shoulders. “You must have found a way to activate our connection somehow even when you were awake. And I felt you. I felt your pain. It was like... like you were calling to me. But I couldn't do anything. Not the first time, at least.”

“The first time...” She swallowed thickly. “You mean-”

“Henshaw, yes,” he confirmed softly.

“And the second time...” Her breath hitched as the pieces began falling into place. “The numbness. I... There was a moment where the pain wasn't so bad. That was you, wasn't it?”

A flicker of relief crossed his features. “So it worked then. That's good.”

Revelation after revelation. Her brain could barely keep up. “How... No. Why didn't you tell me? Both that you could feel it and what you'd done?”

“Because I know you, Kara,” he whispered. “You were in enough pain already – physically and emotionally. If I'd told you, you would've felt guilty about it – about something you hadn't consciously done. And I... I just needed a way to help you. I wanted to be useful. But there was nothing else I could do. I couldn't... _I can't protect you._ ”

“But you're teaching me how to protect myself,” she countered softly as she took another step closer and was thankful when he didn't move away. “I think that's even better. Don't you?”

He shook his head. “It's not enough. Not for me. Kara...” The way he looked at her made her heart break. “ _I can't lose you._ If I do... If I have to _feel_ it...”

“You're not.” Another step brought her right in front of him and she cupped his face in her hands both in an effort to prevent him from distancing himself from her again and because something told her they needed this. (The shock of feeling his touch again after so long was less intense this time, but the magnitude of the grief flowing into her head was unchanged.) “You're not going to lose me, I promise. I took the Sacred Oath to save you, didn't I? And I can't do that if I let myself get killed.”

“Hal-Ed took the Sacred Oath too and look what happened,” he replied, and the grief radiating off him somehow managed to multiply tenfold. “Everyone else is dead. Why should I believe that it'll be any different with you?”

That was when she realised her mistake.

They had suffered similar losses but she had only been forced to look on as her planet as a whole met its untimely demise.

He, on the other hand, had watched his people die around him as he had been dragged to safety.

He had seen Hal-Ed's corpse with his own eyes, knowing that the man had died carrying out his sworn duties in service of his prince.

He had watched as a man, odious though he was, had been killed to secure his own survival.

He had held Bal-Seg in his arms as his tutor bled from a fatal injury that had been sustained on his behalf.

His wounds, while similar to hers, ran much deeper.

He had just excelled at hiding it.

Until now.

It made her wonder if he'd been spending the stretches of eternity while she was awake wondering if she was in danger at that very moment or possibly imagining the many ways she could die all this while.

The thought made her heart break even more.

“Mon-El...” Completely lost, she focused on trying to soothe the blue-grey energy in her head while she struggled to find the right words. “I'm not going to die on you. I promise. And you know I keep my promises. You trust me, don't you?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then trust me when I say I promise it won't happen – that I'll be able to stay alive,” she cut him off gently. “And... I promise I'll take my training more seriously from now on.” She had made the decision earlier in the day once she had realised why he had been so aggressive with his coaching but knew that he needed to hear her say it out loud. “So please... Don't give up on me.”

“You shouldn't make promises you're not sure you can keep.”

“If there's one promise I will _never_ break, it's this one. I told you before; I'm never going to abandon you. Never again. I did it once and I _hated_ myself for it. So please, Mon-El. Have faith in me.”

“...All right,” he breathed resignedly as the blue-grey energy finally began to respond positively to her efforts. Then he blinked and the slightest hint of an apologetic look crossed his face. “I'm sorry. That I've been so harsh. I didn't-”

Shaking her head, she gave him a small smile and brushed his cheek with her thumb. “It's okay. I understand. It took me a while and Eve helped but... I know why now and I understand.”

His shoulders sagged and an indecipherable noise escaped him as he let out another heavy breath and closed his eyes. “I... Thank you. I don't... really know what else to say.”

“You don't have to say anything else.” She paused and debated whether to voice the question that had suddenly occurred to her before deciding that there was no benefit to avoiding the topic. “Except... Is there... Is there anything else you've been keeping from me?” she asked hesitantly.

The way his body and the blue-grey energy in her head began tensing up again said volumes but she quickly worked to ease both once again and patiently waited for him to speak. “...They've been getting longer,” he finally admitted. “The... How long it feels when... when you're not around.”

Throat dry, she still managed to force the words out of her mouth. “How long has this been going on?”

“...Since you came back.” He opened his eyes, and there was a sad kind of humour glimmering in those blue-grey orbs. “It's hard not to think about someone after they've told you they're in love with you.”

“I... Why didn't you-”

“Because I know you,” he murmured, already aware of what she was asking. “I didn't want you to feel guilty about it. Especially not when... not when it made you so happy. And I... It made me happy too. I didn't... I didn't want to ruin it. Besides, it was bearable. At least until...” he trailed off and the blue faded from his eyes once again. “Now... Every time you leave, I wonder if it's the last time I'm ever going to see you.”

“I... I'm sorry. I didn't-” _-know_ , she wanted to finish but stopped herself just in time. “I'm going to keep coming back here until I finally rescue you, okay?” A thought occurred to her and she voiced it before she gave it any further consideration. “And I'm going to take a nap every day from now on so it hopefully won't be so bad for you.”

Alarmed, he tried to pull away but she held him in place. “Kara, _no-_ ”

“Mon-El, I'm going to do it and there's nothing you can say to change my mind,” she cut him off firmly. “I care about you and I want to do this for you. We're supposed to be in this together – to be equals – and that means being there for each other when the other person needs us. _So let me do this for you. Please._ ”

She didn't know if her speech had been that convincing or he was just too tired to fight her any more; either way, he eventually caved much to her immense relief. “...Okay.”

“Okay,” she repeated before letting her gaze slide over to the side and nodding towards their surroundings. “May I?”

For a moment, he didn't seem to understand what she was referring to before realisation dawned on his face and he nodded his permission.

The look on his face changed again when he saw the location she had chosen to replace the bar.

“This is my room,” he mumbled in quiet wonder as his gaze swept across the familiar space. “We never use my room.”

“I know,” she murmured, a trace of guilt threading through her voice. “And... I guess I should say I'm sorry. For not doing it sooner. Being comfortable with it, I mean.”

“It's fine. I understand.” He let her gently pull his head down until their foreheads touched, and for a long while they just stayed like that before he spoke up again ever so softly. “We're okay then?”

The corners of her lips curved to form a soft fragile smile. “I'd like to think so. You?”

He returned the smile as the blue slowly edged its way back into his eyes. “I'd like to think so too.”

“Good.” A weak chuckle escaped her. “Come to think of it, this is our first big fight since the start of our relationship and it didn't break us. Not to mention the fact that it only happened after we passed the two-year mark.”

“I think you mean one year,” he corrected her mildly, a faint hint of mischief in his voice and the now calmer blue-grey energy in her head.

It was only then that she knew for certain that they had really made it through the worst of it.

(She still pinched him for it though.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (carefully creeps back in)
> 
> ...So... Am I safe from pitchforks now? Or do I have to sign some sort of document that says I forfeit the right to bring the angst train into town and put Karamel through hell for a certain number of chapters? >_>
> 
> PS: I may or may not have been working through a few (of the many) issues I have with the show's writing all the way from Season 1 and I'm not sure if it showed. Either way, I will probably rant a lot if you ask about it so... I'd advise you not to do that unless you want a mini-thesis or something. (Also because I know some of you look fondly on certain episodes in particular and I don't want to potentially ruin them for you.)


	14. Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations are had, and discoveries are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being much longer than I expected... I hope you guys are okay with that? >_>;;

“I missed this.”

The murmured confession drew Mon-El out of his reverie and he reluctantly opened his eyes to find that Kara still had hers closed, a look of peace on her face that reflected the state of the golden light in his head. Neither of them had so much as moved for a long while now or even suggested sitting down despite the fact that there were chairs in his room they could use if she wasn't comfortable with using his bed. (She said she was fine with being in his room but sitting on his bed? Better to ask instead of assume.) “Missed what?” he asked quietly even though he was sure he knew what she meant.

She finally opened her eyes and he let himself drown a little in those star-filled oceans. “This,” she whispered as she gently brushed his cheek with her thumb. “Touching you. Feeling you in my head.” Then she blinked and a light blush dusted her cheeks as her gaze turned somewhat shy and the golden light retreated from his mind just a little. “Sorry, that sounded- I meant-”

“Shh.” His lips curved and he brought his hands which had been hanging limp by his sides up to clasp hers. “I know. And I missed this too.” _I missed you_ , he stopped himself from saying, unsure if she would understand.

Judging by the way she was looking back at him now, she did even if he hadn't said it and seemed to reciprocate the sentiment. “I guess that's something else we agree on then,” she chuckled lightly.

If life was fair and he had a say in these things, he would have allowed them both the luxury of just being close again in every sense of the word after so long. Just one moment to do nothing but enjoy each other's company – to drink in the other's touch and presence, to revel in the simple fact that they had overcome yet another hurdle in their relationship – albeit one that they had created for themselves to an extent – and still had each other.

But that was not the case.

Life was not fair, the world was a cruel place and just because Kara was safe and happy now didn't mean that she would always remain that way.

He worried. (Something told him this would never change.)

“Kara...” he started slowly as the smile slipped from his face to be replaced by a grim expression. “There's something I have to ask of you.”

To his regret but not surprise, her own smile vanished and wariness began bleeding through their connection. “What is it?”

There was no way she was going to react favourably to his request so he could only hope that she wouldn't get too upset at him for it. “The next time you get attacked, I want you to not stop yourself from sharing the pain with me however it is you managed to do it.”

Just as he expected, she pulled away slightly from him almost immediately, a frown creasing her features. “What? _No!_ Mon-El-”

“ _Please_ , Kara,” he begged, cutting her off in the process, “I can't protect you while you're out there but if I can at least make it hurt less for you – if I can be there for you in _some_ way when you need me – then let me. Let me do this for you. Please.”

Her frown deepened. Whether it was because she disapproved of what he was asking her to do or because she didn't like the way he had turned the tables on her was anyone's guess. “I don't like it when you suffer.”

“And _I_ do when it's the other way around?” he chided her but squeezed her hands lightly to signal that he wasn't actually angry at her. “You said it yourself: We're supposed to be in this together. I think that should apply to everything. Don't you?”

“Stop using my own words against me,” she grumbled as the golden light bumped his mind. “It's not fair.”

That drew a smile out of him, however small it might be. “Daxamite, remember? I-”

“-never play fair. Yes, I know,” she muttered grumpily before closing her eyes, drawing a deep breath and letting it out in a gusty defeated sigh. “Fine. It's not like I know whether I can prevent it even if I wanted to anyway.”

“Thank you.” At least that was one less thing he had to worry about.

His reprieve was short-lived, however, when she opened her eyes again and stared at him with a resolute look on her face. “Then... There's something I want to talk to you about as well.”

Ah. So they were negotiating now. He really shouldn't be surprised... although he was now a little wary himself. “All right. What is it?”

“I...” she faltered as hesitation stole across her features – a sure sign she was doing her best to choose the right words so that she would get the answer she wanted – but then the determination returned. “I know the aliens that could be coming after me are likely as if not more dangerous than the ones you make me fight and I said I'm going to take my training seriously from now on – and I will, I promise – but... I... I still won't kill. I refuse to.”

Relief washed over him despite himself, earning him a somewhat baffled look which he supposed was perfectly understandable since she had probably been prepared to argue her case. “I know. And I would never – _never_ – ask you to, Kara.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks pinked a little and she looked up at him with a mixture of embarrassment and guilt. “I- Sorry, I thought-”

“I know. It's okay. I understand,” he murmured soothingly as he shot her a warm if bemused smile. “I didn't exactly make that clear when I started training you so I guess you could say it's kind of my fault that you thought I might be pushing you to do that in the first place. _But I know you, Kara._ You're just... _You're too kind._ And even if that wasn't the case, I'd still never ask that of you. Because taking a life – even in self defence – is a heavy, terrible burden to bear and that's the _last_ thing I want for you. Okay?”

“...Okay.” The blush didn't fade. “All the same, I'm sorry I misunderstood you so badly, Mon-El.”

He squeezed her hands again. “Like I said, it's partially my fault too so I have to apologise as well.”

The corners of her lips curved ever so slightly as the last traces of red on her cheeks finally disappeared and the golden light glowed with mirth. “Are we going to start arguing over who's more sorry now?”

“Well, if you want to...” he trailed off, a little of his trademark cheekiness slipping into his voice.

She looked like she was about to fire a rejoinder when surprise flashed across her face before a look of resignation replaced it and the golden light in his head dimmed.

He had seen that expression more than enough times to know what it meant. “Time to go?” When she closed her eyes and nodded silently, he let go of one of her hands to tuck a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “It's fine. I'll be fine. Go.” When she still looked unconvinced, he used the hand still clasping hers to bring it close to his mouth so he could press a kiss to her palm even as he sent a wave of affection through their connection.

“I'll be back soon,” she promised as an answering wave of affection touched his mind. “Try not to think about me in the meantime.”

“Easier said than done,” Mon-El murmured to the empty space she had been standing moments ago. Alone once again and despite everything she had told him earlier, he went right back to what he had done throughout her past absences:

He worried.

Sitting down heavily on his bed, he closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. It was pointless; even if he didn't want to, his thoughts naturally strayed to what Kara might be doing that very second and, more importantly, if anyone was trying to track her down. Yes, she had said that she was going to take her training seriously moving forward but was that enough? Was _he_ doing enough? Teaching her how to fight was one thing but surely there was more he could do? What though? And even that seemed inadequate since he had no idea who or what might be hunting her. What if he was training her by having her fight aliens she would never encounter, leaving her wholly unprepared for the ones she would?

His worries kept compounding and every troubled thought chased the other into an even deeper and darker pit.

The next thing he knew, something compelled him to lift his head and look up to find none other than Kara standing before him again.

She took one look at him and frowned. “You didn't do what I asked of you,” she deduced, an accusatory tone in her voice.

Even though he knew it would probably make her just that little bit angrier at him, he didn't stop the grin that tugged at his lips. “You don't make it easy, you know.”

Her frown deepened. Definitely the wrong thing to say then. “If you were trying to make me feel better, you failed. Terribly.”

“I'm sorry,” he replied sincerely and held his hands up in surrender although his attempt was somewhat ruined by the fact that he couldn't completely wipe the grin off his face. “Am I forgiven?”

“It would help,” she muttered as she stepped closer and flicked his forehead, “if you stopped smirking.”

At that, he put on the most comically serious expression he could muster. “Better?”

That just earned him another flick to the forehead. “Now you're just making fun of me. Which is doubly annoying because I was worried sick about you while I was awake.”

“All right, all right.” This time, he sobered up for real and gave her a sincere look of contrition. “I really am sorry. Both for... well, thinking about you and taking your concerns lightly.”

She eyed him suspiciously for a while before she seemed satisfied with his apology. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” Her expression turned into something that was a cross between exasperation and embarrassment. “Before I forget, Eve sends her regards. She's happy we managed to, and I quote, 'stop being idiots and have such an important conversation after so long even though that was supposed to be the one thing you two excel at doing'.”

“Eve has a lot of opinions about our relationship, doesn't she.”

“Far too many for my liking.”

By that point, they were both smiling as they allowed themselves to enjoy this moment, free of worries about the past, the present and the future. In this moment, it was just them – just a boy from Daxam and a girl from Krypton who cared for each other more than anything else in the world.

But of course it could not last, and surprisingly it was she who let her smile slip away first and bring the moment to an end. “We should probably get started,” she murmured. “I promised, after all.”

“So you did,” he murmured back, thinking not for the first time how unfair it was that she needed to be this brave when all she deserved was just to be safe and happy.

The way she drew a deep breath and squared her shoulders only affirmed that opinion. “So what's it going to be this time? An Akgmarr? Two Ordinns?” Her face fell just a little. “You're not going to make me fight Draaga again, are you?”

The corners of his lips twitched at the mention of the gladiator she dreaded the most – largely because she always failed miserably when she had to go up against him – but he tamped it down. “Actually,” he said as a thought occurred to him, “I thought we might try something a little different this round.”

“Oh?” Her expression was a mixture of relief and curiosity. “Like what?”

He patted the spot on the bed next to him with his left hand. “Sit down,” he told her without thinking, then immediately remembered he hadn't asked her how she felt about this very thing. “Uh. That is... um... Only if you want to. I mean. We can use somewhere else-”

“No.”

The forceful way she'd said it caused him to look up at her in surprise and find that she seemed equally shocked and even slightly mortified, judging by the heat that was slowly but surely flooding her cheeks. “Kara?”

“I mean...” She shuffled towards the bed and sat down within arm's reach but kept her gaze turned away from him. “I'm fine. So. Um. What... What is it you had in mind?”

...He tried really _really_ hard not to let his mind wander somewhere it shouldn't at that. (In the end, he was still very much a Daxamite and the most beautiful woman in the universe was technically in his room sitting on his bed. Some things, it seemed, would never really change.) “Um. Where was I? Oh, right.” Clearing his throat – and his mind, but she didn't need to know that –, he scratched his head and did his best to refocus. “Do you... uh, have a good grasp of how strong you are out there?”

That got her to finally look at him, and considering the fact that her blush had all but vanished it seemed her curiosity and surprise had helped her overcome her embarrassment. “Not really? I mean, I've never tried to measure it or anything like that. Oh!” She sat upright. “Kal-El might have though. Maybe I can ask him.”

He shook his head. “It won't help. There are too many differences between the two of you. For starters, you were born using the Birthing Matrix which means that you are, by all accounts, genetically perfect.”

She stared, blinked and started blushing again. “Um. Thank you?”

“...You're welcome?” Okay... Not exactly what he had been trying to do so he supposed he could count this as a happy coincidence? No wait, he was getting sidetracked. “Um. So. Anyway. What I was trying to get at is your idiot cousin-”

The blush vanished and a scowl took its place. Win or loss? At least she hadn't hit him so 'win'?

“-was born the traditional way which means the same cannot be said for him. Of course, there's no way for us to tell if that actually had any effect or not but it's a variable we have to consider in this situation. Another obvious issue is how vastly different your physiques are. Then you have to consider whether the fact that he grew up on Earth and you stayed in the Phantom Zone for twenty-four years had any effect on your growth-”

“So basically there are too many factors for me to just assume that we're of equal strength,” she cut off his rambling with her summary. “Got it.” A curious look formed on her face as she cocked her head to the side. “What does all this have to do with my training anyway?”

Secretly relieved that he had avoided getting hit and made his point at the same time, he shifted so that he was facing her. “It's not directly related to your training, I admit, but it _is_ relevant. For you anyway.”

Her face scrunched up in confusion. “For me?”

“Kara, I need you to understand one thing,” he started, hoping she wasn't going to take this the wrong way. “It's going to be hard. Defeating an opponent without killing them is much more difficult compared to the alternative _especially_ when you're also trying to avoid killing them by accident. You'll need to control yourself _a lot_. Too little force and your attacks will be ineffective. Too much force and who knows, you could end up accidentally punching someone's head clean off their shoulders-”

The attentive look on Kara's face immediately turned into one of unmitigated horror.

Grife. Totally the wrong thing to say. “Uh, forget I said that-” Mon-El tried to back-pedal.

“Are you saying I could potentially _decapitate someone with just my fist_?” she asked, her blue eyes so wide they were on the verge of popping out of their sockets.

 _-DEFLECT. DEFLECT.-_ “Well, I mean, if you want to get technical, it's more likely that their head would just get pulverised-”

An undecipherable noise escaped her as she turned a little green and clapped her hands over her mouth.

 _-ABORT, ABORT. CHANGE TOPICS, YOU IDIOT. CHANGE TOPICS.-_ “Oh Rao.” _Think, damnit. THINK._ “Can we just... pretend this part of our conversation never happened?” he begged desperately.

“Please,” she croaked through her still-covered mouth.

“Right. Um. Uh. Where was I- Right. Anyway,” he cleared his throat loudly in some futile attempt to magically erase his verbal blunder, “what I was trying to get at is that by restricting yourself to non-lethal fighting methods, you'll be at a severe disadvantage from the beginning of every fight. Your opponents will not hesitate to use every dirty trick they have at their disposal in their efforts to kill you and there is only so much I can prepare you with our training here because I can't claim to know every species of alien and every type of technology there is out there.”

“This isn't making me feel any better,” she mumbled although she at least didn't look like she was about to throw up any more.

Mon-El cringed a little. “Sorry, I didn't mean to- Uh. Anyway. The point is that if you want to win, you're going to have to do your best to make it more of a fair fight. You need to give yourself every possible advantage you can.”

“Such as...?”

Breathing an internal sigh of relief now that their conversation was back on track, he offered her a small smile and gestured. “Turn and face me, if you don't mind?” When she did as he asked albeit with a curious look on her face, he created a somewhat nostalgic item from his life back on Daxam – from a time when all he had to worry about was inane things like not falling asleep in the middle of one of Bal-Seg's lectures and finding new ways to ditch Hal-Ed so he could go where he liked in peace.

How he wished he hadn't taken it all for granted.

“A board game?”

Kara's question dragged him out of his thoughts and he refocused to find her scrutinising the markings on the board. “Something like that,” he replied with a small grin. “It's called kur'nlik which means 'warfare' in Sardite. As you might have guessed, it's... well, like a very old war simulation. Not any kind of normal war simulation though; depending on how the dice rolled, you could end up having to contend with unexpected factors like heavy downpours or a third hostile force. Vell Or technically invented its first incarnation during his campaign but it didn't actually become a game in its own right until a couple of centuries later. It's widely considered one of the main reasons why he was so successful on the battlefield.”

That earned him a quizzical look. “I thought you said Vell Or accomplished his goal through forging alliances and Dakkam Ur?”

“He did for the most part,” he acknowledged. “But you have to remember: He wasn't the only one trying to become the first king of Sard. There were others who were also forming their own alliances and amassing their own armies so you can imagine how... _disinterested_... they were in the idea of submitting to someone else's rule. As you might have guessed, they even refused to acknowledge Vell Or's invocation of Dakkam Ur because they believed that the gods had chosen them to rule Sard. In such cases, war became inevitable.”

“I see...” She went back to examining the board. “So are we going to roll the dice you mentioned earlier now? Or does that happen later?”

Scratching his jaw as he said a silent prayer that he was making the right choice, he altered the board so that it now had several small mounds dotting its surface. “There are a lot of rules to learn and go through first which might be a bit much for you to process in one go so we'll start with a pre-set trial run of sorts. Those are your troops.”

“...This is a pretty small army,” she commented carefully as she eyed the small squad of miniature archers that had materialised on her side of the board.

“And this-” A battalion formed on his side. “-is your opponent.”

A stretch of silence ensued as she openly gawked at the board. “Are you kidding me?!” she exclaimed when she finally found her voice. “There's no way I can defeat _that_ with what I have!”

One of his eyebrows arched. “I never said anything about you having to beat them.”

“What are you- Oh.” Her confusion vanished as realisation dawned on her.

This time, he didn't stop himself from grinning. “Yes, retreating is also a perfectly acceptable strategy when the odds are stacked against you. Now.” He tapped the board. “How would you do it?”

“Um...” Her gaze flitted between his face and the board. “I'm guessing I can't just pull my troops back?”

He shook his head and pointed at the drake riders flanking the battalion. “They won't be able to outrun the drake riders. You'll need to slow them down.”

“How?”

The grin curving his lips softened into a smile. “Lesson one for today: Study your environment and use it to your advantage. Look closer at the board, think about what kind of troops you have and what are your options.” Having given her what he believed to be enough hints for her to at least start forming a rudimentary strategy, he leaned back and watched her scrutinise the board like her life depended on it. (Which it did, in a way.)

“...I suppose...” she started slowly as she lifted a hand and hesitantly picked up one of her pieces, “...I could place a few of my archers on these hills? That should give them better visibility compared to being on ground level and make it easier for them to hit their targets... and I'm assuming my priority should be the drake riders since they're the fastest units.”

As usual, she never ceased to impress him. “Not bad for a first attempt.” Then he caught the somewhat downcast look on her face. “What's wrong?”

“It's just...” She continued to toy with the piece in her hand instead of letting it go. “The ones I leave behind to stall the army... They're not going to be able to get away, are they.”

Oh. The pride that had been swelling in his chest died, leaving behind a now familiar gnawing emptiness. “...No, they're not.”

Somehow, she managed to look even more dispirited at his confirmation. “There's really no way to save them?”

“...No.”

Silence.

_You can't save everyone._

The words threatened to spill out of his mouth but Mon-El held them back through sheer force of will. This was exactly what he had been afraid of – what he was _still_ afraid of, if he was being honest with himself. Kara was already far too kind for her own good on a normal day; now she was going to have to contend with the kind of scoundrels who would not hesitate to do something as underhanded as take hostages. What would she do if she ever found herself in that kind of situation? What were the odds that she would just sacrifice herself so that no one else would get hurt? Was there no way to prevent that from happening? Or was it all already too late?

“There are times,” Bal-Seg had said the first time he had placed the kur'nlik board in front of Mon-El, the old man having naturally preferred to use the classic physical version instead of the more common holoboard, “when a hundred must be sacrificed to save a thousand and times when a thousand must be sacrificed to save a hundred.” Those wizened green eyes had seemed to bore into his very soul as the tutor had continued speaking. “A good king knows when to do which.”

He would never have the chance to find out if he would have made a good king and he still didn't think he could ever be called a good man no matter what Kara said but he hoped for her sake that she would never have to make such a choice herself.

Something, however, told him that he was hoping in vain.

“Mon-El?” A familiar touch on his hand and the equally familiar presence of the golden light flowing into his head dragged him out of his dark thoughts, and he refocused on the present to find Kara looking at him with undisguised concern. “What's wrong?”

“This isn't something I ever wanted to have to teach you,” he found himself saying, and it was only after the words had escaped him that he realised how much meaning had been woven into that one sentence.

Surprise flashed across her face but it was replaced quickly enough with understanding and a soft if somewhat wry smile. “If it helps, it's not something I ever thought I'd need to learn from you either so I guess that makes it even in a way.”

“No,” he croaked, his hands curling into fists as he failed to stop the now all too familiar grief eating away at him deep down from slipping into his voice. “No, it doesn't.”

The smile disappeared, filling him with no small measure of guilt, but the golden light only glowed brighter in contrast as something like determination flowed into his head. “You're not going to lose me,” she repeated her promise from before, making him wonder if he had been that transparent or she was just that good at reading him.

 _That's not up to either of us_ , he wanted to say but once again swallowed the words and let them burn like bile as they sank back into the depths of his soul from which they had risen. “Okay,” he murmured instead and hoped that she would accept the concession, weak though it might be.

Her brows creased almost imperceptibly, indicating that she was fully aware that her words had failed to allay his concerns, but she merely thinned her lips and let it slide. “My strategy was sound then?” she asked instead.

It was an obvious attempt to get their conversation back on track with the added bonus of keeping things from becoming so sombre but he was all too willing to take it. “For a complete novice, yes, but we won't go into the finer details like formations; that's not what this lesson is primarily about. All I wanted to stress to you was the importance of knowing your environment and using it to your advantage. 'War is merely large-scale combat,' Hal-Ed told me when he justified starting our self-defence lessons. Bal-Seg got really annoyed when he heard it though – said the original quote was 'All fights are wars; it is only a matter of scale' and then openly wondered if Hal-Ed could actually teach me anything useful if he couldn't even get something like that right.” A light chuckle escaped him and his fists uncurled just a little as the memory replayed itself so smoothly it felt as if it had been just one moment instead of an eternity since that event. “They yelled at each other for a whole hour.”

“I bet you enjoyed that,” she mused dryly, but the mirth dancing in her brilliant blue eyes abruptly faded and she broke eye contact.

It was his turn to draw her out of her thoughts, and he did so by uncurling his hand fully and turning it so that he could entwine it with hers. “What's on your mind?” he asked softly as he gently touched the golden light with his thoughts.

“Nothing,” she replied automatically with a shake of her head but seemed to reconsider when she looked back at him to see him gazing at her with the same worry she herself had shown him earlier. “I was just... thinking.” When he said nothing and merely squeezed her hand, she relented and continued speaking. “It's silly but... I was just wondering what Aunt Astra would have said about this. Me learning about war strategies, I mean.”

Ah. “Would she have objected more that you were learning this at all or about who you were learning it from?”

To his surprise, his attempt at lightening the mood actually worked and she threw him a small smile that was full of dry bemusement. “I think she would've had trouble even believing that the 'useless degenerate poised to inherit Daxam's worthless throne' knew anything about warfare.”

“Ouch.” He pressed his free hand to his heart and faked a wounded expression. “While I don't deny that I did more than earn that reputation, I do feel as if I'm being judged a little too harshly here.”

“I thought I saw her today.”

Mon-El blinked and stared as Kara dropped her gaze again down to their entwined hands. “What?”

“Aunt Astra,” she clarified needlessly as the golden light shifted somewhat restlessly in his head. “I was walking along the street to class when... It was just a second but... I looked up and there was a woman who looked a lot like her in the crowd.”

Squeezing her hand again, he sent a wave of sympathy through their connection. “Are you okay?”

A wave of gratitude reached his mind almost immediately. “Yeah. Just... I usually see my mother or my father when I... I mean, I thought I'd made peace with her passing at her funeral back on Krypton; it's not like I lost her when... It was just... unexpected.”

“...We can put off the rest of the lesson for now if you want,” he offered quietly after a long stretch of silence.

That seemed to be all she needed to fully draw herself back to the present. “No,” she responded with a shake of her head. “I'm fine. We can continue.” A strange look flitted across her face and she bit her lip as the golden light in his head shifted restlessly. “Just... um... Can we make one small change first?”

Confused but seeing no reason to suspect anything, he nodded. “All right?”

When she released his hand and got up, he only got more confused... but that immediately changed to surprise when she sat back down on his right side and tucked herself tightly against his side with her ear pressed above his heart.

“...You're supposed to sit on the other side of the board,” he stated uselessly even as his arm automatically moved to accommodate her and wrap around her waist to pull her closer, the action having been honed into an instinct over an eternity.

“I can control my pieces just fine from here,” she mumbled, and one of her archers marched up a hill on its own just to prove her point.

“Kara-”

“Please, Mon-El.” Her hands curled and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. “I need this.”

He needed this too but didn't think saying it out loud was necessary. “...All right.”

There was so much more to be done – so much more he had to teach her to make sure she had even the smallest chance of surviving – but right now, in this very moment, he found himself entertaining the faint idea that they could have this. That maybe... maybe it would all turn out fine.

She did that to him.

She gave him hope, however faint.

She made him want to believe impossible things like a world where everyone could be saved and a wretched soul like him deserved to be happy with someone like her.

(Deep down, however, he still worried.)

 

* * *

 

There were fortuitously no classes to attend the next day, enabling Kara to carry out the task Mon-El had given her as part of her real-life application of his lessons. “It's not enough that you're familiar with your usual destinations and the routes you use to get there and back; you need to know the surrounding areas as well,” he had told her. “You need to know potential escape routes and, if it comes down to it, ideal places for you to fight whoever is hunting you especially if you want to avoid as much collateral damage as possible.”

Which in National City meant memorising the alleyways, if that time she had thought someone had followed her had taught her anything. Blind fear had guided her steps that day, and when she looked back at the incident now she could not deny that it had mostly been sheer luck that she had managed to escape her pursuer.

She sorely wished that she didn't have to hide her powers now, though, since flying and getting a bird's eye view of the city would have been so much more efficient and less nerve-wracking than her current strategy of actually walking down said alleyways.

“If I could at least do even a _little_ bit of roof-hopping...” she grumbled to herself even though she was fully aware that her usual method of traversing Gotham with Selina was not an option in this much brighter city.

She was in the midst of making a mental note of a particular dead end that she thought might be a good place to set up a trap of some kind when the sound of bells chiming nearby caught her attention. The vague sense that they sounded familiar compelled her to follow the melody until she exited the maze of alleyways she had been mapping and found the source.

“It can't be,” she breathed as her eyes widened in amazement.

But it was impossible for there to be any other species of alien in the universe that was over seven feet tall and looked like a grizzly bear but with fur markings resembling those of painted wolves.

Hozz'ni.

For a long while, she just watched silently as everything Mon-El had told her about the aliens across the street came to the forefront of her mind. A ridiculously strong nomadic race that was capable of thriving no matter what planet they were on, they were equal parts free-spirited and deeply spiritual. (It said a lot that their reputation when it came to parties was so notorious that Krypton had considered them to be worse than even Daxamites in that regard.) Like Daxamites, they saw life as a gift from the nameless spirits they worshipped and thus something to be celebrated at every opportunity but where they differed was their dedication to collecting knowledge of the many plants and animals that lived on every world they visited. It was said that if every Hozz'ni clan currently living in every corner of the galaxy gathered together all the knowledge they had gained over the centuries since they first left their home planet, they would be able to unlock all the secrets of the universe.

“Mostly, however,” he had said with a grin, “they just use their knowledge to make medicine and the best drinks _bar none_. I should know; one clan actually came to live on Daxam for a time and forged a temporary trade agreement with my parents. One of the perks of knowing the clan leader personally is I got to taste some of their best stuff. And let me tell you this: I may love Zakkarian ale but I'd give it up forever if I could have an endless supply of Bashe wine for the rest of my life. It's _that_ good.”

The chiming of the bells drew her out of her thoughts and she refocused her attention on the sight before her. From the looks of it, the Hozz'ni had set up home on an empty lot in one of the more secluded parts of the city. Large and sturdy, each tent-like structure was as easy to dismantle as it was to build – a reflection of both their hardy nature and nomadic way of life. Based on the decorations currently adorning each 'building' and the bells, her best guess was that they were celebrating Maku, a holy day of prayer which primarily revolved around sending 'requests' to the spirits for good luck by writing them down on strips of kiij parchment and placing them in a box which would then be burned at night. To her pleasant surprise, she also noticed the presence of a few humans milling about in what passed for a courtyard without any visible fear or wariness of the furry behemoths walking around them. Clearly the Hozz'n had been on Earth long enough to establish some kind of peaceful coexistence with the local populace – unsurprising since their fun-loving and generally peaceful personalities made them easy to get along with and their skill at both staying out of conflicts and winning any they did get involved in meant that one had to be colossally stupid to pick a fight with them – and any human without an irrational hatred of aliens felt safe enough in their presence.

At that thought, the urge to cross the street and see them up close became overwhelming. Here was an opportunity to be in the company of aliens who did not wish harm upon her without giving up her necessary ruse of being a normal human girl. It didn't matter that they were still complete strangers and everything she knew about their race came from secondary sources; they had traversed across oceans of stars like she had once upon a time and in this very moment, that was more than enough.

Ignoring the voice preaching caution at the back of her head that sounded suspiciously like Mon-El, she went closer and closer until she was finally standing in the courtyard. Mesmerised, she spent the next few minutes taking it all in – the vibrant colours typical of Hozz'ni culture, the pleasant smell of some kind of incense wafting in the air and the melodic chiming of the bells that had led her here in the first place – before the vague sense that she was being stared at dragged her out of her stupor. Evidently her gawking had been a little too obvious even for a 'human' judging by the way the Hozz'n standing closest to her was eyeing her.

Self-consciousness and years of being told not to stand out compelled her to duck her head and curl into herself as she shuffled away... only to find herself almost crashing into a box-like structure in her attempt to surreptitiously escape.

A structure, she realised as she slowly looked up, that was being guarded by another Hozz'n.

One that was also starting to eye her somewhat suspiciously.

Kara gulped audibly.

For a nerve-wracking moment that stretched on for far too long, the two aliens merely stared unblinkingly at each other before the Hozz'n raised a hand and pointed at a rather crude sign next to him (her?) she had failed to notice earlier.

It took her a while to realise she was looking at instructions – in English, no less – that were actually legible despite the somewhat uneven handwriting. Specifically, instructions on how to take part in Maku.

Oh.

The Hozz'n – she still couldn't tell if it was a male or female – had mistaken her for a tourist.

Relief washed over her and she offered the Hozz'n a weak smile and words of gratitude – in English, of course – as she accepted the strip of kiij parchment it passed to her. Then the Hozz'n walked away presumably to get more, leaving her alone with her parchment and an overwhelming sense that she had just escaped a potential disaster.

She looked down at the parchment in her hand and then at the pens on the small table next to the box. The reasonable thing to do would be to put the parchment down and leave immediately, having courted danger enough for today, but it felt like it would be both impolite and infinitely more suspicious if she did that. Besides... with the departure of the Hozz'n, there was no one watching. No one would see what she wrote down on her strip of parchment. Where was the harm in indulging herself just this once?

Having convinced herself with this line of thought, she quickly walked over to the table, picked up a pen and wrote a short and simple message in Daxamite expressing her wish to find Mon-El as quickly as possible and for him to be safe and happy for the rest of his life. (Only self-consciousness kept her from adding that she wanted him to be safe and happy _with her_.) Satisfied, she folded the parchment according to the given instructions and dropped it in the box. There was little chance of it being found amongst the many other well wishes inside and the box would be burned without its contents having been checked so she didn't see any need to worry about being found out. Now all she had to do was leave before any more giant biped bear aliens got too suspicious about her...

Of course, it was as she turned to leave that she spotted trouble in the form of a suspicious-looking human standing near the entrance. With the way their hood was pulled down to hide as much of their face as possible and how they seemed to be hiding something in their jacket, she could only deduce that they were up to no good. A subtle tip of her glasses and a quick scan with her X-ray vision confirmed her fears: The man was holding a Molotov cocktail and likely looking for the right time to throw it at someone or something in the settlement.

She couldn't let that happen.

Once again, that voice that sounded a lot like Mon-El begged her to be careful but she shoved it to the side as she tucked her glasses into her pocket and weighed her options. A rough plan formed the moment her gaze landed on a sash lying on another table and she grabbed it without a second thought as she passed it by on her way towards her target. She had only just finished hastily wrapping it around her head to obscure as much of her features as possible when she reached the would-be troublemaker and grabbed the arm holding the Molotov cocktail.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you,” she growled lowly in what she hoped was a threatening manner, activating just enough of her heat vision to make her eyes glow when the man turned to face her. It was partly for theatrics and partly to further disguise her features – there was no way to tell the colour of her eyes like this, after all – but it seemed to have been the right choice since the man's reaction was to scream, let go of the Molotov cocktail and turn to flee for his life. She let him go in favour of securing the weapon and sighed in relief as she watched him run away. It was a small thing, but the knowledge that she had managed to do something good without needing to hurt anyone filled her with no small amount of happiness.

That happiness died immediately when she felt something heavy land on her shoulder.

Grife.

Ever so slowly, she turned her head to find a large furry hand grasping her shoulder and her gaze followed the limb until it landed on the face of a very unfriendly-looking Hozz'n.

That was when she realised she still had her face almost entirely covered... and there was a Molotov cocktail in her hand.

“This isn't what it looks like,” she blurted out in a panicked voice, completely aware even as she spoke the words that there was a strong chance the alien couldn't understand her and wouldn't believe her even if it could.

Those fears were proven true when the Hozz'n growled something in its native tongue and tightened its grip on her shoulder.

The sensation made her gasp involuntarily; she had actually _felt_ that. “There will always be someone stronger than you,” Mon-El had warned her once during that long month of hellish training. “Someone faster. Someone smarter. There will always be someone better in some way regardless of your powers.” Evidently the Hozz'n fell into the first category.

Seeing no way out of her predicament without getting injured at the very least, she allowed herself to be relieved of both her disguise and the Molotov cocktail then 'guided' towards the central 'building'. With every step that brought her closer to her ultimate destination, she began to deeply regret the series of decisions that had led her to this point.

...But if she hadn't been here at this exact moment, that man would have undoubtedly caused the harm that he had intended.

That thought alone was enough to quell the regret that had been bubbling up inside her, and so it was only resignation that stayed in her heart as she continued walking.

It was not long before she was standing in what could only be the inner sanctum, surrounded by similarly intimidating giants as the one that had been leading her finally released her and took its place near the entrance. They, however, were the least of her concerns because there was one staring at her from a high seat with brown eyes that seemed to hold more wisdom that she could ever hope to have in her entire long life.

This had to be the clan leader.

The old Hozz'n – it had to be a she, judging by the feminine tone of its voice – said something in their guttural language to the younger one standing on the left and then she found herself subjected to the younger one's sharp gaze. “You sought to cause trouble for us. Why?” she – also a female, likely – demanded to know in English. The author of the instructions outside, perhaps? No, that was a question for another time. She had to focus.

“It was a misunderstanding,” Kara insisted, hoping against hope that the panicked quiver of her voice would not be mistaken for a sign of guilt. “I mean you no harm, I swear.”

Murmurs and growls floated around her, and she found herself wishing she had not given up when Mon-El had tried to teach her Hoz. The difficulties she had encountered in differentiating one growled word from another had led to many a mangled attempt at understanding their language, much less speaking it, and the best she had managed before she had begged for him to teach her something else had been to haltingly say the traditional Hozz'n greeting “Please share a drink with me.” (One of her worst attempts had resulted in her saying something along the lines of “I dance with rotten fish” which had predictably sent Mon-El into a roaring fit of laughter.)

“You were caught with this-” her interrogator spoke up, bringing her unceremoniously back to the present, as a furry hand held up the Molotov cocktail, “-so you can understand our hesitation in taking your word at face value.”

“I wasn't- Someone else had it,” Kara tried to explain. “I stopped them from using it. That's the truth.”

The Hozz'n was unconvinced. “And you have proof?”

“Proof?” Kara echoed in despair. “I don't... Please... You have to believe me.”

Just as the Hozz'n was about to say something else, another one suddenly entered and headed straight for the clan leader who had remained silent throughout the tense exchange. In its hand was a folded piece of paper.

It didn't take a genius to know what it most likely was.

Heart sinking, Kara prepared herself for the worst as she along with every other Hozz'n present watched the clan leader carefully unfold the kiij parchment and read its contents. Her secret had been exposed to some extent – how they had managed to identify hers among the rest was a mystery but it didn't matter right now – and whether that would help her case or make things worse was anyone's guess.

Seconds passed, feeling for all the world like hours, before the clan leader slowly folded the parchment again and handed it back to the Hozz'n that had brought it with a soft growled instruction. Then she turned to face Kara again, and those keen brown eyes studied her like she was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“You understand me, do you not, little one?” the clan leader asked.

In _Daxamite_.

Kara felt her jaw drop as she stared, wide-eyed, at the unexpected turn of events. “You... You speak Daxamite?” she croaked dumbly when she finally found her voice.

A furry eyebrow arched. “That is a rather silly question since we are now conversing in that language, would you not agree?”

Blushing despite herself, Kara nodded meekly and did her best not to squirm. “Y-Yes. I- Sorry.”

The Hozz'n chortled as she raised a hand and made a sweeping motion with it. All at once, every other Hozz'n except the one that had been interrogating her bowed and began to head for the exit, leaving the three of them alone. Then the leader said something to the younger one in their native tongue and the younger Hozz'n bowed before leaving as well.

“Now.” The clan leader settled comfortably into her seat and motioned for Kara to sit down on the thick mat covering the floor. “I would like some answers, if you would please humour this old soul.”

The mention of age was, by all accounts, an empty reassurance; young or old, a Hozz'n was not one to be trifled with and Kara highly doubted that she could beat this one in a fight even with the help of her powers. Not that it mattered right now; it seemed that she was not being viewed as a threat and it was in her best interest to keep it that way. “What is it you would like to know?”

“Oh, many things,” the Hozz'n replied with a gleam in her hazel eyes. “But we shall begin with the simplest one. You write and speak Daxamite – very well, I might add – yet you do not smell like one.” Ah. So _that's_ how they had managed to identify her piece of parchment. And possibly why the Hozz'ni had started eyeing her suspiciously long before she had done anything to really warrant it. Clearly their excellent sense of smell was far better than she had thought. “How is this so?”

“I...” Kara licked her lips nervously, knowing that lying was ill-advised but seeing no way to explain herself without sounding like she was crazy or making things up. “I learnt it as a child,” she said simply, ultimately deciding that the watered-down truth was her only option.

The Hozz'n nodded. “I see.” Her gaze sharpened. “But that does not answer my next question: How do you know the name of a dead man, little one? One who has been dead for far longer than you appear to have lived?”

Eyes so wide they might actually be in danger of falling out of her skull, Kara could only stare blankly as a million thoughts chased each other in her head until they were a jumbled mess. A part of her mind snarled instinctively at the understandably mistaken notion that Mon-El was dead – to it, 'Mon-El' and 'death' had no business even existing in the same universe – but she ignored it for now in favour of the more pressing issue at hand. This Hozz'n had recognised his name? But how? How could she possibly-

Then the answer came to her like a bolt of lightning.

“A-Are you-” she stammered as her mind reeled at the mere thought of it. Was the universe really that small? “I beg your pardon but... Is your name by any chance Tae?”

The way the Hozz'n's eyes widened was all the answer she needed. “First you show knowledge of a dead man's name you should not have been able to know and then mine when I have not yet introduced myself. You are a very curious thing, little one. So I must ask once again: How is this so?”

“Mon-El told me,” Kara found herself blurting out, feeling for some reason like everything would turn out okay – no, even better than she could have ever expected – from this point onwards.

Tae's gaze did not soften in the slightest. “A dead man told you my name?”

“He's not dead,” she insisted heatedly, finally free to correct the false assumption. “It's... It's a long story.”

“I see.” Just then, the younger Hozz'n from before returned with two steaming cups in her hands, one of which she then presented to Kara. “This is my daughter, Sui,” Tae explained as she accepted the other cup. “She too knows the language so she will understand all that we say and I would like her to hear this as well. Now, please.” She gestured towards the cup in Kara's hand as a warm smile began to form on her furry face. “Share a drink with me. I believe we have much to discuss.”

 

* * *

 

 _Okay, just be calm_ , Kara told herself as she prepared to take her scheduled nap. _He's probably going to freak out and worry like crazy so you're going to have to approach this with the utmost care and delicacy if you want to avoid that outcome._

“Hey,” Mon-El greeted her the moment he realised she had returned to the dream world, body still bent in a contemplative pose over the kur'nlik board in front of him.

 _Here goes nothing._ “I need to tell you something,” she started, “and but first I need you to promise you won't freak out.”

The way he stiffened and began staring at her in unfiltered alarm told her that she had definitely failed to achieve her goal. “Kara, what did you do?”

“I didn't-” she automatically protested before she bit her tongue. “Please, Mon-El. Just... It's nothing to worry about, I promise.”

“I'll be the judge of that,” he replied flatly as the kur'nlik board vanished.

Great. So much for that. Well. Nothing to do but forge ahead... although she was still going to stagger the news like she had initially intended. “I... um... There's a Hozz'ni settlement in National City.”

His blue-grey eyes narrowed. “...And you know this how?”

“...I found them.”

“...You went up to them, didn't you.”

She shuffled her feet guiltily. “I... They were celebrating Maku. It seemed innocent enough.”

He groaned and buried his face in his hands. “ _Kara..._ ”

“I didn't think I was going to end up in trouble!” she tried to argue only to realise too late that she was just making things worse for herself.

At that, he looked like he was a heartbeat away from summoning a wall so he could bang his head on it.

Oh, this was all going so wrong. She needed to regain control of the conversation if she hoped to achieve her goal. “Okay, look, there was an incident and I took care of it without risking my safety or my identity but that's not the point-”

“'Not the point'?” he echoed angrily as his head shot up to glare at her. “I think that's the _only_ point that matters here! Kara-”

“Do you trust me?” she cut him off brusquely.

He blinked, surprise momentarily robbing him of his righteous anger, but it faded away soon enough. “That's not-”

“Do you trust me?” she repeated with more force than before.

“...Yes,” he finally relented, something like resentment simmering in the tone of his voice.

She let her features soften at that. “Then trust me – _believe me_ – when I say that everything turned out fine and you have nothing to worry about,” she murmured as she stepped closer until she was close enough to caress his face and initiate their connection. It was cheating – she knew it and he knew it – but she needed him to be as calm as possible when she dropped the next few bombshells on him. “Please?”

The blue-grey energy stirred restlessly but eventually responded to her gentle coaxing and his body finally relaxed. “...All right.”

“Thank you.” She took a deep breath. “Now... There's something I need to tell you. Something else, I mean.”

He blinked owlishly at her. “Something else?”

At long last, she allowed the smile that she had been suppressing spread across her face. “Mon-El, I met their clan leader. It's Tae.”

Just as she had expected, his eyes widened with shock and he was speechless for a long while. “...Tae?” he echoed numbly.

“Mhm. But that's not all.” Nervous excitement raced through her and was probably flowing into his head through their connection but she couldn't help herself. “We talked and she told me something amazing.”

His shoulders tensed again but for a different reason this time. “...What is it?”

“Many years ago, they were travelling through the Drelium galaxy when they came across a damaged ship floating in space and decided to check it.” Her smile turned into a giddy grin. “They were civilians – and even some slaves – from Daxam.”

It had seemed impossible for his eyes to get any wider and yet they did. “W-What?”

“Some of your people survived, Mon-El. They didn't all die.” It felt so unbelievably good to share this with him – to be able to give him a kind of hope and joy that even she personally couldn't provide him, much less herself. “They're here on Earth now, living their lives as best they can.” Tears of happiness – both her own and his, courtesy of their connection – blurred her vision as she brushed his cheek with her thumb lovingly. “ _You didn't fail them, Mon-El._ ”

The next thing she knew, a hand was tugging her down and she barely had the time to yelp in surprise before she found herself sitting awkwardly in his lap and the air in her lungs was being squeezed out by a pair of incredibly strong and familiar arms. “Thank you.” She could barely make out the muffled words what with the way he had buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Thank you. Thank you _so much_.”

“You're welcome,” she murmured as she did her best to return the hug, and if she felt her shirt slowly but surely getting soaked with his tears, she made no mention of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Who saw any of that coming? And who's happy to see the Hozz'ni again? Because I have, as you may have guessed, A Lot of Plans for where all this ultimately leads...


	15. Roadblocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward, one step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, apologies for the lateness of this chapter. My weekend was unexpectedly busy and I lost quite a bit of my writing time as a result so I had to take a couple of extra days to finish it. Well, enough with the excuses; please enjoy the chapter!

In a way, it was both surprising and yet not that it was Mon-El who brought an end to the peaceful silence that had blanketed them following the recent revelations.

“I have so many questions I don't even know where to begin,” he confessed so softly Kara was sure she had only been able to hear him because she was quite literally sitting on his lap and trapped in one of the tightest hugs she could remember ever receiving from him. (Not that she was complaining, of course. Although there was that tiny voice at the back of her head currently freaking out about the 'sitting on his lap' part which she was adamantly ignoring for a multitude of reasons.)

At that, she tried to shift so that she could at the very least see his side profile from the corner of her eye. He seemed to get the hint because his arms loosened their hold and she took the opportunity to pull away just enough to be able to face him properly. “Would it help if I just told you everything from the start?” she asked sincerely although she thought she could be forgiven if there was an undercurrent of bemusement in her voice.

She was rewarded with a chuckle, much to her pleasant shock, and let herself revel in the sound as well as the noticeably less tense blue-grey energy in her head. “Yeah. Yeah, that would help. Thank you.”

“I will, but...” she trailed off and bit her lip as she recalled how their conversation had started. “Are we... Are we still okay? About the 'me getting into trouble' part, I mean.”

The soft smile on his face and the blue-grey energy in her head dimmed, much to her regret, but after a while of staring at her with an unreadable gaze he closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “...I said I trusted you, didn't I?”

“You did.”

“And it stands.” He opened his eyes to regard her somewhat wearily. “I'm guessing this is relevant?”

She nodded. “And... Well... I want to be completely honest with you. So.”

Judging by his expression, he didn't know if he should feel grateful or not. “Thank you, I guess,” he finally responded neutrally.

Saying 'You're welcome' seemed inappropriate so she decided to just forge ahead and maybe skip as much of the less pleasant details as possible in the hopes of ensuring they didn't impact her more positive achievements. Even so, her nervousness caused her to slide her hands around so that they rested on his shoulders and begin tapping an irregular rhythm with her thumbs. “Um, well. Can I just start by saying that when I decided to walk into the Hozz'ni encampment, I only intended to have a quick look around and leave?”

“Isn't that how it always starts? Especially when it comes to you?” he asked dryly.

It was somewhat childish but she found herself sulking at that. “Not ' _always_ '...”

“Right, right. Whatever you say. And?” he prodded before she could start to argue.

Doing her best to suppress the urge to just sulk even more, she focused on continuing her story. “I kind of inadvertently ended up taking part in Maku-”

“Only 'inadvertently'?”

“Are you going to keep interrupting me?”

“Fine. I'm sorry. You were saying?”

“I was leaving when I saw... There was a human who wanted to cause trouble.”

“And you stopped him, of course.”

“Yes.”

A sigh escaped him and his eyes slid shut again as he leaned forward until his forehead was resting against hers. “One of these days, Kara, your drive to do the right thing is going to get you into more trouble than you can get out of despite your best efforts.”

Uncertainty laced with the slightest bit of irritation made her hands clench and grab fistfuls of his shirt. “You can't expect me to-”

“I'm not,” he cut her off gently as the blue-grey energy in her head formed a tendril and poked her mind in a chastising manner. “I know better than to ask that of you. I'm just... I worry.”

Her grip relaxed a fraction as guilt overtook her. “I know. I'm sorry.”

His eyes snapped open and those blue-grey orbs pinned her with an unexpectedly sharp gaze. “No you're not.”

Lost as to how to respond to his accusation, she kept quiet.

That seemed to be an answer in and of itself, however, because his gaze softened and turned weary as he sighed again and lifted one of the hands that had been resting on her waist to brush her cheek. “Continue,” he whispered simply.

Kara took that as her cue to let the matter go – whether that was for her benefit or his eluded her – and resumed her story. “Well, the Hozz'ni ended up thinking that _I_ was the one trying to cause trouble for them-”

A soft snort of laughter reached her ears, and she could practically hear the 'I told you so' spelled out in that little sound which she pointedly ignored.

“-and marched me all the way into the main structure where I met Tae.” She grinned a little. “She has a daughter now, you know. Her name is Sui.”

To her pleasant surprise, that reveal startled a genuine laugh out of Mon-El. “Someone actually managed to impress Tae? Must have been some guy.”

“I guess so,” she replied simply, her lack of knowledge on Hozz'ni courtships preventing her from fully understanding the comment or the seeming absence of Sui's father that didn't appear to be much of an issue. The matter had not crossed her mind during her talk with Tae, having been too preoccupied with the topic at hand, but now she found herself a little curious. But that was for another time. “Anyway, they managed to find my strip of kiij parchment because of my scent. That's how Tae found out I knew Daxamite... and you by extension,” she admitted with slightly flushed cheeks.

One of his eyebrows arched.

“You didn't really think I wouldn't make a wish involving you, did you?” she challenged him although her attempt at admonishing him was somewhat ruined by her now slightly darker blush.

“No, I suppose not,” he replied with a touch of bemusement in his voice before pulling away so he could press a grateful kiss to her forehead. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” she mumbled as she tried to stamp out her blush and refocus. “S-So, um... As I was saying, she asked me how I knew your name and then I asked her to confirm her identity. That made her even _more_ curious, naturally, so I explained our situation as best as I could. I know I revealed quite a few things that should have been impossible for me to know unless I knew you personally but I'm still a little surprised she believed me so easily when I told her about all this,” she gestured around them to indicate the dream world with one hand before returning it to its perch on his shoulder.

He shrugged. “I told you before; the Hozz'ni believe that everything that happens is the will of the spirits, both good and ill. There are no coincidences and everything is possible. The fact that you crossed paths with Tae's clan of all things kind of supports that, don't you think?”

“I suppose,” she conceded. “Anyway, that's when she told me about the ship full of survivors from your planet. Apparently the cargo ship they'd used to escape got damaged as it was leaving the atmosphere but it managed to continue functioning until they eventually got stranded in the Drelium galaxy where Tae's clan found them. The cargo ship was abandoned and everyone continued travelling until the Hozz'ni decided to land here on Earth. When they realised that they could blend in among the humans, your people took their leave but not before promising to compensate Tae and her clan for their life-saving assistance. According to Tae, they fulfilled that debt several years ago and both parties agreed to cease communications until and unless the situation demanded it. Tae said there was no point in them trying to disappear among the humans if they kept risking their true identities by being seen around known aliens.”

“I see.” A cloud passed over his features. “...And the slaves?”

“They're part of the local alien community now but they've stopped coming around to the Hozz'ni encampment too for their own reasons.”

“Good.” His eyes slid shut and his shoulders sagged as he leaned heavily against her, and the relief radiating off him was so palpable she didn't need their mental connection to feel it. “That's good.”

So happy for him there were no words to describe it, she slid one hand up and around his neck so she could lightly scratch his scalp the way she knew from experience he liked. _See?_ she wanted to say, a small smile curling her lips as she was rewarded with a soft contented rumbling sound emanating from deep within his chest. _There's still hope. You can still fix things. You can still accomplish everything you thought you couldn't back on Daxam._

They stayed like that for a while until the idea that had been fomenting in her head gained enough traction for it to spill out of her mouth.

“I can look for your people-” she started to suggest.

Almost immediately, his body jerked upright, his hands which had been resting on her waist tightened their grip and he pulled away to glare furiously at her. “Kara, _no_.” The commanding tone of his voice and the sharpness of his gaze left no room for argument. “You are not to look for them. _At all._ Do you understand me?”

“What?” Shocked and bristling a little at his unexpected authoritative stance, she could only gape at him in confusion. “But-”

“Kara, _listen to me_.” He cupped her face in his hands, and she couldn't tell if her mouth clicked shut because of the action or the way the blue-grey energy in her head had flared almost violently. “I may understand that Daxam's destruction was in no way your fault but I can't guarantee that the same applies to my people. It may have been years since then but there is a chance that they will take their hurt and anger out on you in the place of your people if you cross paths with them _and that is not a chance I am willing to take_.”

“But Mon-El-”

“ _Kara, please._ ” He was trembling with what she could only assume was the barely repressed urge to physically shake some sense into her. “It's enough for me to know they survived, okay? It's more than enough. I cannot thank you enough for that. _But your safety comes first._ So _please_... Just leave it be.”

“...Okay,” she finally caved, and felt him relax the moment he heard her concession. “I promise.”

“Thank you,” he murmured as he pulled her in for another tight hug. Silence settled around them once more, and just like before it was he who brought it to an end. “I'm sorry. If I scared you just now. I just-”

“I know,” she murmured, a sliver of guilt in her voice. “I understand.” The distant sound of her alarm reached her ears then, causing her to sigh regretfully. “I have to go now. Will you be okay?”

His shuddering sigh reverberated through her body thanks to their close proximity. “Yeah. Go on.”

Despite his (albeit weak) reassurance, she forced herself to stay in the dream world a little longer. “Just... um... Just so you know, I might be a little late coming back. Tae invited me to watch the end of Maku tonight.”

“All right.” He shifted his head so that he could drop a kiss on her shoulder. “Say hi to her for me. And... please tell her I'm beyond grateful for her help in saving my people and I will repay that debt a hundredfold when we finally meet again.”

She squeezed him as tightly as she could in the hopes that the comfort she knew he drew from her touch could linger a little longer than usual. “I will.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, you,” Eve greeted Kara when she stepped out of her room. “How'd he take the news?”

“Even better than I expected,” Kara answered as she slipped into the empty seat at the dining table across from Eve. “He was... I don't think I've ever seen him so happy, Eve. So... _relieved_. Like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.” A soft wistful chuckle escaped her as she folded her arms on the table and rested her chin on them. “I guess you could say it was the weight of a whole planet.”

Eve stopped typing and looked up to meet Kara's gaze over the lid of her laptop so she could flash her best friend a warm smile. “That's good.” Then she studied Kara's face a little more intensely. “...But I'm guessing that's not all.”

All at once, Kara's happy mood evaporated. “He made me promise not to look for them,” she shared, a tinge of bitterness colouring her voice. “Said he was worried that they might take their anger out over losing... well, _everything_ on me just because I'm one of the last two Kryptonians alive.”

A thoughtful hum escaped Eve. “He has a point, you know.” She pushed her laptop aside so that she could give Kara her full attention. “Sometimes people just want someone to blame when something terrible happens no matter how illogical it is to hold that one person responsible for it. Emotions are messy like that.” She gave Kara a meaningful look. “As I'm sure you're aware.”

Very much conscious of the fact that she herself had done that very thing not too long ago and feeling suitably chastised, Kara could only squirm silently in her seat.

Having accepted Kara's obvious discomfort as a sign she had learned her lesson, Eve took pity on her best friend and moved the conversation along. “Plus, since he's not here to help defend you – on more than one level, even –, I can understand why he would be so worried.”

“I know...” Kara mumbled defeatedly. “I just... want to do more for him, you know? At least give him a little more assurance that they're doing fine on Earth and all that.”

Sporting a wry if exasperated smile, Eve leaned over to pat Kara on her head in a manner that made her feel like a little child. “I think you've done plenty for him already and he knows it. Now you should just focus on enjoying tonight and maybe getting some more information from your new friends so you'll have even more updates to share with Mon-El when you go to sleep.”

As if a switch had been flipped, Kara felt her spirits lift and an almost giddy smile curved her lips. “You don't have to tell me that.” Circumstances had cut short her lengthy conversation with Tae and Sui – she had wanted to rush back to the apartment to take her scheduled nap so that she could share everything with Mon-El while Tae and Sui had had their Maku-related obligations to tend to – so she was eager to see the Hozz'ni again. Even if they ended up not talking all that much tonight, the idea of simply being able to spend time with them was enough to make her wish the next few hours would just pass by in the blink of an eye.

Unfortunately for her, time did not comply with her wishes and marched on at its usual steady pace so Kara was a Kryptonian-shaped bundle of jittery nerves when night finally fell. Having decided that it would actually be somewhat more risky if she travelled on ground – National City was no Gotham but it certainly wasn't crime-free either –, she had opted to roof-hop her way to her destination using the knowledge she had gained when she had been scouting alleyways earlier in the day. That naturally meant clothes that were better suited for such activities both in terms of colour and practicality – a dark blue turtleneck, black pants and black tennis shoes. It was a shame, really, considering the fact that she would have preferred to wear more vibrant colours not only out of respect for the traditions of her hosts but also the specific event she was attending. Maybe she could borrow a sash at the very least when she got there? It was something to consider.

Leaving her glasses behind, however, was a completely conscious and intentional decision on her part that had nothing to do with practicality.

After all, it was Kara Zor-El and not Kara Danvers who had been invited to witness this sacred event.

That thought, along with her breathless anticipation for the event she was about to witness, made her quite literally buoyant as she hopped from roof to roof. Her feet barely touched the ground and there were actually a few moments where she almost forgot she wasn't supposed to fly.

Fortunately, Rao seemed to be on her side because she managed to avoid encountering any problems – at least, as far as she knew – and it was not long before her destination was in sight. Continuing to exercise caution, she quietly floated down the side of the building nearest to the Hozz'ni encampment that was completely shrouded in darkness before using her superspeed to dart from shadow to shadow until she reached one of the smaller 'buildings' on the edge of the lot.

Somehow, she still managed to be surprised when she turned the corner to find a Hozz'n standing there as if her arrival at that exact spot had been anticipated. Once again, it seemed she had severely underestimated their sense of smell.

“Oh.” She swallowed nervously and tried not to fidget. “Um. Hi? I, uh... I was here earlier today and-”

The Hozz'n bowed before she could finish her sentence, prompting her to shut her mouth and hastily return the gesture before following his (her?) lead past the large pile of wood in the centre of the courtyard that could only be the bonfire for the night's closing event.

“Ah, you made it,” Sui greeted her warmly in Daxamite when she entered a small tent that seemed to have been set up specifically for the Hozz'ni to prepare for the end of Maku. “Welcome back, Kara Zor-El. I apologise on behalf of my mother; she has her responsibilities to tend to and will not be able to see you until the end of Maku.”

It was a small inconsequential thing but hearing the sound of her name – her _real_ name – coming from a friendly face on Earth filled her with an immeasurable amount of joy. “It's okay,” Kara said with a smile and a shake of her head. “I completely understand. In fact, I think I should apologise since I feel like I'm intruding a little. I mean, I know how important Maku is to your people-”

Sui casually waved off the rest of the apology. “My mother has made it clear that you are our honoured guest, Kara Zor-El, and none of us see any reason to challenge her word. Banish such thoughts from your mind; they are an ill fit for tonight.”

Feeling appropriately chastised and humbled at the same time, Kara bowed her head and offered Sui a sheepish smile. “Yes. I apologise; I didn't mean to be disrespectful. Speaking of which...” She glanced down at her attire. “I don't suppose I could borrow something of yours to wear over my own clothes...? I mean, I know black isn't exactly appropriate for Maku so...”

A warm chuckle escaped Sui as she beckoned Kara over to the table next to her where several neatly folded robes rested. “It is not necessary but if you insist, I might have something that will fit you.”

Kara beamed. “Thank you. I'm sorry I have to impose on you again.”

“It is of no trouble,” Sui rebuffed her apology easily, the bulk of her attention devoted to examining the robes' lengths. “It is the least I can do as compensation for having not only accused you of attempting to harm us but also having your kiij parchment removed from the prayer box even if temporarily and read. Here, try this one.”

“Oh, thank you but no, you don't have to apologise. Again, even,” Kara was quick to reply as she slipped on the robe that had been handed to her and began trying to see if she would be able to walk in it without tripping every other step. “Like I said before, I _was_ acting kind of suspiciously so you had every right to think that I might have sabotaged the prayer box as well.”

Sui nodded, her expression mostly serious except for the spark of bemusement dancing in her brown eyes. (Whether that was because of their trading of apologies or the fact that Kara was one step away from drowning in the robe she had been given was anyone's guess.) “Then it is settled and we shall speak no more of this matter. Now, how is the robe? It is the smallest I have on hand.”

No force in the universe could have banished the blush colouring Kara's cheeks as she tried and failed for the umpteenth time to keep the sleeves of her borrowed robe from unrolling themselves. “Um... I think this is the best we're going to do so let's just go with this.”

“Very well,” Sui chuckled, and offered Kara a steadying hand as she gestured towards the entrance of the tent with the other.

When she stepped outside, Kara found that all the other preparations for the end of Maku had already been completed; the pile of wood meant for the bonfire had doubled in size and a ring of torches had been placed on the outer perimeter of the courtyard. Off to one side, a set of five drums had been set up for the grand finale – the night's replacement for the bells which had rung throughout the day. All around the bonfire, Hozz'ni murmured in their guttural tongue as they waited for the start of the final part of their holy celebration.

It was a strange thought to have but here, surrounded by beings who looked nothing like her speaking a language she could not understand at all, she felt for the first time since she had landed on Earth like she truly belonged.

A chime resounded throughout the encampment then, drawing her out of her reverie, and silence swept across the crowd. When Kara turned towards the source of the sound, she saw the Hozz'ni part to make way for Tae. Bearing a lit torch and dressed in the ceremonial robes that denoted her status as both clan leader and shaman, she was accompanied by two Hozz'ni who were carefully carrying the now sealed prayer box together. It was a symbolic gesture; after all, the average Hozz'n could lift things far heavier than them without much effort.

The sound of steady drumming filled the air, and all at once every Hozz'n began singing as Tae and the two Hozz'ni approached the bonfire. Then the precious cargo was deposited gently on top of the bonfire before its bearers stepped back and disappeared into the crowd, leaving only Tae standing there. As the singing grew louder in tandem with the drumming, she lifted the torch and began reciting the long prayer calling for the spirits' presence. When the last word left her lips, she lowered the torch and set the bonfire ablaze. According to Hozz'ni beliefs, burning the prayer box and the kiij parchment slips in it by extension would deliver the wishes written on the slips to the spirits who would then grant it at their sometimes fickle whims.

“I do not know what you wrote on your parchment as my mother deemed it rude to share, Kara Zor-El,” Sui said at Kara's side, her soft rumbling voice so easily drowned out by the singing around them that Kara was sure she had only been able to hear the Hozz'n because of her enhanced hearing, “but I hope that the spirits see fit to grant your wish all the same.”

“Yeah,” Kara murmured as she watched the embers drift away into the star-filled sky where the spirits were supposedly looking down on them – the same star-filled sky where Mon-El's shuttle was still floating in some time-lapsed corner of space. “I hope so too.”

 

* * *

 

Selina knew something was wrong even before Kara had picked up the phone.

Usually, Kara answered after one or two rings, no doubt eager to hear that she was once again being invited to Gotham to get an update on her search for other survivors. Selina had once teased her about it, wondering out loud if she took her phone everywhere with her just in case even when she went to the bathroom.

This time, it took nearly four full rings before Kara picked up. “Hey, Selina.”

“Hey,” Selina replied with a small frown. “Is everything okay? You sound a little down.”

A telling pause. “It's nothing. Just... I've had a lot on my mind lately.”

“All right,” Selina conceded although she didn't need to see Kara's face to know she was hiding something at the very least if not lying outright. “Well, do you have anything planned next weekend? It's been a while since your last visit and I thought you might like a break from your studies and whatnot.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. Thanks, Selina.” At least that had sounded genuine if a little subdued.

Whatever it was that was weighing on the Kryptonian's mind, it persisted until the day they met... and it could not have been more obvious despite a clear attempt on Kara's part to disguise it. The usual bounce in her step was missing, for one, and there were traces of hesitation and doubt in her expression even as she loaded her stuff into the car.

“We don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know,” Selina suggested after an unusual and prolonged stretch of silence had ensued following the start of their journey. “Bruce can just send you the information like the other time.”

Kara shook her head. “No. I _do_ want to come over. I like seeing all of you every now and then. It's just...”

“'Just'...?” Selina prodded gently, aware that Kara might clam up if she pushed too much and sensing that things would improve by leaps and bounds if they talked it out as soon as possible.

The hesitant and almost wary expression on Kara's face made it clear she was internally debating whether to give voice to whatever issue was at the forefront of her thoughts. “Does...” she finally started after a long pause. “Does the name 'Fort Rozz' mean anything to you?”

“Can't say it does,” Selina replied honestly. “Is that a new video game or something?” Kara was not a gamer as far as she knew and according to Eliza, the one time she had ever tried it had dissuaded her from picking it up as a hobby. (As it turned out, having super-strength and getting really engrossed in an exciting video game usually resulted in the game controller getting crushed to bits.) Then again, she was no longer the young girl still coming to terms with her powers so things could have changed over the years.

“No.” Strange. Was that relief on Kara's face? “Never mind then. It's nothing.”

It was very obviously not 'nothing' but Selina didn't think Kara was going to tell her even if she asked so she decided it was best if she let it go. For now, anyway. “All right.”

Things only got even worse – or more interesting, depending on how one chose to look at it – when they finally arrived at Wayne Manor. Kara's mood which seemed to have improved somewhat after her strange question became troubled again when they got out of the car. Even a blind person would have been able to notice the rather stiff way she greeted and hugged both Bruce and Alfred... and since neither of the household's men were blind, they definitely picked up on it. It said a lot that Kara didn't even try to argue with Alfred like usual about the butler taking her luggage and simply followed him without making a sound to her usual room.

Selina scowled. If it were anyone else, she would have just put it out of her mind and carried on without giving it a second thought. However, that was not the case and she was most definitely _not_ going to tolerate being forced to walk on eggshells for the rest of the weekend.

Something was going to have to be done.

“Did something happen?” Bruce asked concernedly, his worried gaze focused on the two retreating figures.

So whatever it was, even Bruce was clueless. It was either that or he hadn't connected the dots yet. Which meant that she was going to have to do some detective work of her own if she wanted to get to the bottom of this. “Can I have a word with you? Somewhere... quiet.”

The somewhat uncharacteristic seriousness in her voice caught his attention and it was with a look of curious apprehension as he gestured in the direction of the study. “All right.”

She followed his lead but waited for him to close the door and activate the room's security measures before speaking again. “Do you know about anything called 'Fort Rozz'?”

Attuned as she was to his body language, she did not miss the way he stiffened at the mention of the name Kara had asked about during their trip. “Where did you hear that?”

“From Kara,” she supplied, and felt herself get even more irritated when that just made him even more agitated in that classic Bruce way. “And judging by the way you're acting right now, you know what it is.”

“...I do.”

“...And?”

Silence.

“B, I swear, if you don't start talking _right now_ -”

“It's a prison,” he admitted with all the willingness of someone having their teeth pulled out. Without anaesthesia. “A Kryptonian prison, to be precise. It used to be in the Phantom Zone.”

Selina narrowed her eyes. “'Used to be'?”

He twitched. In Bruce language, that was the equivalent of guiltily shuffling one's feet. “...It followed Kara's pod when she left the Phantom Zone.”

“...And landed here,” she finished. “On Earth.”

“Yes.”

“A giant alien prison full of alien criminals landed on Earth... and you kept it to yourself. Oh wait, that's not true. Clark probably knew too. And I bet the government knows because there's no way they missed what I can only assume is something the size of a small meteor _at the very least_ crashing into the great United States of America.”

“Selina-”

“It's Kara, isn't it?” she cut him off angrily as she stepped closer to jab him accusingly in the chest with a finger. “You two geniuses didn't want her to find out because you were worried she'd blame herself if those criminals got out and started causing trouble here on Earth. She didn't need that kind of weight on her shoulders. And I get that, okay? You forget that I know her too. But I can't believe you kept this from even _me_.”

To his credit, he actually looked a little guilty. “I apologise for that.”

“And that's where that Zod guy came from,” she continued as her mind began connecting the dots. “He escaped from Fort Rozz. Not just any random prison but Fort Rozz specifically. And you told me _to my face_ that you didn't know for sure how he'd gotten here.”

“I'm sorry I lied to you, Selina. I really am.” He sounded sincere enough, which was probably the bare minimum he could do in this situation. Not that she was going to let him off that easily, of course.

A frustrated sigh escaped her as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “We're going to talk about this _extensively_ later. Right now, I'd rather we focus on the more pressing issue which is that Kara managed to find out about it somehow and she clearly thinks – _rightfully so, I might add_ – that you've been keeping this from her all these years.” She paused and pinned him with her gaze. “What about Alfred?”

His gaze slid away from her face to land on a random spot on the floor. “He knows but only found out a few years later. When he did, he agreed that she didn't need to know immediately but said we should talk to her about it when she was older.”

“Well, he was right,” she stated flatly. “And clearly that time is now whether you like it or not. She's twenty years old, Bruce. _And_ she knows to some extent. The sooner you sit down with her and have that talk, the better.”

Sighing wearily, he glanced between her and the door. “...You're right. I'll talk to her later.”

“Nope. We're doing it now.” With that, she grabbed his arm with one hand and used the other to disengage the room's security measures before opening the door and dragging him out. “If you think I'm going to tolerate being here while you two tiptoe around each other for another minute, you don't know me as well as you should.”

“Selina-” he tried to protest to no avail even as he allowed himself to be pulled along like a ragdoll.

“Kara!” she called out loudly. “Can you come down here for a minute? Bruce has something to discuss with you.”

A stretch of silence ensued, but Kara appeared at the top of the stairs just as Selina had begun to think that she was going to be ignored. “I'm here.”

The hesitant way Kara had said those two words told Selina that Kara had either managed to hear her talk with Bruce earlier despite their best efforts or she'd managed to figure out what this impending discussion might be about on her own. “Put away your things already?” she asked gently, indirectly leaving the option of delaying the talk in her hands.

For a moment, it looked like Kara was actually going to take that option but then a determined expression formed on her face. “Yeah.”

Selina smiled. “That's good. Come on then.”

“...So,” Bruce started awkwardly after they had all made themselves comfortable – or as close to it as possible, anyway – in the living room. “You know about Fort Rozz.”

Despite the brave front she was clearly trying to put forward, Kara couldn't stop herself from curling into herself ever so slightly. “...Yeah.”

“...May I ask how?” he asked carefully when he realised that was all he was going to get out of her unless he kept prodding. (Privately, Selina thought this was one of the ways she wished the two of them weren't so alike.)

Kara's expression turned troubled for a split second. Curious. “...Zod,” she finally replied. “I knew he was sentenced to Fort Rozz while I was still on Krypton.”

Selina frowned but kept quiet. For some reason, she had this nagging feeling that they had only gotten part of the truth. Very curious.

“I see.” Another long tense stretch of silence ensued. “Kara... I know we shouldn't have kept it all a secret from you – especially not for so long – but-”

“It's okay,” Kara cut him off to both Selina's and Bruce's surprise. “I... I understand why. You don't have to apologise.”

“...You're taking this rather well,” Selina allowed herself to comment carefully. She had expected hurt and maybe some anger, not... resignation. As if Kara had already made peace with this revelation before she had even come to Gotham.

Something like guilt flashed across Kara's face. Curiouser and curiouser. “I... slept on it. A lot,” she admitted slowly. “It took a while and I won't deny that I... had a lot of complicated feelings about it but... I came to see things from your point of view eventually. Like I said, I understand. You don't have to say anything else. I told Alfred the same earlier; he guessed why I wasn't being myself and we already talked it out between us.”

Despite herself, Selina found herself relaxing just a fraction. (It didn't escape her notice that Bruce was no different.)

“Just...”

At that, both Selina and Bruce looked back up at Kara to find her sporting an expression that was paradoxically half uncertain and half resolute. “What is it?” Bruce asked carefully.

“Can you... Can you please tell me about the situation with Fort Rozz? I... I want to know.”

“Kara-”

“Please, Bruce. I... I _need_ to know.”

“...All right,” he sighed heavily. “The DEO secured Fort Rozz not long after it landed on Earth and has been spending the past few years recapturing the aliens that managed to escape before they arrived on the scene. However, I can't tell for sure how successful they've been and how many more there are out there still running free.”

“I see...” Kara slumped a little in her seat before she sat upright and met Bruce's gaze again. “Can you keep me updated on this?”

“If you wish,” he replied wearily, his disagreement over this course of action plain for all to see despite his response.

Kara offered him a small smile as if in compensation. “Thank you.”

“Excellent.” Selina clapped her hands, more than glad to be done with the situation. “Now that that's settled, let's talk about something a little more positive.”

That earned her a curious look from Kara. “Like what?”

Deciding that she could allow Bruce to redeem himself a little and maybe salvage some of his standing with Kara, Selina turned to him with a meaningful smile on her face. “Bruce? Would you like to do the honours?”

He gave her a look of gratitude at the peace offering she had provided him. Selina's only response was to raise an eyebrow as a silent reminder that while Kara had forgiven him, he wasn't out of trouble with _her_ just yet. “Right,” he coughed awkwardly. “Well. Follow me then.”

Kara didn't look at all surprised when she found herself being led towards one of their usual entryways to the Batcave although Selina could definitely detect a growing sense of hope that the Kryptonian was desperately trying to suppress as they kept going.

That endeavour was abandoned the moment they were all standing in front of one of the sets of monitors in the Batcave.

“Is... Is that...?” Kara croaked hoarsely, her blue eyes wide open and transfixed on the information displayed on the screens.

“Your latest search turned up a positive result,” Bruce confirmed with a warm smile as he and Selina silently watched Kara walk closer to the monitors in an almost trance-like state. “Congratulations. You were right; there _are_ survivors out there.”

Clearly oblivious not only to what Bruce had said but also to the rest of the world, Kara kept walking until she was standing right in front of the main screen. Ever so slowly, she raised a hand and brushed her fingers across the words blinking across it as she murmured something inaudible.

If Selina or Bruce had been able to hear it and understand Daxamite, they would likely have been very surprised by what she had said.

'I found you.'

“I think it's time we told Clark,” Bruce spoke up at long last. “I'm sure he would-”

“No!”

Both Selina and Bruce blinked, stunned silent at the vehement way Kara had shot down the suggestion as well as the slightly panicked look on her face. “Kara?”

“I... Please, not yet,” she pleaded with them. “I... There's something I need to do first and I want to be the one to tell him when the time is right. Please, Bruce.”

“...All right,” he conceded even though it was clear he was quite perplexed at this turn of events. (If Selina was being perfectly honest, she was pretty much in the same boat.) “What next then?”

To their utter confusion, Kara began smiling, her bright blue eyes shining with joy. “Thank you so much for your help but... I can handle it from here.”

 

* * *

 

Mon-El was understandably taken aback when the first thing Kara did upon returning to the dream world was throw herself at him and wrap him up in a bone-crushing hug. The way the golden light filling his head was so full of happiness it was almost blinding only compounded the issue. “Whoa! Kara, what-”

“ _It worked_ ,” she whispered joyously, her words half-muffled thanks to the fact that she had buried her face in his chest. “ _It worked, it worked, it worked._ ”

“What worked?” Despite his continued confusion, he still returned the hug. “Not to be rude or anything but some explanation would be nice here.”

A laugh of pure happiness escaped her as she pulled away just enough to give him a smile so radiant it put Rao to shame. (He didn't remember the last time he'd ever seen her like this.) “My wish for Maku. I wished to find you as soon as possible. _And I did._ Mon-El... The search finally turned up a positive result.”

Stunned, he could only stare at her as his mind tried to process what she had just said. “...What...?”

“The Well of Stars.” This time, her laugh was half joy and half bemusement which was likely at his expense. “You're in the Well of Stars, Mon-El.”

It took far too long but when it finally sank in, a loud whooping laugh escaped him and he swept her up in a tight hug before swinging her around, eliciting even more laughter from her.

“Oh Rao,” she whispered, her voice hoarse from all the laughing, once the two of them finally calmed down a little. “There's so much more to do. I have to focus. I mean, finding out where you are was just the first step; now I have to figure out how to get you out of there. Oh, maybe Tae can lend me a ship or something-”

All at once, his good mood evaporated and he pulled away to look at her in alarm. “What? _No._ Kara, I don't want you to come for me.”

“What?” The look on her face was part shock and part incredulous. “Are you asking me to leave you out there? I thought we'd settled this long ago-”

“No, I'm not saying that-” he tried to argue.

“Then what is it?” she demanded to know, and he didn't need to feel her growing agitation through their connection to tell that she was very close to outright yelling at him. “Because I've already agreed not to use Kal-El's pod just because of your dumb beliefs about him-”

“Kara, _please_.” He put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed them just enough to convey that he needed her full attention. “Hear me out first.”

She looked at him almost defiantly but obliged and kept her mouth shut.

“Thank you,” he breathed but gave himself a moment before he continued. “I'm not telling you not to rescue me at all. I want to make that clear, okay? But...”

“...'But'...?” she prodded warily.

He sighed heavily. “I want you to find a way to do it that doesn't require you to leave Earth.”

“...I'm sorry, _what_? _Why?_ ” she finally managed to ask after a long period of doing nothing but gaping at him soundlessly.

Of course she would fail to see why he was asking this of her. It was so typical of her to be so concerned about others that she would forget about her own safety. “Kara, you're safe here on Earth. The yellow sun gives you unimaginable powers, you can easily hide among the humans, there are people who will come to your aid when you are in trouble... But out there in space, you won't have any of those protections. The risks are too great. I can't... I need you to be safe, okay? Your safety is my top priority. And the last thing I want is to be the reason you end up in harm's way.”

Understanding dawned on her face but there were traces of sorrow and uncertainty in the lines of her face and the edges of the golden light. “But Mon-El...”

“ _Please_ , Kara.” He cupped her face gently and tried to show the sincerity of his request as well as his awareness of what he was asking of her. “Do this one more thing for me. Please?”

For a long while, she looked like she was more than willing to argue with him about it until she ran out of breath but then she closed her eyes and her expression became one of resignation. “...All right. I'll find another way.”

“Thank you.” Relieved, he pulled her in for another hug albeit one that was much looser in comparison and took even more comfort from the fact that she eventually returned the gesture.

They remained like that, quiet and unmoving, for some time before Kara spoke up and completely ruined the mood.

“...I can't believe you're telling me to stay on Earth.”

He groaned into her hair. “Please don't remind me.”

“After everything you've said about this 'backwater planet'.”

“You're not going to let this go any time soon, are you?”

There was a hint of cheekiness in the golden light and her voice when she answered. “Nope. I think I've earned that right since you've decided to be so difficult. When I'm trying to save you, even.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.” He released her so he could scowl at her but was merely rewarded with an impish smile. “If you're quite done, I'd like to continue your training now.”

“Fine,” she sighed dramatically but the mirth he saw dancing in those bright blue orbs before she turned away to get prepared told him she was still laughing internally at him. “Let's get on with it.”

Because he was who he was, he wasn't about to let her have the last laugh and sought revenge immediately in the best way possible.

To say that he enjoyed the look of absolute shock, horror and dread that overtook her face when she found herself face to face with the opponent he had created for her would be an understatement.

“What-” She whirled on her feet to stare incredulously at him. “You said you wouldn't make me fight Draaga again for another week!”

“Oh, it hasn't been a week since the last time?” he asked innocently. “You know how difficult it is for me to keep track of time here, after all.”

“You made me fight him _three days ago_!”

He shrugged casually. “Really? Oh well. I've already created him though so...”

“Well _un_ create him then!”

His only response was to send the Draaga construct after her.

“Wh- Curse you, you stupid Daxamite!”

“Less yelling, more dodging, Kara!” he called out, unable to keep the grin growing on his face from affecting his tone.

“ _YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS, MON-EL!_ ”

“Promises, promises...” he replied breezily as he created a couple of swords for the Draaga construct, prompting yet another round of colourful cursing from Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was worth the wait and it didn't feel like I packed too much into one chapter. In any case, we're slowly but surely moving forward to... well, something. I can't say any more because that would be telling.


	16. Howl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is rudely reminded of the fact that she is in a relationship with A Really Really Hot Guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things you should know about this chapter before you start reading:  
> 1) When I first mapped it out, I cackled evilly to myself.  
> 2) While I was writing it, I routinely cackled evilly to myself.  
> 3) As I posted it, I cackled evilly to myself.
> 
> TL;DR: (cackles evilly)

As Kara eventually learned much to her unhappiness, finding Mon-El had been the easy part.

Long ago before everything had gotten complicated beyond her wildest imagination, the plan had been simple: Once she had identified his location, she would hop into her pod, fly there and nudge his shuttle with her pod as if she was herding a baby zhivrii in the direction of the nearest habitable planet. Then she would poke him until he woke up and they would travel across the universe having adventures together for the rest of their lives.

It had been a childish plan but in her defence, she had been a child back then – physically, at least – and there really hadn't been anyone or anything telling her that it wouldn't work.

That plan had needed to be revised the moment she had lost her pod and she would be lying if she said that that setback hadn't disheartened her for a multitude of reasons. However, she had managed to pick herself up and work on devising an alternative in the form of using Kal-El's pod.

Then Mon-El's stupid prejudice against her cousin had torpedoed _that_ plan.

And now the promise he had extracted from her to rescue him without leaving Earth was making it even harder for her to find a way to fulfil her Sacred Oath to rescue him.

Instances like this made her wonder why she still loved him.

But there was nothing to be done about the situation – both her promise and how she felt about him – so she was better served just focusing on finding yet another new alternative to getting him out of the Well of Stars.

Unfortunately, her options were incredibly slim.

If she couldn't go and get him herself, she was going to have to find someone to go in her stead... and there were very few people she could entrust with that responsibility _and_ knew about Mon-El in the first place.

The Hozz'ni were the first individuals that came to mind, naturally. Tae had told her quite plainly that her status as their honoured guest was permanent and she could rely on them for help in any of her future endeavours. The Hozz'n clan leader had even volunteered her daughter's direct assistance should Kara ever need it and Sui had agreed to the arrangement without complaint. In fact, she had expressed an interest in finally meeting Mon-El for herself after having heard so many stories about him from her mother and Kara.

However, Kara felt hard-pressed to ask this particular favour of them considering what she knew about their culture. Hozz'ni clans were essentially large tight-knit families where everyone had a part to play in ensuring the clan's survival. As such, it was only under extremely rare and unusual circumstances that a Hozz'n ever traversed the universe alone. According to Mon-El, such cases were so incredibly rare that even Tae herself only knew of stories that bordered on legends instead of proven instances. Despite what Tae and Sui had said about their willingness to help, asking one of them to do something so atypical of their race felt like a step too far and bordered on taking advantage of their goodwill.

With that option struck out, she was forced to consider those she had originally discarded... and Kal-El was naturally at the top of that list. Of course, if she went to _him_ for help, the ensuing conversation promised to be nothing short of messy. For starters, he would most definitely ask far too many questions that she wasn't comfortable answering such as who exactly she was so desperate to rescue. She couldn't even pretend that she had been looking for one of their people because the moment he set eyes on Mon-El's shuttle, he would immediately realise it was not a Kryptonian vessel and grow suspicious. The fact that Kal-El had likely developed a prejudice against Daxam however small if he had been learning about it from the Fortress of Solitude's computers definitely did not bode well for her and Mon-El either. Besides, Metropolis and Earth in general needed Superman and she couldn't put the needs of humanity above her own no matter how short the duration. (It also occurred to her that much like Mon-El's concerns about her own situation, there was a chance Zod would use the opportunity of Kal-El being off Earth to exact his revenge and she couldn't bear the thought of exposing him to that kind of risk.)

As the months passed, frustration and despair slowly but surely began to set in as the answer to her latest problem continued to elude her and no amount of saanth tea shared with her new friends could keep those negative feelings at bay. (She had declined as politely as she could when they offered her something a little... _stronger_ , unwilling to test her resistance to alien alcoholic beverages.) It said a lot that at one point, she had even entertained the idea of hiring an alien mercenary to act on her behalf and only dismissed it entirely when she realised that it was not only too risky but would also likely cost far more than she could ever hope to pay.

In a strange and yet somehow also highly appropriate turn of events, it was a human saying her lecturer used in one of his lessons to get his point across that gave her a spark of inspiration:

If she couldn't go _to_ him, maybe she could get _him_ to come to _her_.

The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. They had theorised Mon-El's shuttle had gotten stranded in the Well of Stars because it had suffered a fate similar to that of her pod. Knocked off course and with its autopilot likely disengaged, it was no different from a receiver waiting for any kind of input whether from its passenger or an outside force. In her case, it had been a Coluan imprisoned in Fort Rozz who had reactivated her pod and set it back on its intended journey to Earth. If she could figure out a way to recreate whatever it is that the Coluan had done but with a few modifications of her own, Mon-El would be safe and sound on Earth with her without anyone needing to go into space.

Easier said than done... but it was an idea worth exploring at least.

Feeling hopeful for the first time in a long while, she laid down for her usual nap with a light heart and a bright smile on her face.

 

* * *

 

It didn't last.

“Look out!”

As that was the first thing that registered the moment she felt herself materialise in the dream world, Kara was understandably very confused. “Wh-”

She had barely opened her eyes before something very solid slammed right into her with such speed and force that she was swept clean off her feet. Time seemed to slow down as she fell backwards and she saw a strange grey blur slice through the air where her head had been a heartbeat ago.

Then her back finally hit the ground, and whatever little breath the first two impacts hadn't knocked out of her was summarily evicted from her lungs when the thing that had slammed into her in the first place landed heavily on top of her.

It was probably only due to the rules of the dream world that she didn't pass out from the pain; instead, all she could do was squeeze her eyes shut and let out a weak groan as every pain receptor in her body screamed in protest.

A familiar voice uttered a litany of curses and the weight pressing her down thankfully disappeared, allowing her to draw a wheezy, strained breath. “Grife. I'm so sorry, Kara. I didn't mean to-”

“Didn't mean to what?” she rasped irritatedly as she struggled to sit up before clutching her chest and drawing what felt like her first breath in ages. “Try and paralyse me?”

“No, you know I- It wasn't intentional, I swear.” There was a guilt-ridden pause. “I really am sorry anyway. ...Are you... Are you okay?”

Mon-El's sincere apology and obvious worry about her soothed her annoyance enough for her to decide that he was punishing himself enough and she didn't need to make him feel any worse. “Yeah. Just... need to remember how to breathe again. I think my body might have forgotten how to do that.”

“Well, it can't be that bad if you're still capable of making jokes,” he chuckled weakly, his relief audible although it was clear he was still feeling guilty and concerned for her well-being.

“Don't think I'm letting you off the hook that easily,” she muttered without any real fire in her voice.

“I would never think that,” came his reply which was half bemused and half resigned.

“Good,” she said as she finally managed to blink the spots out of her vision and lifted her head so she could throw a glare his way as he finished putting his shirt on.

...Wait, _what_?

“What were you doing?” she squeaked as her brain went into overdrive. _Whatwhatwhat?!_

“Hmm? Oh, just a bit of my own training,” he answered offhandedly, completely oblivious to her impending meltdown due to the fact that all of his attention was focused on adjusting his sleeves. “All of the training I've been putting you through kind of made me a bit nostalgic so I've been sort of recreating some of my own lessons with Hal-Ed while you're not around.”

Although the logical part of her brain – whatever little of it that was still capable of functioning at the moment, anyway – pointed out that it was a valid answer, it didn't stop the rest of her brain from continuing to malfunction as it tried and failed to process the situation. “And you have to do it _shirtless_?!”

He shrugged. “I'm just more used to sparring without a shirt on, that's all.” Satisfied, he finally looked up and met her slack-jawed expression with his own confused one. “What's wrong with you?”

“ _Nothing!_ ” The protest was automatic even though she was sure that it was very obvious that she was lying through her teeth. “ _Nothing's wrong!_ ”

Judging by the dubious look on his face, he was clearly unconvinced. “Are you sure? Because you kind of-”

“ _I said everything's fine!_ ” Okay, angry was good (even though he really didn't deserve it). She could totally use some anger right now. Anger was a good distraction from... from those thoughts she was most adamantly not entertaining even for one microsecond. At all. “Can we just get on with my training already?!”

Mon-El looked utterly taken aback by her incomprehensible – to him, at least – behaviour. “Uhh, okay...” (Kara would have let it make her even more mad at him if not for the fact that she was beyond grateful right now that he was still completely clueless as to why she was behaving this way.) “If you say so...”

“I do say so,” she responded with as much steel in her voice as she could muster. Yes, training was a good idea. Training would be another excellent way to keep her mind occupied with... other things. Like training. And maybe punching things would help too. Yes, this was good. Perfect, even. She was going to focus on punching things and not Certain Other Things She Shouldn't Be Thinking About like her rebellious brain kept trying to do and she was going to succeed because she had gotten very good at punching things. And maybe if she very loosely associated the thing she was punching with The Thing She Was Trying Not to Think About in a way that made sure she didn't accidentally think about it in the process, she could just... punch it out of her mind. Or something. Yes, a good plan all around. This had to work. No, this was _going_ to work.

Of course, she proceeded to fail spectacularly against every single opponent he created for her. In fact, she was pretty sure she hadn't been this bad even when she had first started her training.

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asked worriedly as he slowly approached her after what felt like the hundredth instance of her being knocked flat on her back this visit alone. And that didn't even include- _NOT THINKING ABOUT IT._

“ _I'm fine!_ ” Her voice was still squeaky. Rao, why did she still sound so squeaky even to her own ears? Whywhywhywhywhy?! She was totally not thinking about... _Things_! There was no reason to sound like this!

“You don't _sound_ fine.” By that point, he was all but looming over her, a concerned frown on his face as he held out a hand. “Here, let me-”

The last thing she needed was him peeking into her head and seeing even a hint of the Thoughts She Was Most Definitely _Not_ Having so it was with much grace and dignity – or lack thereof – that she scuttled away from him and his outstretched hand like he was a physical manifestation of every plague in the universe. “ _I-I-I said I'm fine!_ ” She had to get out of here. NOW. “I-I have to go!”

Mon-El stared blankly at the spot where Kara had been just a moment ago, his hand still reaching out for what was now empty air and an utterly bewildered expression plastered on his face. “...Did I do something wrong...?”

 

* * *

 

Eve had been settling down on the sofa for a nice short catch-up session of her favourite show to unwind before she had to leave for her date when a crashing sound coming from the direction of her flatmate's room caused her to bolt upright. “What the-”

More crashing sounds ensued, but before she could so much as get up Kara stumbled out of her room and slammed into the wall with enough force that Eve was almost sure there would be a hole there afterwards.

“Whoa! Kara, what-”

At the sound of her name, Kara looked up to stare at Eve with wild eyes and a flushed face as she blurted out something that sounded like complete gibberish.

Eve blinked. “...Uh, English please?”

That seemed to snap Kara out of her crazed state a little as she squeezed her eyes shut and smacked herself in the face. “R-Right. Um. S-Sorry. It's- I-I just...”

“Words, please,” Eve prodded as patiently as possible. “And yes, I mean in English again.”

“I-I-I think...” Amazingly, Kara managed to turn even redder as she mumbled so softly Eve had to strain to hear her. “I-I think I... I-I might have... seen Mon-El _shirtless_ ,” she confessed like it was a horrible, scandalous little secret.

Eve stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

“...I'm sorry, what do you mean by ' _think_ '?” she said once she finally rebooted her brain. “You can't ' _think_ ' these things. Either you saw him shirtless or you didn't. Also-” she paused to take a deep breath, “ _WHAT THE HELL, KARA. EXPLAIN YOURSELF NOW._ ”

The sudden increase in volume made Kara leap into the air like a spooked gazelle as the wild look in her big blue eyes intensified and she let out a timid squeak. “Eve-”

“Oh no. You absolutely _cannot_ drop a bombshell like that on me and expect me to be even remotely calm,” Eve growled as she got up, stalked towards Kara like a predator would its next meal and grabbed the girl so she could drag her towards the newly vacated sofa. “Sit down and start talking. _IMMEDIATELY._ ”

Kara shrank into the spot on the sofa where she had been unceremoniously dumped as if she was trying to disappear into the furniture. “I-I-I...”

“ _KARA!_ ” Eve roared, causing Kara to jump again. “ _FROM THE BEGINNING!_ ”

“ _He was training and I kind of got in the way when I showed up so he tackled me to get me out of the way, okay?!_ ” Kara blurted out in a rush, half defensive and half mortified. “ _That's why I'm not sure!_ ”

Eve's jaw unhinged and cratered the floor of their apartment. “Waitwaitwait, hold up. Are you telling me _HE TACKLED YOU TO THE GROUND WHILE HE WAS SHIRTLESS_?!”

A high-pitched whine escaped Kara as she covered her face with her hands and curled even further into herself. “Can you please not remind me?!”

“I will _so_ absolutely not only _remind_ you but _demand even more answers_!” Eve snarled as she waved her hands agitatedly in the air. “Starting with the fact that I am only now being made aware that you are in the third year of your relationship AND THIS IS THE _FIRST_ TIME HE'S TAKEN HIS SHIRT OFF IN YOUR PRESENCE?! _AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS CULTURE?!_ ”

That at least got Kara to uncover her face even if it was only to throw a glare in Eve's direction however weak it was no thanks to her luminescent blush. “ _I said they were hedonists, not-_ ” she waved her arms agitatedly in a perfect and unintentional mimicry of Eve's earlier actions, “ _-NUDISTS!_ ”

“Those two things are not mutually exclusive!” Eve pointed out very loudly in an incensed voice before facepalming audibly. “ _My god..._ I kept telling myself you were just holding out on me or something because the alternative was too frustrating to consider but to think that I was actually right to worry...”

Kara's face was so red it was one shade away from turning purple. “In case you haven't been paying attention, I've had more important _actual life-threatening issues_ on my mind than... than... _that sort of thing_!”

“ _There's always time for 'that sort of thing'!_ ” Eve roared back. “Now you listen here, missy-”

Whatever she had been about to say was cut off by Eve's cheerful ringtone which was completely at odds with the atmosphere.

“Please get that,” Kara begged as she buried her face in her hands again, clearly more than grateful for the unexpected break from her suffering.

Eve ground her teeth as she contemplated letting her phone go to voicemail in favour of continuing her interrogation. However, the ringing persisted, aggravating her to the point that she decided to answer her phone just so she could put an end to the interruption.

It was Jordan. Of course.

“Hey, sweetie.” Eve did her best to sound like her usual cheerful self even as she cursed her boyfriend for his atrocious timing. “I wasn't expecting you to call so early.”

“Yeah, the game didn't take as long as we thought it would and everyone decided to split after that.” Completely and understandably oblivious to his girlfriend's real mood, Jordan continued talking in a casually happy voice. “Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could get a head start or something on our date so we can have more time together since we haven't been able to see each other a lot lately.”

“Please go,” came the muffled plea from the curled-up form on the sofa. Evidently _someone_ was eavesdropping and hoping to take advantage of the situation.

That made Eve even _less_ inclined to take advantage of the rare opportunity to have some extra time with her boyfriend... but then they hadn't had a proper date in _weeks_...

“Eve, _please_.” Was it her imagination or had Kara somehow managed to curl into an even tighter ball? “I just... I need a moment. _Please._ ”

Eve scowled but kept quiet. As much as she hated to admit it, it was probably in everyone's best interest if she left Kara to her own devices for a while. Aside from spending some rare quality time with Jordan, she could use the opportunity to cool down so she could tackle this insane mess with a clear head. The same could be said for Kara, in a sense; this latest development had most likely fried her genius alien brain and it probably needed a reboot of its own.

“Babe? You still there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Eve answered as she threw a glare at the unmoving ball on the sofa. “I'll see you at your place in a few minutes. Bye!” The moment she hung up, she walked over and used her phone to jab her best friend until said best friend reluctantly lifted her head. “I'm going to go out now but when I get back tonight, we are going to have a _very_ long talk about this.”

 

* * *

 

Kara had no intention whatsoever of having said talk with Eve.

Unfortunately for her, there were very few ways she could see herself getting out of it short of fleeing the country and living the next few decades of her life as a fugitive running from her ruthlessly relentless best friend.

The alternative was go to bed early since Eve never interrupted her sleep, knowing how much Kara valued whatever time she could spend with Mon-El.

...Except going to bed earlier also meant coming face to face with said Daxamite just that much sooner.

And she wasn't sure she was ready for that. Rao, she wasn't sure she would _ever_ be able to look him in the eye ever again.

It was at that point that a rebellious part of her brain tried to revive the Thoughts She Had Been Doing Her Best to Pretend Didn't Exist, causing her to whine and bury her face in her hands again. As she was discovering much to her distress, the downside to Eve leaving was the fact that without the girl to provide a distraction, her mind was free to focus on everything she didn't want it to focus on even for a moment. No matter how shouty and prying Eve's questioning might have been, it was far better than being left alone in her current chaotic mental state.

Like right now.

Kara screwed her eyes shut and did her best to bury the Thoughts in the darkest corners of her mind where she could safely ignore them but it was no use; they kept slipping through to the forefront of her mind, creating vague half-formed images that only made things worse.

 _No_ , she kept telling herself over and over again even as she felt the heat flooding her face spread throughout her entire body. _I'm not going to think about it. I'm not going to-_

Then, for one split second, even her body betrayed her as it recalled the sense-based memory, however rough around the edges it might be, of being tackled to the ground by Mon-El.

A _shirtless_ Mon-El.

The apartment suddenly felt unbearably hot. As if a lava pool had materialised out of thin air in her immediate vicinity within the past five seconds. Which was absurd because that was downright impossible and besides, her powers made her incapable of feeling atmospheric temperature unless it was on the extreme ends of the spectrum.

 _-Or maybe it's just you-_ , that unhelpful little voice at the back of her head piped up snidely. _-Speaking of hot, can we go back to thinking about Mon-El shirtless please? Because I was REALLY enjoying that.-_

She jerked up from where she had been sitting on the sofa so violently anyone who had borne witness to the scene would have assumed she had stuck her hand into a power socket. Or possibly an entire power station. “A shower,” she croaked desperately as she hastily made her way to the bathroom. “Shower's a good idea.” A cold shower. A _very_ cold shower. As cold as possible. Never mind the fact that her invulnerability meant that she would need water piped in from the bottom of the Arctic Ocean if she ever wanted a cold shower she could even remotely feel. She would take whatever she could get and just pray for the best. Standing under the spray with the temperature set as low as it could go, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine the water washing away every single Thought She Didn't Want to Be Having.

Her rebellious brain countered by trying to imagine Mon-El shirtless _and_ wet.

She began very carefully banging her head on the bathroom wall in front of her.

Apparently it _was_ possible for her situation to get worse.

 _-You could just give in...-_ that voice opined in an irritatingly coy tone. _-Why are you even fighting this so hard anyway?-_

“ _Because!_ ” she hissed out loud, her cheeks an even brighter shade of red than they had been before her shower as she tried to tug on her jeans without accidentally ripping it to shreds. “I refuse to... to... _objectify Mon-El_ , okay?!”

Mon-El was physically attractive. Kara had become aware of this a very long time ago – possibly even before she had developed feelings for him that went beyond friendship although she could barely remember what that had been like any more. If there was an official checklist of some kind, she was sure that he ticked every single box. He had a great physique, his clean-cut hair was as soft as it looked, his smile could charm a rampaging broxx into submission... and oh, his _eyes_! Even though she couldn't honestly say that she had met quite as many people as he had, she was sure that there was no one else in the universe who had eyes quite like his.

But his looks were not the reason why she'd fallen in love with him. She had fallen for him for the same reasons she had first come to see him as her best friend: He was kind, funny, sweet, thoughtful, compassionate... Despite his flaws and past mistakes, he was a good man with a good heart who deserved love and kindness.

 _That_ was why she found him attractive. His looks were just... a bonus. A _very_ nice bonus but still just a bonus.

It seemed, however, that parts of her brain were now laser-focused on not only appreciating that bonus to the point where it was starting to feel a _lot_ more than just a bonus but also wanting _more_ to appreciate.

Once again, she tried to block out the Thoughts but once again, her own mind betrayed her by trying to piece together the scraps of memory it had recorded of the incident to create a clearer image of the very thing she was trying _not_ to think about. It had been just a split second but she thought she might have seen the smallest sliver of skin-

Her study desk very nearly became a casualty when she tripped over her feet in her haste to run out of her room and the apartment as a whole. Maybe a walk would be able to achieve what a shower couldn't. Some fresh air to hopefully stop herself from spontaneously combusting which was starting to feel more and more likely since her body was radiating a ridiculous amount of heat.

Unfortunately, it was not long before she found out that it was impossible to run away from one's own thoughts. Especially when they were manifesting as a downright traitorous voice in one's head.

 _-I wouldn't exactly classify it as 'objectifying' per se-_ , the voice piped up barely a minute after she had left the apartment building. _-Besides, if anyone has a right to think about him like that, it would be you.-_

“That is _not_ how it works!” she hissed out loud, momentarily forgetting that she was in public and earning her a funny look from the old man who happened to pass by her just then. Self-conscious, she tried to give him a friendly smile in a weak attempt to deflect his attention but was merely rewarded with a narrowing of the eyes as the old man picked up his pace to get away from her. _So much for that_ , she thought to herself with a mixture of embarrassment and bitterness. Yet another way these stupid Thoughts were making her life difficult. _Just because I... like him doesn't mean I get to... you know what!_ she continued to berate the voice in her head mentally. _It's just... wrong!_

 _-Excuses-_ , the voice scoffed. _-You can't bring yourself to admit you wish you'd gotten a good look because you're a prude. That's all. You're a stuffy Kryptonian prude who has zero appreciation for just how lucky you are.-_

If she had been in a better state of mind, she might have paid some small measure of attention to the absurdity of having a voice in her own head berate her in such a... _Daxamite_ way. As it was, she was too preoccupied with just maintaining any kind of defence against the accusations her own mind was levelling at her. _I'm NOT a prude! I-It's is just something completely inappropriate and that's why I'm objecting to all this! B-Besides, maybe I'm better off not seeing... anything! I-I-I mean, for all I know, he's got a... a... beer belly or something!_

 _-Are you KIDDING me?!-_ The voice was apoplectic. _-You and I know very well that there's no way he's got anything short of an athlete's physique considering how much Garata he used to play! And let's not forget the fact that you've been hugging him since you were twelve! If there was any unnecessary fat on that man's body, you would've found out long ago!-_

 _Okay, FINE_ , she conceded just a little, all too aware that she was fighting a losing battle and it had been a weak argument from the beginning. _But that doesn't mean-_

 _-I bet he even has abs-_ , the voice sighed dreamily as it pointedly ignored her.

It was too bad that the pavement was perfectly even, lamented the small part of her brain that had decided to take a neutral stance in the ongoing argument, because at least she would have been able to blame it for tripping and almost faceplanting into the concrete ground otherwise. To make matters worse, her sudden and extreme bout of clumsiness had not gone unnoticed by the humans around her and everyone started giving her a wide berth. Great. As if she hadn't already been ready to die of embarrassment from her internal turmoil. Maybe leaving the apartment had been a bad idea after all. _Would you just stop it already?!_ she scolded the voice with as much righteous anger as she could muster while trying to pay as little attention as possible to the fact that everyone around her was eyeing her warily. _I'm not going to entertain these thoughts about Mon-El any longer and that's final!_

 _-You're right-_ , the voice conceded all of a sudden. _-You shouldn't be trying to imagine him shirtless.-_

She breathed a sigh of relief and began walking again. _Thank y-_

 _-You should be trying to imagine him naked instead-_ , it continued blithely.

She narrowly avoided walking into oncoming traffic.

The drivers of the cars that were forced to swerve in order to avoid the crazy suicidal blonde honked furiously as they cursed a blue streak, blissfully unaware that it was they who should count their lucky stars an accident had been avoided.

The din only just penetrated the static filling Kara's head enough for her to robotically step back onto the pavement out of harm's way although she continued to stand there still as a statue while her brain malfunctioned for the nth time that day. _E-E-EXCUSE ME?!_

 _-You know you want to-_ , the voice replied calmly... except this time, it sounded... different.

Softer. Silkier. More...

...seductive.

Never in her life did she once think her own voice could sound anything like that.

For some reason, the mere idea of speaking like that herself made the already unbearable heat burning her up from the inside ratchet up a notch.

 _I-I-I DO NOT!_ she protested vehemently as she forced her feet back into motion and began jerkily retracing her steps. Evidently her plan to clear her mind with a walk was not producing the results she so desperately needed so she might as well head back to the apartment. At least that way she could just die of embarrassment in private without causing another scene. _H-How could you even begin to suggest-_

 _-I'm you-_ , the voice cut her off smoothly, a hint of something like smugness in its tone. _-Everything I'm saying is simply the things you won't say out loud yourself.-_

By this point, she was practically sprinting, only paying enough attention to her surroundings to avoid crashing into anyone or anything along the way. She did it even though she knew deep down that it was a futile attempt to escape her own scandalous thoughts and yet she tried anyway. _It's not true_ , she mentally chanted as a fiery blush continued to burn her cheeks. _It's not true, it's not true, it's not true._

 _-You want him.-_ The loud bang that echoed throughout the apartment when she slammed the front door shut failed to drown out the damning words. _-You've wanted him for a very long time. This is just the first time you've come so close to realising how much you want him. Or should I say the second?-_

 _That's not..._ She slid down to the ground and hugged her knees as both her legs and her feeble protest failed her.

 _-I'm you-_ , the voice reminded her patronisingly. _-I know everything that goes on in your head. Most of all, I know about those memories you treasure so much. Especially THAT one. You know which one I'm talking about.-_

She did, as much as she wished that wasn't the case. Her near-perfect memory allowed her to store the most precious moments in her life as if they were holovids and there were no memories more well-kept than those related to the milestones in her relationship with Mon-El, romantic or otherwise. There was, however, one exception to the rule – one memory that remained fuzzy at the edges for reasons that had very little to do with time. She kept it tucked away as if it were a priceless artefact and only dared to pull it out of its hiding place when she was feeling particularly brave.

As if it had been summoned by the voice, the memory floated to the forefront of her mind and in her moment of weakness Kara closed her eyes and let it take hold of her. Like always, the blurriness of the memory only served to sharpen the few details she could remember with crystal clarity: the heat of his body above her, the feel of his tongue sliding against hers, the taste of him, the desire flooding her head through their mental connection and mixing with her own...

Like always, reliving the memory caused her heart to thump erratically and her body temperature to skyrocket.

Unlike the previous instances, she didn't immediately shove the memory back into a dark corner of her mind and instead let it linger.

_-It was good, wasn't it?-_

“...Y-Yes.” The raspy way the admission slipped out of her made her squirm for some unfathomable reason.

_-And you want more, don't you?-_

She squirmed again, feeling bizarrely as if she didn't quite fit in her own skin all of a sudden. “...Y-Yes.”

 _-You can, you know.-_ It was amazing how that one short statement could sound so innocent and yet so insidious at the same time. _-He wants you. You want him. It's simple. Elementary.-_

In that moment, Kara felt like she could actually see the one whispering these thoughts in her head – this other her who seemed to lack any sense of shame in putting to words the most scandalous of ideas. A physically identical copy who could not be any more different from her just because it carried itself like... like a queen. She imagined this other her wearing a dress that looked more Daxamite than Kryptonian not because it showed more skin than she was comfortable with but rather because it accentuated every curve of her body. In her mind's eye, this other her lounged casually on Mon-El's bed like she belonged there – like it was rightfully _hers_ instead of his – with a smile on her face that promised delightful and dangerous things.

It was strange, she thought somewhat distantly to herself, how she could possibly be envious of someone who was essentially a fabricated version of herself that lived solely in her own head.

“I... It's not a good time,” she tried to argue, knowing she was already losing the argument... and unsure whether she really wanted to win anyway. “I should be focusing on my training. Nothing else.”

The other her continued smiling as if it had anticipated her response. _-Like Eve said, there's always time. And don't you think you've earned a little... reprieve? A small... reward... for all your hard work? After all, you haven't had a proper kiss since that incident, have you?-_

“I-I...”

_-There's really no harm in it, is there? You have his permission after all.-_

Her already weak will to keep fighting crumbled to nothingness under the gradual and unrelenting assault. “Just...” she licked her dry lips nervously, “Maybe I could just... ask for a kiss or something.”

 _-Of course-_ , the voice agreed patronisingly. _-Whatever you want.-_

She did not miss the implications behind that response, and was beyond grateful when the voice fell silent after that.

Now all she had to worry about was coming up with a plan to achieve her goal without making an utter fool of herself and subsequently being unable to look Mon-El in the eye ever again.

Unbidden, the memory of that heated kiss replayed itself again and Kara buried her face in her hands in some misguided effort to bury her still-scorching blush. So she wanted a repeat. She was willing to admit that much. But how was she supposed to accomplish it? 'Hey, remember that thing we were doing before I got attacked and found out that there are aliens out there who want to kill me in revenge for my mother sentencing them to prison? Can we maybe do that again if I promise not to freak out on you like last time?'

Rao, even thinking it made her want to crawl into a hole and die.

Far from being discouraged, however, her mind kept at it, tackling the issue as if it were no different from a complicated equation or battle strategy. On and on it went, turning the matter over even as she kept herself occupied with menial tasks around the apartment. Slowly, a flimsy idea began to form over an early dinner of leftovers she barely tasted and before she knew it, dusk had fallen. Maybe it wouldn't result in a kiss but she could at least have something to show both the voice in her head and Eve as proof that she wasn't a total lost cause in this part of her life.

If she wanted to avoid that dreaded talk with Eve, however, it would be a good idea to go to sleep before the girl returned from her date.

Even so, it was with no small amount of nervousness that she got ready for bed. Constantly reminding herself that she had been wearing shirts and shorts to sleep for over a year did little to stop her from noticing how much skin her practical choice of sleepwear exposed compared to her pyjamas. The shorts were at least longer than the pair Eve had forced upon her on their first anniversary but that fact did not help all that much to quell the jittery feeling in her stomach from worsening. _It's just another night_ , she told herself as she slipped under the covers and closed her eyes. _Just another normal night with Mon-El._

(In the end, it took reciting her meditation chant for her to finally fall asleep.)

 

* * *

 

“Welcome back,” Mon-El greeted her when she found herself back in the dream world. “Ready to continue your training?”

The blasé way he had spoken indicated that at least one of them seemed to have completely forgotten her strange behaviour during her earlier visit although Kara couldn't tell if she felt more relieved or envious about it. But that wasn't important right now. What _was_ important right now was putting her slipshod plan into motion before she lost her nerve. “A-Actually, um...” _Damn it, Kara. Just spit it out already._ “I-I was thinking we could... um, do something a little different this time?”

“Oh?” He looked at her with something like mild curiosity. “What did you have in mind?”

“W-Well...” Her fidgeting hands played with the edge of her shorts for lack of anything else to do to keep themselves occupied. “I-It occurred to me that... I mean, you said that Hal-Ed trained you and... I-I've never seen you fight and I thought I could... see you? Fight, that is. Not... Um. S-So. Maybe you could... demonstrate or something? I-I mean, I might learn something new.”

At the end of her very long and mangled speech which was more stuttering than actual speech, she felt ready to create a hole under her feet. _Smooth, Kara. Real smooth._

“I see.” The expression on his face was a mixture of thoughtfulness and something else she couldn't quite place. (If she had been in a better state of mind, she would have had the good sense to pay more attention to it.) “I suppose that makes sense.”

Breathing an internal sigh of relief, she offered him a feeble smile. “Y-Yeah. S-So... um... I-If you don't mind...?”

He shrugged. “I don't see why not.”

She mentally cheered just a little. That had been easier than she expected.

“You don't mind if I take my shirt off for this, right?” he asked, seemingly oblivious to her train of thought.

That almost – _almost_ – caused her to lose her nerve and call the whole thing off.

 _-DON'T YOU DARE-_ , the traitorous voice in her head snarled.

“I-I-If you have to,” she managed to squeak, all too aware that her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were as wide as saucers but unable to do anything about it.

“All right then,” he said.

Then, as if in slow motion, he finally took his shirt off and-

Oh.

_Oh._

_Holy._

_Rao._

'Athlete's physique' didn't even _begin_ to describe what she was looking at right now. All that Garata he had played back on Daxam coupled with genes befitting a member of Daxamite royalty had resulted in a toned body that looked like it had been sculpted by the most skilled craftsman to ever live. No longer concealed by his shirt, the well-defined muscles on his arms made it obvious why he still had no trouble lifting her off her feet even after she had stopped growing. And his chest... Forget her embarrassment from before; all she wanted to do in this very moment was run her hands all over it. She especially wanted to touch that smattering of chest hair between his pectorals to see if it was as soft as it looked for purely scientific reasons.

And yes, he did in fact have abs.

Abs that were themselves covered in a mesmerising swirl of dark hairs that similarly begged to be touched at the very least.

A swirl of hairs that trailed down, down, down until it disappeared into the waistband of his pants.

“Actually,” Mon-El spoke up all of a sudden, unceremoniously dragging Kara out of her hormone-driven stupor before her mind could complete its breakneck speed journey down the proverbial gutter, “I have a better idea.”

“H-Huh?” She blinked dumbly at him, utterly clueless as to what they had even been talking about. Wait, had they even been talking? She couldn't remember.

He took a step closer to her and she felt her brain begin an epic meltdown. “We're going to spar.”

Her brain skipped completing its meltdown and went straight for the eject button. “ _Wh-Wh-What?_ ” she barely managed to squeak. There was no way she'd heard that right. No way at all. She could barely handle looking at him shirtless; if he got close enough to touch... if she actually _touched_ him...

“You heard me.” Ever so slowly, he slid into what she could only assume was his preferred fighting stance. “Or were you lying when you said you wanted to learn something from me?”

Oh Rao. She had to back out now. If there was such a thing as the perfect time to admit what she had really been trying to achieve with her request and ask for forgiveness, it was _right now_. Yet the words remained stuck somewhere down her incredibly dry throat. From where she stood, confessing her little scheme promised to be as mortifying as maintaining her ruse and she couldn't tell which cause of death she preferred.

In the end, it was her pride that tipped the scales.

“O-Of course I want to learn!” she said with as much confidence and sincerity as she could muster. (Was she crinkling? She hoped not.) Okay, she could do this. She could totally focus on fighting and not on the fact that she was fighting a shirtless Mon-El-

She blinked, there was a sharp pain somewhere around her ankle and the next thing she knew, she was flat on her back staring up at the red sun and all the air had been knocked out of her lungs.

“Your footwork is sloppy,” she heard him admonish her from somewhere off to her left side. “Are you all right?”

“Perfect,” she squeaked as she scrambled to her feet, hoping against hope that he would mistake the blush scorching her cheeks for embarrassment over her poor performance instead of the truth.

“All right then.” He got into position and waited for her to do the same. “Again.”

She tried, she really did, and put as much force as possible into her next punch.

One second. That was all it took. At least, that was what it felt like.

There was a blur of motion and when she regained her senses, she found her arm twisted behind her back, her wrist trapped in a vice-like grip and a familiar yet strangely unreadable blue-grey energy flooding her head. There was also the detail involving the thin cotton of her shirt being the only thing separating her back from something very warm and very solid.

Oh Rao.

_OhRaoohRaoohRao._

She made the mistake of shifting in an instinctive effort to get away only to be rewarded with a sharp pain running up her immobilised arm and the feel of his chest – his _bare_ chest – pressing against her back with just a little more force.

If her brain hadn't already fried before this point, it certainly had now.

The grip on her wrist tightened just a little – a silent warning – and a hundred more wires in her brain got crossed in the process.

“Too slow,” he whispered gruffly, and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from whimpering at the feel of his warm breath washing over the shell of her ear.

Conflicting feelings of relief and disappointment filled her when she was summarily released, and she stumbled away from him on wobbly legs. _Rao, get it together, Kara_ , she scolded herself as she struggled to keep her emotions in check, praying that she could at least dampen her blush a little by the time she faced him again-

She caught a shadow of a smirk flash across his face so quickly she could almost swear she had imagined it.

_...What?_

Confusion swept away all traces of her embarrassment as her brain struggled to process what she might or might not have seen.

Then it hit her.

He knew.

He knew what she had been trying to do from the start and instead of calling her out, he had played along so that he could turn the tables on her.

And she had fallen right into his trap.

She had thought that she had been mortified before but right now, in this very moment, she realised that there were levels of humiliation she had yet to discover.

Her first instinct was to flee – it didn't matter whether it was by locking herself in a construct of her room or forcing herself awake – and pray that time would eventually allow her to scrape together whatever scraps of her dignity that remained after this fiasco. If and when that ever happened, maybe facing Mon-El again without humiliating herself in the first second would be so much as a remote possibility.

Then that traitorous voice made its presence known again with a single pointed question.

_-Are you really going to let him get away with teasing you like that?-_

She froze.

_-You started this. You should be the one to finish it. On YOUR terms.-_

_I-I-I..._

_-Are you telling me you're just going to let him win without a fight? Quit without showing him what you're capable of? I thought you wanted him to see you as an equal in EVERYTHING. This? This is your chance.-_

Her body shifted into position before she was fully aware of having moved at all. Was it pride driving her? Or something else? Whatever the case, she found it in herself to achieve what she had previously thought impossible and shoved all the distractions out of her mind. She blotted out the fact that Mon-El was shirtless and then blotted out the fact that it was Mon-El in the first place. He was a nameless, faceless opponent – no different from any of the other aliens that she had been fighting for over a year.

Right now, the only thing on her mind was that she had a fight to win.

And she was going to _win_.

She lunged.

There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes before it was replaced with a bemused gleam that matched the slightest hint of a wry grin tugging at the corners of his lips as he dodged her punch. And her next strike. And the one after that.

He neatly dodged every single one of her punches and kicks.

Of course. She shouldn't have expected anything less. After all, he was the one who had been training her all this while. He had watched her learn how to fight and coached her on her strengths and weaknesses. Just like always, there was quite likely no one in the universe who knew her better than him.

(For one fleeting moment, it all felt so familiar to her – as if they had done this a hundred lifetimes ago with blades that had gleamed under the light of a red sun – but the thought slipped away as quickly as it had come.)

It frustrated her to no end, and her frustration only grew with every subsequent failure to land a blow on him. She needed an edge if she wanted to win but there was very little that came to mind. It wasn't as if she had ever seen him fight before so she didn't know of any weaknesses she could exploit-

Then it struck her.

Mon-El did in fact have one weakness she was very familiar with:

Herself.

For as long as she could remember, he could never abide even the idea of her being in pain. This was true to an extent even when he had started her training. Every blade, no matter how sharp, merely stung but never drew blood. Blows that would have crushed her bones hurt just enough to make it clear that she would have been in serious trouble if the fight had been real.

No matter the situation, he always prioritised her well-being.

The realisation, coupled with her inherent recklessness, caused a borderline crazy idea to form in her head.

When he moved to dodge her next punch, she feinted at the last second and threw a second wild strike that sent her off-balance, knowing that when she brought her foot back down on the ground she was going to sprain her ankle at the very least.

Judging by the way his eyes widened with alarm and his body moved forward to catch her instead of away from her, he had predicted that painful outcome as well.

Just as she had known he would.

_Got you._

She could tell the exact moment when he'd realised he'd been tricked but was only able to appreciate the look of stunned surprise on his face for a split second before she slammed dead centre into his chest with enough force to knock him off his feet. All at once, pain rippled through her body and mind courtesy of the impact and their abruptly initiated mental connection. It only tripled when they both finally crashed to the ground, and not even the way he had wound his arms tightly around her frame in an effort to cushion her fall with his own body had lessened it in any meaningful way.

Dizzy and winded, Kara just lay where she had fallen for Rao knew how long as she struggled to catch her breath and blink the spots out of her vision. It was the thought of claiming victory – of rubbing it in Mon-El's face that she had beat his dirty trick with her own – that gave her the strength to push herself up-

She blinked, realised the position they were in and flushed bright red, all thoughts of everything that had led up to this point vanishing like ether.

Mon-El was lying flat on his back looking up at her with an unreadable expression on his face and his hands resting idly on her waist. And she... she was straddling his hips, her hands were on the grass bracketing his head and her chest was a hair's breadth from his. Their faces were so close she could feel his breath fanning across her face.

All that was missing was their mental connection... and her traitorous mind was conjuring up the most scandalous ways she could fix that.

Oh Rao.

_OhRaoohRaoohRao._

The urge to flee – to just jump up and run as far as her legs could take her even if that was a futile effort in the dream world – seized her in a vice-like grip. Yet she remained frozen in place, her utter mortification preventing her from doing anything but stare back unblinkingly at him as the heat burning her cheeks spread like wildfire throughout the rest of her body. “I-I-I...”

“Congratulations,” he said evenly, and the wholly unexpected statement did little to help her regain her mental faculties. “You win.”

“I-I... what?” Her confusion compounded her inability to fully process their current situation, and it took her a good while to not only realise what he was talking about but also formulate a response however weak it might be. “Y-You... You're not...” Her painfully dry throat made her words so raspy she barely recognised her own voice. “B-But I cheated,” she replied weakly, completely lost as to why she was trying to argue about this of all things. A distraction, probably. She was in no state to theorise.

He shrugged ever so slightly but the action was enough to create the tiniest bit of friction between their bodies that ratcheted up the heat consuming her from the inside to unbearable levels. “I taught you to win no matter what. It would be hypocritical of me if I penalised you for doing exactly that.”

Her arms were trembling with the strain of keeping herself upright. (She couldn't tell if the thought of what would happen when they gave way filled her with anticipation or dread. Maybe both.) “I-I-I guess.”

“So.” He still hadn't blinked even once. “What now?”

“Wh-What do you mean?” she asked warily, unsure if she was supposed to read into the question.

“You won.” There was something in his gaze that felt like a coded message. “It's up to you what happens next.”

Then she realised what he was doing – what he was trying to communicate: He was offering her an out. A way to escape their current situation with her dignity intact. The option to play all this off as a harmless, meaningless accident and forget it ever happened.

 _-Is that what you want?-_ There it was again – that other her whispering the thoughts she was too afraid to voice herself. _-Or are you finally ready to take what you REALLY want?-_

She licked her dry lips as she felt a strange kind of courage course through her veins, and didn't miss the way his gaze flickered to land on her mouth. “...Then... I'd like a prize.”

“I see.” His body tensed under her even as he maintained a deceptively calm facade. “And that would be?”

One last chance to back out.

She responded by closing her eyes and bringing her lips crashing down on his.

The force and angle of the kiss as well as the distraction that was the blue-grey energy flooding her head made things rough and awkward initially but then she felt his hand scorch her skin as he cupped her jaw and guided without taking control. An appreciative noise escaped her but he swallowed up the sound, urging her on as their tongues battled for dominance in a perfect mirror of their earlier fight and the way their thoughts seemed intent on overwhelming each other.

_More._

They broke for air with ragged gasps but it barely lasted for a second before the hand cradling her jaw slid around her head to pull her back in. She gave in all too willingly, moaning into the kiss as she surrendered herself to the base instincts she had so desperately tried to suppress for reasons that escaped her now.

_Moremoremore._

Consumed by a hunger that seemed insatiable, her body mindlessly sought relief from the strange heat and ache growing between her legs by grinding her hips down against his. The action, aside from causing his hands to tighten their grip around her head and waist almost painfully, achieved its goal for a split second – one all too short moment of euphoric pleasure – only for the ache to return with twice its original ferocity. Some kind of primal noise clawed its way out of her throat at that, but it was almost immediately drowned out by the feral growl he emitted that she had felt more than heard.

_Moremoremoremoremore._

A frustrated whine escaped her when he broke the kiss and used the hand cradling her head to keep her from chasing his lips but it transformed into a needy moan when he began trailing open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. Independent of her fogged-up mind, her body responded to his ministrations by angling her head to give him better access. His approving hum against her skin compelled her to try and further reduce the already non-existent space between their bodies. When that led her to grind her hips against his again, he responded by sinking his teeth into a surprisingly sensitive spot on her neck. Against all logic, the shock and pain heightened her arousal instead of dampening it and dragged another breathless moan out of her.

_MoremoremoremoremoreMOREMOREMORE._

It wasn't enough. What 'it' was escaped her at the moment; all she knew was that she had to fix it. _Now._ Or she was just going to burst into flames – a possibility that seemed more and more likely with the amount of heat coursing through her body. Desperate, she forced one of her hands to release its death grip on the grass so that she could reach blindly for the hem of her shirt-

A sharp ringing sound filled her ears out of the blue, causing her to jerk upright in an instinctive attempt to get away from the din.

“ _Aaaaahhh!_ ” She clapped her hands over her ears as if the action could block out the noise. “What-”

Then she vanished from the dream world.

Understandably caught off guard, Mon-El could only stare dumbly at the spot above him where Kara had been mere moments ago.

“...Well,” he said when he finally regained enough of his mental faculties to form words again, “that was unexpected.”

 

* * *

 

Kara jerked awake and tumbled gracelessly out of bed, her hands already covering her ears just as they had in the dream world to try and block out the ringing sound that had woken her in the first place. Disorientated for more than one reason, it took her far too long to recognise the noise as the fire alarm. The moment she did, however, she scrambled to her feet, the events the alarm had interrupted momentarily forgotten as she rushed out of her room on wobbly legs to get Eve. Luckily, the girl was already awake – it was quite possible she had only just returned a short while ago – and didn't need any convincing to follow Kara out of their apartment building.

It was only when she was standing safely in the parking lot along with everyone else who had sensibly followed fire emergency protocols that she allowed herself to think about what had transpired in the dream world. There was naturally embarrassment – a part of her still couldn't believe she'd done something so audacious – but it was outweighed by a general despondency over having been interrupted. Maybe things had been going a little faster than she had expected but she had been _really enjoying herself_ , damn it, and couldn't believe her horrible luck that an emergency had to happen at such an inopportune time.

That was when she heard it among the rest of the noise around her.

Sniggering.

Ever so slowly, she turned her head towards the source of the sound and concentrated.

What she heard made her blood boil.

Focused as she was on trying to see how serious the situation might be, Eve was bewildered when she suddenly felt a murderous aura emanating from the girl standing next to her and heard what sounded like complete gibberish. Confused, she turned to see Kara's features twisted into an uncharacteristically livid expression as she glared daggers at a group of guys their age standing at the edge of the crowd.

Eve took in their behaviour, looked back at Kara and very quickly put two and two together.

“Their stupid prank interrupted something, didn't it?” Eve asked even though she was sure she already knew the answer.

“ _Those idiots_ ,” Kara all but snarled, her furious gaze trained on her targets' faces, “ _are going to PAY._ ”

 

* * *

 

Over the course of the next few days, the culprits behind the fire alarm prank suffered a terrible run of bad luck. The washing machine ate half their socks. Their toilet got clogged. A foul smell began emanating from their apartment which turned out to have come from a few rotten eggs that had apparently rolled under the fridge. Other seemingly unrelated inconveniences like that.

Eve observed the spectacular outcome of Kara's latest prank from a safe distance with a watery smile on her face. “I feel like a proud parent for some reason,” she sighed as she wiped an imaginary tear from the corner of her eye.

On his part, Mon-El displayed an outstanding amount of wisdom for someone who was in his first relationship when he chose not to bring up the incident and quietly helped Kara plan her pranks like old times without asking too many questions. Besides, he saw no need to say anything as he was almost certain that it would happen again after she had satisfied her thirst for vengeance and calmed down.

He was right.

Except when she finally did and tried to pick up where they had left off, they had barely started kissing before they were interrupted again.

And this time, it was a real fire.

 

* * *

 

“I think my love life is cursed,” Kara groaned, her words partially muffled thanks to the fact that she was resting her forehead on their dining table.

“Now, now,” Eve said consolingly as she reached over and patted Kara's head as if she was a despondent puppy. “That's an exaggeration. It's just a couple of setbacks, that's all. You know the saying, 'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.' Oh, and of course there's 'third time's the charm'.”

“Yeah,” came the sarcastic reply, “and maybe the next time I try, an earthquake will hit National City.”

Eve swatted the blonde head of her best friend in annoyance. “Oh, don't be ridiculous. You make it sound as if the universe is conspiring to make sure you never get laid.” She paused. “Then again, this _is_ you we're talking about...”

Kara's only response was to groan again and start carefully banging her head on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REGRET NOTHING. (runs away while cackling evilly)
> 
> Out-of-the-blue PS: I'm pretty much a social media lurker-hermit but lately I've been feeling somewhat nostalgic for my fan forum days so I've been considering setting up a Tumblr account or something. Anyone have advice/want me to be more accessible so they know where to aim their pitchforks in the future? I've heard (and seen) how much of a hellsite it can be though (especially thanks to A Fandom I Will Not Name) so I'm a little wary...
> 
> PPS: On that note, the next update will take longer than my now standard two weeks. Maybe three. Or four, depending. For... Reasons. >_>


	17. Hymn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden realisation leads to an equally sudden yet somewhat expected decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (coughs)
> 
> So... I've taken the plunge and set up a Tumblr account. The url is raisedbyfandomwolves. I'm still figuring out how to use it but I at least know how to reply to posts and asks so you can send me any questions you might have about PiaD there or... actually, I have no idea. I'm mostly just praying I don't get anon hate or something equally unwanted.
> 
> ...And there's nothing else to announce.
> 
> (quietly nudges a few crates into view before scuttling away)

Absolutely nothing between them had changed.

At least, that was the impression Mon-El gave off with the way he behaved in the days following the two Incidents between them.

To say that Kara was a little frustrated was an understatement.

There was no doubt in her mind that he had enjoyed it as much as she had considering how enthusiastically he had kissed her back – among other things, that is – but it seemed as if he had no interest in actually initiating another Incident himself. Instead, she had been the one who had had to take the first step – _again_ – the second time.

Then they had gotten interrupted. _Again._

And just like before, he had proceeded to develop some kind of selective amnesia over the whole matter.

It was enough to drive her absolutely _insane_.

Adding to her frustration was the fact that unlike the first instance, she didn't even have a guilty party she could take it out on because the culprit who had caused the fire had done it unintentionally. Based on what she had overheard, the accident had been the result of one of their fellow students and tenants – Maya, if she remembered the girl's name right – falling asleep while making a late night meal and then waking up to find the kitchen in flames. Kara couldn't in good conscience add to the poor girl's woes especially when said girl was genuinely distraught over the matter just because she was feeling a little... cranky.

All in all, she was beginning to feel like they'd somehow switched roles and it was _she_ who was the Daxamite now instead of him.

The realisation did not improve her general mood in any way.

To make matters worse, the universe seemed intent on enforcing her belief that it was conspiring against her when even more unrelated issues disrupted her attempts to spend any meaningful time with him. Group assignments with people who refused to pull their weight, surprise quizzes, the random jerk on campus harassing freshmen... For some reason, someone or something would almost always put her in a foul mood so when she took her nap or went to sleep, she found herself more interested in venting or punching things than certain more mutually pleasant activities.

Furthermore, when she tried to get so much as some encouragement or even an idea as to how to solve her new dilemma, she was disappointed to learn that Eve would only offer her sympathies and nothing else. It was as if the girl was content with the fact that Kara now wanted to take her relationship with Mon-El to the next level and considered her work done. The only advice she seemed willing to give was to keep trying and “enjoy the ride”. (Kara didn't want to think about any possible hidden meaning in that statement. She'd found her courage to push things along but she wasn't _that_ bold.)

In short, she felt perfectly justified in thinking that her life _really_ sucked right now and no amount of food, however delicious, could make her think otherwise.

Not for lack of trying on her part.

She slumped in her seat and continued unenthusiastically poking her sticky bun with her fork as her mind replayed the last Incident. (Under normal circumstances, she would probably have been too embarrassed to even think about it outside of the privacy of her room but right now, she was just too frustrated to care. If memories of failed attempts were all the universe was willing to give her, then she was going to enjoy them whenever and wherever she pleased, damn it.)

_Giving in to her urge to seek revenge for something decidedly petty, Kara discovered, was almost as liberating as admitting that she was attracted to Mon-El on a very physical level. In high school, she had at least been able to justify her actions using nothing more than the fact that her victims were despicable individuals who deserved to be punished. In this situation, however, all those stupid guys had done was inconvenience a lot of people... and yet she had not let that stop her from making their lives miserable._

_It took over a week before she was finally satisfied. (Eve actually looked downcast when Kara told the girl that she was done. Apparently she had not been the only one who had been enjoying her little revenge marathon.)_

_Of course, once she had gotten THAT out of her system, she had turned her attention back to the event that had preceded and indirectly led to said revenge-fuelled pranks in the first place. And this time, she was feeling bold enough to skip the subterfuge and admit outright her true desires._

“ _Welcome back. So what's it going to be this time?” Mon-El asked her when she returned to the dream world. “Insect infestation? Some food dye 'accidentally' getting added to their clothes while they're being washed?”_

“ _Actually,” she started as nonchalantly as possible, “I think I'm done.”_

_He stood up a little straighter at that. “Is that so?”_

“ _Mhm.” One step after another brought her ever so closer to him. “I figured they've suffered enough.”_

“ _How magnanimous of you,” he noted dryly, a bemused grin curling his lips._

_By that point, she had gotten close enough that she could swat him on the arm. “Oh, shut up.” Then she brought her other hand up and lightly pressed both palms against his chest before casually sliding them upwards to rest them on his shoulders. “So...” she murmured as she looked into those mesmerising blue-grey orbs and her thumbs tapped an irregular rhythm against the base of his neck, “you and me...”_

_His expression was the very picture of clueless innocence but she did not miss the mischievous gleam dancing in his eyes. “Yes...?”_

_Damn him. Damn him and his love for teasing her. Why did he have to make things so difficult for her all the time? “Um... There was... s-something... happening between us before... you know...”_

_He hummed non-committally but let his mirth at her incredibly vague description of the Incident restore his grin from earlier. “Yes...?”_

_Her gaze darted between his eyes and his lips as she felt herself get bolder and bolder by the second. “And... I really... REALLY... want to get back to that...”_

“ _Do you now?” he asked in a deceptively calm voice although there was a slightly rough tinge to it that betrayed his true feelings. It also had the very interesting side effect of ratcheting up the heat coursing through her body by several notches._

“ _Yes.” She stepped just that little bit closer so that she could comfortably loop her arms around his neck. “And you?”_

“ _Me?” A hint of something borderline dangerous touched his grin, and the sight caused a delicious shiver to run down her spine. “I could give you an answer...” His gaze flickered down to her mouth for a split second and when it met hers again, what lurked in those blue-grey orbs could not be mistaken for anything but hunger. “...Or I could just show you.”_

_That was the only warning he gave her before his arms wound themselves around her body and he captured her lips in a searing kiss._

_The sound of her own muffled moan barely registered to her ears, her mind too inundated with other sensory information as well as the flood of blue-grey energy threatening to drown it with desire to notice that insignificant event. Instead, it busied itself cataloguing the feel of his body pressed against hers as she used the arms she had wrapped around his neck to pull him that little bit closer. To her delight, he was all too willing to match her move for move as the arm around her waist tightened its grip while the other hand slid up to rest between her shoulder blades and press her against him._

_Her body was burning up from the inside and the heat radiating off his body was doing little to help fix that._

_Yet he still wasn't close enough for her liking._

_As if he had heard that very thought and wanted to torment her even further, Mon-El broke the kiss and transferred his attention to her jaw, nipping and sucking his way up to her neck. Despite the hungry nature of his actions, there was an almost laid-back feel to the way he nudged her arm away to give himself more room and his hand moved higher to angle her head into a position that better served his needs. It all caused her body to begin warring with itself, torn between letting him continue his very pleasurable ministrations and redirecting his mouth back to hers so that she could continue kissing him. He took that decision out of her hands when his teeth grazed a spot that caused every muscle in her body to go slack against her will. A sharp whimper spilled from her lips as her knees buckled under her unexpectedly, and it was probably only thanks to the iron-clad grip he had around her waist that she hadn't simply collapsed into a boneless heap on the ground._

_His lips curled into a devilish smirk against her skin as the blue-grey energy filling her head gained an impish tinge, making it clear that he had intended to achieve that very effect. It ignited that spark of competitiveness that he seemed to awaken in her more often than not, and her unwillingness to let him win this round compelled her to shove him away just enough so that she could drag him back in for another scorching kiss-_

And that was when the fire alarm had caused her to wake up. Again.

Kara let out a misery-filled sigh as she gave her sticky bun another vicious and undeserved stab with her fork. Instead of helping, replaying the Incident was only making her even more frustrated. _I should just head back already_ , she thought glumly to herself as she finally took pity on her innocent food and shovelled what was left of it into her mouth before leaving the cafe. _It's almost evening and it's not like staying around out here is going to improve my situation anyway._

In hindsight, it was probably a good thing that she had been searching for something to distract her from her relationship woes.

Otherwise, she wasn't sure she would have noticed the prickling sensation at the back of her neck that put her on high alert.

Someone was watching her. Possibly even following her.

The realisation caused her to freeze in her tracks for a split second before she forced herself to relax and keep walking. This was it. This was what she had been training for since that fateful day. No matter how much she had hoped that she would never have to put her skills to the test, it seemed as if that dreaded day had arrived.

But unlike that instance where she had blindly fled her possible pursuer and prayed that she would not get killed, she was prepared this time.

At least, that was what she hoped.

 _No time for self-doubt, Kara_ , she scolded herself as she mentally went through her options and put together a rough plan before executing it. Ever so casually, she headed towards the nearest alleyway before darting around the corner and running down a path she had memorised long ago. Sure enough, her enhanced hearing caught the sound of thundering footsteps following her barely five seconds after she had made her move. It sent her heart racing but she suppressed her fear and kept going, choosing to focus instead on the fact that she was drawing her pursuer away from the crowds. At least this would ensure that there would be no collateral damage and she wouldn't have to worry about potentially exposing her secret. Now all she had to do was make sure she survived this encounter.

Easier said than done, of course.

The moment she reached one of her pre-chosen 'arenas', she skidded to a stop, turned around and waited with bated breath for her opponent.

She was not disappointed.

The cloaked figure that turned the corner let out a sinister hiss when it spotted her and yanked its shoddy disguise off in one rough motion to reveal an alien that looked like a cross between a komodo dragon and a mudskipper except with orange leathery skin. It wasn't any species she recognised, much to her regret, so she was going to have to improvise.

“We don't have to fight,” she tried reasoning with it in Kryptonian, hoping that the alien in front of her could understand her native language just like the alien from over a year ago. “I know my mother might have wronged you-”

That was as far as she got as the alien hissed loudly again at her, a cruel gleam dancing in its pitch black bulbous eyes, before it began running towards her with its sharp claws fully extended.

Biting back a curse at the unfortunately expected turn of events, she prepared herself for a fight and began quickly analysing her opponent for any potential weaknesses. So much for the peaceful approach. Either the alien hadn't understood her or had simply refused to respond, being clearly more interested in making her suffer than talking things out.

“I told you,” she could almost hear Mon-El sigh with a mixture of exasperation and concern. “Some of the aliens your mother sentenced to Fort Rozz actually deserved to be there.”

She shushed her mental recreation of him and focused on her rapidly approaching would-be attacker. When it leaped into the air with what she assumed was the intent of either crushing her under its clawed feet or ripping her throat out, she dodged to the side and timed her kick so that her foot would connect with its side the moment it landed. The strike, despite landing, failed to achieve the full effect she had intended as the alien snarled in pain but seemed otherwise unfazed. _Not enough force_ , she mentally noted and adjusted accordingly when she delivered a quick follow-up strike right to the alien's jaw when it turned towards her.

This time, her attack proved to be effective and the alien let out a pained snarl as its head snapped painfully to the side. Unwilling to give it any time to recover and lose her advantage, she delivered several more hard-hitting punches to its head in the hopes of knocking it out cold. Only her keen focus and quick reflexes, honed over countless rounds of training, kept her from getting caught by surprise when a clawed hand swiped blindly at her. She didn't miss a beat, stepping backwards just enough to avoid the attack without compromising her balance so that she could continue her assault immediately after that.

Unfortunately for her, that was all the alien needed because the next thing she noticed was that it was looking at her with a sadistic look in its eyes as its mouth opened wide. Her survival instincts kicked in and she ducked and rolled away just in time to avoid a viscous projectile that had been aimed at her head.

...Okay, _ew_.

The sound of something melting behind her told her that it had been a good idea to dodge the alien spit for more than one reason. It also told her that as much as she disliked it, she was going to have to be a little more aggressive if she wanted to come out of this mess unscathed.

“Don't say I didn't try to avoid this,” she muttered through gritted teeth as she used her superspeed to dodge yet another glob of acidic alien spit and get within striking range again. Taking advantage of the alien's surprise, she struck hard at its arm joints and tried not to wince when the sound of something shattering followed by anguished reptilian screams reached her ears. Nevertheless, she refused to let it dissuade her from continuing her assault as she delivered similarly disabling blows to her opponent's knees before grabbing it and throwing it into a nearby dumpster for good measure.

By the time she approached the alien's fallen form, it was clearly in no shape to keep fighting. However, she refused to take any chances and flipped it on its chest so that there would be no more surprise spit attacks before binding its limbs with some rusty pipes lying around.

“Do you speak Kryptonian?” she asked with her foot pressed firmly on its back to keep it from getting up. “I want to ask you some questions.”

The alien looked up at her as best as it could with a hate-filled gaze as it snarled something she was fairly sure was nothing fit for polite company.

“How do you know who I am?” she pressed, undaunted. “How did you find me?”

More angry snarling.

“Look, if you're going to keep threatening me – which is what I assume you're doing –, the least you could do is _make sure I can actually understand you-_ ”

The sound of heavy footsteps approaching caused her to pause mid-sentence and turn her attention towards its source. Six... No, seven people were coming towards her... and judging by the steady and purposeful rhythm of their footfalls, she had a feeling she knew who the people might be. A string of curses slipped out despite herself as she weighed her options. On one hand, she didn't like the idea of leaving the alien she had been fighting for them to find knowing how they were likely to treat it. Regardless of the fact that it had tried to kill her, it deserved a fair trail and not... whatever horrible things the DEO would likely do instead.

However, the last thing she needed was another confrontation with the DEO especially considering her present company's state. There would undoubtedly be questions about how and why she had subdued him – questions she had good reason to believe she was better off not answering – so it was for the best if she didn't stick around to get asked said questions in the first place.

In the end, was there an actual choice to be made? She couldn't be sure.

“I'm really sorry about this,” she said with complete sincerity as she stepped away from the still snarling alien before taking off further into the maze of alleys in the opposite direction of the approaching DEO agents.

(If she had stuck around, she would have gotten the shock of her life because there was no way she wouldn't have recognised her own adoptive sister despite all the tactical gear.)

 

* * *

 

“Welcome back,” Eve greeted her off-handedly, her attention mostly focused on her laptop. Then she paused and took a second look at Kara. “You look like you've been through hell.”

“That's because I might as well have taken a trip there,” Kara groaned as she walked past Eve and flopped down on the couch. “A Fort Rozz escapee – at least, I think it was one – found me and I had to fight him.”

“Oh my god!” Eve all but leapt out of her seat and hurried over to inspect her best friend for injuries. “Are you all right?!”

Kara waved away Eve's concerns wearily. “Yeah, I'm fine. I mean, compared to the aliens Mon-El has been using to train me, it wasn't particularly dangerous. Well, there was the acidic spit I didn't really expect and there's a chance its claws might have been poisoned or something-” She glanced up and caught the look of growing alarm on her best friend's face. “-but it was totally manageable,” she finished quickly and offered Eve her best attempt at a reassuring smile.

Unfortunately, Eve didn't seem all that convinced. “You don't _look_ like you're completely fine though even though I'm assuming you won.”

A grimace twisted Kara's features. “Yeah, well... I was kind of in the middle of questioning it after I tied it up when I heard the DEO coming.”

Eve visibly stiffened. It was not a surprise that the girl had developed her own distrust of the clandestine government organisation based on everything Kara had told her as well as her own experience with them over a year ago. “They didn't-”

“No, I left the scene before they arrived.” This time, Kara's smile was a little more genuine and she reached out to squeeze Eve's hand comfortingly. “They were most likely just tracking the other guy so there's a good chance they didn't even know I was there.”

To Kara's own relief, Eve relaxed just a little at that although it was obvious she was still somewhat worried. “Well, what's done is done.” She gave Kara a meaningful look. “Are you going to tell Mon-El?”

Just like that, Kara's mood soured immediately. “I have to,” she answered glumly as she flopped backwards and scrubbed her face with her hand. “I mean, I tell him everything anyway but even if that wasn't the case, this is too important for me to keep secret.”

The corner of Eve's mouth twitched. “Even if this will most definitely torpedo any chances of sexy times happening for the foreseeable future?”

It said a lot that the suggestion didn't even make Kara blush. “Please don't remind me,” she whined pitifully as she buried her face in her hands. “I'm miserable enough as it is, okay?”

Eve chuckled as she reached over and patted her best friend's head consolingly. “I'm sure the two of you will be able to find the time... eventually.”

“Maybe in the next century,” came the muffled grumble.

“Pessimism doesn't suit you,” Eve replied, her voice full of fond exasperation as she poked Kara's head good-naturedly. “Besides, you should be happy that he cares so much about you both in terms of worrying about your well-being and being so patient with how slow things are progressing between the two of you. I mean, a regular guy would probably be pushing the issue like crazy especially after the first time but he's still letting you take the lead. And considering what you've told me about his culture...”

“Yeah, well, it would be nice if he took a little initiative once in a while instead of leaving it up to me all the time,” she muttered grumpily.

“Now you're just finding things to complain about.” Eve swatted Kara's head before reaching out and tugging the girl to her feet. “Now come on. Let's have an early dinner so you can go to sleep earlier than usual and share the news with your literal dream boyfriend. I have a feeling you're going to need all the time you can get to calm him down after that.”

 

* * *

 

When Kara returned to the dream world, she was a little surprised to find herself standing in one of the many gardens that made up Daxam's royal palace grounds. The last time she remembered being here was that long stretch of eternity when she had still been unknowingly trapped in the Phantom Zone. However, all it took was a quick glance around for her to find Mon-El sitting at a set of stone chairs and table to the side. Unusually, he had not noticed her arrival and it did not take her long to figure out why.

“Hey,” she called out with a warm if slightly bemused smile as she slowly approached him. “What are you up to?”

At the sound of her voice, he jerked upright with a startled look on his face that quickly morphed into one that was a mixture of happiness and guilt. “Hey. Sorry, I didn't notice you'd come back.”

She shook her head. “It's fine. I can see you were a little preoccupied.” By that point, she had gotten close enough to see the setup on the kur'nlik board in front of him. “Is that what I think it is?”

“The Battle of Byr'nn Valley that Bal-Seg used to frustrate me with in this very garden? Yeah.” He offered her a sheepish smile as the chair he was sitting on transformed into a bench. “Can you give me a moment? I think I'm close to finally figuring out the solution that could have led to a victory for Tyf Uz. We'll continue your training after that, I promise.”

A smile curved her lips as she sat down next to him, ignoring the ample amount of space the newly formed bench provided in favour of pressing herself against his side. “It's okay. Take your time.” She really hoped he did, if she was being honest with herself. Knowing that he was going to devolve into a fit of worry the moment she told him about the alien that had attacked her made her want to savour the calm before the storm. It would most likely upset him a little more but considering the fact that his worry was going to last a good long while either way, she was more than willing to take the risk. Plus, delivering that bit of news was most definitely going to ensure he would not be in any state to contemplate kissing her so she really was in no hurry to prove that theory right.

He responded by wrapping his arm loosely around her waist and pulling her a little closer so he could press a soft grateful kiss to her forehead. The gesture allowed a flicker of blue-grey energy carrying a similar feeling of gratitude to flow into her head, warming her heart and soul even more. “Thanks. I'll make it up to you later.”

“You'd better,” she replied with faux haughtiness, earning her a chuckle and another quick peck on the forehead. Then, when his attention was no longer on her, she took the opportunity to study him. The sight of him lost in thought with his brows furrowed in deep concentration was not an uncommon one especially when he was overseeing her training. However, she rarely got the chance to fully appreciate it since she was usually focused on said training. Now that she thought about it some more, she couldn't even remember the last time they had been able to have a quiet moment where they had simply enjoyed each other's company like this.

That realisation made her even less inclined to tell him about what had happened... but she knew that it was necessary and delaying it for too long might give him the wrong impression. Besides, the sooner she got it out of the way, the sooner she could calm him down to the point where he would hopefully be anything but a nervous wreck when she woke up and left him here alone again.

 _Well_ , she sighed internally to herself, _here goes nothing._

Of course, her timing proved to be spectacular as always.

“An alien attacked me today,” she said just as he exclaimed, “I think I got it!”

The kur'nlik board vanished in the blink of an eye as Mon-El turned to stare at her with an aghast look on his face so quickly that Kara thought she might have actually heard his neck snap. “ _WHAT?!_ ”

Oops. That could have gone better... or maybe not. “Mon-El-”

Strong hands wrapped themselves around her shoulders, their grip one step away from being painful as he scanned her with a wild look in his eyes. “Are you okay?! Why didn't you tell me the moment you arrived?!”

“I'm fine. And to answer your question: Because I knew you'd react like this,” she huffed as she rested her hands on his but refrained from trying to pry them free of their perch. The flood of anguished concern that assaulted her mind the moment she initiated their mental connection was expected, and she immediately tried to soothe the agitated blue-grey energy with her own thoughts. “You always worry too much. I'm here, aren't I?”

“I ' _worry too much_ '?!” he sputtered disbelievingly, seemingly impervious to all her attempts to calm him. “ _That's only because you never seem to worry enough!_ ”

“I'm pretty sure I'll never worry enough for your liking,” she retorted although the sting of her words were blunted by the fond exasperation in her voice. “I'm _fine_ , Mon-El. I really am. The alien didn't even land a single hit on me. All the training paid off. So _please_... stop worrying so much.”

She could see when her words and thoughts began to slowly but surely have their effect on him but there was still a noticeable amount of genuine concern shining in those blue-grey orbs and radiating off the blue-grey energy. “I'm always going to worry about you,” he murmured, his tone a mixture of so many emotions it was hard to pick them all out. “You know that, right?”

A ghost of a smile played across her lips. “I do.” She released his hands so she could gently cup his face. “You trust me, don't you?”

His shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes as the grip around her shoulders loosened considerably. “...Of course,” he replied defeatedly, already aware of where she was going with this and unable or unwilling to find a way out of it.

“Then trust me to take care of myself.” She brushed his cheeks with her thumbs, the tenderness of the gesture matched only by the way she willed her thoughts to curl comfortingly around his. “You've taught me well. You still do. I'm okay. I'm always going to be okay because of you.”

It was only after the words had left her lips that she realised how much truth they carried.

There had been countless times in the past since her arrival on Earth that Kara had found herself wondering how different her life would have been without all this – if she had never met Mon-El in this strange world that lay somewhere between fantasy and reality.

She imagined what it would have been like to go from watching her home's destruction to arriving on an alien one in the blink of an eye only to discover that twenty-four years had already passed. She imagined how devastated she would have felt, learning not only that she had been stripped of the one responsibility that she had been entrusted with – the one thing she would have had to keep herself going in spite of losing everything – but also that the one surviving member of her family would give her away to strangers instead of take her in himself.

She imagined how she would have struggled, having no one with whom she could be Kara Zor-El. Being forced to sacrifice everything that defined her – to bury it all deep down in a desperate bid to fit in so that she could at least find somewhere to belong. To become Kara Danvers completely – someone who her new family would accept and love. To betray her true self in every fundamental way just so she could find her place in this new world she had never asked to inhabit in the first place.

For all she knew, there was a version of her out there in some alternate universe who had lived that life – who _still_ lived that life.

She, on the other hand... She had the dream world. She had Mon-El. Mon-El, who had been there by her side since the day the only life she had ever known had been wrenched from her in the most devastating way imaginable. Who knew her pain intimately due to having suffered a similar heartbreaking loss. Who had become her safe harbour and anchor as she had adjusted not once but twice to having her entire world turned upside down. Who had never wanted anything of her and simply accepted her for who she was even as she slowly changed over time.

As she continued to study him – this man who for all intents and purposes might never have crossed paths with her if not for what she could only believe to be Rao's divine intervention –, she thought about everything he had come to represent to her since their first meeting. Everything that he still represented to her now – possibly even more so than ever.

Warmth. Comfort. Safety.

Home.

She suddenly remembered that there was a moment, once, before she had started this half-life of hers where she had told him that she didn't mind eternity as long as he was by her side. Now... Now, she wanted nothing more than to be with him forever.

It struck her then just how deeply and fiercely she was in love with him.

When she pulled him in for a deep but slow kiss, she poured her heart and soul into it, wishing with all her might that their connection would allow him just once to hear the thought repeating endlessly in her head at that very moment.

_I love you. I love you so much._

The heat unfurling in her chest felt paradoxically new and familiar at the same time – some strange mixture of the glowing affection that had always been a part of their relationship and the fiery desire that had nearly consumed them twice now.

In that moment, she made a decision she had not expected to so much as contemplate when she had gone to sleep that night.

He responded to the kiss with a quiet passion that matched hers perfectly but seemed otherwise oblivious to the direction her thoughts had taken. However, there was a touch of something like cautious curiosity in the blue-grey energy swirling in her head that was mirrored in the way he looked at her when they parted and opened their eyes. It was clear that he had noticed the change in her even though he had no inkling as to its nature. “...Kara?”

Instead of responding, she silently pulled away just enough so that she could take his hand in hers, turn it over and brush her thumb across his palm before pressing a soft kiss to it.

The way his eyes slowly widened as he realised what she was trying to convey would have been comical in any other situation. “Kara... Are you... Are you sure?”

She had never been surer of anything in her life. “I wouldn't have asked otherwise.”

Silence reigned as they both stared into each other's eyes and the blue-grey energy in her head was so still it was impossible to read. “You're nervous,” he finally whispered just when she was on the verge of demanding an answer.

A blush dusted her cheeks despite herself. Of course. Sometimes she forgot just how well he could read her even without the help of their mental connection. “I am,” she admitted softly nevertheless. “I mean...” She swallowed and felt her blush heat up just a little more. “I... It's not like I've... you know... done this before s-so... It's only normal, right? Me being nervous, I mean.”

Like the blue-grey energy, his gaze was equally unreadable. “I suppose that's true.”

“S-So.” She fought the urge to fidget, and it was only then that she realised she was still holding his hand however loosely. “Your response?”

Ever so slowly, that very hand of his grasped hers, turned it palm up and drew a line down it from her wrist to the tip of her middle finger before bringing it close to his mouth so that he could press a feather-light kiss to the centre of her palm.

Throughout the entire thing, he never once stopped looking right into her eyes.

Despite the fact that Kara had been expecting it to some extent, his response still eased a knot in her chest and caused her to release a barely perceptible sigh of relief.

Naturally, Mon-El still managed to pick up on it – because of _course_ he did – and one of his eyebrows arched as he gave her a look that clearly communicated, “Did you really think I _wouldn't_ accept?”

She had to tamp down the urge to smack him for it and bit her tongue for good measure to stop herself from saying something that might ruin the mood. It was only when she thought she had a good handle on how she wanted to proceed that she finally spoke up.

Of course, getting rid of her irritation just caused her nervousness to make its unwelcome return, and her fingers began drawing abstract shapes on his palm as her thundering heartbeat filled her ears.

“S-So.” She cleared her very dry throat somewhat awkwardly. “I... um... Th-There's... I just want to talk to you about a few things before... w-well.”

To her relief, he chose not to comment on her stuttering or her inability to even name what they were building up to with every passing moment. “All right,” he murmured as the blue-grey energy in her head curled comfortingly around her thoughts in an effort to calm her fraying nerves. “What is it?”

Clearing her throat again, she decided to start with the matter that she believed was considerably less likely to trigger an unwanted reaction from him. “W-Well... um. C-Can we... Can we use my room? I-It's not that I don't like your room but-”

“Of course,” he agreed readily, further cutting off her flustered explanation with a soft kiss to her forehead that loosened the knot that had reformed in her chest. “I understand. Whatever you need.”

The gesture along with his words and the way it felt like his thoughts were slowly melding with her own warmed her very soul. “Thank you.”

His lips curved into a gentle smile. “It's nothing. What else?”

“...Well.” She carefully weighed her words before continuing. “I just want to... to say that... um... I'm telling you this because I'm not sure if you know, okay, a-and... well...”

“...Okay, now you're starting to make _me_ nervous,” he said warily as he grasped her still fidgeting hand so that he could squeeze it reassuringly. “Is it that bad, whatever 'it' is?”

“No,” she answered quickly, hoping to allay his worries even though she knew that the moment she finally shared what was really on her mind that all her efforts would be rendered moot. “It's not bad, I promise. You might see it that way but it's not.” She paused to take a deep breath and willed her hands to stop twitching, ignoring the way his expression clouded at the same time. “The first time when... you know... there's a chance that... it might hurt a bit for me.”

The moment the last word left her lips, his entire body stilled and the already agitated blue-grey energy in her head flared. “ _What?_ ”

“It's okay,” she quickly tried to calm him before he got too worked up. “It'll just be for a bit. At least, that's what I learned. It's nothing too serious. I'll be fine after that.”

“But I don't want to hurt you,” he whispered, his gaze full of genuine concern with a tinge of, bizarrely enough, guilt. For something he hadn't even done. Yet, anyway.

Something like fond exasperation edged out her nervousness as she fully processed the rather strange situation they had found themselves in. It was absurd, really, but then again nothing about their relationship could be considered 'normal' to anyone except them so maybe that was to be expected. “I know,” she murmured soothingly as she gently cupped his face. “And I'm telling you it's okay. I'll be okay. Mon-El... I want this.” She stared deeply into his eyes as she curled her thoughts around his, willing him to understand. “I want this _with you_. The reason I can tell you about this is because I've accepted it. Now I need you to do the same. Please. For me?”

She could tell that her words – her plea, most of all, because he hardly ever said no when she asked like that – were having the intended effect but there was still a trace of hesitation and doubt in his expression. “...How much will it hurt?”

“I don't know,” she replied honestly. “Regardless, it shouldn't be for very long. Just while my body... adjusts.”

A long pause ensued before he closed his eyes and let out a weary sigh. “...All right.”

Just like that, her nervousness made its unwelcome return and she let her hands fall from his face to find and loosely clasp his. “...S-So.”

The blue-grey energy in her head stilled once more as he opened his eyes again and locked gazes with her. “So.”

As one, they both slowly got up from the bench, and their surroundings shifted in the blink of an eye into her room... only instead of the bright red rays of Rao, it was the soft white light of Krypton's moons filtering in through the window.

It was the first time they had ever been in her room at night.

Her heart, which had regained its steady beat earlier while she had been trying to reassure him, began thundering in her ears once more.

This was real. This was happening.

He stared unblinkingly at her with an unreadable look on his face, but even though the blue-grey energy was as still as it could be, she could still sense the desire he was keeping in check for her sake.

It paradoxically calmed and stirred something in her at the same time, and she found the only sensible next step was to pull him in for a kiss that was somehow equal parts gentle and passionate.

A promise of things to come.

“Kara...” The husky way he murmured her name when they parted caused the heat coursing through her body to intensify and a shiver to run down her spine. “If you want me to stop at any point, all you have to do is tell me. Do you understand?”

She swallowed and nodded ever so slightly. “Y-Yes.”

The corners of his lips curved just a touch. “All right.” He cupped her face and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Remember: Just tell me to stop if you want me to and I'll stop.”

 

* * *

 

She didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I think that's a new record for a slow burn payoff?
> 
> On that note...
> 
> (goes into hiding forever)
> 
> EDIT:  
> If you are late to the party or playing catch-up and want smut, please pause here for a moment and go read The Undone and the Divine.


	18. Lull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many different kinds of conversations ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there are a lot of things to cover before we get to the chapter itself so I'm just going to go through them one by one.
> 
> First, if you wanted smut and missed it, please go and read The Undone and the Divine. That is all. (No really, I mean that.)
> 
> Second, my sincerest apologies to those of you who didn't/don't want to read smut and therefore had to wait a little longer for an update. There's only one plot-relevant reveal in that side story and that is Kara and Mon-El have never once had an actual conversation about their mental connection (and they keep it that way). It's the one part of their relationship that Kara has never shared with Eve.
> 
> Third, if you want an elaboration of the bit of Daxamite lore I touched on in The Undone and the Divine, please go here: raisedbyfandomwolves.tumblr.com/post/185295346832/piad-daxams-religion-and-the-rite-of-passage
> 
> Fourth, if any of you are worried about potentially missing future companion fics, you can track my Rounded with a Sleep series as that's where I'll be filing all the companion fics to Paradise in a Dream.
> 
> Last but not least, I would like to express my intense love for marshmellow (notsomildmanerred on Tumblr and notmildmannered on Twitter) for drawing a truly beautiful piece of fanart for this fic. If you have not already come across it and done so, please go show them some love for their amazing talent on either or both of those platforms. (Posts are here: notsomildmanerred.tumblr.com/post/184628828553 and twitter.com/notmildmannered/status/1124426582544637952 )
> 
> Now that that's all settled... (fluffs pillows)

 

* * *

 

It was the strangest thing.

She could feel the solidness of the bed beneath her and yet at the same time, she felt like she was floating – like she was drifting aimlessly in a sea of blue and grey.

The sheets and blanket were cool against her bare skin but it barely registered due to the cocoon of warmth she was currently trapped in but had no intention of escaping.

There was also the strange sense that she now had twice as many legs and at least one more arm than she should.

However, her mind treated all these contradictory and nonsensical information as nothing more than minor nuisances to be lazily brushed aside and ignored. Solving these mysteries seemed like too much of a hassle especially when she had better and more appealing things to do... like just lie here and enjoy her current extremely contented state. In fact, she didn't think she'd ever felt this contented in her whole life before. Not that she was actually trying very hard to check whether that was really the case, of course. She was much too preoccupied with the prospect of actually enjoying this current moment and saw no reason why she shouldn't do just that.

Mind made up, she snuggled deeper into the main source of the warmth enveloping her and was rewarded with the feel of the extra limbs smoothly moving to accommodate her. The action also caused a delicious amount of friction to dance across her skin at every single point where it was in contact with them and elicited a satisfied purr from her.

If she could stay like this forever, she thought distantly to herself, she had no need for anything else for the rest of her life.

“This is a first for me, just so you know.”

The familiarity of the voice as well as the randomness of the statement pulled her slowly out of her indolent state, and it was with no small amount of reluctance that Kara opened her eyes and looked up to meet Mon-El's unusually pensive gaze. It occurred to her then that it was a good thing they were already facing each other with him lying on his right side and her on her left because she _really_ didn't feel like moving any more than she already had right now. “Hmm?”

He raised the hand not currently resting on her stomach to tuck a stray lock of her hair behind her ear, and the tenderness of the gesture caused her eyes to flutter shut again. “This,” he murmured as his left hand lingered on her cheek. “Caring about who I'm in bed with. Doing nothing but lying here with them. Just... staying in the moment like this.” The look on his face when she forced her eyes open again was somehow both apologetic and awestruck. “I know they mean a lot to you – firsts, that is – and this means a lot to me too, I want you to know that, but... My people... We didn't really think much of these things so... I don't know if they're enough but... I can give you these, whatever they're worth.” A sliver of distress slipped into his gaze, his voice and the blue-grey energy that seemed to have become a permanent part of her very being. “Sorry, I don't know if I'm doing this right.”

His clumsy yet genuinely earnest words were so typical of him that she couldn't help the bemused smile that curved her lips. “It's okay.” She leaned up just enough to press a soft kiss against his lips. “I understand what you're trying to say. And thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

A quiet relieved sigh escaped him as his body relaxed. “I... It's the least I can do.” Then, just as quickly, it was over and his entire demeanour became troubled again. “Sorry, I, uh... I'm not sure but... I don't think I'm supposed to talk about other women when I'm with you? I mean, especially not when I'm _in bed_ with you.”

Fond exasperation caused her to roll her eyes at him, and judging by his baffled expression, it was not the reaction he had been expecting at all. “Well, context matters. I'm not saying I'm particularly _thrilled_ about it when you put it that way but...” A light blush dusted her cheeks. “You're not saying anything _wrong_ per se, so...”

“Ah.” The relief on his face was short-lived, and she got the sense that she wasn't going to like what he said next when it was replaced by mischief that was mirrored by the blue-grey energy in her head. “So wait, you're saying that it's fine if I talk about other women as long as it's in a way that compliments you?”

She sputtered, suddenly feeling far from relaxed in any way. “ _W-What? No-_ ”

“Because I distinctly remember _someone_ always getting _really_ upset with me whenever I so much as mentioned one of the women I used to know to the point of hitting me, stepping on my toes and causing me other kinds of bodily harm...” he continued with faux thoughtfulness. “Almost like... she was _insanely_ jealous...”

“Th-That was- _I-I was not jealous_ ,” she argued feebly, all too aware that her defensive tone was doing little to help her case.

“Crinkle,” he singsonged before lightly kissing said telltale furrow of her brow – the most obvious method she always gave herself away when she tried to lie.

“You really know how to ruin the mood, don't you?” she sulked as she began debating whether punishing him for his cheekiness was worth disrupting their very comfortable positions.

A hearty laugh burst out of him at that, something which only made her sulk even more. “Sorry.” He didn't sound sorry at all. “Like I always tell you, you're just so fun to tease. Not to mention the fact that you look really cute when you're annoyed. Can you really blame me for taking every opportunity to do it?”

“ _Yes_ ,” she grumbled and solved her silent dilemma by reaching out and pinching him. “And if this is you trying to apologise and make it up to me, you're failing. _Terribly._ ”

“I'm really sorry.” He twisted his features into an expression of comical seriousness.

She growled and pinched him again – harder this time – and allowed herself to feel some small measure of dark satisfaction when that earned her a soft ' _Ow!_ '. “No you're not.”

He pulled his hand back from her cheek – which was a shame, really, but she refused to let herself regret her actions – to raise it in surrender. “Okay, okay. I really am sorry this time. Can you find it in yourself to forgive me?”

“You haven't exactly done or said anything to earn my forgiveness,” she huffed as she pulled her own hand back and did her best to cross her arms over her chest. (She didn't exactly manage to succeed or achieve the effect she desired.)

“That's a good point. All right then.” He directed his gaze to a point above her head as he put on a show of giving the matter some serious thought although the rather impish state of the blue-grey energy in her head gave him away. “Let's see...” He met her gaze again and put on that devilishly charming smile of his that never failed to make her stomach do a flip or two. “What if I tell you that you're the most beautiful, most intelligent, most amazing, most _everything_ woman I've ever met in my entire life, much less taken to bed, and you are the first woman who has ever made me feel like I'm the luckiest man alive just because you chose me of all people to be with you like this?”

Heat spread across her cheeks despite herself. Damn him. Damn him and his stupid... _Mon-El-ness_. It was so unfair how he easily he could make her feel like this. All he had to do was flash that stupid smile and say stuff he'd probably said to hundreds of other women that he hadn't even meant and she would be completely gone. “You're only saying that to get out of trouble with me,” she mumbled as she ducked her head and tried to will her blush away.

“I mean it, you know.”

The unexpected seriousness of his tone and the way the blue-grey energy in her head seemed to be retreating from her mind caused her to look back up whereupon she found him studying her with an expression that looked strangely a little like... guilt. “...Mon-El?” she whispered questioningly.

“I...” His gaze slid away as if he didn't feel like he could face her. “Back on Daxam... It was a game they liked to play at parties and celebrations. The daughters of the noble houses, I mean. They'd make wagers between themselves about who could seduce me that night – or day, depending on the event – and do whatever it took to win. Sometimes, there were even... I suppose you could call them levels... to the bet. How quickly they could succeed, where we ended up, what tricks they could or couldn't use... that sort of thing.”

Tears pricked at her eyes as her heart broke a little for him. “Mon-El... I'm so sorry.”

Instead of comforting him, her words only seemed to make him feel even more guilty. “It's not like I didn't know what they were doing, you know. They didn't exactly make any effort to keep it a secret, after all. But I didn't care. I just wanted a distraction from... _everything_ ; it didn't matter how or what kind. I used them just as much as they used me.” A self-depreciating smile that didn't reach his eyes curved his lips. “I suppose you could call it a victimless crime.”

“Mon-El...” She raised her hand and cupped his face as she channelled all the love and affection she could muster and pushed it through their connection. “You deserved to be treated better than that. You deserve to treat _yourself_ better than that.”

“I don't know if I can believe that.” In that moment, he seemed more like a lost little boy than anything else. “I still don't know if I deserve to have you in my life.”

“You don't get to decide that,” she told him fiercely as she brushed his cheek with her thumb, wishing with all her heart that she could one day make him fully realise and accept that he was a far better man than he thought. “ _I_ do. And I say you do. I choose _you_. Do you understand? I'll _always_ choose you. _Please... stop fighting me on this._ ”

“...Okay,” he finally replied after a long pause, but she was almost sure that this battle was not quite as over as she would have liked much to her frustration.

Instead of continuing the argument, however, she decided to take the win, however temporary, and accept his response. “Okay,” she echoed before retracting the hand on his cheek in order to pinch him again.

“ _Ow!_ ” He stared at her in genuine bewilderment. “What was that for?”

“For being such an idiot and ruining the mood, what else?” she huffed with an annoyed air that was only half for show. “Just... be quiet already and let me enjoy this for as long as it lasts.”

The corners of his lips twitched and the blue-grey energy in her head glowed with silent amusement but it gave way to warm affection and a quiet kind of awe before she could get mad at him again. “I'd like that too.”

“Good.” With that, she closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into his embrace. When she felt his free hand begin rubbing soothing circles on her back, she let out an approving hum and arched lazily into his touch.

They stayed like that for Rao knew how long in comfortable silence before she brought it to an end. “I wish I didn't have to wake up,” she confessed quietly. “I wish I could stay here forever like this with you.”

The hand on her back stilled at her words, making her regret giving voice to her thoughts. “You can't,” he whispered, his voice and the blue-grey energy full of quiet sorrow.

“I know,” she sighed regretfully. “But you can't stop me from feeling this way.”

“I suppose not.” There was a long pause. “I wish we could stay like this forever too.”

Eager to salvage the mood she had unwittingly ruined herself, she opened her eyes to meet his sombre gaze and offered him a soft smile. “We could have something like this when I finally rescue you, you know,” she pointed out. “I want that. To be able to see you out there in the real world instead of leaving you here alone when I wake up.”

He returned the smile, and there was no mistaking the touch of hopefulness in his eyes and the blue-grey energy glowing softly in her head. “I want that too.”

Feeling far happier at his response than she should be considering the fact that she had been expecting it to some extent, she smiled that little bit brighter and gave in to the urge to kiss him before continuing. “Good. In the meantime, we'll just have to make do with what we have, hmm?”

A light chuckle escaped him and he matched her beaming smile with his own wry grin. “I suppose so.”

Of course, it had to be exactly that moment that a thought occurred to her which immediately soured her mood and caused her to close her eyes and groan miserably.

“Kara?” His alarm at her sudden change in demeanour could not be clearer. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, Mon-El,” she tried to deflect even though she knew that it was futile. “It's nothing.”

“It can't be 'nothing' if you're behaving like this,” he noted carefully. A gentle touch just under her chin caused her to open her eyes again and meet his concerned gaze. “Come on. Talk to me, whatever it is.”

A heavy sigh escaped her and she turned her gaze downwards, hoping that she wasn't blushing as much as she thought she might be. “It's just...” Rao, it was one thing to realise it and another thing entirely to say it out loud especially when she looked at the implications of where her mind had strayed. “My body – my real body, that is – isn't... going to remember this, I guess you could say.”

“...Okay, I, uh... need a little more clarification, if you don't mind,” he said after a pause, and it was only the fact that he sounded genuinely lost that convinced her he wasn't just doing this to tease her.

“W-Well.” She coughed awkwardly. “That is... I mean...” She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep fortifying breath. “It's... um... going to hurt again the next time we... you know... m-mate,” she finished and tried not to outwardly cringe at the way she'd tripped over the last unfamiliar word.

“Ah.” The muted sound caused her to meet his gaze again and find a grin curving his lips to her confusion. “So... this _is_ going to happen again then?”

The heat flooding her cheeks intensified. This time he really _was_ doing it to tease her, there was no doubt about that. “Th-That's... W-Well, I _want_ it to happen again,” she forced herself to admit if only because she didn't want to let him win this round. “Don't you?”

Unfortunately for her, that didn't faze him at all. Instead, he merely closed his eyes and nodded sagely with an expression of faux seriousness. “Of course.” The devious state of the blue-grey energy in her head further confirmed that he was still very much messing with her. “But you know...” he trailed off with a suddenly husky voice as he opened his eyes and pinned her with a gaze that seemed almost... predatory – a combination that did... _things_... to her that she was too flustered to name. “There's a very obvious solution to that problem.”

“O-Oh?” she squeaked timidly, feeling for all the world as if she had just walked right into a trap... only she couldn't quite tell if she regretted it or not. “Wh-What... um... What would that be?”

In the blink of an eye, she found herself flat on her back with him looming over her, and the now all too familiar position they were currently in caused the heat that had slowly started coiling under her belly to ratchet up a few notches. “Well...” he drawled as his blatantly hungry gaze raked over her body like a physical touch before slowly making its journey back up to meet hers again. Already potent in its own right, its effect was intensified by how the blue-grey energy mimicked his gaze in its own way, seeping deeper into every fibre of her being and filling her from the inside out with a ravenous desire that her body was all too willing to respond to in every way it could. “It just means that we should... make the most of this moment and every moment like it in the future.”

The implication of his words was not lost on her, and it was with great difficulty that she forced the next words out of her mouth. “A-A-Again?” she squeaked. “R-Really?”

He smirked at her, and the dangerous glint in those blue-grey orbs sent a shiver running down her spine. “Kara, you _are_ aware that you invited none other than the crown prince of Daxam to share your bed, are you not?”

 _-DANGER, DANGER-_ , some small part of her brain screamed in a blind panic but it was silenced with lightning speed, overwhelmingly outvoted by the parts that had every intention of maintaining the current situation and seeing it through to a highly anticipated outcome. “Th-That is... Um...”

“And as the crown prince of Daxam... well. I _do_ have a reputation to maintain, you realise. One I'm sure you've heard of in passing at the very least... and one I'd like to prove to you is completely justified instead of merely hearsay,” he casually stated as the tips of his fingers began lazily dancing up and down the side of her thigh. Feather-light though it might be, his touch left trails of fire in its wake and caused her to bite back a whimper and her eyes to flutter shut as the sensation slowly but surely robbed her of the ability to form even one coherent thought. “But only if you want me to, of course.”

“...M-Maybe... _ah..._ ” Her already weak will to resist his tempting suggestion continued to crumble into nothingness with every languid stroke of his fingertips and thundering heartbeat that filled her ears. “M-Maybe... just... one more time...”

“Of course,” he agreed readily, murmuring his next words against her skin as he leaned down to press soft torturous kisses along her shoulder and neck. “Just one more time.”

(He did not keep his word.)

(She saw no reason to complain.)

 

* * *

 

Eve woke up the next morning feeling strangely as if the cosmic energies of the universe had somehow drastically shifted sometime during the night. Confused, she sat in bed for far too long as she tried to figure out why she could possibly be feeling this way before finally giving up and getting out of bed.

When she opened her room door, she was presented with a possible reason as to why she felt the way she did.

The apartment was spotless. So spotless she could swear she could see her reflection on the kitchen countertop.

“What the hell...?” she mumbled out loud as she surveyed the apartment's pristine state. It wasn't as if they lived in a pigsty or anything thanks to the fact that Kara was a bit of a neat freak and she herself wasn't a fan of dirty living spaces but this was _insane_. Was there even a speck of dust floating in the air? She couldn't tell. And speaking of which, where _was_ Kara anyway?

At that very moment, the sound of keys jingling outside the front door reached Eve's ears and none other than Kara walked- no, _waltzed_ in as if the very thought had summoned her, holding a box of confectioneries in her free hand with two steaming cups balanced carefully on top. “Morning, Eve!” the girl chirped with a bright smile on her face when she realised her flatmate was already awake although she seemed completely oblivious to the fact that said flatmate was still in her sleepwear and looking utterly confused.

“...Good morning?” Eve said for lack of anything else to say. Okay... what in the world was going on? Kara was naturally a happy person – whenever the universe wasn't busy making her life miserable anyway – but this was just... extreme. “What's up with you?”

“Oh, nothing,” Kara replied, her megawatt smile still firmly in place as she placed her precious cargo on the kitchen counter. “It just feels like a good day, that's all.” Then she picked up the drinks, spun on her heels and practically bounced over to hand one to Eve. “Here, I got you your favourite.”

“...Thank you?” Despite accepting the drink, Eve just held the cup without taking so much as a sip, her attention too focused on her best friend who in contrast happily continued consuming her own drink while her free hand began picking out something to eat from the box. Something was definitely off... but what? What could possibly-

Then it clicked.

“OH. MY. _GOD._ ” Eve pointed an accusatory finger at Kara with her free hand, her eyes wide with shock. “ _YOU HAD SEX LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?!_ ”

The mouthful of tea Kara had just swallowed exited her mouth in a spray of fine mist. “ _W-W-WHAT?!?!?!_ ” she choked out between hacking coughs.

“ _YOU DID!_ ” A noise that sounded like the unholy child of an evil cackle and a victorious cheer escaped Eve. “ _YOU TOTALLY DID!_ ”

By that point, the red splotches on Kara's face had very little to do with her coughing if the wild panicked look in her eyes was any indication. “I-I-I have no idea what you're talking about!” she sputtered unconvincingly in the squeakiest voice that Eve had ever heard.

“ _Don't lie to me, Kara!_ ” Eve advanced on her prey with a manic grin on her face worthy of the Joker. “Now spill! How was it? Was it good? It was good, wasn't it? How many times?”

“I-I-I...” With every prying question that was thrown in her face, Kara took one step back until she bumped into the kitchen counter and ran out of room to escape her tormentor. “ _I-I-I'm not telling you anything about last night!_ ” she retorted in a last desperate act of defiance.

“ _AHA!_ ” Eve crowed triumphantly as she came within a hair's breadth of stabbing the lens of Kara's glasses out with her finger. “ _SO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU TOTALLY HAD MIND-BLOWING SEX LAST NIGHT!_ ”

“ _TH-TH-THAT IS NOT-_ ” There was a sudden gust of wind, and suddenly Eve found herself staring at thin air. It took looking towards the front door for her to locate her still red-faced prey who had her hand on the doorknob. “ _I'M LEAVING!_ ”

“Okay, _fine_.” Eve raised her hands in mock surrender and let out a theatrical sigh of defeat. “I'll stop prying if you just answer one little question for me.”

The internal dilemma over whether to accept Eve's sudden and suspicious capitulation or continue with her escape plan played out on Kara's face like an epic battle, and there was a rather long stretch of silence before she finally spoke up. “...What question?” she asked warily.

Impossibly, the grin that twisted Eve's face managed to look even more maniacal than the one that had preceded it. “How big is he?”

Kara's face was borderline purple as she sputtered incoherently for almost a full minute before she practically wrenched the front door clean off its hinges in her haste to escape. “ _GOODBYE, EVE!_ ”

Not even the sound of the door slamming shut could drown out Eve's demonic cackling as she raised her still untouched drink in a toast. “ _Atta boy, Mon-El!_ ”

 

* * *

 

 _I'm never going back there_ , Kara swore to herself as she scurried as far away from the apartment as possible with as much speed as she could manage without attracting unwanted attention, all the while doing her best to banish the heat scorching her cheeks. _Never ever ever. Even if I have to camp out in the library for the remainder of my studies._

 _-You DO realise that's probably the first place Eve would go to look for you, right?-_ that calm and rational voice at the back of her head piped up.

 _...Okay, fine_ , she conceded somewhat grumpily. _I'm sure there's another apartment I could rent somewhere. Or maybe a hotel room._

_-With what funds exactly?-_

...Maybe she could just live in a homeless shelter or something.

In Australia.

_-You DO realise you're being completely irrational, don't you?-_

_Oh shut up_ , she growled back irritatedly. _I don't hear YOU coming up with any good ideas._

The bizarre and technically one-sided argument was abruptly brought to a halt by the sound of her phone ringing. Dread at the thought of Eve being on the other end of the line caused her to freeze in her tracks and contemplate just letting it go to voicemail as it kept ringing but she ultimately decided to pull her phone out of her pocket.

A gusty sigh of relief escaped her when she saw the name blinking on the screen.

Of course, that relief was replaced soon enough by a sudden urge to be a little mischievous.

“Hello, who is this?” she said when she answered the call in an innocently oblivious voice.

“Excuse me?” Alex's voice was full of righteous indignation. “Is that how you greet your precious favourite big sister?”

“You're my _only_ big sister,” Kara pointed out flatly. “And I don't know about the rest because is this the same big sister who I haven't seen in ages because she keeps cancelling on me – _at the last minute, mind you_ – every single time we're supposed to meet up?” A somewhat childish pout formed on her face. “You were the one who said we'd get to spend more time together now that you were going to be living and working in National City. How is this any different from the time when you were still studying halfway across the country?”

This time, Alex sounded genuinely irritated... but not at Kara. “Yeah, well, I wouldn't cancel on you if I could but-”

“But your boss is a big fat jerk who seems to hate you as much as you clearly hate him?” Kara finished.

“I seem to remember using language that was a lot stronger than that whenever I talked about him.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Good for you. Still not going to repeat what you said verbatim.” A sigh escaped her as the brief moment of levity passed as quickly as it had manifested. “I still don't understand why you won't just quit and get a new job if it makes you so miserable.”

“I told you,” Alex replied simply. “It has great benefits.”

The hand not holding the phone got thrown skyward in a classic expression of exasperation. “What kind of benefits is worth all this?”

“Great dental plan,” came the deadpan response.

A frown creased Kara's brow. It was always a different and obviously untrue answer each time she asked a variation of that question. Alex was clearly determined to keep the real reason she was so attached to this job of hers a secret and while it definitely gave her a bad feeling for some unfathomable reason, something told her that she might never find out the truth. Maybe that would change someday in the future but until then, there was nothing she could do but play along. “Right. Anyway, why did you call?”

“Well, I happen to have the morning to myself today so I was wondering if you'd like to meet for breakfast.”

“I'd love to,” Kara replied automatically as a smile bloomed on her face. This was a golden opportunity that killed no less than three birds with one stone. She would not only have the chance to see Alex again after so long but also have a welcome distraction from her current troubles. Last but not least, it gave her a very valid reason to stay away from the apartment – and by extension Eve – for just that little bit longer. Then she paused. “Wait, you're not going to cancel again on me, are you?”

“I swear I won't this time,” Alex insisted strongly. “I might be a bit late though – my car's in the workshop and I need to get it back first – so pick a place, text me the address and I'll meet you there. You already know what I like so go ahead and order first for the both of us.”

“All right. See you in a bit then.” With that, Kara ended the call before tapping her phone against her chin. It might be a little self-serving but she needed to avoid her usual hangouts if she really wanted to make sure Eve didn't manage to hunt her down. After some deliberation, she finally decided on a cafe she remembered hearing about in passing and texted the address to Alex before making her way there, all the while praying that her supposed best friend wouldn't think to look for her there. Luckily, Rao seemed to have taken mercy on her this one time because there was no crazy blonde flatmate waiting for her when she arrived at the cafe and so it was with a sigh of relief that she sat down, placed her order and patiently waited for Alex to arrive.

Of course, that and sitting at the table she'd picked with a fresh cup of tea in front of her allowed her thoughts to stray... and they naturally strayed in the direction of the events of last night.

She started blushing fiercely and was forced to take a long sip of her drink in order to try and mask it.

Last night... Oh _Rao_.

It was such a bad idea to even think about it right now in public but the door had been opened and she couldn't help herself; the memories came to the forefront of her mind in fuzzy and fragmented pieces but whatever details she could recall were more than enough to cause the heat flooding her cheeks to ratchet up a few notches and spread throughout the rest of her body.

She remembered how his kisses had been tender at times and bruising at others, the way his hands had scorched her skin as they seemingly tried to memorise every curve of her body, how attentive he had been to her every need and worry, the sweet reassurances he had whispered into her ear to calm her nerves, the way the blue-grey energy seemed to weave itself into the very fabric of her being until it had become hard to separate one person's thoughts and emotions from the other's... but most of all, she remembered with crystal clarity the way her body had responded so readily to his every touch and word.

It shocked her a little even now how... _alive_ he had made her feel... just as it had shocked her then to realise how much she craved that experience again and again – to be with him body, mind and soul to such an extent that it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began.

Her eyes slid shut of their own volition at that point as she gave into the temptation to replay the last moments prior to her waking up. Feeling the pull of the real world, she had resisted for as long as she could – far more than she ever had before – and stolen one last desperate kiss in the final moments when she realised she was fighting a losing battle. As a result, the taste of him had lingered on her lips even as she groggily opened her eyes, and what had followed was a confusing battle between her mind which was fixated on recalling as much of the night's activities as it could and her physical body which vehemently insisted that it had experienced none of what had transpired in the dream world.

The disorientation was nothing new; after all, there had been other mornings before this one where reconciling the events of these two halves of her life had been a bit of a struggle. It had been particularly commonplace during her initial training sessions where she had gone from feeling like she was on the verge of dying from pain and fatigue to the feeling of limitless strength and complete invulnerability that Earth's yellow sun granted her.

This time, however... This time was different in the best possible way.

She had been utterly exhausted, yes, but for a far more pleasurable reason in comparison and when the dust had settled for the most part she had no longer felt exhausted. In fact, she had felt like she was positively bursting with energy – as if she had somehow gotten supercharged with a concentrated amount of yellow solar radiation – and before she knew it, she had been seized in a ridiculous fit of giggles out of the blue. She had felt like she could do the most impossible things – ten at once, even – and if superhero work had been on the table, she would likely have shot out the window to stop five armed robberies and hauled a stranded tanker to port along with the tugboat that was supposed to do the job. Who knew, maybe she would have even found the time to do something as completely random as help deliver a litter of puppies too along the way.

As none of those options were available to her, however, she had opted for cleaning the entire apartment from top to bottom, even going so far as to scrub the bathroom until it was sparkling. (If she had used her powers to do any or all of those tasks, well... There was no one to tell on her.) When that had failed to help her expend all her 'extra' energy, she had decided to go for an early morning walk and buy Eve and herself a nice big breakfast from their favourite bakery.

Of course, that hadn't turned out very well for her in the end.

A shake of the head helped her rid herself of that thought before it could fully take root; she was safe from Eve for now and wanted to avoid thinking about that particular nightmare for as long as she could.

Especially when she had much more... pleasant... things to think about at the moment.

The blush that had receded when her trip down memory lane had led to Eve's interrogation made its triumphant return then as a giddy fit of giggles seized her. Rao, she was behaving like some silly lovesick schoolgirl instead of the grown woman she was supposed to be... and that didn't even take into account her 'true' age. She was hard-pressed to care though, and took another sip of her drink to smother the next burst of giggles that spilled out of her.

“Well, _someone_ seems happy this morning.”

For the second time in approximately an hour, the mouthful of tea that Kara had been about to swallow came back out of her mouth in a spray of fine mist. Choking and sputtering, she looked up to find none other than Alex grinning impishly at her as she slid into the empty seat across from her. “A-Alex!” she managed to get out in a rather squeaky voice between hacking coughs. “Don't sneak up on me like that!”

Instead of apologising or even looking remotely sorry, Alex merely shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. “It's your own fault for being so distracted that you didn't see or hear me coming. And that look on your face... If I didn't know better, I'd say you had sex last night.”

It was perhaps fortunate that she was still trying to recover from her earlier coughing fit because Kara was pretty sure that there was no way she would have been able to explain her fiery blush and sudden bout of extreme stuttering otherwise. “ _E-E-Excuse me?!_ ” Rao, was there some giant neon sign hanging over her head or something?! Or was she just being that obvious?!

“You heard me.” Alex waved her free hand in a lazy all-encompassing gesture in Kara's direction. “You've got that 'I got laid' aura thingy around you which... well, I remember my university days just fine and I don't think I need to explain how I learned to recognise it.”

Oh Rao. How was she going to get out of this?! “I-I-I...” _Think, Kara, think._ Lying was not an option since Alex would be able to figure it out immediately but neither was telling the truth for obvious reasons. What could she do?

In the end, she picked something in between.

“I-I just... had a really nice dream last night,” she mumbled, hoping against hope that it would be enough to prevent any more forthcoming questions.

Alex's grin gained a sly edge to it. “Must have been one hell of a dream.”

_-Oh, you have NO idea.-_

Kara shoved the unhelpful thought out of her head before it could make her blush again and cleared her throat decisively. “ _A-Anyway_ , enough about me. How's work?”

It was such an obvious attempt to deflect the conversation in the opposite direction that for a moment Alex looked like she was going to press the issue before she seemed to decide that Kara had suffered enough for now. “The usual. Ran into some trouble the other day but it unexpectedly got resolved for the most part with minimal effort.” Then she seemed to study Kara with a searching gaze. “What about you? Anything out of the ordinary happen recently?”

Because her brain was currently incapable of recalling any event earlier than last night, it completely slipped Kara's mind that an alien had in fact tried to kill her just yesterday. “Nope,” she replied with genuine sincerity. “Nothing at all.”

Something like a strange mixture of confusion and relief flashed across Alex's face at that which puzzled Kara but it vanished so quickly that the Kryptonian finally decided she had simply imagined it. “That's good then,” Alex said with a satisfied smile. “How are your studies going? Any lecturers giving you a hard time?”

Beyond glad that the conversation had been successfully redirected to a safer topic, Kara eagerly shared updates about the ongoings at National City University with her adoptive sister. They continued chatting casually for a while as they consumed their food at a leisurely pace before a sharp ringing from Alex's pocket interrupted them. Even though a part of her had been hoping that it would be nothing important, Kara knew from Alex's irritated expression when she read the text she had just received that her job had once again interfered with their time together.

“Sorry,” Alex muttered as she jabbed at her phone somewhat viciously. “Looks like I'm needed at the office already.”

“It's fine,” Kara replied with a smile and a shake of her head. “I should probably get a move on myself. I'm glad we got to meet this time at least.”

“Same here.” Alex moved in for a hug, and when they parted she was sporting a sly smirk. “And maybe next time you'll be grinning like an idiot again because you finally got yourself a boyfriend.” Her smirk became just a little bit wicked. “Or more.”

And just like that, the scorching blush from earlier came back with a vengeance. “When I find the guy of my dreams, I'll let you know,” she let herself say. Maybe it was a bit of a risk but she was feeling a little reckless – invincible, even – and certainly way too happy to be able to stop herself from sharing some of her happiness with her adoptive sister even if indirectly. Besides, it was the truth, after all; she hadn't quite sorted out the complicated details surrounding how she was going to introduce Mon-El to everyone just yet but she desperately wanted them to accept him not only as an invaluable part of her life but also as someone worth knowing all on his own.

“I'm going to hold you to that,” Alex laughed, clearly unaware as to the true meaning behind Kara's words. “See you around then.”

With a smile and a wave, Kara left first without looking back even once.

If she had, she might have wondered why Alex was staring at her so seriously.

 

* * *

 

Alex frowned as she watched Kara disappear into the crowd with an unmistakable bounce in her step. That conversation had not gone the way she had expected. When her team had been assigned to track down that lizard-like Fort Rozz escapee yesterday, it had not escaped her attention that the area it had been spotted in was close to one of Kara's favourite hangouts. Fear for her adoptive sister's well-being had overridden her fear of the true nature of her job being discovered by said sister and she had pushed herself as much as she could as they had followed the alien's tracks into the maze that was National City's alleyways.

That fear had turned into confusion when she and her team had found the alien disabled and tied up with the individual responsible for it nowhere in sight.

To say that she had had questions would be an understatement.

Having been trained to be suspicious of coincidences, she had thought of Kara first. It was absurd, she knew – Kara was not a fighter and besides, where would she even have gotten this level of training anyway? – but she needed to be sure so she had decided to call Kara up the next morning and arrange to meet. Then, under the guise of casual conversation, she would see if Kara knew anything about the incident.

Kara was completely oblivious.

It had replaced her old suspicions with new ones – surely that enhanced hearing would have picked up _something_ – but she was so overcome with relief that she decided it was fine. The last thing she wanted was for Kara to be made aware of just what kind of danger was stalking her, much less the true nature of her big sister's job.

She would be lying, however, if she said that all this wasn't weighing heavily on her... and that weight was getting heavier with every passing day.

Her grip on her phone tightened as the rage and bitterness that had been festering in her since the man who was now her superior had shown up at her house to threaten Kara's life and drag her father away to his ultimate death rose up inside her once again.

It had cost her so many things already – the family life she had known, the future she had imagined for herself, the relationships she had outside of her family, however briefly they had lasted – and there was nothing to suggest that that would change anytime soon.

“I don't understand why you're so... _angry_ all the time,” Jenny had said once in the midst of one of the many arguments they had had leading up to their eventual breakup. “And _god_ , Alex... the _secrets_. None of your relationships are ever going to work _if you won't goddamn open up to other people_.”

At some point, she had decided to just give up and focus on her mission. Her vendetta.

And she didn't care what she needed to do to keep herself going.

“I need a drink,” she muttered to herself as she headed for the nearest bar.

 

* * *

 

Oblivious to her adoptive sister's true state of mind and pretty much nearly everything else in the world at the moment, Kara all but skipped her way down the street without any real destination in mind. Nothing – literally _nothing_ – could ruin her good mood right now and there was a moment where she was almost sure she had actually floated about an inch off the ground. Luckily she had caught herself just in time and passed it off as a hop but even that near-mistake had failed to put a dent in her buoyant mood.

Only the realisation that her feet had automatically started taking her back to the apartment where Eve was likely lying in wait for her to return got her to come to a screeching halt both physically and emotionally.

Eve had figured out what had happened last night all on her own and Alex had somehow managed to guess the same thing as well even though she didn't know about Mon-El at all.

“Am I really being _that_ obvious?” she mumbled as she raised a hand to touch her face and was unsurprised if a little mortified to find that she was blushing yet again.

She looked up then to stare at her reflection in the large display window of the shop she had happened to stop right in front of when she had realised the danger awaiting her back at the apartment.

The woman looking back at her had bright eyes, flushed cheeks and a smile that was positively infectious if a little self-conscious.

In short, she looked...

... _happy_.

So, _so_ unimaginably happy.

The last time she remembered ever feeling like this had been the morning after they had both admitted they liked each other.

And just like that, it suddenly stopped mattering that Eve was probably lying in wait back at their apartment at that very second and devising the best way to interrogate her about last night.

She wanted to see Mon-El – to be with him in whatever capacity she could. Right now. And if that meant potentially running into her would-be best-friend-turned-sadistic-interrogator, then so be it.

The Kryptonian in her balked a little at the abrupt and highly illogical decision. First of all, it began lecturing her in a voice that sounded like it was on the verge of turning a little shrill, she had a schedule – a timetable which said that she was supposed to be at the library at that very moment and if she started walking right now, she could still squeeze in about half an hour of extra reading before she had to go for a group study session. Secondly, there was the Eve problem – the unholy terror that was going to hound her for details that she was dead-set on keeping all to herself. If she really wanted to stay as far away from Eve as possible, the last thing she should do was go to the one place that would make it all too easy for her to be caught.

But she didn't care. Opportunities to nap and therefore spend time with him outside of her regular sleeping hours were going to be few and far in-between once she finished her studies and started working. It was an issue that had weighed on her mind every now and then for the past year following her promise to visit him as often as she could. Before last night, that realisation had usually filled her with feelings of guilt and trepidation but now...

Well, it would be wrong not to take full advantage of every single opportunity available to her now before they disappeared, wouldn't it?

Mind made up, she shoved the still protesting voice of order and logic out of her head and began making her way back to the apartment. (She may or may not have walked just a little faster than usual. There might even have been a skip or two somewhere in there.) It was only when she was close to her destination that she finally slowed down and concentrated. To her surprised relief, her enhanced hearing did not pick up any sounds of activity coming from the apartment, much less a heartbeat. Apparently Eve had in fact decided not to camp out and wait for her to come back. Rao must be feeling generous today, she surmised as she started walking again.

Then she found a piece of paper stuck to her room door.

'YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM ME FOREVER, KARA,' the note declared ominously in bright red marker ink.

...In some alternate universe, that girl was definitely a supervillain, Kara was sure of it.

Well. That was a thought for another time. Right now... she had a Daxamite to visit.

At that, the energy buzzing inside her that had been dampened by her discovery of Eve's threat came surging back with a vengeance. Tossing the piece of paper in her hand into the rubbish bin as she entered her room and locked the door behind her, she quickly put away her glasses and all but threw herself onto her bed without even bothering to change or get under the covers.

Unsurprisingly, she was so giddy that she actually needed to recite her meditation chant in order to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

If not for the fact that she recognised the place she had materialised in as one of the cosier reading rooms in Daxam's royal library, Kara was sure that she would have thought that she was reliving last night from the very beginning. Seated at the only table in the room, Mon-El was once again completely oblivious to her return, his attention completely focused on the kur'nlik board in front of him. Even the setup of the board was exactly the same... which, when she thought about it, was unsurprising considering she had pretty much caused him to forget the potential solution to that dilemma.

Of course, there was no reason she had to greet him the same way as last night. With that thought in mind – which should have made her a little self-conscious except most of her inhibitions had gone out the proverbial window in light of recent events –, she walked over and alerted him to her presence by sliding into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and capturing his lips in a deep kiss. His surprise was impossible to miss what with the way his back stiffened and that was all she could feel coming from the blue-grey energy that filled her head the moment their lips touched. To top it off, he took a while to respond to the kiss but relaxed soon enough much to her satisfaction and brought his hands up to rest on her waist as he kissed her back.

“Hi,” she breathed against his lips when they finally parted for air, her giddy smile still firmly in place.

“Hi,” he replied with a lazy grin as his thumbs began tapping a hypnotising rhythm against her sides. “Have you been looking that obviously happy since you left?”

Her smile slipped a little as she pulled away and began eyeing him suspiciously. “...What if I say yes?”

The grin twisting his lips gained an unmistakable edge of smugness as did the blue-grey energy coiling around her thoughts. “Then...” he trailed off for dramatic effect, “I'd be inclined to feel very proud of myself, that's all.”

She rolled her eyes as she mentally debated whether to smack him or not. “Please don't. Your ego is insufferable enough as it is already.”

“Fine, fine,” he sighed although the mischievousness in his grin and the blue-grey energy in her head did not fade even a little. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

“You say that and yet you're still acting so obnoxiously smug,” she sulked. Despite her simmering annoyance with him, however, she made no move to get off his lap or even unwind her arms from around his neck.

As it turned out, that fact did not escape his notice. “Well, the most beautiful woman in the universe _is_ sitting on my lap right now so I think I have every right to behave this way.”

Just like that, her irritation vanished and was immediately replaced by a mixture of embarrassment and happiness. However, her pride would not let her hand him the win that easily so she did her best to maintain an indifferent demeanour. “S-So basically you'll be a lot less smug if I get up?”

“I suppose,” he conceded as he closed his eyes and his expression turned serious for a moment... but there was an undeniable glint in those blue-grey orbs when he met her gaze again that caused her pulse to quicken. “But...”

Heat flooded her cheeks and she subconsciously licked her lips. “...But...?”

It should have been impossible, yet the expression on his face as he leaned in ever so slowly was both lazy and predatory. “You know, there are... other things... we could do instead...”

The feeling of his warm breath fanning across her face and the hungry nature of his half-lidded gaze made forming words difficult, and the way the blue-grey energy was curling around her thoughts only made it worse. “L-Like...?” she rasped, her eyes sliding almost completely shut of their own volition as she leaned in a little herself.

His lips were so close they were almost brushing hers when he spoke the seductive words...

“Like continue your training.”

Her eyes snapped open in shock and she pulled back instinctively to gape open-mouthed at his incredibly impish expression. “ _What? Noooooooo_ ,” she whined childishly as she leaned in again to try and kiss him in the blind hope that it would convince him to change his mind.

“ _Yeeeeeesssssss_ ,” he drawled as he pulled away and maintained the distance between their faces, the laugh he was barely holding back all too clear in his voice.

“ _Mon-El..._ ” It didn't matter to her that she was acting like a spoilt brat right now. “Can't we just postpone it to my next visit? _Please?_ ”

“A Kryptonian asking a Daxamite to embrace truancy. Oh, this truly is a moment for the ages.” In complete contrast to her petulant demeanour, he was practically radiating with glee – an impression that was only strengthened by the fact that the blue-grey energy in her head was doing exactly that. “Even so, I'm still saying no.”

“ _But Mon-El-_ ” she started, ready to argue her case with everything that she had.

“Kara.” The suddenly serious tone of his voice when he said her name and the stillness of the blue-grey energy made her stop, and she realised that while he was still smiling there was something other than mirth in the curve of his lips. “You promised.”

“...Okay.” With a sigh, she unwound her arms from around his neck and got to her feet somewhat regretfully. “Let's start then.”

The reading room disappeared the moment he stood up from his seat and was immediately replaced by the usual arena they used for her training sessions. “Thank you,” he murmured as he reached out and squeezed her hand in a gesture of gratitude.

Despite the change in the atmosphere, however, a trace of the boldness that had led to the rather shameless way she had greeted him upon her return remained. “W-Wait,” she said as she gripped his hand tightly to keep him in place when he started moving away.

He obeyed immediately, but there was an understandable touch of curiosity in his gaze and the blue-grey energy when he turned around to look at her again. “What is it?”

“J-Just... um...” she began faltering as the last traces of her bravery from before began to fail her. “I-I was wondering if... if we could... implement a-a... reward system? Y-You know, for doing well in my training?”

One of his eyebrows arched. “...A reward system,” he repeated neutrally.

She swallowed nervously. “Y-Yeah.”

“I see.” Neither his expression nor the blue-grey energy in her head gave anything away. “And what kind of rewards are we talking about here?”

“W-Well...” The urge to shuffle her feet and fidget was overwhelming. Apparently the events of last night were not quite nearly enough to eliminate _all_ of her inhibitions. “M-Maybe... like... a kiss?”

“A kiss, huh?” His lips twitched, the ghost of his trademark teasing grin tugging at their corners. “ _Just_ a kiss?”

Her cheeks burned as she glowered at him. “Are you really going to make me say it out loud?”

“But if you don't give me the specifics, how will I know what is the appropriate reward?” he asked with faux innocence.

“ _Mon-El..._ ” she whined as she smacked him in the chest with her free hand. “Stop teasing me and just- mmph.”

“For a Kryptonian,” he murmured when he broke the kiss, his voice deliciously low and rough, “you are quite the temptress, Kara Zor-El.”

It was a miracle that she could string two words together in her current state – even more so that the words had come out to form a reasonably decent rejoinder. “It's your own fault. You've been a terrible influence on me throughout all the years we've known each other.”

Bemusement flowed into her head through their connection as the corners of his lips twitched again. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” she replied firmly before her nervousness caught up with her again and it became a struggle to maintain eye contact once more. “S-So...”

A weary sigh escaped him, all traces of humour gone from his being, but he pressed a soft, quick kiss to her lips before she could ask him if that was a 'no'. “All right. Now stop stalling and let's begin.”

“I wasn't _stalling_ ,” she protested but let herself be pushed gently in the direction of the centre of the arena.

“Of course you weren't,” he replied dryly, and just like that his demeanour was a little less serious again.

It loosened the knot in her chest somewhat to see him like that, and she thought to herself that she could maybe be okay with his teasing if it kept his darker thoughts at bay.

Because she had recognised the emotion that had been in his eyes and the blue-grey energy in her head when he had reminded her of her promise to take her training seriously – an emotion that had continued to lurk in the background even as the conversation had taken a lighter turn:

Fear.

Fear of losing her.

The events of last night represented the natural progression of their relationship to her but she was sure that to him, the stakes had been raised and that train of thought had started to consume him sometime between her departure and her return.

He needed her to be safe now more than ever.

It wasn't as if she ever had any intention of letting herself get killed – especially not before she rescued him – but she thought she could understand where he was coming from.

Maybe it was silly but it felt like... like she was _this_ close to getting everything she had ever wanted for the past few years. Like it was just in front of her, tangible and within reach, and all she had to do was work a little bit harder and be a little bit more patient.

Then... Then her dream future would become a reality.

“Are you ready?”

Mon-El's question drew Kara out of her thoughts, and she looked back to see him staring at her, completely unaware of where her mind had been and how appropriate his question was on more than one level.

She smiled. It didn't matter; her answer was the same anyway. “I've never been more ready for anything in my entire life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to feel like these two idiots are their own biggest moment killers...
> 
> Anyway, I'd like to ask if anyone has any opinions about who Alex should hook up with in this fic as I understand that she's gotten a new love interest on the show. Would you guys like to vote on this? You can even pick someone outside of her canon love interests (I heard Alex/Sam was somewhat popular in S3). Either way, let me know. If not, I'll just default to Sanvers.
> 
> Also, who wants to read about Eve's interrogation of Kara over her first time? It's not part of my master plan because I feel like it's not all that crucial to the plot but I can put it in a companion fic if you guys want it.
> 
> EDIT:  
> Since people requested it, I have delivered. Please read EVE: Exceptionally Villainous Entity.


	19. Adulthood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets an apartment and a job. (She wishes one of those two things hadn't happened.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don't mind if I take a few creative liberties with a few mundane real-life things for this one.

“No take.”

Kara frowned at the extremely vague answer. “I'm sorry?”

“No take,” the Bokkolid repeated in a somewhat agitated voice as his spindly fingers pushed her outstretched hand closed and away from him.

“I don't understand,” she responded, doing her best to keep her own frustration out of her voice even as she prayed that her Orzsion – the one language they both supposedly knew enough to be able to communicate with each other – was as good as she remembered. “Are you saying you have what I want but won't sell it to me or that you don't have it at all?”

“No take!” Now clearly irritated, the alien began waving his hands in the air in a shooing motion. “No take!”

At her wit's end, she turned around to direct a desperate look at Sui who had been silently watching the entire exchange while leaning casually against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “A little help please?”

The corners of Sui's mouth twitched as her eyes twinkled with barely concealed amusement. “Did you not say that you had it all under control before this?”

Kara couldn't help but sulk a little at the friendly jab. “That was before I realised the language barrier was going to _this_ hard to overcome.”

A full-bellied laugh escaped Sui as she uncrossed her arms and pushed herself off the wall before lumbering over. “All right, I will speak to Zinork on your behalf. But I cannot guarantee the results you desire.”

“Thank you,” Kara heaved a relieved sigh as she stepped back to give Sui the space she needed. “I'm sorry; I know I said that all I needed from you was help finding someone who might have the parts I need and leading me to them but it looks like I'm going to have to rely on you a little more than I expected.”

Sui hummed sympathetically and patted Kara's shoulder when she was close enough. “There is no need to apologise. I know how much this means to you and there is no shame in requesting assistance. As my mother told you during our first meeting, we are more than happy to help you in your quest.”

Squeezing the furry hand before it released her, Kara offered Sui a smile and another soft word of gratitude before moving further back towards the entrance of the Bokkolid's den. It was not long before the air was filled with the hushed sounds of Sui speaking to the Bokkolid in a language she didn't recognise – his native tongue, perhaps – and she was left with nothing to do but wait. A heavy sigh escaped her as she opened the small pouch in her hand to look at the marbles she had brought for the transaction she had been intending to make but now seemed would not be happening.

Marbles – or just pretty orbs in general – as currency... for this Bokkolid, at least. It would be absurd if she hadn't already learned from Mon-El long ago about how every Bokkolid developed its own unique currency based on what they obsessed over. This made it a challenge to deal with them but their reputation as one of the best scavenger species in the universe meant that they were some of the best sources for second-hand technology regardless of the original source.

She sighed as she closed the pouch and tucked it back into her bag. So much for thinking that it would be relatively smooth sailing once she had figured out an actual plan on how to get Mon-El to Earth. It had seemed so simple at the time: find a way to send a deep space transmission to his shuttle that mimicked what the unidentified Coluan on Fort Rozz had done to her pod and he would be safe and sound with her before she knew it.

Then the finer details and complications of said plan had reared their ugly heads one after another.

At first, she had thought about using the Mount Pride Observatory in National City as her means of sending said transmission before she realised that there was no way of doing something like that without attracting unwanted attention. The last thing she wanted was for Mon-El to arrive on Earth only to fall right into the hands of the DEO who... She didn't want to imagine what they might do to him.

“Besides,” Mon-El had commented after voicing his agreement when she had shared her thoughts on the matter with him, “based on what you've told me about how backwards human technology is, you can't be sure they have anything sophisticated enough to overcome the Well of Stars' space-time disruption field. I mean, you're probably better off just building something out of sticks and stones.”

She had thrown a pillow at his head for his unhelpfulness, and a pillow fight had naturally ensued.

(Someone may or may not have 'mysteriously' lost their shirt sometime during said fight.)

After the fight had ended and they had finally gotten back on topic, they had discussed their options extensively until she had come up with a plan to build her own transmitter from scratch using whatever alien technology she could get her hands on with the help of Tae and Sui. That would not only solve the issue of the transmission's strength but also give her a way to cloak said transmission so that it would not be detected by any unwanted parties.

Of course, that hadn't even taken into account the other obstacle which was the transmission itself... and that involved recreating whatever the Coluan had done to her pod. How she was going to do that still escaped her.

Well. One problem at a time.

The sound of heavy footfalls drew her back to the present, and Kara looked up to find Sui approaching her with an uncharacteristically sombre look on her face. “...I'm going to guess that you don't have good news,” she said as her already faint hopes began to fade to oblivion.

Sui shook her head grimly. “It would seem that since my last communication with Zinork, someone broke into his stash and stole the parts you were looking for. His hostility earlier was due to his suspicion that you might have something to do with it. Thankfully, he has proved receptive to my support of your trustworthiness and is willing to do business with you if there is anything else you would like to purchase from him.”

“Oh, I see.” A frown creased Kara's face despite her words. Someone else was trying to build a transmitter of some kind or something that used similar components at the very least? To what end? And the fact that they had resorted to stealing the necessary parts instead of acquiring them legitimately... It gave her a bad feeling.

“Kara Zor-El?”

The sound of her name snapped Kara out of her troubled thoughts to find Sui staring at her worriedly. “Sorry, Sui,” she tried to ease the Hozz'n's concerns with a weak smile. “Could you tell Zinork that I'd like to buy anything he has that could be substitutes for the parts I'm looking for even if they're not as good? I mean, I'm here already and I'd like to not leave empty-handed.”

“Very well.” Sui turned and gestured for Kara to follow. “I profess that my knowledge of the technology you are looking for is rather limited, much less what could serve as an appropriate replacement, but I will interpret for you and Zinork. May the spirits favour you in this matter.”

Thankfully, it seemed as if Rao or the spirits did in fact decide to have mercy on her as she managed to buy several useful components that served her needs despite them being less than ideal. She would need to make some modifications and perhaps even figure out what other parts from what potential sources she might need to make up for anything she couldn't work out on her own. Even so, something was better than nothing, and so she was reasonably satisfied when she finally departed from Zinork's den with a lighter pouch and a bag full of alien components that would have been heavy if not for her super-strength.

“The spirits are kind today,” Sui commented as they made their way out of the junkyard that Zinork and several other Bokkolids called home. “Perhaps not as kind as they could be, but one should neither take such things for granted nor ask for more.”

Kara merely hummed her agreement as she made sure to keep her head down, her attention once again drawn to the other aliens milling about the junkyard. Just as when she had arrived, it broke her heart to see the abysmal state that so many aliens on Earth were forced to live in. The Bokkolids might be more than happy with their 'accommodations' due to their way of life but the same could most likely not be said for the other races. There was no small amount of guilt as well, knowing that it was basically nothing more than good luck that had kept her from sharing their fate.

(It was funny – the depressing kind of funny, not the laugh-inducing funny, that is – how what allowed her to blend in so well among the humans made it risky for her to walk around others with whom she shared so many similarities.)

“Would you like me to take that for you?”

Once again, Sui's rumbling voice dragged Kara back to reality, and she looked up to find the Hozz'n had extended a hand out towards her. “Huh?” she replied eloquently.

The look on Sui's face was one of concerned puzzlement as she poked Kara's knapsack. “Your parts,” she clarified somewhat needlessly considering her actions. “You are headed off to look for a new home of your own, are you not? Carrying your new purchases through the city would be an unwise choice for many reasons. Besides, as my mother and I told you when you first shared your plans with us, you are more than welcome to have a small space in our home for you to build your device. So please.” She opened her hand and said nothing more.

“...All right,” Kara caved as she slid her knapsack off her shoulder and deposited it in Sui's open palm by the straps. “I can't thank you enough for this, Sui. I wish there was some way for me to return all the favours I owe you and your mother.”

Sui merely shrugged as she tucked her new luggage under her arm. “It is of no trouble but if you insist, perhaps you would like to help us with our next harvest?”

“I'd love to,” Kara beamed. “And considering I'm doing all this to save Mon-El, I think it's only fair that he should do his part to repay you as well when he finally arrives here on Earth.”

A loud chortle escaped Sui before she began eyeing Kara with an unreadable look. “Perhaps. But before that, would you not prefer to take care of other more important things?”

Utterly lost, Kara could only blink in utter confusion. “Like what?”

“Breed,” Sui answered simply as if it was the most natural thing to say apropos of nothing.

Kara stared.

And stared.

When her brain finally rebooted, she still ended up gurgling for a good long while before her ability to string two words together functioned again. “ _Wh-Wh-What?!_ I-I-I... Th-That's... I-It's a little too soon for that, isn't it?!”

It was Sui's turn to blink confusedly. “Are you not yet of breeding age?”

Oh _Rao_. “W-Well, yes, b-but-” Kara flailed her arms comically, “i-i-it's just... We're not at that stage yet!”

Sui's frown was accompanied by a tilt of the head. “But you are the last of your kind aside from your cousin. Does this not concern you?”

All at once, Kara's mortification gave way first to speechless surprise then an unexpected crushing sense of... loneliness. “I...” It was suddenly hard to speak. “There's still time.”

“If you say so, then it must be so.” Despite her words, it was clear that Sui was unconvinced.

Kara thought she could understand where the Hozz'n was coming from though; the survival of every Hozz'n clan relied on there always being a new generation to take over when the elders passed away and joined the spirits on their endless journey across the universe. The idea of there being no more than two of their kind left in a clan, much less their entire race, was probably a downright unthinkable and terrifying concept to them.

But there was another reason Sui's simple statement had caused her mind to go down a dark path – to pursue a train of thought that she should have considered much sooner.

It was not something she wanted to think about at all.

Somehow, Kara managed to muster up a smile as she bid Sui farewell before taking her leave, all the while doing her best to focus on her current objective which was her apartment search instead of... other topics.

She was in the middle of almost literally burning a hole in the list of apartments she was holding when the sound of a commotion in front of her drew her attention.

“Stop! Thief!”

When she lifted her head, it only took her a few seconds to ascertain the situation: A guy in a hoodie was running towards her with a purse gripped in his hand and an old woman was lying on the ground a good distance behind him. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had just transpired, and her chest began burning with righteous anger. Without a second thought, she stepped forward in the path of the snatch thief and stuck her leg out to trip him when he tried to sidestep her.

Just as expected, he fell forward with his arms flailing wildly before hitting the pavement with a rather satisfying crunch – his nose, probably – as the purse went flying in the air. A satisfied smirk twisted her lips as she deftly caught it with her free hand even as she waved over the policeman who had started running towards her when he had heard the initial shouting. Once she had given her statement and information, she went to check on the old lady who had by this point been helped to her feet by a good Samaritan.

“Are you all right?” Kara asked worriedly as she held the purse out while the man who had been looking after the old lady took his leave and rushed off to get to wherever he had been going before. “Here, I believe this is yours.”

“Oh, thank you, dear.” To Kara's relief, the old lady didn't seem to have any injuries beyond a few scrapes on her hands and knees. “Yes, I'm fine. I really can't thank you enough for everything you've done.”

A relieved smile curved Kara's lips as she shook her head. “It's okay. I didn't do it for any kind of reward. Is there anything else I can do for you? Would you like me to walk you home or wherever it is you were going?”

“Goodness, dear, there really is no-” Then the old lady suddenly stopped mid-sentence as she caught sight of the piece of paper in Kara's hand before looking up again with an intrigued expression. “Are you by any chance looking for a place to stay?”

“Huh?” Thrown by the seemingly random question, Kara had to take a moment to realise what the old lady – whose name she still didn't know, she realised – was talking about. “Oh! Um, yes.”

The old lady began smiling, an undeniable twinkle in her brown eyes. “Well then. In that case, I do believe I'll accept that offer to walk me home.”

Understandably confused as to what the two things had in common with one another, Kara nevertheless put it out of her mind and returned the smile. “I'd be happy to, Mrs...”

“Ida. Ida Needleberg,” the old lady finally identified herself as she gestured down the street. “And you are?”

“Kara. Kara Danvers,” Kara replied as she began walking alongside Mrs Needleberg.

“Kara,” Mrs Needleberg repeated with quiet admiration. “What a lovely name. Now...” The twinkle in her eyes gained a touch of slyness to it. “Tell me, Kara: Is there someone special in your life right now?”

The unexpected question caused Kara to trip over thin air, and it was only thanks to her fast reflexes that she hadn't faceplanted into the pavement. Just like with her past interactions with Alex's grandmother Helen, she was painfully reminded about how elderly humans seemed to have no shame when it came to asking incredibly personal questions – that they had no business asking in the first place, no less – in the most straightforward manner imaginable. “Ummm...”

“Because if you don't-”

Oh _Rao_. She had a feeling she knew where this conversation was headed and she did _not_ want to go down that road. “Actually, I do,” Kara practically squeaked, half out of desperation to cut Mrs Needleberg off and half out of sheer mortification that she had to admit this to a complete stranger. “H-He's... um... His name is Mike.”

“Oh, that's wonderful.” Thankfully, Mrs Needleberg seemed pleased instead of upset at losing the opportunity to play matchmaker. “And is he here in National City too?”

“Um, no, he's... um... overseas.” Which was only true if one considered several galaxies to be very large space oceans, that is, but there was no need to mention that.

“A long-distance relationship! How interesting. Oh, here we are.” They stopped in front of a cosy-looking building. “Come on up, dear. The least I can do is offer you some tea as a token of gratitude for your help earlier. Please, humour me a little. I don't get a lot of visitors these days and I promise I won't keep you for too long.”

“I... All right,” Kara caved with a defeated sigh as she began following her soon-to-be host up the stairs. “It would be my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.”

“No, dear; thank you for agreeing to spend some time with little old me even though it's clear you were in the middle of something. On that note, how is your search for an apartment going?”

“Not as well as I thought,” Kara admitted with a weary sigh. “I mean, I know I can't be too picky since I _am_ just a fresh graduate – I haven't even gotten a job yet – and I'm currently overstaying my welcome at my best friend's home even though she and her parents keep telling me it's fine but I don't want to end up somewhere that isn't safe or convenient.” Although she technically didn't really have to worry about being in an unsafe neighbourhood unless Kryptonite-based weapons had suddenly become commonplace without her knowing, she still wanted to not have to worry about someone breaking in to rob her.

“Two very valid concerns especially for a young lady like yourself,” Mrs Needleberg agreed sympathetically as they finally ran out of stairs – which puzzled Kara because an old woman like her living on the highest floor seemed somewhat inconvenient, for one – and continued walking down the corridor before finally stopping in front of a door. “Here we are,” she announced as she pulled a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door. “Come on in.”

When she stepped inside, Kara had expected a home filled with antiques, knick-knacks and maybe family photos decorating an entire wall... but the apartment she was currently standing in was quite bare. In fact, the living room didn't even have a single piece of furniture. “You live here?” she couldn't help but ask in disbelief.

“Heavens no, dear.” At the admission, Kara turned on her heels to stare at Mrs Needleberg who she found was wearing a kind if somewhat impish smile. “I'm the landlady of this building and I own this place, yes, but I live on the ground floor. This is where my grandson was living for a few years while he was working here in National City. He moved out when his company promoted him to a managerial position in Coast City a few months ago and I haven't quite been able to find a suitable new tenant. Until you, that is.”

“M-Me?” To say that Kara was stunned was an understatement. “B-But we just met and you barely know me!”

Mrs Needleberg simply smiled that little bit wider. “I know enough and I can tell a good person when I see one. You seem like a perfectly nice girl and I would be more than happy to let you stay here. I allow my tenants to have pets too, if that happens to be one of your concerns.”

“I'm not sure...” Kara trailed off weakly even as her gaze swept across the apartment and her mind began cataloguing all the other ways it had everything she had been looking for in a place of her own. Great location, the chance to bring St'rki over from Midvale to live with her, easy access to the roof due to being on the topmost floor which suited her rooftop-hopping trips to the Hozz'ni encampment, more than enough space for one person...

…or just enough for two people who had no real concept of personal space when it came to each other due to having spent more than a literal eternity together.

“It's rent-controlled,” Mrs Needleberg added bemusedly.

Oh, now she just wasn't playing fair. “Okay, okay,” Kara acquiesced, holding her hands up in surrender for added effect. “I won't be able to move in straight away but I'd love to stay here.”

“Excellent.” Mrs Needleberg beamed and clapped her hands decisively. “I'll hold it for you then. Now, I do believe I promised you a nice cup of tea.”

 

* * *

 

Mon-El wheezed in pain when Kara chose to greet him by tackling him from behind and squeezing him as tightly as she could manage.

“Hi,” she giggled as she pushed herself up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss near his ear.

“Hi.” He twisted his head as much as he could in order to try and meet her gaze. “I hope you know I was in the middle of remembering how the story about that wandering Gorrin mercenary ended – you know, the one _you've_ been pestering me to finish for ages – so you'd better have a good reason for this frankly unwarranted attack.”

Her smile faded a little at that. She really had been looking forward to hearing the end of that story. Oh well. There was always another time. “I found an apartment,” she announced rather proudly.

“Really? That's great!” His hands clasped hers and gently loosened their grip around his waist so that he could turn around to face her with an expression of genuine happiness which was mirrored by the blue-grey energy that had flowed into her head the moment he initiated their connection. “And you said you were going to have a hard time doing that. How long did it take? Three days?”

“Four,” she corrected him. “But close enough.”

“That's still pretty fast. How did you manage that anyway? Did you negotiate a good deal? Or did you just get lucky?”

“W-Well, um...” She coughed awkwardly. “I... kind of stopped a guy from stealing an old woman's purse and she offered to let me stay at an apartment she owned as a reward.”

The tinge of mischief that appeared in his eyes and grin as well as the blue-grey energy immediately made her regret admitting the whole truth. “Saving the day and profiting off of it, Supergirl?” he teased her, resurrecting that ridiculous superhero name he had bestowed upon her years ago. “Doesn't that violate some superhero code of ethics?”

“Hey! It's not like I did it because I was expecting a reward, okay?!” she protested heatedly as she pulled away to glare at him more effectively. “And don't call me Supergirl any more! I'm twenty-two years old already!”

“You say that and yet I'm still taller than you,” he gloated as the blue-grey energy radiated unapologetic smugness. “ And after all that talk about overtaking me when you were older at that.”

Fuming, she pulled away entirely to cross her arms in front of her chest and glare murderously at him, breaking their connection in the process. “That was ages ago! And if you don't stop teasing me about it, I'm not going to show you the apartment!”

“Okay, okay. I'll stop.” True to form, however, his grin was still quite impish even as he raised his hands in surrender. “Show me.”

Kara glowered at him for a while longer until he looked a little more genuinely contrite before letting out a huff. “Fine. Close your eyes,” she instructed him and waited until he had done as he was told before creating the apartment around them. “Done.”

Mon-El let out a soft whistle as he slowly surveyed the somewhat sparsely-furnished loft. “Not bad. I mean, this seems at least a touch bigger than what you were hoping to get, isn't it? Although I'm guessing it's not supposed to be quite this empty.”

“The previous tenant took most of his things – which apparently wasn't much to begin with – with him when he moved out,” she explained as she watched him poke around the kitchen area with an air of open curiosity. “I kind of prefer it this way, actually. It'll be a bit more of a hassle and I'll definitely have to spend a bit more money but I want to be able to choose what I want to put in and where I want to put it.”

“Can't argue with that,” he admitted with a nod of his head as he moved on to check out the bedroom.

“O-On that note, um...” _Get it together, Kara._ “I-I was wondering i-if... you'd like to make any suggestions? About the furniture, I mean.”

That got him to stop his inspection of the bathroom and come out to stare at her in confusion. “Why? I mean, not that I'm not flattered that you think I can give good advice about stuff like this but... it's your place, after all.”

“W-Well, yes, but...” By this point, holding his gaze had become so difficult that she couldn't help but glance down at her fidgeting hands. “I-I was thinking...”

“...Kara?” There was an unmistakable note of cautiousness in his voice.

“Move in with me,” she blurted out in a rush as her head jerked up before she caught herself and flushed bright red. “I-I-I... Th-That is... What I meant to say is... Do you want to stay with me? When you finally arrive on Earth, I mean.”

He stared at her, his eyes wide and his expression unreadable, but said nothing.

The silence compounded her nervousness, and she began babbling if only to try and stop her heart from sinking even just a little. She had thought that he would be at least a little happy when she made her proposal; instead, he didn't even seem receptive to the idea. Where had she gone wrong? “I-I mean, you don't have to, of course. I get it, you know? I'm the only person you've had any contact with in forever – _literally_ – and I would totally understand if you want to... to not spend almost all of your time around me-”

“Hey.” He cut her off with that one syllable as his hands gently cupped her face and tilted it up so that they were looking into each other's eyes once again. Their connection restored, the blue-grey energy immediately entwined itself around her thoughts and emitted wave after wave of soothing energy. “I do. I would love to stay with you.”

Confused, she could only stare up at him uncomprehendingly. “Y-You do? B-But then... why...”

Just like that, his demeanour and the blue-grey energy became troubled and it was his turn to look away. “I... I don't know if I should answer that.”

“Mon-El?” She reached up for his hands and gently pulled them away so she could squeeze them comfortingly. “Mon-El, whatever it is, I want to hear it. So tell me. Please.”

When he met her gaze again, she recognised the emotion swimming in those blue-grey orbs as... guilt. “It's just...” His eyes darted all around their surroundings before settling on her face once more. “All this costs money, doesn't it? I mean, I never once had to worry about something like that back on Daxam but when I arrive on Earth...” He faltered, and the absence of blue in his eyes showed just how much this was affecting him. “I just don't want to be a burden.”

Her heart broke a little at his confession but she tamped down her tears and offered him a soft smile. “Hey. Don't say that,” she chided him gently as she pushed all her love and affection for him through their connection. “You'll _never_ be a burden to me, okay? And don't worry about it so much. I've been saving up what I can all these years and when I finally get a job, I'll have even more money at my disposal. If I have to, I'll borrow some money from Bruce and pay him back later.”

“But-” he protested.

“No,” she cut him off firmly. “No 'buts'. I got all the support and help I needed when I first arrived and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you have that too when you get here. It wouldn't be fair on any level to expect you to just adjust to life on Earth in such a short span of time – especially not enough to get a job of your own and start earning money to pay for all your living expenses in a matter of days.” A soft sigh full of fond exasperation escaped her as she sent him a gentle nudge through their connection. “We'll work it out when the time comes, all right? And we'll do it together just like we've done with everything else we've gone through. Okay?”

“...Okay,” he finally breathed, his shoulders sagging in a mixture of relief and resignation as he leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. “You know it's probably not going to be the same as being here, right?” he gently cautioned her.

She shrugged ever so slightly. “It doesn't matter to me. I'm happy as long as we're together.”

That brought his smile back, and the blue-grey energy began glowing softly with quiet affection. “Me too.” Then he pulled away and swept his gaze across the apartment. “So... this apartment, huh? Not that I know much about these things since all I know about contemporary Earth architecture is the handful of places you've shown me, of course, but I have to say it seems like a pretty nice place to call home on this planet. Which is great considering how long you're most likely going to live here.”

His observation, despite being a completely innocuous one, caused her to stiffen as the realisation that had struck her during her conversation with Sui came charging back to the forefront of her mind: There was no guarantee that Mon-El would develop powers like her once he was exposed to the rays of Earth's yellow sun, much less that one of those powers would be an accelerated rate of healing that would significantly extend his lifespan. Neither Tae nor Sui had said anything about the Daxamite citizens they had rescued having powers during the time both parties had still been in communication with each other, and she was now afraid to ask on the off chance that they would confirm her worst fears.

She had on some level forced herself to accept the fact that she would outlive every single human she cared about eventually just as she had her birth family but if the same was going to happen with Mon-El... If she was going to have to watch him slowly wither away and eventually die while she would be forced to live on for hundreds of years after that without him...

Even the mere thought of it was too much to bear.

“Kara?”

The sound of her name and a familiar touch on her cheek drew her out of her dark thoughts, and when she snapped back to the present she found him studying her with a look full of concern that was mirrored by the blue-grey energy in her head. “It's nothing, Mon-El,” she replied automatically but realised the moment the last word left her lips that it was the wrong thing to say especially with the way his concern just magnified at that. “It's not 'nothing',” she admitted albeit a little reluctantly. “I just... I'd rather not talk about it right now.”

As expected, that just made his frown deepen. “Kara-”

“I'm not ready,” she confessed, and he must have caught the tinge of desperation in her voice because he immediately fell silent and let her speak. “Besides, I don't know if I'm worrying for nothing so it doesn't make much sense to discuss it at this point in time. But I promise that... that if that time comes, we'll have that talk, okay? For now... I don't want to jinx it, you know?”

He studied her intently for an indefinite period of time before he finally sighed and dropped a soft kiss on her hair. “All right,” he murmured. “When you think it's time.”

“Thank you,” she breathed in relief before throwing her arms around him and hugging him as tightly as she could. Even as she felt him return the hug, however, she began silently and desperately praying to Rao that her worst fears would turn out to be completely unfounded.

 

* * *

 

When Kara woke up in the morning with an inexplicable sense of dread churning in her stomach, she attributed it to her lingering worries about her future with Mon-El. Even though it had already been a few days and she had told herself over and over again that they were only going to cross that bridge when they got there, her mind had continued to tear itself apart trying to figure out a solution to this worst case scenario.

It said a lot that a part of her was starting to consider reviving her childhood dreams of leaving Earth and its yellow sun far behind her and traversing the universe with him until the end of time.

As she set foot inside the lobby of CatCo Worldwide Media, however, she did her best to put it out of her mind. Right now, she had a job interview to focus on and the last thing she needed was to be caught unprepared by a left-field question just because she was too busy figuring out where she could get her hands on a spacecraft for two. Snapper Carr had a reputation for being an unforgiving tyrant and she had a strong feeling that showing even the slightest sign of weakness was going to get her all but thrown out of his office.

_Keep calm, Kara_ , she told herself sternly even as she gave the receptionist a friendly smile and accepted her visitor pass before taking the lift up to the appropriate floor. _You can do this. You're going to ace this interview, get that job and finally get the chance to help people like you've always wanted. And even if you don't get this job, it's not the end of the world because CatCo is not the only newspaper in National City._

Having shored up her self-confidence with that pep talk, she sat down in the waiting area next to a very well-dressed brunette who she assumed was also there for the same reason as her. A quick albeit sneaky peek at her potential competition's application form which was conveniently on top of what could only be a resume, however, eased her concerns and explained the somewhat excessive attention her companion had paid to her appearances. So this Siobhan Smythe was applying for the position of Cat Grant's personal assistant... and if everything she had heard about Cat Grant was true, then she wished Siobhan all the best. As admirable as Ms Grant was considering everything she had accomplished, she couldn't imagine having to deal with the woman's legendary demanding ways day in and day out. With that last thought, she turned her attention back to her upcoming interview.

“If you think you're going to beat me, you really are a dumb blonde.”

Kara paused and slowly turned her head to stare at Siobhan uncomprehendingly. “I'm sorry?”

“You heard me.” The smug look on Siobhan's face reminded Kara unpleasantly of Belinda during the height of the girl's 'rule'. “I have the perfect resume. Letters of recommendation from some _very_ powerful and influential people including the dean of my university. And...” Siobhan's gaze scanned Kara from head to toe disdainfully. “I _definitely_ have the better wardrobe.”

Kara bristled but did her best to keep her temper in check. Starting a yelling match right now would more than likely torpedo her chances of getting hired so she was going to have to play nice. Besides, on the off chance that they both got the positions they were applying for, she didn't want to make her working life any more difficult than it could be by having enemies right out the gate. “Look, there's no need for the attitude. We're not even competing for the same job.”

“Oh please,” Siobhan scoffed. “If that's your best attempt to get me to lower my guard and get complacent, you're even dumber than I thought. Why don't you do yourself a favour and just get out now before you embarrass yourself?”

By this point, Kara was almost sure that her eyes were glowing with a barely repressed blast of heat vision. Oh, how she wanted to just smack that obnoxious smirk off Siobhan's stupid face right now. “For the last time,” she practically growled through gritted teeth, “I'm not applying for the same job as you so why don't you just leave me alone?”

“Doubling down on that strategy, are you?” Siobhan let out an irritatingly fake laugh. “Then I guess I really have nothing to worry about.”

That was it. Screw being nice; if she didn't take Siobhan down a peg or two, there was no way she was going to rest easy. “You know what? I think I might just apply for the same position as you after all,” Kara replied with a voice that dripped with honeyed poison and took gleeful satisfaction in the way Siobhan blanched at her words. “And you know what else? _I would get the job._ Care to guess why? Because you may have your perfect resume, those pretentious letters of recommendation and a dress that costs more than my entire savings but me? I'm extremely committed. I care. I'm a hard worker. I'll do everything I can to help. And I would sacrifice _everything_ to show that no one can do the job better than me.”

“Well then.”

The unexpected third voice behind them caused both of them to freeze, and as one they turned ever so slowly towards the speaker to find none other than Cat Grant studying them with a critical eye.

“You're hired,” Ms Grant said bluntly as she stared right at Kara before she turned her attention to Siobhan with a dismissive expression. “And _you_ can get out of my building. Interview's cancelled.”

“ _Wh-What?_ ” both Kara and Siobhan exclaimed in unison. “But Ms Grant-”

“I don't like to repeat myself,” Ms Grant stated with a tone of irritated finality in her voice as she turned on her impossibly high heels and began walking away.

“W-Wait!” Kara cried out in a panic as she grabbed her things and began chasing after Ms Grant, leaving a shell-shocked Siobhan behind. “Ms Grant, I think there's been a misunderstanding-”

“As my personal assistant, you will do anything and everything I need you to do.” The chaotic mass of people in front of them parted like the Red Sea before Ms Grant, and Kara was almost sure she had heard quite a few terrified squeaks from the crowd. “If I need you to do a pharmacy run to pick up my prescriptions, you will do it. If my pen runs out of ink, I expect you to anticipate it and have a replacement ready in hand. If I want a medium rare steak from The Falcon at midnight, you will make it happen. Are we clear?”

“B-But Ms Grant,” Kara tried one last time with ever-increasing desperation, “that's what I've been trying to tell you-”

“That's yours,” Ms Grant waved absently at an empty desk right outside what Kara could only assume was the woman's office before she suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned around. “What was your name again?”

“Kara. Kara Danvers,” Kara whispered faintly, her will to keep fighting what now seemed to be an unavoidable fate having been worn to near nothingness by this point.

“Right. Kira.” With that horrible mangling of Kara's name, Ms Grant spun on her heels and continued her journey towards her office. “I have a meeting at Penn Towers in an hour and I expect you to have my usual lunch order waiting for me when I get back.”

“But I don't even-”

Ms Grant was out of earshot by the time the second word had left Kara's lips.

“...know what your usual order is,” Kara finished with a voice and expression full of despair. At a complete loss as to what to do, she plopped herself into the empty chair – her chair now, apparently – and stared listlessly in front of her.

_What in Rao's name just happened?_

“Hi.”

Kara blinked slowly and finally noticed the guy standing in front of her desk with a rather cheerful if slightly nervous smile on his face and a tablet in his hands. “Yes?”

“I'm Winn. Winn Schott Jr,” he introduced himself as he offered his hand.

“Kara. Kara Danvers.” She was so detached from reality that common courtesy made itself scarce and she failed to shake the hand in front of her.

“Right. Well.” He retracted his hand awkwardly and coughed. “So... Welcome to CatCo. I'm the resident IT guy here to help set up your user account and any other computer-related stuff you might need.”

“Thank you,” she responded robotically.

Having deduced what might be troubling her, he gave her a sympathetic smile. “Hey. It's not as bad as it seems.” He paused in a rather telling manner. “Well, okay, maybe that's a bit of a lie.” Then his expression brightened although it was clear it was a little forced. “But you got the job and you must've wanted it or you wouldn't be here so that's good, right?”

“Right,” she parroted for lack of anything else to say. How was she supposed to explain just how wrong he was?

There was no way the day could get any worse.

“KIRA!”

Of course, the day did in fact get worse.

 

* * *

 

“ _-and then she got my name wrong AGAIN-_ ”

Mon-El didn't know if he should be concerned or amused at the way Kara was waving her arms in the air as she continued ranting and pacing back and forth in front of him. She had started raging the moment she had appeared in the dream world, and it had actually taken him a bit of effort to understand her due to how fast she had been speaking. In an attempt to calm her, he had swapped out the Garden of Tellaria he had created prior to her arrival for her room but gradually came to the realisation that she was too agitated to notice the change.

“ _-had to go halfway across the city-_ ”

“Kara-” he tried once again to get her attention only to get completely ignored for the nth time.

“ _-and when I finally brought it back, she complained that it was COLD!_ ”

Sensing his chance, he stepped in front of her so that he could place his hands firmly on her shoulders and stop her in her tracks. “Okay, Kara. I need you to stop and take a deep breath. No, stop,” he cut her off before she could even begin, “breathe first and calm down a little.”

The fury in those bright blue orbs made it more than clear that she was not happy about having her rant session interrupted but then she closed her eyes and did as he asked. Ever so slowly, the tension bled out of her frame and her features lost most of the frustration that had been contorting them into an uncharacteristic scowl. “...Okay,” she finally said after a long while. “I'm okay now.”

He did his best to tamp down the urge to grin however wryly and said a silent prayer of thanks to the gods that he had decided against initiating their mental connection before this. “Somehow I feel like that's almost a lie.” Then he paused and chose his next words carefully. “Can I ask you something?” Only when he got a somewhat curious nod in response did he continue. “If working for this Ms Grant is so difficult and you didn't even want this job, why don't you just quit?”

It was as if his simple question had sapped the life out of her because all she did was sigh morosely as her shoulders slumped. “I can't,” she answered with her head hung low. “Ms Grant's incredibly powerful and influential. If I just quit on her, she might make it impossible for me to get hired by any other newspaper in National City. It's like... like...” Suddenly the fire was back in her and she lifted her head to glare accusingly at him, much to his confusion. “ _Like I've been enslaved by your mother._ ”

Her statement was so unexpected that he could only stare at her blankly for Rao knew how long. “I'd like to remind you that you've never even _met_ my mother,” was all he managed once his brain rebooted.

“You've told me enough,” she retorted, almost daring him to argue with her, but then her despair overcame her again and all the fight went out of her. “I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Mon-El.”

There really was only one thing he could do for her. “Come here,” he murmured as he pulled her closer and enveloped her in a tight hug. She returned it all too willingly if a little loosely, seemingly content to just bury her face in his chest and let him support her weight entirely. “I admit I don't know enough to be able to give you any solid advice but how about this? You said she's very influential, right? How about you stick with this job for a while and try your best to impress her? Then maybe see if you can get her to either let you transfer to the job you were really after or give you a recommendation so you can work somewhere else?”

“...I suppose that could work,” came the eventual if muffled response.

Wow. That had been a completely wild guess of a suggestion, and he sent a silent prayer of gratitude to Telle for the god's unexpected guidance in his moment of need. “That's great. So... Think you can keep it together for a while? Maybe a few months, if not a year?”

“It's worth a try, I guess.” She tightened her hug a little. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” he replied as he pressed a soft kiss to her hair.

They stayed like that for a while in comfortable silence before Kara spoke up again with the most unexpected yet completely expected statement.

“I could throw her into space,” she muttered into his chest.

This time, Mon-El allowed himself to grin rather widely. “You really could.”

“I thought about doing it _so_ many times today.”

“And that's perfectly understandable.”

“But I didn't.”

He chuckled and dropped another kiss on her hair. “Of course not. Because you're Supergirl and that's not something Supergirl would do.”

It said a lot that she didn't even pinch him for calling her by that superhero name she disliked so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet some of you are really happy to finally see Cat and Winn (especially Winn)...
> 
> ...although I firmly believe that anyone who fawns over Cat and is unwilling to admit she's a horrible boss and mentor have obviously never considered what it's like working for someone like her, much less actually experienced it themselves... (I mean, she's fun to watch, yes, but she's quite literally every "bad female boss" stereotype rolled into one character which is not exactly the best kind of mentor figure for a self-proclaimed "feminist" show...)


End file.
